The session has just started. Please feel free to join us with your questions on "Happiness Psychology and Faith".
After the session has ended, you can view the whole dialogue by clicking on "Recent Sessions", or later by going through "Archives".
Answer
-
Name
Amna
- Australia
Profession
Question
As salamu `alaykum...
I have been looking for work since last year. I have qualifications, but no experience. I really, really need a job.
As days go, and I am not able to secure any position, my faith decreases. I pray and try not to think badly; but all type of thoughts do come into my mind. I see no way out of it.
People say its my kismet; fate, but I think maybe I deserve this. I always think that Allah is not listening to me or maybe I have committed some major sin, but I can not recall any. I have feelings that maybe I will stop believing in Allah the way things are going.
Thanks
thanks
Answer
Dearest Amma,
As salamu `alaykum,
Thank you for opening your heart so sincerely. I don't know the struggles you are going through, but it sounds like you have been trying for so long that now your heart is tired, and it's making you question why Allah has given you this situation. Trying to find a job, when you have qualifications and no experience is so difficult - and cuts into one's sense of self, one's confidence. it can bring you to your knees emotionally.
Yet, sometimes when we reflect or look back, it is the time of struggle in our lives that teach us the most, that test us, that compel us to go beyond what we think we should be doing, go beyond our expectations.
It is Allah's mercy on you, not His Punishment, to tell you to think differently, to try things another way, to have courage which one day you will share with someone else who is hurting, in sha'Allah.
Every situation is designed uniquely for you, for you to play your part, to see the meaning behind it. it is not about your sins, but about seeing the blessing in it. It may not be what you think..
with du`aa's,
Sabnum
Name
ummmuhammad
-
Profession
Question
As salamu `alaykum
I would like to ask you a question regarding your knowledge of the Islamic view of such newly discovered psychology as the 'Emotional Healing or Meridian Therapies'.
With these forms of healing methods that I find quite amazing and helpful with the help of Allah Ta'Ala....one has to say such things as 'I accept myself and I forgive my self in order to experience relief from emotional and physical problems....'
I have been learning these methods for sometime and I am at the point where I would like to teach it to others and also to practice it as a profession....I am in the certification process.
I am so scared of displeasing my Creator by saying things like 'even though I have a headache I completely accept and forgive myself!' or 'I choose to release this anger or fear', or 'I choose to loose 30 lbs. in 3 months' etc....
In this Energy psychology there is a lot that can be accomplished with the Will of Allah by affirming the problem first them Tapping on various energy points....
It is very helpful and my intension is to help myself and my family as well as the Muslim Ummah insha'Allah; but at times I wonder if it seams like there is too much reliance on one's self instead of Allah and I fear any form of shirk as this is a grave sin....(May Allah protect me from this Ameen, Ameen)
Do you have any knowlege of this type of energy based psychology as it is different from the way psychology is usually practiced. It is new and based on the East and West combonation of Western psychology with the use of accupuncture meridians of the body....
Please help as this is holding me back from using it professionally (I have had many successes with this healing modality al hamdu lillah with other family members and self) and personally for the many emotions that are holding me back from moving forward with my life goals as a mother/ wife and Muslimah to my brothers and sisters....
I have so much to offer in this field.. Many times I see a deep connection with many things from the Sunnah that seem to relate very closely in this healing method....
I believe that is what my goal is to help especially my sisters-in-Islam who struggle daily with the many issues surrounding mothering children/being a housewife and being alone most of the time without a good support system in Western countries that are hard for us to raise families....Issues such Add/adhd, depression, low self image, phobias and procrastination are just a few of the issues we feel daily but we do not want to go to the usual methods of psychology to treat our selves and families....I have found these enegy based modalities much faster and can be done by oneself even though for some issues one has to seek professional help in order to really get to the underlying issues behind many of these issues..... Please help as soon as you can...
Jazakum Allahu Khair....
Answer
Dear Umm Muhammad,
Allah's healing energy manifests in many ways. His Mercy is such that in every time and in every place there are diverse foods and herbs for our sustenance, and many methods to cure the sicknessess of our body, mind and heart.
In Emotional Healing and Meridian Therapies, there is an implicit acknowledgement that the sicknesses are ones we bring on ourselves, so by releasing that energy we free ourselves to return to a place where the heart is free to hear messages from the ruh , from the source of Allah's message, His Divine breath, in our hearts. It is not Allah who punishes us, it is we who punish ourselves.
What this means is we can use these techniques, but as practitioners, to remember that this is all happening in Allah's Name. In our teachings istighfar, is commonly translated as forgiveness, which means that Allah COVERS our faults. So a human being accepts their headache, and that means they are open to recieiving Allah's message for them, open to hearing their own 'getting in the way' open to healing.
May Allah bless you for your sincerity and I wish you well in your work. it is always important in working in these fields to take regular counsel, and to assess everything that comes your way with others - especially those who are spiritual but perhaps have less investment in the technique.
