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Name
anonymous
-
Profession
student
Question
Thank you for your great service and responding in advance. My question is being in the late teens how can I support myself being an orphan and with no real family backup or house and with just meager part time wages. What is the best path to choose? Should I think about saving money at this meager wage? Life is becoming more and more competitive, can you give some suggestions?
Answer
Brother Jeewan Chanicka answers:
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgement. All praise is due to Allah, Who has guided you upon His path. May you continue to seek His guidance and pleasure in all your actions.
My dear brother, may Allah SWT bless you for trying your best to earn His pleasure. No doubt that you are in a difficult position. Allah SWT is Ar-Razaak - He, SWT, is the One Who provides for all of the creation. Within His hands lies our faith. However, we are required to expend our best effort, with a sincere niyyah or intention.
Remember that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was also an orphan but placed his reliance on Allah SWT and in the end owned the dunya (worldly life) in his noble hands but yet, never let the dunya pre-occupy him.
I want to remind myself and you that Allah SWT says to us
1) He will never burden us with a burden greater than we can bear. All tests come from Allah are a means of purification, coming closer to Allah by earning His pleasure and attaining Jannah. One of the practices of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was to read the last three ayat of Surat Al-Baqara (Chapter 2) each night.
2) The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) also gave the advice to his daughter Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) to make the dhikr of Subhan Allah 33 times, Alhamdulillah 33 times and Allahu Akbar 33 (some relations 34) times after each salah.
3) We are also told to read Sura Waqi'ah if we can after maghrib each night as a protection from poverty.
4) Finally, dear brother, be wise. Go to those with wisdom and learn how to plan successfully.
A good plan requires some of your money being saved and invested if possible in halal investments (no matter how small it is), some earnings spent on needs, a small amount for leisure, some towards loans and some for charity. No matter what little you can give, it is not small before Allah, and He SWT will reward you with more in this life and the next.
May Allah keep you, make you prosperous and make you a hand that brings wealth to the ummah for the sake of Allah SWT.
Allah knows best.
Sister Rania Lawendy answers:
As-Salamu `alaykum brother/sister,
SubhanAllah this is a great test for you and may Allah SWT help you in this time of need. I don't want you to forget that Allah SWT never puts a burden on a soul that it cannot bear. Having said that, I think there are various avenues that you can pursue that will insha'Allah insure your financial security.
* Your education must be a priority, as this will be an asset for you in the future.
* Although, I recommend that you are conscious of your spending, but I don't think that this should consume you i.e. you should focus on school, more than getting more hours.
* I'm not sure what country you are from, but if you are from the West, the government usually would also aid you financially with your expenses until you turn 18.
* I think also that it is critical that you study hard and get good grades in order to enter university, because it is very difficult to get a good job in the future without education. If you are able to get a scholarship then that is great, if not there are bursaries that you can look into and usually there is some sort of governmental educational loans that you can apply too.
* There also might be some Muslim community support that you might be able to get.
In the end remember that your rizq (provision) is written in the heavens with Allah SWT and will be actualized on Earth. It is your duty to strive and the rest is with Allah SWT.
Allah knows best.
Name
Faraz Rabbani
- Jordan
Profession
Student
Question
As-Salamu`alaykum wa rahmatullah. Barak Allahu feekumaa. What would be you advice for a young person who feels disenchanted with the Muslim community, and with his family, and prefers the company of his young non-Muslim friends?
Answer
Sister Rania Lawendy answers:
As-Salamu `alaykum.
Before I answer the question, I would like to say salam and ask that you give my salams to Shireen and the family. It's been a long time.
Anyways, if I was presented with a young person who had become disenchanted with the Muslim community the first thing I would do, would be to find out what their specific issues were with the community and address them.
The next issue I would address is that this emotion of disenchantment is an expression of some other sentiment. What caused it? Why is this specific emotion being generalized to an entire community, this of course is illogical.
I would then address the issue of the non-Muslim friends. What is it in them that not having Islam is a benefit to them? Are they more loyal to him than the Muslims and his family? Are they better, more generous, do they love him more etc.?
I would then talk to them about why Allah SWT has advised us not to take the non-believers as our awliya' or our patrons. His point of coming close to the non Muslims is that they reject Allah SWT and this is something he needs to really think about, because this is a direct reflection of his own relationship with Allah SWT.
This would lead into what is his purpose here in life. What is he gaining? As a Muslim he must believe in the akhira (Day of Judgement). Allah SWT has asked us to invest in the akhira and not in this world, because really many times we prefer to hang out with non-Muslims because we wish to follow our desires, not thinking of where this will lead us.
It is important that every Muslim old and young understand that their complete goal in this life, must be to gain the pleasure of Allah SWT in order to enter Jannah. And the last reminder that I would give is that people on the Day of Judgement will be with those that they love.
May Allah SWT grant us all the pleasure of being with the righteous.
Allah SWT knows best.
Brother Jeewan Chanicka adds:
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgement. May Allah, the most Kind, most Merciful bestow upon us His peace and tranquility and replace our sadness and frustration with tawakul (ultimate reliance on Allah), yaqeen (certainty) and sakeena (divine tranquility).
It is good to hear from a dear friend by Allah's mercy, who could easily have answered such a question as well, with Allah's mercy.
So many times it is easy to become disheartened by the actions of some individuals especially within the name of Islam. This is because we perceive the actions of some to be contrary to the teachings of Islam even though the people doing them may actually claim to do things that are Islamic. Especially if there is a love of Islam in our hearts, the actions of those who do things to the contrary can be quite hurtful. To the point where we may choose to disassociate ourselves from such people.
