Marriage is supposed to be a commitment for life, yet today people cannot make this vow last even a year. I blame the Western infulence of free sex and the social pressures associated. How can we trust and be trusted in today's society? Also, how can we marry after divorce and aim to uphold a functional family structure?
Answer
I agree that the Western influence is having a disastrous effect on the insitution of marriage worldwide. We are working hard to reverse that trend especially in the US. President Bush has released funds for healthy marriage initiatives and pro-marriage groups are working hard to get marriage education into school curriculums and to help couples understand that marriage is a lifelong commitment. Blended families (second marriages) have their struggles as well, and programs have been developed to help these families become successful.
Name
Umm Mustafa
- Egypt
Profession
Question
Why do you think that marriage needs to be defended? Isn't it just a natural thing that people do?
Answer
Marriage is not just a religious or social institution, it is a legal institution that informs the community that a family has been established. It is the foundation for the family. There is a worldwide movement to redifine marriage to something other than an opposite-sex union which would strip it from its very purpose, to provide the optimal environment in which to create and rear children.
Name
Bilal
- United States
Profession
Question
Who is the petition addressed to? When will it be delivered? And do you think it will really make a difference?
Answer
When we have enough signatures on the petition it will be delivered to government leaders and policy makers at stratgic times, such as at UN conferences when a life, marriage, or family issues are under negotiations. The petition will make a difference in two ways. First, by showing worldwide support for these family issues, it will put pressure on delegations during negotiations. They really do care what people think, as evidenced by the success we have had by having people e-mail UN missions on issues. Second, as people sign the petition online, if they do not opt out to receive our e-mail alerts, they will be part of the data base that will be called upon to e-mail UN missions or other government offficials when neccessary to uphold life, marriage and family. That kind of pressure works.
Editor's note: Click here to sign the Petition to Defend Marriage.
Name
Bashir
- United States
Profession
student
Question
Why is it that most people all around the world are losing the value of having a family that is close knit and strives to treat all members of that family as equals? Why isn't the agenda of the world to build stronger households so we can have stronger societies? Thanks for participating in this online forum. Good luck with everything.
Answer
It seems to me ironic that the very institution, the family, is under attack when it is the foundation of all that is good in society. Unfortunately, for some people their family has failed them personally--either from abuse or divorce or bad experiences and they believe the family is outdated and needs to be changed. These people have become very powerful at the United Nations and are able to divert UN negotiations and/or programs and moneys to promote their agenda. United Families International works hard to uncover these situations, make them public, and get them changed.
Name
Waleed
-
Profession
Question
Aren’t these problems only in the West? I don’t think Muslim countries have such troubles with marriage.
Answer
I am not an expert on these problems in Muslim countries, but I can tell you that the influence coming from the West will and does seep into Muslim society thought the media and Internet, etc. Even if the Muslim world is resistant to these influences, it cannot help but be affected to some degree. We see these influences slowly seeping into developing countries across the world through UN programs.
Name
Yusuf
- Nigeria
Profession
Question
I got married early this year, but somehow I have this feeling that the marriage may not work out the way we thought it will. Sometimes I have this feeling that I should let the marriage crash, but my concience always cautions me on doing that. What will I do?
Answer
What young people need to understand today is that marrige is not just about love and being self-fulfilled. Marriage is a life-long commitment that both spouses make not only to each other, but to their community, and to their children or future children. Marriage is hard. Because marriage is hard, it changes people in good ways as they learn to grow and overcome selfish tendencies. My adivice to you would be to work at your marriage at all costs. Studies in the US show that couples that were unhappy in their marriage who decided to stick it out anyways, in five years were very glad they did. Divorce is not a good alternative unless there is serious abuse. It may look good now, but it is an awful option for everyone.
Editor's note: Please see our Cyber Counseling page and submit a detailed question to them.
Name
Marty
- United States
Profession
Question
I have an uncle who’s gay and a cousin who’s lesbian. They’re both living with life partners in monogamous relationships. I think it’s great that they’ve found someone to share their life with. Why can’t they have to right to marry like heterosexuals?
Answer
Marriage is not about love and rights. There are many people we love, such as our children or relatives and friends, but that does not mean we should marry them. Marriage was established to encourage opposite-sex couples to join together to create and rear the next generation. It was not created to recognize loving relationships. To allow same-sex couples to marry is to at the same time say that it is OK to let children grow up without a mother or a father. Research shows that for optimal development, children require both a mother and a father.
No one is trying to stop your friends from having a relationship with each other. They have a right to do as they wish. But to alter the meaning of marriage would be disasterous.
Name
Jalilah
-
Profession
Question
Has your organization done other petitions before and were they successful?
Answer
We have a petition effort to defend marriage in Canada at www.defendmarriagecanada.org and also for the US at www.defendmarriage.org. These petitions have allowed us to create data bases in the US and Canada that have grown from one to a total of about 50,000 e-mails representing people. We sent an alert to those that signed the petition to e-mail the Human Rights Commission at the UN in February and we were told by the representative from Egypt that those e-mails caused Brazil to pull their proposal which would have laid the basis for legalizing same-sex marriage across the world.
Those that sign the petitions have helped us on several other issues as well, such as getting the Doha Declaration on the family recognized in the UN General Assembly resolution a few weeks ago. It will be used when we get enough signatures to show worldwide support for the family issues in UN negotiations in the future, but we need your help in getting more people thoughout the world to sign it.
