We regret to inform you that we were not able to answer all question in the time allotted for this program. Please join us in our next live counseling dialogue next Friday at 13:30 GMT. For those who need their questions urgently answered, submit them early in the session so it will have a better chance of getting answered.
Answer
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Name
muhammad yousuf KHOKHAR
- United Arab Emirates
Profession
SALES MANAGER
Question
why our religious leader (Sheikhs) do not stand upon together to awaik muslim umma against the threat from the jdism, christianity and hindus at present the muslim countries or facing.
Answer
Please submit your questions in a live dialogue session dealing with politcal issues. This session is for emotional and psychological counseling.
Name
Misc
-
Profession
Question
Submitted yesterday but was asked to submit it to you today:
Salam Brother
Unfortunately, I am writing about a matter which I never thought I would ever do in my life. Several years ago, I married a convert (we had met and she had converted to Islam and we eventually got married) against the wishes of my parents. Because of this reason, whilst we were still married we have not lived together for significant periods of time in the last 2 years – we would meet and stay together for weeks regularly and communicated every day either by phone or email. Three weeks ago, we argued and I did not call her for 2 weeks (based on my understanding she wanted to be left alone). When I called her, she said she had thought I had deserted her and had given up all hope in Islam and in us. As a result, she had met and had sex with other men during this period, and had started drinking and given up dressing modestly. She is now considering whether she still wishes to remain muslim; and as result if we stay together. I am in so much pain about what has happened – I have never felt so alone, shattered and destroyed by one person and the fact that they could do this – each day I feel that my life should come to an end to alleviate the pain. My trust in her and anything she says is completely broken. I have read many articles which talk about the punishment for such actions but no one ever writes about what the “victim” should do in these instances. I don’t know if I can ever forget or recover from what has happened….. (I should mention that we have no children or other dependents and live in different countries). What is the Islamic thing to do for me now with my life and with regard to her?
Salam
Answer
Dear Brother:
The whole story of your marriage seems to be abnormal from the very beginning. Firstly, you married against the consent of your parents and then continued living separated from each other. If this woman converted to Islam in order to marry you then you should have lived together in order that you may teach her about Islam and make her a better muslim. Obviously, you did not do that. As a woman who has not yet matured in her Islam, one would not expect her to continue living Islamically while living alone in what seems to us to have been a non-muslim environment. On top of all this, you cut the only thread with her that had been given her some strength to continue as a muslim; this being the phone calls and emails. The un-Islamic way she behaved then would be expected given her background and her current psychological state.
It is very important that you encourage her to continue as a muslim even though you may divorce each other and she continues in her pre-Islamic behavior. If a woman throws away her Hijab, drinks alcohol, and has friends from the opposite gender but still keeps faith is better then a woman who abstains from such immoral acts but loses her faith. So it is a must for you not to become a cause for her alienation from her religion.
However, this does not mean that you have to keep her as a wife. The two issues mentioned should be tackled separately. As a Muslim, since you do not have children from this lady, it is advisable that you look for another wife whom your parents agree with, who can live with you in the same home and give you tranquility and children. I am afraid if your current wife comes to live with you, you may continue to have suspicions about her actions which can plaque you for the rest of your life. But you should do your best to support her in fostering her faith in Islam.
It is obvious to me my son that you are going through a highly stressful period of your life. A number of studies have shown that divorce and separation are among the most stressful experiences to people all over the world. However, it was found that the passage of time can heal such psychological wounds particularly if the person finds a good friend to consol him combined with a change of environment. In your case as a Muslim, on top of the help that friendships and change of environment can provide, you have something greater then all of these remedies suggested above. Seeking refuge with Allah and falling back on your spiritual foundation can work wonders in changing ones psychological condition. Your spiritual condition can be very much improved by offering your apologies to your wife for the mistakes that occurred on your behave in order to free yourself from any guilt. Also, you should spend more time reading and reflecting on the Quran and reading the biographies of committed great muslim personalities such as Ibn Hazm. He became quite depressed after he fell in love with a Roman woman who did reciprocate his feelings, but was able to overcome his sever depression with the power of Dua' and seeking the refuge of Allah. After that he became one of the most reputable scholars of Islam. Finally I advise you to look for a devoted, sincere, knowledgeable muslim Shaikh in your area, who can listen to your problems and enthuse you with spiritual counseling that washes away your agony. Try to spend time with him and if you can, try to pray with him night vigils and emulate his devotion by taking him as a role model. But if you feel that you are going through serious depression, then you must see a muslim psychological professional who can help you with psychotherapy or even medicines. Make Dua' to Allah from the bottom of your heart and I am sure you will be helped since Allah promises in the Quran: "He responds to the call of the one experiencing tremendous need when he calls". May Allah be with you.
Name
anonymous
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Profession
Question
in the name of allah the gracious the dispenser of grace.i am feeling run down and i just feel that an extermely bad fate is waiting for me .it is as if i have read it.i want to change that .that last piece of hope that i can find is in this ayat 'there is nothing for one except for which he strives for'so can we change our ill fate or less fate.i dont know what to think of ..sometimes i think that god has left me my family members as well.please i wanthelp .feelings of committing suicide come to me often please tell me some thing so that God start loving me and could change my ill or less fate tell me of some ayat please.