This question has several dimensions and I will quickly address a few of them:
1) It is always important that we look within ourselves first when we face such dilemmas. But this is something that this young person needs to reflect upon, starting with why Allah created us - what is our purpose? Many times we forget about that. Why did Allah place the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) in the heart of jahiliyah and amongst the worst of people? He had a mission, connected to a divine purpose. So too we must begin to understand that Allah created us for a purpose which we must fulfill as well.
2) One of the things that we often have to focus on is how to change the way we see the world. Some of the questions I would ask this young person are: When you look at the Muslims or family members, you see all negatives? Would you want all people to see you the same way? How would the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) deal with such things, given that he was the most perfect example? And remember how he treated those who were most vile to him. He reminded us that when people throw stones at Muslims, we are like trees, we give them fruit in return.
3) I would also request this young person to learn to look at the world differently, MAYBE if he/she listens to theirselves, they will realise there is some pride in their words. As to why they see some people as being not "worthy" of their company. Force yourself to see something positive. When you think of negative things, think first- what is there that is positive. Think, "Am I perfect?" - "If I want Allah to overlook my flaws - then I need to overlook the flaws of his servants" Every time the negative comes to you from Shaytan, replace it with the positive from Allah. (If you can grab a copy of "Don't Sweat the Small stuff" - read it insha'Allah.)
4) We cannot cut ourselves off from our family. Unless we are being physically hurt or harmed we must maintain some type of respectable relationship with them.
5) In instances, there may be a need to be with good non-Muslim friends who are respectable and respect our faith and will not encourage us to do anything that will go against the will of Allah. Especially if the Muslims to whom this young person is exposed are corrupt in very bad ways, then they may need to make this decision. But this requires more dialogue.
6) To this young person, I say Remember that YOU can make a difference - instead of waiting to see the difference - find out what you CAN do to make a difference. Allah SWT says "Kuntum Khayra Ummatin Ukhrijat li Nas" (You are the best of peoples raised up for mankind) because we have a mission to fulfill for Allah. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said in a hadith that "the person who stays with people and endures their pain and suffering is better than the one who has secluded himself from people and their pain." I would also advise you to look to the advice of Abu Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) when you see negative things - "hate the sin - not the sinner". Maybe what is lacking is adab - manners. But it was also lacking in many of those who lived in the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) - he met their hostility with kindness and mercy.
Finally, remember that through patience and kindness, by Allah's mercy, we can make a difference in the world that we live in. It is important that we find good company of those who will remind us of Allah and our duty towards him, who will not disrespect us or try to turn us away from our deen.
If we struggle in this life for the sake of Allah, enduring the hurt and pain of people, Allah will bless us with what we truly seek - His pleasure.
And Allah knows best.
Name
A Muslim Sister
-
Profession
Question
As-Salamualikum. I have a Muslim sister who seems to have lost all sense of Islam. She doesn't pray or Recite the Qur'an anymore. She doesn't go to school because she doesn't feel like it. She even goes so far in depression that she is willing to harm herself. She is about 14 years old. Could you please help me in helping her get back to the Straight path? Thank you.
Answer
Brother Jeewan Chanicka answers:
All Praise is due to Allah; we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. He is Allah, the most Compassionate, the most Merciful; the One Who loves to forgive those who sincerely turn to Him in repentance. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgement. As you look after the welfare of your sister, may Allah keep you in His protection and grant you protection and divine mercy in this life and the next.
First thing, my dear sister is to advise you that if this young girl is at the point of hurting herself, then the best thing that you can do is to help her find a counselor/doctor or trustworthy adult with whom she can talk. Please do not hesitate with this, this is URGENT because if she is in depression, you need to understand that this is a disease and needs proper medical attention. There must be a reason for her depression and this is something that a qualified medical professional/counselor will be able to help her with.
In the mean time, continue to counsel her to remember Allah much, increase her dhikr and du'aa and try to pray together with her. Remind her that Allah is always with her and will never abandon her. The more she neglects her prayer, the deeper her depression will become because it will also affect her heart and spirit.
Finally, do your best and do not take the full responsibility on your shoulders. Allah is the best to guide; you too must place your trust in Him and do your best. Remember to solidify your own prayer and du'aa because if you burn yourself out, you will not be able to help her. Please refer to cyber counselor for more assistance if necessary.
And Allah knows best.
Sister Rania Lawendy adds:
As-Salamu `alaikum.
From what you have stated in the question that your friend is suffering from depression, I would have to say that you are not trained to help her because her problems are far deeper than her lacking iman.
Depression is a real disease and she needs to seek medical attention.
I would suggest that you speak with her parents and advise them that their daughter needs to see a psychiatrist. They probably have a feeling if she is exhibiting signs of clinical depression.
May Allah SWT reward you for your concern. Insha'Allah when she is treated for her depression you can help her regain her closeness with Allah SWT.
The other thing that you mustn't forget is to always keep her in your duaa'.
Allah SWT knows best.
Name
Farah
- United Kingdom
Profession
Student
Question
As-Salamu'alaykum to both of you. Firstly, I wanted to know whether you think that when it comes to youth issues the environment at home is usually the root issue. Personally, I feel that to a large extent it is the fault of the families when youth get into trouble, I know that each person has a choice, but I have always felt that a stable Islamic upbringing at home could nip a lot of problems in the bud. Do you think a 'parenting training program' before having children could help? Secondly, do you think there is a lack of local community centers specifically designed for Muslim youth to visit in terms of seeking help? I think that there is a shortage of Muslims working in your field. I'm sorry for the long question. JazakumAllahu Khayran.