Sabnum
Name
Tammy
- Pakistan
Profession
Question
Que: How does psychology explain volition?
Que: Does faith stem from volition or the other way around?
Thank you
Tammy
Answer
Dear Tammy,
There are a number of psychologists who have written about this. many have spoken about volition being connected to drives for survival; others have separated this from our inner and outer motivations and related it more to personality, within which is free will, choice, emotion etc. So very complex!
Maslow explains that there are basic fundamental needs for survival, and when these needs are met, they are sublimated to subtler needs, and this process continues to the ultimate process of 'self-actualisation', in which the human being is capable of altruism, of connectedness with the universe and of Love.
In his last writings he talked about an even subtler need, the need for transcendance, which can be seen as spiritual, a longing perhaps for the self to go beyond the boundaries of its limitations and to reconnect with its Source.
In relation to your second question, Allah created us out of Love, in order to know Him. His unity - tawhid - came before all and after all - is beyond our conception of time/space and causality.
In this world, our desires or volition are all created by Him to return to Him. Our desires can be higher ones or lower ones, but they all reflect in some way, His Attributes. So for example, if I want to get ahead, it is because I want to best, or because I want Victory, or Ease that I imagine I will find 'there'. Yet any love other than that for HIM, any object of desire or volition other than Him will never satisfy the inner longing of our self for His Total Pure Absolute Truth, Beauty, Victory, Perfection. From this comes faith, when one knows or believes in ones life that though we may get caught up, He is greater. Allahu Akbar.
Ma salam,
Sabnum
Name
ali jamal
- Yemen
Profession
student
Question
What is your opinion about co-education?
Answer
Dear Dialoguer,
For those who have faith, for those who believe, the question is, at a more profound level:
What is appropriate education for our children?
What will serve them best, in respect to their lives, their love and trust and knowledge of Him, their social skills and transactions, their ethics, their worldly skills and their relationships?
I believe in that each parent has been given that amana, and Allah has given us the opportunity to make an assessment of their situation and respond accordingly. One needs to balance within that decision the needs of the family and the particular nature of the child.
In other words, let us do our best with the situations we are in, take counsel from those who know our situation, take account of the whole story, with love responsibility and taqwa - God concious - cautious awareness.
I hope this is of service
Ma salaam,
Sabnum
Name
imran bashir
- Pakistan
Profession
Education
Question
Do you think that faith uses psychology as an active tool that is in need of the individuals to solve various problems within their lives. And in doing so, it consequently strenghtens its position in society finally getting hold of its power-base?
Answer
Dear Imran,
Thank you for your insightful question.
Sometimes PEOPLE use their faith to manipulate others and themselves.
Sometimes people use psychology to manipulate those who are vulnerable.
These people do the above for reasons of power, and to strengthen their power base, and wherever their are people with this kind of self interest, once can see this type of behaviour.
In the field of psychology, numerous experiments have been done in the past with drugs such as ecstacy, with children to test the effect of labelling, and we are also aware of unethical behaviour by people who 'push' religion and who actively seek out the vulnerable.
What's more important I think, is how do you and I help ourselves, and how do we serve others around us/
Psychology and faith are both ways to do this, and they need not be in opposition. At their purest best, both reflect humanity's search to find itself, to heal itself, to search for truth and for meaning.
Ma salaam,
Sabnum
Name
Poppy
-
Profession
Question
Salams...
I've been volunteering with blind children for some time and I get comments that Muslims should only help Muslims. I don't believe this. What do you think?
Answer
Dear Poppy,
Thank God for lovely people like you! Every one has a heart a ruh, everyone has, as Allah tells us, "the potential to be higher than the angels or lower than the animals". everyone you work with has this potential - some may be more or less spiritually evolved than you or those who pray x 5 a day. Allah knows best.
Muslims are those who have submitted, in other words those who listen to the signs of their Lord, who do good works, who trust. Hopefully that leads to sajda .
As Muslims, we want to build a world in which we are surrounded by benefiting and benefited by people of like heart, people who love and who are humble and want for you what you want for them. that is what it means to prioritize Muslims - it is not about being tribal, or being part of an exclusive club. My opinion is please go ahead. Your heart will naturally incline to those whose hearts sing to you
Sabnum
Name
Ahmed Ali
- Germany
Profession
Engineer
Question
As salamu `alaykum,
Let me first thank you for organizing this dialogue, which I believe is essential for having a balanced and a happy life.
I live in Germany where I have finished my master’s program in Electronic Engineering. At the moment, I work as an electronic engineer for an international company. I believe that I realized my dream to become an engineer and to work for an international company where I can develop my skills.
I was brought up as a Muslim, but never practiced the religion of Islam. I was always focused on my study and possessing material stuff.
