Dear dr. Sadiq, I have a problem and I really want you to look at it from a realistic view. I am a 20- year old man and getting so many problems to delay my marriage, mainly financial problems. I tried every possible means to give up masturbation, but in vain. I am around a very difficult situation and so many haram things are grabbing me away from the halal into the haram. Please tell me how to solve my problem.
Answer
Dear brother, I am saddened to hear your struggles over a period of time. The problem you’re facing is not uncommon. A great number of young people face this problem around the world.
Now I can give you a solution which will be perfectly acceptable in the non-Muslim societies and it will work too, or I can tell you a solution that will work even better and will be Islamic and bring you rewards from Allah (SWT).
1. As you know masturbation is perfectly acceptable in non-Muslim societies and is practiced by large number of people: young, single, old, and married. However, it is not acceptable in Islam. So, if you just want to satisfy your sexual urges in present then continue on with masturbating. But if you care about your faith and worry about your hereafter and the pleasure of Allah (SWT), then here is the solution that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, has provided to us for this problem. And that is to fast and pray to Allah (SWT) for help.
2. Once you follow the advice of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and turn to Allah SWT you will see how He blesses you with strength, self-control, patience, and lots of rewards in this world and the world Hereafter.
3. Remember, a time is set for everything to occur by Allah SWT; Nothing happens before that and when the time has come, nothing can stop it from happening.
Think about what I said and make your choice wisely. May Allah be with you.
Name
seeren
- Armenia
Profession
Question
As-Salamu Alaykum,
I would like to know how to deal with my oldest son due to the fact that he has started to make trouble at school, when I say trouble I mean that he was in his first fight to prove to the new kids(he is in a new school) that he is "worthy" as he puts it and none should fear the bully he fought with. I would like to know if this is a normal course of growing up as a male or she I be cautious? Thank u so much.
Answer
What you’re going through, dear sister, with your son is not uncommon. New kids at school always have to do things to fit in their place. Some do it by fighting and showing how tough they are; some do it by bribing others; some do it by submitting themselves to the bullies and become part of gangs, etc.
How a child is going to go about it depends on his self-esteem, his sense of security, and the support system around him.
If you and your husband provide him with the sense of security, love, support, and confidence in himself, he is likely to make good choices in school and outside the school to be accepted by others. If he feels good about himself, he would have no need to fight or otherwise behave badly to get attention and to prove himself.
Lastly, anger and anger management is often a problem among men of our community. If his parents deal with situations with anger and by lasing out, that is what the children would learn. On the other hand, if parents have learned to control and express their anger constructively, kids learn how to manage their anger.
I hope I have given you some food for thought.
Name
Shihab
-
Profession
Question
Is it acceptable to give gifts to my Muslim female colleagues as a sign of respect and friendship?
Answer
This has nothing to do with cyber counselor. Please submit your question in Tomorrow's session with Sheikh Ahmad Kutty.
Name
too shy to mention my name
-
Profession
Question
Dear dr. Sadiq, I have a problem and I really want you I am a Muslim lady who graduated last year. I got married to a young man who is not older than me very much. I love my husband very much but the problem is that he likes me to say sexual words to him at the time of sex but I am too shy to do so, how can I please my husbandto look at it from a realistic view.
Answer
Men, who have exposed to pornography, often do that. They expect their wives to behave and say things that they have seen women do in the pictures and porno movies. Please understand I am not saying that your husband was in porno, what I am saying is that these types of things are expected from people who have exposed themselves to pornographic material.
Now then to the solutions: Islamic shari’ah does not regulate sexual activity between a husband and a wife with certain exceptions, for example, anal sex, sex during menstruation, etc. Dirty talk between husband and wife during sex in order to facilitate sexual arousal is permissible; so, if you oblige him by saying the words he wants you to say, this will pave way for you to to gain his favors. Then gradually change those words to positive expressions of love and care. Hopefully once he feels your genuine love and care, he may not depend as much on dirty words for sexual arousal.
Hope this helps!!
Name
Sameera
-
Profession
Question
I got acquainted with a young man but did not meet him. I really fell in love with him and he also did love me! I said to him that no way but marriage! Now! I am married to another person but still I love him! Ii do not see him and never know anything about him, just love him! am I sinful? Do I betray my husband!
Answer
Dear sister, it is too bad that you couldn’t marry someone you loved and cared for. But I understand and I am sure you understand that all things are not in our hands and control. I also believe that whatever finally happens to us was what was meant to be. So, if we accept and be patient and thankful with our destiny, we receive the rewards and the pleasure of Allah SWT.
Having said that, the answer to your question is as follows: emotions and thoughts are not in a person’s control. However, acting on those thoughts and emotions is under our control. As long as you intentionally do not keep yourself preoccupied with this other man and when the emotions and thoughts about him occur, without your intention, recite Istighfar (seeking forgiveness from Allah), and ask for His help to give you strength, you will stay away from sin and transgression. As well, this will assist in strengthening your relationship with your present husband who does deserve to be loved by you also.