Answer
Sister Rania Lawendy answers:
Assalamu 'alaikum.
I definitely agree with you that the environment created at home has a major effect on the tarbiya (Islamic upbringing) of their children. This is a fundamental principle in Islam. Since parenting is an ongoing process I think that parenting workshops are important before couples have children, but also after they become parents. Many communities have invited speakers that specialize in this topic and arrange for workshops. If your city doesn't do this you might approach the mosque or local Islamic organization and ask them to organize one. I think it's also important to read as many books as possible on the subject as well as look at the great examples of the sahaba from the seera and how they raised their children. i.e. Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) with 'Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) etc.
Youth Centers are also very important, but I would like to focus on one important point. Tarbiyah is the ongoing comprehensive process of self development. This can only happen when the youth are continuously engaged in different activities. It is important for them to attend weekly halqas, Friday prayer (if they can), as well as attending and organizing events. It is well documented that youth who are involved in the Muslim community are less likely to stray, because they have somewhere they fit in and their iman is continuously increasing through these various methods.
Allah SWT tells us in the Qur'an: " Who is better in speech than one who calls (people) to Allah, works righteousness, and says, "I am of those who surrender to Allah (Muslims)." (Fussilat: 33)
May we be of those who are best in speech and may Allah SWT increase our numbers.
JazzakAllahu Khair.
Allah SWT knows best.
Brother Jeewan Chanicka adds:
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgement. May Allah SWT bless you in your attempt to strengthen yourself in your faith and your desire to do what is pleasing to only Him.
I do believe that many problems that some youth have to eventually deal with could have been dealt with at home. Sometimes parents believe that if they let their children have what they want, treat the boys and girls differently, they do not enforce a consistent set of standards at home or in the reverse, they are too strict and make Islam difficult, then it can lead to many problems later on.
However, there are also many parents who do their best and still children make their choices. We see this in the story of Nuh (peace be upon him). So it is important for us not to be judgmental or to try and point fingers. Allah is the only judge.
There is a need for parenting courses and marriage courses as people reach these stages in their life.
Finally, I agree that there are not enough community centers that are set up to meet the needs of our youth. Too many times "the old boys" clubs run the mosques and negate or eliminate the voices of women/youth/families. It is important that we return to the concept of the mosque being a community centre, as it was in the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him).
And Allah knows best.
Name
Zahra
- Spain
Profession
Question
I have a 20-year old son and he spends all day playing games online and does not want to look for a job or continue studying. Often I notice he would like to do something different, but somehow he is afraid to ask for a job. I've talked with him and he always promised tomorrow, he won't play, but he doesn't keep his promises. I really don't know what I should do, to make him understand to think about his future.
Answer
Brother Jeewan Chanicka answers:
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgement.
My dear sister, may Allah bless you for taking the time and effort to write to us and for seeking to do what is best before Allah SWT. May He SWT bless you for your concern for your son. The path of parenthood is often a difficult one and mothers’ have a very special station before Allah SWT for their care, work, sacrifice and concern.
It would appear that your son may have become apathetic or believe that he may not find a job and has made himself pre-occupied with games as a way to distract himself from what he is feeling. When people get to this point it is often difficult to “break the cycle” so it is important to try some of the following things:
1) Always remember to seek help from Allah SWT first. Spend time with your son that will take him away from the video games. Talk to him about his role as a provider without nagging or preaching to him and remind him that one day he will need to look after his own family and maybe even you. Allah SWT is gentle and loves us to be gentle as well.
2) He is living at home with you so if this reminder does not work, then tell him that because you care for him, you may need to take away the games from him. If there is a respectful relationship between you, even though he is 20, he may still listen to this. If the games are online (on the internet) then you may need to cut the internet from his room and keep the computer in a public place. However, this may only be effective, if you have a good relationship. OR you can put a time limit. Tell him he needs to show you that he has spent some hours doing other things such as looking for a job.
3) Pray with him, at the time of salah. Let him lead you in prayer and sometimes read Qur’an with him (just for a couple minutes). This will also help to break the cycle of continual play. It may be that he is becoming depressed about the prospects of finding a job or studying, so you may need to have this discussion with him and see what is happening. Encourage him to rely on Allah.
4) If he tells you that he is looking as well, then try to find the balance between encouragement and trust. Trust from their parents is also important. It is important to reinforce that you know that he will make the best and right decisions in all situations. Talk to him and try to be more of a friend as opposed to a parent because at this age they need to have someone whom they can talk to and not be judged. Sometimes this is difficult for parents because this is where they need to listen, hear, advise and empower their children to make the correct decisions. Do not jump at them for all their mistakes and to understand that they are at a point in time where they are trying to understand what their principles are that will guide them for the rest of their lives. The best thing parents can do at this point is to help them to understand their personal connection to Allah. And to remind them that in the end, Allah is the One Who they will answer to. Allah sees everything.
May Allah help you and him.
And Allah knows best.
Sister Rania Lawendy adds:
As-Salamu 'alaykum.
I think that it is important to preface this answer by saying that playing video games to this extent is a true addiction and must be dealt with as other addictions are dealt with.
In order for you to get anywhere with your son he must acknowledge that it is an addiction and he must truly want to change. He must be weaned off of it slowly and there must be a substitute activity provided for him. An example might be sports or a job etc. There might also be a Videogames anonymous that might be able to help you.
Essentially he must realize that time belongs to Allah SWT and that as Muslims we must be balanced in our lives. He is accountable for all that he does during this time and that time is the currency of the believer. Time is life (not money, as stated in our society).