Despite the fact that I achieved my goals (both academically and material), I feel empty and unfulfilled. There is something that I miss. I remember many times saying to my friends that I miss something, but I do not know what? I lost my self and my identity.
My questions are:
Can someone help me to overcome these empty feelings?
Are there others who have the same problem?
Are there people whom I can exchange knowledge and experiences? How to gain happiness?
I really value these great services that you are offering. May Allah reward you.
Ahmed `Ali
Answer
Dear Ahmed Ali,
Thankyou - the questions you ask are the profoundest questions of all - and I believe that there is no doubt that God will send you everything and everyone you need.
Not everyone dares to ask these questions, though we are designed to ask what happiness is. It is because within us there is the ruh - the divine breath of Allah, His Light of Perfection, Truth, majesty beauty and and and, reflecting constantly upon our limited selves or nafs. That is why we constantly at some level search for total peace, pure love, absolute unending happiness, though experience tells us otherwise. Yet in this incredible paradox, is the route of contentment, and it is the story of 'we come from Allah, return to Him, by Him. Life's journey is about nothing other than swimming in a sea of mercy designed to uncover conscious awareness - finding your true self, which is your soul, your literally god - given entity.
I would really recommend you look at www.askonline.co.za and our website www.islamiccounselling.com
may Allah bless your heart,
Sabnum
Name
Tammy
-
Profession
Question
Thank you so much and I just wanted to say, that this Live Dialogue is a unique and useful way to be involved in a service which is inclusive of all faiths around the world.
Thank you
Tammy
Answer
Thankyou! And thank Him. What an amazing time we live in!
Name
Ahmed Ali
-
Profession
Question
I really value these great services that you are offering. May Allah reward you.
Answer
Dear Ahmed Ali,
Thankyou - the questions you ask are the profoundest questions of all - and I believe that there is no doubt that God will send you everything and everyone you need.
Not everyone dares to ask these questions, though we are designed to ask what happiness is. It is because within us there is the ruh - the divine breath of Allah, His Light of Perfection, Truth, majesty beauty and and and, reflecting constantly upon our limited selves or nafs. That is why we constantly at some level search for total peace, pure love, absolute unending happiness, though experience tells us otherwise. Yet in this incredible paradox, is the route of contentment, and it is the story of 'we come from Allah, return to Him, by Him. Life's journey is about nothing other than swimming in a sea of mercy designed to uncover conscious awareness - finding your true self, which is your soul, your literally god - given entity.
May Allah bless your heart,
Sabnum
Name
naseera
-
Profession
Question
As salamu `alaykum
I have two questions:
1)If Islamically suicide is seen as forbidden, and in the West it is seen as a result of psychological disturbance/disorder then is suicide justified as many people struggle to get out of their depression?
2) How would you advise one to reach out to a Muslim person who is depressed and not very conected to Islam or their own sprituality?
Answer
Dear Naseera,
To me, these are very deep questions which causes me to reflect on the meaning of why suicide is forbidden, and what the meaning of depression is.
It is hard to generalize, but people take their lives when they see no way out, when their selves can no longer bear to be with their own self.
My experience is that - even when circumstances are so hard, there are answers that can be found, but the person has to find courage within themselves to change something they think can not be changed. For example, if someone is in an abusive situation, perhaps they need to leave, though they may feel they will never survive on their own.
Re: Depression I'm wary of saying this, because each person's situation is different - but a good book is Dorothy Rowe's book on depression.
I also believe that with depression, counselling psychotherapy and also allopathic medicine are useful - which brings me to your second question.
If someone is not connected spiritually, the most important thing is for you to find the spiritual meaning of the situation - in other words to know with certainty, that there is a healing for them in this, and a meaning for you as someone connected to them. To know that each person has a ruh, an aspect which is constantly calling them to happiness to contentment, to acknowledge the limitations of the self and to submit to the overwhelming truth that everywhere you turn isd the face of God. When you, as the person connected to them know this, you will reach out without even trying, because perhaps the light that comes from you will touch them even in their inner darkness, and if you can not, then you will at least know that Allah knows best.
With dua`aa's and peace,
Sabnum
Name
Hwaa
-
Profession
Question
My Dearest sister Sabnum
As you look around you, and see how we as Muslims and non-Muslims have become weak and easily affected by various forms of fear, what would you suggest is the most important thing that each one of us could do to make tomorrow be a brighter day?
Answer
Dearest Hwaa,
The best and most important thing each one of us can do is to put our own anxieties aside for 10 minutes, and to ask ourselves:
Who am I really?
Am I just here for work, or pleasure, or to be someone's mother father brother employee?
Ask and come to know oneself better, how we can not control our breath, our living our dying, and yet have the capacity to transcend our limitations and perform incredible acts of sincerity and humility and love and courage?
To ask ourselves this and to keep answering is dhikr, remembering God, knowing that He created us in this way. Allah (SWT) says, and truly in remembrance do hearts find contentment.