Answer
My dear Son/Daughter:
By being so pessimistic and despairing, you are probably committing a much greater sin then the sins that might have made you feel so bad about yourself. A Mom'en(believer) should always be optimistic about his/her future. Whatever happened in the past will be forgiven by Allah(SWT) if He wills, if he/she simply asks for his forgiveness and decides not to repeat these actions in the future. But if his/her determination weakens and finds himself/herself repeating what he/she promised not to do, even then the door of forgiveness. Allah has honored humans with a soul. This soul does not belong to us and we do not have the right to humiliate or punish it with whip of pessimism and guilt. The prophet (pbuh) says that a Muslim does not have the right of to humiliate himself/herself. He also said that: “Anyone who pronounces (believes) ‘There is no god except Allah’, enters paradise". Another very important hadith of the prophet (pbuh) related to your condition is his famous saying: "Seek optimism and you will find it".
As I mentioned to you, excessive pessimism that leads to despair from the mercy of Allah in this world and the hereafter is one of the greatest sins that person can commit. In Surat Yusuf in the Quran, Allah tells about the Prophet Yacoub who lost his dearest son Yusuf and was not sure whether his son was dead or alive; yet he told his other sons to go and look for Yusuf and not to despair from the help and spiritual of Allah because it is only the unbelievers who despair from divine grace. And indeed his prayers were answered and he found his beloved son Yusuf. These verses from the Quran clearly point to us that seeing the world with dark glasses and a depressed heart is not an attribute of a good Muslim.
It is of interest to note that the whole field of modern cognitive psychology stresses the fact that our negative thoughts are the one responsible for the pessimistic and depressing feelings that can psychologically cripple us. What cognitive therapist do in their clinics today is teach depressed and anxious patients to challenge their negative thoughts and change them with optimistic and positive thoughts. Patients who are treated by these methods quickly recover from their depressed mood at times better then those treated with drugs. Accordingly, if you objectively challenge the thoughts that make you expect a dark future and bad fate you will be able to conquer them since more often then not they are based on unsound premises and irrational conclusions.
It seems to me that you come from a traditional muslim family that usually bring up their children to think of Allah only as a punishing and retributive being. Parents in such families would always use this deformed conception of Allah to threaten their children and prevent them from doing whatever the parents don't want them to do. The true picture of Allah as the loving, merciful, compassionate Allah is neglected in bringing up these miserable children. If this is the case with you my dear son/daughter, then you should read literature on the loving, compassionate, and merciful attributes of Allah. It is quoted that the prophet (pbuh) was sitting and chatting with his companions when he saw a woman frantically looking for her lost toddler, when she found him she strongly embraced him expressing tremendous emotions of joy and love for finding him. This sight was quite moving for the companions, then the prophet looked at them and said: did you see the mercy and love of this mother towards her son, indeed Allah is much more merciful and loving to his slaves then this woman towards her son.
So do not allow these pessimistic dark thoughts to drive you away from the righteous path of Allah and don't let Iblis(Satan) tell you that there is no hope in the future and incite you to commit the most abominable sin of taking your own life.
Dear son/daughter please avoid staying alone and ruminating about these ugly thoughts. Try to find good Muslim friends to associate with and to seek their help in changing your negative thoughts and feelings. Make Dua' to Allah from the bottom of your heart to alleviate these unislamic symptoms and to grant you a good blessed conclusion to your life.
Name
Maryam
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Profession
Question
Heart-ache
Answer
We regret to inform you that we were not able to answer all question in the time allotted for this program. Please join us in our next live counseling dialogue next Friday at 13:30 GMT. For those who need their questions urgently answered, submit them early in the session so it will have a better chance of getting answered.
Name
Naveed
- United States
Profession
Med Tech
Question
What is your opinion about keeping more than one wife.Does Islam allow us keeping without any certain reason or there should be some reason to keep more than one wife.Even though the person is not being able fincially to support first wife and 3 daugters.
Answer
We regret to inform you that we were not able to answer all question in the time allotted for this program. Please join us in our next live counseling dialogue next Friday at 13:30 GMT. For those who need their questions urgently answered, submit them early in the session so it will have a better chance of getting answered.
Name
fazeela
-
Profession
Question
i have a very negative thinking.how can i change my self to a positive thinking.how can i develop TAWAKUL in my self.
Answer
We regret to inform you that we were not able to answer all question in the time allotted for this program. Please join us in our next live counseling dialogue next Friday at 13:30 GMT. For those who need their questions urgently answered, submit them early in the session so it will have a better chance of getting answered.
Name
MT
- United Arab Emirates
Profession
Question
Salam Alicon
If I told my wife if you travlled, then do not come back. I did not mean divoce, just to threaten her, but she insist and travlled, is that consider a divorce?.
Also, although I told my there are secrect in marraige life, but she tells everything between us to her mother, including what happened in bed, what should I do with her?
Gazakom Allah Khairan.
Answer
This forum is for counseling on psychological and emotional issues and not a forum to answer legal questions. Please submit your question in the next live fatwa session.