In the end, his wanting to change and rid himself of this addiction, must come from him and he must realize the detriment that it is causing in his life. He must set goals and make a plan to achieve them.
In the end you must continue to make du'aa for him and aid him to rid himself of this addiction.
May Allah SWT help you.
Allah SWT knows best.
Name
faith
-
Profession
student
Question
Is there an email address that you can be contacted at if teenagers need Islamic advice or solutions to their problems in the light of our religion?
Answer
Sister Rania Lawendy answers:
Asslamu alaikum,
You can email me if you'd like, but Br. Jeewan might know of a help line for youth.
You can contact islamonline and they will be able to help insha'Allah.
Brother Jeewan Chanicka adds:
My dear brother/sister in Islam, unfortunately I do not want to give you my email address because I worry that I will not be able to give it the time due because of my regular job and other commitments. However if you wish, you can send your questions to Cyber counselor at islamonline and insha'Allah someone there will be happy to answer you. If you would like someone specific to answer you, then you can make that request insha'Allah. If they are available they will answer it.
Please forgive us for our shortcomings.
And Allah knows best.
Name
Mansoor
- India
Profession
Student Counselor
Question
I am a budding Islamic counselor. I have to deal with troubled youth too. What are the skills I have to develop and what materials you suggest for me like people to read?
Answer
Brother Jeewan Chanicka answers:
My dear brother/sister,
May Allah SWT bless you and make this road easy for you as it is filled with much responsibility and is a huge amanah (trust) before Allah SWT. May He bless you and make your heart be filled with compassion always for people, to take the advice of Abu Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) and hate the sin not the sinner. The following are some brief points:
1) Always try to ensure a pure intention, sincerely for Allah SWT.
2) Familiarize yourself with the general rules of Islam, the seerah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and basic fiqh. This should not just simply be read from books but learnt with teachers in order to have a comprehensive understanding.
3) Always be empathetic, try to understand how the other person feels.
4) Never be judgmental.
5) Always look at the situation from a variety of perspectives.
6) Be humble, if you do not know – say so and seek appropriate advice.
7) Always remember the need for balance in answering questions. Counseling can be difficult because in different situations, various rules may/may not apply. Learn from those who know.
8) You cannot save everyone, nor is it your job. Allah is the best to guide. Do your best and seek Allah’s help through dua and prayer.
9) Spend time reading answers of reputable/well known people/sites that are known for good Islamic counseling.
These are just some basic ideas. May Allah bless and guide you always on His path.
And Allah knows best.
Sister Rania Lawendy adds:
Assalamu alaikum.
Counseling in Islam requires that you are well acquainted with the practical applications of Islamic knowledge as we must maintain a solid Islamic framework when dealing with Muslim youth. This requires a proper comprehension of Islam as well as a balanced understanding of Islam.
Other qualities that are important are devotion to the call, striving and sacrifice.
There are many books that you can read. I can send you a list of English books if you'd like. You can get my email from the live dialogue organizers insha'Allah.
I think the other thing that is very important that you are patient with the youth and that you are never judgmental. Developing a relationship with them is very important. You need to have a very good understanding of the environment they are living in also. This is very important.
We will keep you in our duaa' and may Allah SWT help you in striving in his path.
Allah SWT knows best.
Name
Ashamed to say my name
-
Profession
Question
I am a Canadian Muslim from an Egyptian background. My dad is a non-religious man. He divorced my mother long time ago because she could not convert into the "Canadian" lifestyle. He loves Canada and all what comes with its culture, good or bad. He married a Christian Palestinian who knows nothing about manners or behaviour. He kicked me out from the house because I still act like Egyptian though I was born and raised here. Many times I talked to my dad that he cannot be a Canadian: his accent is heavy, his color is not white, and so on. But every time I talked to him he treated me as I deserved nothing. I cannot support myself. I failed school, I slept on the streets more than 20 times, I worked and paid my rent hardly. I slipped into so many trials. I owe thousands to the visa and I am living off interest. I live with my non-Muslim friend who lives with his girlfriend. I committed fornication 14 times so far– but I always feel bad, I smoked, masturbated and even sold drugs few times to pay the rent. I am feeling broken from all corners of my body. My beloved mother lives in Egypt with my sister. She always tells me to go there and try to live with them, but I don't want to cause her trouble since she is married and my sister lives with her and if I go I would be a burden over them. I approached my dad to help me but he told me he did not want me anymore. I never got to learn how to pray because my dad did not teach me, I don't know even the address of the mosque, but I always turn to God with my heart especially after every time I make a mistake. I almost thought of suicide but I came through this website in the search engine and read some of the answers to youth problems, so I came asking for any help…..help me make a plan, or life will never worth anything after.
Answer
Brother Jeewan Chanicka answers:
All Praise is due to Allah; we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. He is Allah, the most Compassionate, the most Merciful; the One Who loves to forgive those who sincerely turn to Him in repentance. He is the One Who guided you upon this noble path because of His love for you. His Love for His creation and Presence in their lives should never be doubted or forgotten. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgement.
My dear brother, May Allah SWT bless you and remove hardships from your way. You definitely have a difficult situation. But by Allah’s mercy – He has sent you on this path to Him and if you take your time, take one step at a time and place all your trust in Allah then Allah will forgive your sins and open your way to Him and to success in this dunya and in the akhira.
There are several things that we need to address:
1) your immediate needs
2) your relationship with Allah
3) your connection to your family
First of all, all praise is due to Allah that you have a roof over your head. Don’t worry about whom you are with right now, or whom he lives with. This is a temporary situation insha'Allah. Alhamdulillah, you have a roof right now and you have food. By Allah’s mercy, these needs are met for now.