...And if then, with an overflowing heart, you do something (extra) for one of Allah's creation without obligation or expectation. And then keep doing it, the world will be a better place.
Everything that touches us within ourselves from around us is a sign from Allah. He says, and we will show you signs upon the horizons and within your own selves".
With profound respect,
Sabnum
Name
Muna
-
Profession
Editor
Question
It seems that here in the East our faith has not evolved to take into cognisance recent insights and understanding into the human condition. The more religious say 'just pray, fast, give your zakat and you'll be alright.
The fact that you aren't alright means there's there's something wrong with you.'But sometimes it seems that these things are not enough.
Why doesn't the practise of our ibadat (worship) bring happiness to many?
If, as I do believe, Islam is a sublime way for both this life and the next, why are our eastern Muslim societies so torn apart with strife social iniquities and injustices and increasing psychological ills?
Answer
Dearest Muna,
Thank you for having the honesty to address this question. At the time of the Prophet SAW, especially in the early days, people prayed and fasted and gave because they knew with certainty that these ibadat were essential to their happiness and to wholesome life, not a duty performed emptily. And Allah says, there are some who when they pray, just bend their knees" - in other words:
No heart...
No meaning...
No presence...
No CONSCIOUSNESS...
When, in the East or in the West, we renew or realize our true nature by reminding ourselves that we have been created with the potential to be higher than the angels, i.e. higher than light itself, then we know that that energy can be directed positively to benefit ourselves, or negatively.
When we realize that what gets in the way is investing ourselves in objects or people and expecting them to fulfil what only He can fulfil, when we submit to our recognition of our limitations and His Transcendence, then we can truly brings our heads low into prostration, then we can truly give our money in recognition that that act of giving clears our hearts and enables us to rise beyond the dust or our material selves, and when we fast we are only putting into action with our bodies minds and hearts the knowledge that minimising outer inputs maximizes our receptivity to that inner knowledge which comes from Him.
When we do this for ourselves, and we can share this with others, then injustices and inequities become the grist for our common goal to improve our human condition for His sake.
I hope to be sharing some of this when I come to Pakistan in early March, in some workshops there!
Sabnum
Name
naseera
-
Profession
Question
Following on from my previous question...
What practical steps can one use to reach out to another individual in need of help, when they and the people around them are actually unaware that a problem exists?
I have had some exposure to working in this field and this may be why I was able to pick up on this problem. How then would you help someone who as a result is having depression include eating disorders, comfort shopping and indulgence, etc
Thank you very much for the opportunity to submit this and the previous question to you.
May Allah reward the work you do
Answer
Dear Naseera, many salams.
First of all, it sounds like you may be someone who is sensitive to the needs of others, and therefore your first amana is to be aware of protecting yourself.
Allah makes us love to help, and it is important to ensure that whatever situation you engage with, you are also able to disengage. please forgive me if this advice may not seem appropriate - it is just my concern for you.
Secondly, IF, you are sure about this, then I would raise it very tentatively with the person concerned, being that it is your concern rather than theirs i.e. making it very easy for them to say this is not the case.
I would start with one thing, possibly the smallest area of concern, and just see what they say. If they can accept it this is the first step.
If not, in addition, or if you feel this is inappropriate, then do your dhikr, fill your heart with love, be patient, trusting and offer love friendship and companionship. Try and engage them in useful regular activity, preferably with active. Don't put it across as something to help them, but simply as a good thing to do together - ie encourage.
Thirdly, if you are very concerned for their life, then you should share your concerns with a third party such as their family or if they are engaged with any welfare or mental health services professionals.
I hope this is of service, and may Allah protect you both,
Sabnum
Name
Khadija
-
Profession
Question
Salam,
I am going through a personal crisis right now and have been struggling for a while mentally without much improvement. My husband of five months left me, sitting with lack of work and depression. It came as a shock to me as I wasn't one of those dependant wives and I was doing all I could to make life comfortable for him.
Anyway, I have been praying to Allah regularly for my marriage to get back on solid footing again (difficult as we live on different continents and my husband refuses to communicate with me).
My question is this: I am quite confused about the psychological impact on my self - The more I feel my prayers are not answered, the lower I sink and more depressed I get.
I want to have hope in the Almighty but nothing seems to be changing my situation.
Is moving on and giving up on the marriage better for me mentally or is holding on to hope that Allah will answer my du`aa' and indeed one day `in sha'Allah, My husband will 'come back' to the marriage and me.
Answer
Dear Khadija,
You sound like someone who is being strong whilst at the same time fighting for her marriage and with inner doubts about yourself. When you say your husband left, it sounds like you don't believe his reasons - obviously I don't know the reality of the situation, and perhaps maybe you or he can not know yet either, but I do know that when any marriage is in trouble, often the impact is to question oneself, to doubt ones self worth, to wonder whether one did the right thing, was attractive enought etc. This is natural but it eats away at your energy and casts one into despair, and in despair, openings that Allah sends will be clouded over or maybe not seen.