Name
Shafiq
-
Profession
Question
I’ve heard the UN Human Rights Commission is trying to make gay rights recognized as human rights. Can you give us some details on this?
Answer
Yes, this is an ongoing battle at the Commission on Human Rights which will reconvene in 2005. Press reports indicate that the Brazilian government is trying to garner more support to get a provision passed this year that would recognize a universal right to homosexual expression. That would lay the foundation for the legalization of same-sex marriage throughout the world. This will be one of our major battles.
Name
amal
- Egypt
Profession
physician
Question
What has been made to defend the family as an entity? And how is it possible to make people bide by these efforts?
Answer
People cannot be forced to have strong families. However, the norms and polices that are debated and adopted at the UN have an enormous impact on laws and policies in individual countries. What you legalize you get more of. What becomes legal many people equate with what is moral. The US Supreme Court in their famous Lawerence case that struck down any state laws outlawing sodomy looked to international norms to support their decision. Thus, what happens at the UN matters. That decision is what has laid the basis for the push for the legalization of same-sex marriage in the US. Once same-sex behavior becomes legal, then people can start demanding rights based on this behavior.
In summary, public policies and opinion do affect private behavior.
Name
Yahya
-
Profession
Question
Most people do not know what comes out of the UN -- such as the CEDAW Committee’s recommendations, many of which run counter to Islamic Law (Shari`ah). But how much weight do such things have? Do countries really have to abide by these recommendations if they have signed and ratified CEDAW [Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women] or other controversial conventions?
Answer
Good question.
There is no legal enforcement mechanism right now to force countries to accept and abide by CEDAW committee reccomendations. However, the International Criminal Court could become such a tool and must be watched very carefully.
What is used to enforce these so-called reccommendations is political pressure, and we have witnessed developing countries being threatened behind the scenes with losing loans or grants if they do not comply with UN policies or "recommendations."
Some countries accept as law UN treaties that they have signed. That is another way these treaties and conventions become enforced. In the US a UN treaty must be signed by our President and then ratified by Congress. We work hard to make sure CEDAW is not ratified every time it is brought up for consideration.
Name
Sara
-
Profession
Question
Why has the situation deteriorated so rapidly? Only a decade or two ago, gay marriage was unheard of. How far will we go if things continue to deteriorate?
Answer
There is good news. Because the homosexual movement has progressed so rapidly there has been a backlash from the public against it.
As you probably know, thirteen states in the US passed Constitutional Amendments protecting marriage. Pro-family groups are working hard in Canada to reverse the trend there. People are waking up across the world and realizing that this can have a disasterous affect on society. There is great hope that we can reverse the trends if we are vigilant, active, and stay involved.
Name
Tom
-
Profession
Question
There are a lot of external pressures on families. Ae there any positive steps being taken or any positive signs of families getting closer?
Answer
I am not an expert on these statistics, but I read recently that some of the negative statistics such as divorce rates and teen pregnancies are on the decline, at least in the US. These trends can be reversed. We can all work within our own families to make sure we take time as a family to strengthen our relationship and to pass on our values to our children.
Name
Dalia
-
Profession
Question
What can the average person do about these negative developments -- especially those of us who don't live in democratic societies where we can have a real say in government?
Answer
Not to be repetitive, but first we can strengthen our own families and try to be a good influence to those around us. However, second, you can have your voice heard at the international level by signing the International Petiton to Defend Marriage and the Family at www.worldfamilyalliance.org. If you do so you will be called upon at strategic times to send an e-mail to affect international policies on family issues. These e-mail campaigns can and do make a difference. What happens at the UN does trickle down to domestic policies so in this way you can have an affect.
Name
JO
-
Profession
Question
What is this "healthy marriage initiative" that your president Bush has released funds for? Can government really do anything to strengthen marriages?
Answer
I am not an expert on the details, as we are more involved at the international level, but my understanding is that it is helping to encourage welfare recipients to work towards healthy marriages. US statistics show that women that marry are not only happier but they are healthier and less likely to be poor. A new study shows that both men and women that are married are healthier than singles. When government shows a commitment to protecting marriage as an opposite-sex union and educating its citizens as to the benefits of marriage, it can have a positive effect on individual decisions to marry.
Name
Kareema
-
Profession
Question
As you have worked with Muslims on family issues at the international level, how has it affected your own attitude towards Islam?
Answer
Wow! My interactions with the Muslim people through my work at the UN has given me the greatest respect for them as individuals and as a people. I have been impressed by every Muslim diplomat that I have met by their commitment to protecting the family and their unwavering dedication to family values. They have literally saved the day for the family on numerous occasssion in UN negotiations and we share many of the same values.
We have several prominent Muslims on the international board of United Families International and our Ambassador for the World Family Alliance is Farooq Hassan from Pakistan.
Name
Sally
-
Profession
Question
Can you tell us a little bit about your organization?
Answer
Would love to. United Families International (UFI) is dedicated to promoting the family as the fundamental unit of society. UFI is in consultative status at the United Nations where we work to promote respect for the family, marriage, life, religion, parental rights, and national sovereignty. UFI is non-denomonational and we have leadership and members from many faiths, cultures and nations. We use social science research, statistcs and data, the lessons of history, and logic to promote compelling arguements in favor of programs, policies, and laws that preserve and protect the family.