Secondly, you have bills for VISA and other credit cards, do not worry about this either, because you are in a difficult situation. Let us look at this by prioritizing what needs to be done. Have you tried looking for a job? I am sure that it is not easy. Insha'Allah, try to use services through places like the YMCA or United Way. Walk in and ask them about employment readiness programs and opportunities to do apprenticeships or trainings. This should be the first thing connected with trying to get some stability in your life. Do not focus on your bills at this point. However ask about credit counseling. I wish I knew where you were in Canada, because I could try to be more specific. There are options that you can explore such as declaring bankruptcy or maybe you will be able to get a part time job and start putting small payments on bills. Remember a drop of water if it falls constantly can break a rock.
Regarding your mother, I do not know that right now, you should think about being a burden. Right now, you are in a state of urgent need. So if you can go there, even if it is temporarily to get you on your feet again, then this is better than staying in a state of chronic instability that will hurt you more and more. This is one of the ways Shaitan takes advantage of us. Even though you may not want to, it is better that you put yourself in the home of your mother than resorting to haram activities that will hurt you, your Islam, potentially put you in jail and/or ruin your life. Staying with your mother is a protection for you, even if you want to make it temporary.
About all of your past deeds, while we should never overlook our sins and mistakes and know that we will be held accountable to Allah for them, we should also never despair of the mercy of Allah. There are numerous ahadith where we learn about those who had committed major sins, but turned to Allah in repentance and submitted their hearts to His will and were forgiven for those sins. In fact, many of the sahabas before Islam had committed such sins and they would often remember those sins and seek the forgiveness of their Lord.
For any sins, that we may commit, Allah in His infinite mercy has provided a way for us to turn to Him and seek His forgiveness. It is because Allah knows that we as humans at times may slip and commit mistakes. It is we who are always in need of Allah and Allah in turn is always ready to hear the prayer of those who call upon Him. I will give you some general advice about repentance or tawbah so that by Allah’s will perhaps it will be of use to you and others even beyond this situation.
Allah SWT reminds us in the Qur’an in Sura Az Zummar, verse 53-54
“Say: O my servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins for He is Oft-forgiving, most Merciful. Turn you, to your Lord (in repentance) and bow to His will….” ( I would encourage you to read Surat Az Zummar, verses 53-59 in totality.)
Then there is the hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) on the authority of Anas ibn Malik: “By Him in Whose Hand is my soul: If you committed sins to the extent that your sins filled what is between the heavens and the earth, Allah would forgive you after seeking His forgiveness. By Him in Whose hand is Muhammad’s soul, if you did not commit sins, Allah would replace you by other people who would commit sins. Then, Allah forgives them after seeking His forgiveness.” (Related by imam Ahmad)
According to Imam An Nawawi – Repentance is obligatory for every sin. When a person’s disobedience is between him and Allah, then he needs to fulfill the following conditions:
1) Refrain from committing the sin in the future
2) Regret having done it (which you have even after so many years)
3) Resolve never to commit it again.
(General note: If the sin is connected to the rights of another person then there is one other condition – they should return whatever was taken or repair what was done.) This is not your case.
Even though you do not know how to pray, just make the prayer from your heart, asking Allah to guide you. At some point if you are near a mosque, go and ask them if they can teach you to pray. As you begin to establish that relationship with Allah, the other pain will go away gradually. BUT YOU MUST BE PATIENT.
The fact that you are concerned is a good thing, but once you make your repentance, you must have hope in Allah SWT. Remember that Allah is, as we expect of Him. If we expect Allah’s forgiveness and mercy and we do our best – then expect that Allah will forgive our sins and be merciful to us. And generally it is always a good thing to make istighfar continually throughout the day (asking for forgiveness of our sins). This was a common practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)
In another hadith, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “One who has repented of a sin is like one who did not sin.”
Also take the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and follow a bad deed with a good one. It is the nature of this deen that it does not enter the heart of a believer without making him/her feel the need to try and continually improve or change the conditions of the people around them. So find something, it may be small or big. However small and consistent is better than something done “once in a while”. Focus on having a clear intention of doing this for the sake of Allah. In your case, as you stabilize yourself, try to increase your performance ofsunnah and nafl prayers as this will help you tremendously. BUT DO NOT begin by trying to do all. Remember ONE PRAYER AT A TIME.
Through repentance and then good deeds insha'Allah, you will improve your station before Allah. Whenever you notice that you may begin to feel like you want to be alone, or starting to notice the signs of depression, talk to Allah, HE is always with you and will never abandon His servants who call upon Him. And also keep focusing on all the favours Allah has blessed you with in your life.
Regarding your father, he has made his position clear. So Do not make it a burden on yourself. Try hard to focus on what is important for you right now. Leave him and pray for him. One day Allah may guide him. Please also refer to the above answer where I mentioned about the ayah “kuntum khayra ummatin …” (you are the best of peoples..)
May Allah SWT make you and all of us among those who always turn to Allah for forgiveness and among those who submit our hearts to His perfect deen. He is with you my dear brother, never far away and will never deny you His mercy. Call upon Him and let Him help you by doing what you must for His sake. Success will then be eternal – in this life and the next. Your heart is calling you to Him, follow it along with Allah’s commands and you will find contentment and peace that you will never find any where else. If we can be of more assistance please do not hesitate to ask of us. We will definitely keep you in our duaa'.
And Allah knows best.
Sister Rania Lawendy adds:
Assalamu 'alaikum.