So the answer is, hard as it is, to trust in Allah as much as you can, not beat yourself up over not being able to, and direct your prayers and your energy into seeing openings that you may not be expecting. Try to do your best in relation to your marriage - which may be ask yourself deep in your heart what is best for you both, to give yourselves some space for him to find him and you to find you. You can't control him but you can look after yourself.
Then you will be in a place where you are stronger to be able to give and receive - in whatever situation. Then you will see how Allah is there all the time, though you may not feel it. I encourage you with all my heart and I pray for you - sometimes we really do have to fight for our lives emtionally, and in sha'Allah I pray that you come through it with renewed love and faith and wisdom and happiness.
Sabnum
Name
UmmMuhammad
-
Profession
Question
Dear Sabnum
Jazaku Allahu Khayrun for your reply and insight for my question earlier, this is indeed a blessing from Allah T'ala that these services are offered from this website....
I would like to ask you to please clarify for me what you mean by "those who are spritual but have less investment with the technique" and please give me your opinion on such things as the "the law of attraction" which basically means that we have to raise our vibrational energy so that we can attract the good things into our lives that we wish for by affirming and behaving as if we deserve it and invite that type energy into our lives. By such statements as we tap on the points..... “Even though I feel poor and anxious about money, I deeply and completely accept these fears.
“Even though my mother taught me it was better to be poor, I love and accept her anyway.”
Again this is if there is within the Emotional Freedom Technique EFT or other energy based modalities that I mentioned earlier.... Again if it is first aknowleged that Everything is Possible only With the Will of Allah T'ala is that OK?
May Allah reward you for your help to all of us, Ameen.Ameen.
Answer
Dear Umm Mohammed,
Thank you for your dua`aa's and prayers - indeed, these are a form of energy which Allah replies to before we even ask, because within us those energies for healing exist.
What I meant is that it's good to get counsel from people who don't have an emotional attachment to EFT so are able to give you a more 'objective' viewpoint, one which is not clouded by their own desires. often it is not about the technique, but our own attachment to it that muddies the waters. So yes, if you remember that it is from Allah, truly, ongoingly, as a continuous process of purifying your intentions I believe that EFT is one of the better techniques.
The law of attraction tells us that He [Allah (SWT] will test us by our own methods" i.e whether we see that as a reflection of vibrational energy or because of the way we selectively perceive and label events (Islamically the khayal and wahm) that life confronts us with situations which are a unique mirror to us. That is His Perfect Justice. If you expect the best of Allah, of life, if you believe His mercy is greater than your fear or what you've been taught to believe, it can be overcome. The law of attraction fits into this.
In sha'Allah I hope this makes sense - I've tried to convey some very profound teachings in a short space.
Sabnum
Name
d'jamila
-
Profession
Question
Salam sister in Islam.
Thank you for providing this service, may Allah give you His best blessings.
Because of certain situations in my life I have been brought to my knees mentally and emotionally. I am praying fervently but there isn't a change.
What would be healthier mentally? Moving on and leaving this present hopeless situation OR continuing to pray and not letting go of hope in Allah's mercy?
I feel so low and depressed though I AM trying to do other things as well..
Answer
Dearest D'jamila,
I send you my prayers and hope that you will find your answer, the one that is right for you.
To find it, ask yourself which option is the most preferable to you? If there is one, let go of what you want, and ask again, opening your heart to Allah. there isn't one answer....but whatever you do, remember that Allah does not expect you to be passive or to be in situations which are unhealthy for you. Sometimes that means moving on - and sometimes that means changing.
You are doing the right thing by asking and by doing other things. Also ask people you trust who are in healthy wholesome situations for guidance, if you can or perhaps seek out some counselling - just to get some deeper reflection on your situation.
Remember, being stuck is only the prelude to change - in sha'Allah I pray your situation changes soon. protect your heart - it is precious,
Sabnum
Name
Muna
- Pakistan
Profession
Editor
Question
Thank you for your insights and meaningful answers. And thank you to this website for being so proactive and foresighted in organizing such webcasts. I look forward to your visit to Pakistan. We need to hear more of such wisdom. In the outward there is no end of problems and also solutions, but things only really change when people change themselves. We Muslims should not be afraid to change ourselves. SO why are we?
Answer
Dear Muna,
So true, things only change when we change ourselves. But we are all too human sometimes, and courage is only possible where there has been fear, and fear arises because mostly we hate uncertainty and the unknown and we hate the unknown and uncertainty because our ruh or soul knows absolute certainty, total peace and true knowledge - of Him. The lower aspect of us, the material aspect, is looking for this security, but in material things because we imagine that to be more real. The human being is an incredible combination of the two, and that is why she has the potential to be higher than the angels, because she can transform that matter into light, by choosing courage when one is fearful, or compassion when one is angry, and so on,
Sabnum
Name
Tahmina
- Pakistan
Profession
Question
Dear Sabnum, please could you this expand further, thank you so much.