Hope this helps!!
Name
Shakir
-
Profession
Question
What do you say about Muslim youth chatting with one another through the Internet just for spreading Islam. But this may lead to love affairs?
Answer
Chatting through the Internet, or in-person, or over-the-phone chatting with strangers that may lead to false pretence, misunderstanding, and haram thoughts and relationships, is not permissible.
In my humble opinion, young men and women should not indulge into Internet chatting for a number of reasons::
1-You don’t know the person who you’re chatting with, his intent, his plans, or any other thing about him except what he/or she chooses to tell you. Look in the media and you will literally find thousands of examples of how young men and women have been cheated, deceived, and abused through Internet.
2-People who fall in love on Internet often live in a fantasy world. It only leads to disappointments, hurts, and depression when the story is over.
3-The entire purpose of Islamic Shari`ah is to protect human beings from falling prey to the Satan who finds most creative ways to lead the servants of Allah SWT astray. Often he begins with presenting his ideas as if following his idea would be following the command of Allah SWT, for example to make Da`wah. Once he gets you to do something that you’re prohibited to do in the first place, like talking to stranger men and women in private, it becomes easy for him to lead you astray. That is why the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, has taught us that when a strange man and woman meet in privacy, the third one is the Satan. Often this Internet chatting is in private; therefore, Satan is always waiting for you to trap you and lead you astray.
The wise ones always stay within the limits of Islamic Shari`ah to protect themselves. This indicates that a lady, even when she is talking to a stranger due to a need, should not talk to him in a soft kind voice that may give him hope with her. She is supposed to be short, definite and strict in her voice to prevent all false ideas and thoughts occurring in the conversation.
Hope this helps
Name
saly
-
Profession
Question
Hi, I'm a 19 year old girl. It has been a year since I graduated from an American High School. In the past year, I've gone through so many things. I was far away from Islam and was influenced greatly by the American culture. I wanted to leave my country and attend university, but God did not will. All my friends have gone. I felt so isolated and alone. Until recently I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I started gaining faith in Allah again. I need guidance from someone to help me through this
Answer
First of all, I admire your strength and your understanding and commitment to your faith. From your question, it is clear to me that you have chosen the right path, and you have put your faith in Allah SWT Who NEVER disappoints His servants.
Now the only thing that is required further is PATIENCE. Remember, if you do believe that everything that happens is from Allah SWT and for a purpose, then it is also time to be grateful to Him for His decisions for you and know in the depth of your heart that it will be indeed for your own good in the final run.
Hope this helps.!!
Name
Selim
-
Profession
Question
Dear scholar, in the light of the title of this dialogue, there are many problems facing Muslim youth, part of which is identity. How do you think Muslim youth nowadays can preserve their identity, in the face of all forms of corruption surrounding him?
Answer
Very good question, my dear brother; and very easy answer.
Identity of a person emerges from what he or she understands his life and the purpose of his life to be. It is also assisted by the ideals and idols one chooses to follow.
Now then, in light of the above, an Islamic identity would emerge from learning what Allah SWT has intended the purpose of a life to be, and by choosing the right ideals to follow in our daily life. If we want to follow the ideas and ideals of non-Muslim cultures and societies in our daily life, we cannot begin to develop an Islamic identity.
Name
too shy to mention my name
-
Profession
Question
Dear dr. Sadiq, I have a problem and I really want you I am a Muslim lady who graduated last year. I got married to a young man who is not older than me very much. I love my husband very much but the problem is that he likes me to say sexual words to him at the time of sex but I am too shy to so, how can I please my husbandto look at it from a realistic view. I am a 20- year old man and getting so many problems to delay my marriage, mainly financial problems. I tried every possible means to give up masturbation, but in vain. I am around a very difficult situation and so many haram things are grabbing me away from the halal into the haram. Please tell me how to solve my problem.
Answer
Your question has been answered.
Name
Aamina
-
Profession
Question
Now, I'm sevently four years old. I embraced Islam one and half years back. Alhamdulillah, I performed Haj last year. I'm sorry to say that I have little weak points such as watching TV. not listening to my son-inlaw at times. But I know that he loves me and I too love him. Please advise on the above issues.
Answer
It is wonderful to hear about your accepting Islam and performing the Hajj. It is also quite wonderful to see how sensitive you have become to your transgression. Old habits die hard. As long as a person recognizes an admits his or her bad habits, makes an attempt to cut them down and prays to Allah SWT for help and strength, sooner or later, depending on your sincerity, you will be insha’Allah rid off your old habits or watching TV and other transgressions. May Allah give you strong faith, strength, and all the help you need to become His true servant in body and soul.