Allah SWT tells us in the hadith Qudsi that if you take one step towards Him that he will leap towards you.
Based on what you've said, you're taking this step and this is very important. The first step towards repentance is to feel regret and have the sincere desire to change the behaviour. The next step is to completely leave the behaviour and anything else that leads to it. In Islam a Fiqh principle is that whatever leads to haram is haram. Which means that if your environment leads to haram (i.e. fornication, drugs etc) then it must completely be changed.
The next step is to ask Allah SWT for forgiveness and never partake in this act again.
Now, based on what you've narrated in the question, you have some serious behaviour modification you need to address. You must work towards changing your surrounding environment.
What made you fail school?
Why are you not able to keep a job?
Being "too Egyptian" is not what caused this.
Also the behaviours you are engaging in are not only haram but extremely dangerous. For example, if you were caught selling drugs you would be thrown in jail. Or even fornication many times with different partners will bring on a myriad of different diseases, many of these leading to death.
You are also living with someone who is living with his girlfriend. You must change your environment.
My suggestion for you is to change your entire environment if you can, which means going to Egypt. I am also an Egyptian Canadian and I'm sure your mother would not consider you a burden and if she knew what types of behaviours you are engaging in she would be mortified.
Unfortunately there is no ready solution, but I would like you to remember something. Unfortunately you couldn't choose who your parents were, but once you hit puberty you are responsible for your actions.
You need to open up the phone book or go on the internet and find the nearest mosque in your area. You should go to the imam there and tell him your problems and see what he tells you.
While it is commendable that you are seeking Allah and have found this website, but it is not enough to pray in your heart. You must learn how to pray. I know there are books available, but if you go to any mosque they will teach you and give you the support you need. You could even ask any Muslim that you know.
You also need to set a plan to make something of yourself, because you can't continue to live barely paying the rent. If you didn't finish high school, you can do it by distance education while working. You should also try to gain some sort of practical skill that you can use in the future in order to secure a good paying job. You can also do this from Egypt. Try to reach out to your mother and once again I can't stress how important it is for you to change your environment.
A strawberry is a wonderful tasting fruit, but if you put it in vinegar it becomes acidic and inedible.
Last, but not least, never despair in the mercy of Allah SWT. Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him), said: "The best of those who sin are those when they sin return and repent to Allah SWT."
May Allah SWT accept your repentance and all those who seek His mercy.
Allah SWT knows best.
Name
ummi4
- Malaysia
Profession
Question
Being a mother of 6 kids I'm very scared when thinking of their future esp. during teenage years.. I tried my level best to instill Islamic knowledge by providing Islamic environment at home & send them to Islamic school. It's still not sufficient if government or Islamic bodies don't practice Islamic rules. It's very difficult raising a child nowadays. They go on the TV switch or read the papers & they are exposed to negative value i.e. rape, mahram, smoking etc.. Please share any tips & advice that I can apply to them while they're still small before it's too late. Sometimes I feel like migrating, to many Muslim foreigners prefer here than their own. I can't bear the fact that Muslim leaders giving the wrong impression & interpretation about Islam.
Answer
Sister Rania Lawendy answers:
Assalamu alaikum.
I have had the good fortune to visit Malaysia and while there are many problems there, the environment there is much more conducive towards an Islamic lifestyle than many other countries, so I don't think emigrating is the answer.
In Islam we are asked to put forth an effort and then leave the rest to Allah SWT. I just had my fourth child and I have the same worries that you have, but it seems from your question that you are doing what you can. You have put your children in Islamic schools and you are trying to provide an Islamic environment at home.
In terms of outside sources infiltrating this environment, you can try as best as you can to control what media you allow into your home. While I don't advocate no t.v, or internet etc., I believe that there should be censorship at home. I also believe that you should try to keep them busy with other activities. Many times we forget that Islam is not just the knowledge, but there is also the physical aspect, i.e. you should get them involved in sports or clubs where they won't have time to be consumed by television, etc.
I also think that part of training our children is also to make them understand what pure Islam is as opposed to what culture is, and making sure that they understand that there are Muslims who sin and they are not our example. I think it's also good for them to understand the downfalls of these behaviours (smoking etc), so that they understand that there are not only Islamic consequences for these types of behaviours and that Allah SWT would never order us to keep away from a behaviour that would benefit us. I hope this helps you somewhat, as this question needs much more time.
May Allah SWT make your efforts fruitful in this world and the next insha'Allah.
Allah SWT knows best.
Name
Karla
- Egypt
Profession
Teacher
Question
Do you think that by not saying anything to a Muslim girl that it's obligatory for her to put her hijab on, it will be like I am sharing her sin. And mostly not saying anything because it's your husband's sister's daughter. Do I share the sin with them by not saying anything?
Answer
Brother Jeewan Chanicka answers:
All Praise is due to Allah; we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgement.
My dear sister,
I believe that daw'ah can be done in many ways. Because you do not say something to this young girl does not automatically mean that you will incur sin. But I would encourage you to find creative ways to bring up discussion with her. Already she sees from your example that you wear it and that you are observant of its requirements. Sometimes, there is a need to work on some other more basic things, before dealing with other issues such as hijab. Sometimes when you have a chance, talk to her about why she thinks she was created, what her purpose is, how she thinks of her relationship with Allah. DO not make these conversations “preachy”, instead try to indirectly show her through your words and actions and other times be direct but speak from how you view your responsibility before Allah. As you create a friendship and help her build her relationship with Allah, the issue of hijab will become a much easier one for her to deal with.
And Allah knows best.