'What is the relationship between the science of psychology and the experience of faith? Can psychology make sense of faith?
Or do the increasing number of faith-based counseling methods show a need for faith to inform psychology?
Answer
Dear Tammy,
This is an abbreviated version of my paper which responds to your questions I hope:
The question of the relationship between psychology and faith is an important one because it highlights contemporary society’s struggle with itself and its history to find its underlying truth.
Physical science, psychology and religion all tell us that perception is selective, often illusory - not the whole truth.
No matter how educated or priveleged, no matter what field, we have all been badly wrong. Freud got a lot right, but much has been said about him being misogynistic. How you see the world is dependent on many factors – culture, upbringing, genetics. And not just before, but NOW.
So can we never trust our reality? Psychology and the sciences are traditionally pitted against religion, but can we trust them? or even ourselves?
In different forms, the debate has gone on forever, with evidence proving and disproving everything.
Yet there's another way - to me this is the “Dark Night of the Soul”, from which, often there does come a profound understanding for many.
“The face of the Beloved appeared and shone in the early dawn.
His light pervaded my heart, so I prostrated myself in awe."
That ‘inward place’ is undeniable. Thousands, across religious divides, have witnessed this truth. It is the experience of faith, which becomes, to those who are transformed by it, knowledge, certainty; an experience which transcends other experiences, the ‘pearl of great price’.
Yet if we look at history, then it is clear that science has also offered religion much. Religion has had to come to terms with the discovery of Galileo, of ruthless questioning into the heart of anthropomorphic traditions which upheld man as God’s chosen. Because the promise of science is that it delivers objectivity, a window beyond that of the tyranny of faith, beyond the tyranny of serving one’s own interests or projections, fears or hopes.
Of course, science often serves its own nepotistic interests, is influenced by its paymasters and reflects the limitations of culture, our time and of thought itself. And this is where it gets interesting. Neuro-psychology has now developed beyond the realms of ‘what lights up where in the brain’ and is considering the issue of consciousness. Where is consciousness, and can we ever measure who we are objectively, when we are the one’s doing the measuring?
In the Academy of Self Knowledge, Shaykh Fadhlalla Haeri describes it thus:
“There is no great drama in it. Life is an infinite variety of resonances and consciousness, all inter-linked, interactive, interdependent and yet totally dependent on the One Source, which is beyond time and space. While all existence is contained in time and space it is yearning for its origin. That is worship; all yearning for permanence and perfection.”
And so we return to philosophy, or God, or both. The same openness which made scientists like Galileo question established wisdom, is the openness through which we can maybe return to faith with a new humility. The root of this is a recognition that Knowledge wherever it lies, and turning away from the shadow or illusion or Shaitan, is the quest. Faith and timeless revealed teachings have answers within them. They witness that perfect truth and beauty has only been seen from within, experientially rather than analytically, by those lovers of God or Unity or Pure Consciousness. It is in the poetry of Rumi, the teachings of St John of the Cross, the sayings of Buddha and the contemporary teachings of the Academy of Self Knowledge. Psychology, counselling, being transformed by faith and or science are processes of understanding ourselves, and finding solutions to those impossible questions of life.
If your child has been taken from you, or you despair of a world in which there has never been total peace, freedom from oppression or deceit, how do you make sense of that? You are, by nature, by design, trying to make sense of it, and the sense you are making of it is guided by divine psychology.
Despite our apparent failure, within us all, there remains a longing for a complete truth. Cynicism and despair have not overtaken us so that the thirst for knowledge for a unifying theory, for truth and beauty in our world, has been relinquished. In the Islamic wisdom of the self, this happens because we are both ruh, souls, with the breath of the divine, and nafs, self, matter, aspiring to that. The journey of life, its purpose, is to discover who we really are, and the price of that is letting go of our attachment, what we most love, the idols in the kaaba of the heart.
How else does one hear and respond to what has been glibly called the ’ups and downs’ of life? How else does one make sense of fleeting joy and wrist-cutting sadness against an inner knowledge that only absolute pure total contentment for ever will suffice?
Deep in the jungle of our very own selves, we instinctively know there is a truth. We are the final referees of our selves, the ultimate witnessers, at least in this world, of what it all means. If we decide with our free will, that fatalism is the answer, that too is a choice. And if we believe in the theory of relativity, that too is a choice. But deep in the jungle, of our senses and of our clutching at convictions, when once transformation occurs, it is what our lives are dedicated to,. We know the truth is important, that it is both in here and out there. Religion and psychology both describe this. Whether we are talking about the names of god or the more pejorative used term of labeling, both are powerful tools in our armoury in the battle for our selves. We take on these tools because they describe(albeit inadequately) truths that we long for, that serve to describe reality which is beyond the reach of our very selves, and which we yet aspire to. In this struggle, in this meeting of psychology and faith and everything, is the answer. It is a process designed by the Ultimate Designer, in which ‘there are signs within the horizons and within our own selves”.
The journey of doubt brings me to this point of certainty: That our perception is inevitably limited. So therefore is ‘our’ psychology or religion. Yet our longing is for sustainable and total truth. Where do we then find it? In both/ in the process – why?
Because limitations exist within ourselves, so our conception of the world to is limited the limitations we experience contrast with, and are defined by an inner quest for perfection and purity.
We are a limited self, seeking our perfect soul. The interaction between the two is life, the dance between matter and antimatter, between movement and stillness, between mind and heart.
What that means for psychology and religion is there is no consensus on reality. What is important is our ever-living consciousness – the state of our ‘self’ in each moment, our inner and outer evolution to knowledge. That is why the sacred teachings say the moment is forever. Consciousness is it, now, at our death, in times of happiness and grief. A person who is bereaved may not need a counsellor and they may not need a priest, but at one point, at some moment, they can not help but follow the call of their own hearts to ask what is it that hurts me? Who doesn’t ask where am I going? What does it mean? Who hasn’t called out what have I done to deserve this what am i doing that is so wrong? That is not something which everyone can respond to, respond not necessarily by words, but by the connection at that level, by the non-denial of that reality, by confirmation that that angst is real, and that it is an aspect of divine love. Not spoken by the therapist, necessarily. Maybe. But not necessarily, but understood, felt in the room, in the ether. This is not just through emotional development, but holding the hand of someone who hears someone’s alienation from their true self, their soul. The human being’s alienation from themselves, their intrinsic capacity both to doubt and have faith, can resolved by the counsellor who does not distort that truth in their intentions or practice, and who ‘doesn’t get in the way’ of divine grace. Seeing yourself allows worship to be possible, but knowing the self is possible only through God. It is not so much what the counsellor does, as what the counsellor allows to happen. That takes faith, love, skill and humility.
Islam speaks of God’s nature as Tawhid, of unity, of the dynamic of separation and gatheredness, these intrinsic majestic realities or forces which exist through us and in us, osmotically. Faith or whatever is the practice of moving between these two worlds consciously, so that the recognition is a constant worship, a thrilling and ever-present “witnessing of perfection
Name
ummMuhammed
-
Profession
Question
Dear Sister what you said below really sums up so much of what I also believe...thank you for being so honest and sincere .....
Allah does guide us but we must be sincere in letting His guidance into our lives by following his Qur'an and Sunnah of our Prophet (SAW) for he was a light and mercy to the universe....
Read the biography of Rasullul Allah that helped me to realize how to implement many parts of my religion better by understanding by seing his actions which were a transalation of the Qur'anic concepts.... I write this for those who like myself are struggling to make meaning of our religious duties and find withing that the ultimate Happiness which only Allah can give and InshAllah He will if we are sincere deep in our hearts and forgive and love/help others and ourselves,,,
Sabnum wrote:
"Ask and come to know oneself better, how we can not control our breath, our living our dying, and yet have the capacity to transcend our limitations and perform incredible acts of sincerity and humility and love and courage?
To ask ourselves this and to keep answering is dhikr, remembering God, knowing that He created us in this way. Allah (SWT) says, and truly in remembrance do hearts find contentment.
...And if then, with an overflowing heart, you do something (extra) for one of Allah's creation without obligation or expectation. And then keep doing it, the world will be a better place.
Everything that touches us within ourselves from around us is a sign from Allah. He says, and we will show you signs upon the horizons and within your own selves".
Answer
Thankyou so much for your feedback.
"And He has united their (i.e. believers') hearts. If you had spent all that is in the earth, you could not have united their hearts, but Allâh has united them" (Al-Anfal 8: 63).
Certainly He is All-Mighty, All-Wise.
And I believe with all my heart that it is through love and sincerity and knowing that whatever good there is it is from Allah, and that from that gratitude comes even more happiness!
Ma salam,
Sabnum
Name
sara
-
Profession
Question
As salam `alaykum
How can psychology help with being a happy Muslim ?
Jazakallah wa khayrun
Answer
Dear Sara,
Psychology is the science of people trying to understand themselves, and understanding oneself is on the road to being in sha'Allah happy, in sha'Allah knowing Allah, in sha'Allah worshipping Allah genuinely.
Recently there's been a movement in psychology to focus more on well being rather than illness, the psychology of happiness if you like, and it tells us scientifically interesting things e.g. happiness is not necessarily about having more, but about service. So knowing ourselves as individual and collectively helps us to carry out our ibadat with intellectual knowledge as well as faith and love, in sha'Allah. it is all about searching, and following The Compeller..
Sabnum
Name
Rasha
-
Profession
Question
Salam. Thanks for this good session.