Sister Rania Lawendy adds:
Assalamu alaikum.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said that, "Religion is Nasihah (advice)." This means that it is obligatory on every Muslim to give his/her Muslim brother/sister advice. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) also said: "The believer is the mirror of his/her brother/sister."
Now having said that, you are not responsible for her, but because of this hadith, you should give her nasihah at least once, so that at least you did what was required of you as her sister in Islam.
We have to remember that there are etiquette in how we give nasihah. Many people think that giving nasiha means that you go up to the person and tell them what's wrong with them or give them an order and this is not true.
Al-Hassan and Al-Hussayn (may Allah be pleased with both of them) were playing when they saw an old man making wudu' improperly. They decided to ask him to judge in a contest between them to see who makes the best wudu'. When he saw them making wudu' he realised that he had been doing it wrong. They gave him nasihah in a very indirect way.
This story shows us that nasihah can take on many forms,
-taking her to attend a halaqa on hijab;
-giving her a tape to listen to; e.g. Amr Khaled's lecture on hijab;
-being an example for her;
-having someone she has a very good relationship with to speak to her if you feel she may not accept it from you;
-and lastly if you wish to speak to her yourself make sure that your intention is sincere, that you do it privately and in a very gentle manner.
In the end make du'aa' for her that Allah SWT to help her to make the right choice.
Allah SWT knows best.
Name
Fatima
- United States
Profession
student
Question
Assalamu alaikum. I was wondering if you could give advice for young women, particularly in the West, who are struggling with the issue of hijab. For many it bars them from working, destroys their relationships, or makes them the focus of many - brining unwanted attention to themselves. It is a struggle to choose, and to keep that choice. What would you tell someone who is considering removing hijab so that they no longer have to suffer, or be an object of attraction - which is the opposite of what hijab is meant to do. Thanks.
Answer
Sister Rania Lawendy answers:
Assalamu alaikum
Any action that a Muslim does should be in order to gain the pleasure of Allah SWT and so when we consider making a decision that is the question we have to ask.
Do you really believe that taking your hijab off will bring you closer to Allah SWT. I think we both know that removing the hijab will take us very far from Allah SWT and His pleasure.
In North America we are accustomed to reasoning everything in Islam out, to the point that we forget that the real reason that we do something i.e. wearing hijab is not due to what it is meant to do, but to fulfill an obligation ordered by Allah SWT first and foremost.
Living Islam in the West is a struggle, but not without its reward. Our Muslim brothers and sisters before us struggled with their lives. When we read the seerah there are many examples of the sahaba and sahabiyat (male and female companions) struggling by being tortured, starved, killed etc. I always think of this when I come across a hardship. Ask yourself this, is the one who strives in the way of Allah SWT the same in rank as the one who doesn't? How much baraka (blessings) will one receive in their life if they are in a state of disobedience to Allah SWT.
It is not our job to please people, but only to please Allah SWT. So all in all, I would have to say that the sister should never consider taking her hijab off because this will only be a cause for worse suffering, in this world and the next.
May Allah SWT help her to be firm in His path.
Allah knows best.
Brother Jeewan Chanicka adds:
My dear sister, my advice is that sometimes we assume that we understand the hukm (wisdom) of the laws of Allah SWT. And while we may understand an aspect of that wisdom, it would be wrong for us to think that we understand it in a comprehensive manner.
Regarding hijab, it is a command of Allah SWT - so before we say that it is not to draw attention to women (which is an aspect of it) - the overriding principle here as it is with all other laws in the Shari'ah is that we do something because it is commanded by Allah.
That being said, it is extremely difficult for women especially in Western societies to always be easily singled out and many times ill treated, discriminated against because of hijab. For this, I can say that Allah is aware of your sacrifices and will recompense you in a way that you will never imagine in this life and the next.
With regards to this, it is also important to remember why you are Muslim and choose to practice Islam and the fact that it was solely for the sake of Allah SWT. At times, sisters have this struggle and it is normal. Remember that many of the prophets who struggled because they chose service to Allah over any other superficial relationships/rewards in this world. In these times, my dear sister, I urge you to be patient and remember that as Muslims, none of us are perfect and we are continually struggling towards righteousness, but Allah SWT encourages us in the Qur’an by saying “Oh you who believe, be steadfast in patience and prayer, verily Allah is with the patient.”
It is always important to keep reflecting on your relationship with Allah to remind yourself of your purpose in creation. All of humanity was created to serve only Allah. Therefore, the solutions we seek must be pleasing to Allah and we must submit to this regardless of our own emotions. Allah SWT will test us in numerous ways, He says in the Qur’an “Do you think you will say you believe and not be tested..” And so whenever these tests come and in whatever form, we need to remind ourselves of this. Allah has honoured you to be a flag-bearer of His deen. It is a noble place, fraught with difficulty and filled with reward and the good pleasure of Allah.
Remember the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) when he was in the midst of bringing such a great message to the people of Arabia and he was asked by his own family to give up Islam. He responded by saying "By Allah, if they were to put the sun in my right hand and the moon in my left, I would never renounce this message of Allah." You have a great honour and station before Allah, so do not let Shaitan distract you from your purpose and your relationship with Allah.
One other thing I would advise you to do is to keep close to good sisters. Seek them out and keep their company. Make your intention clear that you are seeking knowledge for the sake of Allah and to fulfill your higher destiny of service to His creation. In this way, you will be walking on the wings of the angels and all of the creation will make dua' for you. Seek out the hearts that love Allah and Allah will help you to find tranquility therein. If you do not find even one person, then realize why Allah SWT has placed you there – the change will begin with your presence. Spend time with your prayer, strengthening your relationship with Allah and continuing to fulfill your greater purpose. Allah SWT will facilitate all your other needs.
And Allah knows best.
Name
kamal
- Barbados
Profession
security officer
Question
Barbados is mainly a social Christian Island where Islam is made to look upon as an Indian religion. How do I convince the non-Muslim youth to accept the Islamic approach to behaving?
Answer
Sister Rania Lawendy answers:
Assalamu alaikum.
Islam spread all over the world mainly by the behaviour and etiquette of the early Muslims doing trade there. People were so impressed with them that they wanted to adopt their religion and way of life. This I believe, is the best way to convince non-Muslims that the Islamic approach is the best way to behave. You must be the living example of Islam and they will see that this is the best way to live life. Remember that your reward is based on your effort and sincerity and not on the outcome.
Also do not forget the power of du'a'. May Allah SWT make us the living examples of Islam all over the world insha'Allah.
Allah SWT knows best.
Name
Yusuf
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
How would you advise a young Muslim who realises that he/she is attracted to members the same sex, and doesn't feel a healthy interest in the opposite sex?
Answer
Sister Rania Lawendy answers:
Assalamu alaikum.
Allah SWt in surat al'Araf, verse 80-84, among other places discusses the issue of homosexuality by giving the example of the people of Prophet Lot (peace be upon him). We know that this is the beginning of this type of sin because Prophet Lot (peace be upon him) says that the sin they are committing no one had preceded them with it from among the worlds. He goes on to say you approach men with desire instead of women and that these men are a transgressing people.
This shows that this type of behaviour is a grave sin and Allah SWT rained upon them a rain of stones, putting an end to this nation.
I wanted to preface this answer with this story in the Qur'an to illustrate the gravity of the act we are discussing.
Having said that, I think that we need to understand that homosexuality is a foul perversion, which develops from an interaction that is positively reinforced i.e. Pleasure etc.
When one gains pleasure from something or there is a behaviour that is positively reinforced then the person seeks to reinforce it again and again which leads to a habit, which then leads to this perversion.
Sexual desire for the opposite sex is the fitra (natural state) of the human being and this is how we reproduce. But this sexual desire if outside of wedlock is also haram.
Whether you are attracted to the same sex or the opposite sex in a haram manner (outside of wedlock), then the Muslim must suppress this behaviour. In Islam this is done through getting married and if you can't marry, then by fasting.
Suppressing your desire is rewarded by Allah SWT because we are following Allah (swt)'s orders. One may see someone they are attracted to, but if they never speak to them, or get close to them etc, then nothing can go further.
Usually in order to be with someone that is the same way there has to be an environment for it. i.e. someone with the same type of desire. It is for this reason that you must keep away from an environment that allows you to partake in this type of behaviour.
When one has a desire to do anything that is haram, if they keep thinking about it, imagining it etc, sooner or later they will give into it. It is for this reason that they shouldn't allow this desire to fester and should take care of the problem right away.
SubhanAllah, this is a test from Allah SWT, to see if you are going to worship your desire by following it or if you will choose to worship Allah SWT by following his orders. Remember that Allah SWT created us and He knows best and He only orders us to stay away from what is harmful to us. If you think about the punishment for this action this may deter you.
Remember that everyone has desires, but what stops one from committing adultery or fornication is their fear of Allah SWT, this allows them to overcome the desire.
Remember your actions are a choice. Allah SWT is the most fair and just and he would never create someone as a homosexual and then punish him for it.
Pray to Allah SWT to help you to overcome this affliction and stay away from anything or anyone that can lead you towards this behaviour.
Sorry, for the lengthy response.
Allah SWT knows best.
Name
abdilaahi
- United States
Profession
Question
Young people who become Muslim in the west sometimes get trapped in the environment they live in. We need more programs so they study in Muslim counties and stay with families in the Muslim lands.
Answer
Sister Rania Lawendy answers:
Assalamu alaikum.
This is actually a statement and not a question, but I'd like to comment a little further.
My parents are Egyptian and I've had the good fortune to experience both the overseas culture and being born and living in a Western culture. While I think that studying Arabic and Islam overseas are always an asset, I don't believe that overseas there are always purified environments. With the advent of the satellite dish, the same poisons that infect our youth here are also infecting the youth there.
If one is sincerely seeking to learn their religion properly, Allah SWT will guide them to those who can aid them. While no one can argue that there is a wealth of resources overseas, there is also a good number of ways to learn a balanced comprehensive understanding of Islam here also.
JazzakAllahukhairan for your advice and may Allah SWT always guide us to those who are righteous and will help us become closer to Allah SWT.
Allah SWT knows best.
Name
concerned muslimah
-
Profession
Question
Asalaamu 'Alaikum.
A growing problem amongst youth today is the issue of sexuality. With increased awareness of gay-lesbian issues there is also an increase of out gays and lesbians. Do you have any advice for young Muslims who feel they may be gay/lesbian? How should we, their peers, help them address these issues without alienating them from the deen?
Answer
Please refer to the answer to the question of Yusuf - United Kingdom.
Name
Editor
-
Profession
Answer
Finally, we would like to thank both Jeewan Chanicka and Rania Lawendy for taking the time to answer the questions of Islamonline viewers today, and we also thank all those who participated in this dialogue. We apologize for not being able to accommodate all the questions within the time allocated to this session. If you feel your question is very important, feel free to contact us at EngLivedialogue@islamonline.net and we will try our best to answer your question. We request our readers to join us in upcoming sessions.