I suffer with a disorder? All the time I suspect people around me? Many times I follow my feelings that may come true. How can I trust the other more than that?
Any solution?
Answer
As salamu `alaykum Rasha,
What is important is to recognize that one can see the world through different lenses. If you use the lens of suspicion, then that will be confirmed back to you. I know there is hope for you because you recognize it. Look hard for what is good. Focus on what is rational.
It could be that it would be good to get an assessment from the doctor - find someone you feel reasonably OK with and go from there.
May Allah protect you,
Ma salam,
Sabnum
Name
Ayesha
- United Kingdom
Profession
full-time home person
Question
Salams to you and may Allah bless you!
I have no questions but I'm thrilled by the forum. Thank you for doing this!
Answer
Thankyou!
Name
Said
- Australia
Profession
business owner
Question
I often wonder how is it I think of God every day and I know what I need to do; yet I always have an excuse for not doing what needs to be done in terms of my own spiritual development.
Answer
Dear Said,
Postponing things is because we know Allah's Love is ever-present and generous, and because we are more fearful of material reality because it seems and sometimes is more concrete. It's always hard to change sometimes because we don't want to let go of things we're attached to, or sometimes identities we're attached to e.g.
I'm not one of those religious people,
or
I'm a laid back guy,
or
I'm such a kind person
But if you don't appreciate me I am devastated.
Yet the best thing to be for ourselves and for ourlives is to be open to each moment, present in what it has to offer. Allah says, the believers they do not fear, nor do they grieve, meaning they are not fearing the future, nor caught up in grief over the past.
Go for it! Do the right thing for you and enjoy! Don't wait another second - after all, it's all about living as fully and as deeply as you can, and what other way is there except to be in tune with what you were created for.
Ma salaam,
Sabnum
Name
Narjis
- United States
Profession
Question
As salamu `alaykum dearest Shabnum
When there is so much inner pain, and a person cannot seem to be even 'hearing' the words of counsel, who is not available to even absorb the Love, the Ever-Patient...who is it not availble for them to calmly pray together...how could I, and with what words would it be the easiest to come to this person as a friend;
Is there a time that the inner pain locks the inner light?
Answer
`Alaykum was salam Narjis,
Yes, sometimes that is true, as Allah says there are hearts that are harder than stone, and there comes a point when someone is impossible to reach. Yet in my experience I have made this assessment, but against my own judgement, let go of the outcome, done my best, grateful that I had no option than to do it for Allah's sake (no outer reward of success was apparent) and seen that change has happened, and people have transformed. In the end, all you can do is do your best, and Allah says whatever good you do it is for your own selves. I have no doubt that these clients were sent for my benefit, and Allah knows what was there for them.
It's a great test when people don't respond.
Sabnum
PS I believe though, that there must be some light within, else they would not be alive!
Name
Khadija
-
Profession
Question
Thank you for your response. May Allah bless you.
It was very helpful and I will try to overcome my feelings of confusion and shock (as my husband and I were getting along FINE. With him ending things it was like completely out of the blue.
Al hamdu lillah, I do have a part time job and I do struggle to get to it every morning, but I am trying.
Again, thank you for your response, it was absolutely insightful.
Answer
Thankyou so much, and God bless you
In peace
Sabnum
Name
Amina
-
Profession
Question
As salamu `alaykum
How can I help my husband with his impotency?
We are married for a few years now and there is no amelioration.
I feel sad sometimes, things are not going to change and time is passing by so quickly.
What can I do to feel much happier in my marriage ?
Al hamdu lillah ....
Thank you very much
Answer
Dear Amina,
I am so sorry - it's very hard to be in this situation - but thank God, there are services available to help which you can access via your doctor. It's not my speciality, but I would speak to the doctor yourself first if you think your husband will be embarrassed.
What is also important is to know that sex is so much about the mind. It is about connecting and uniting physically, which is a metaphor of our inner desire for oneness, for Tawhid.
In addition to the above, read Qur'an with meaning, and enjoy what life has given you in terms of companionship (both friends and partner.) Sometime we miss what there is because of what there isn't, and then when it goes, we realise.
I recommend Keys to the Qur'an by Shaykh Fadhlalla Haeri (Tafsir) and translations by Mohammed Ali and Aisha Bewley.
With many prayers for your success and happiness,
Sabnum
Name
wormy
-
Profession
student
Question
As salamu `alaykum.
My question to you is that for the past three years I have suffered from an eating disorder- it was, in fact it is, pretty serious.
I went into major depression and adopted the suicidal mindset. However, Allah (SWT), the most high, the most great, ALHAMDULLILAH, turned my heart.
In January of last year, I literally became ALIVE- like a whole new picture. However, my eating disorder turned my world into black or white, perfection or nothing- and this is why I try to strengthen my faith, and will go days on end of praying VERY WELL, an open heart, helping others, collecting good deed after good deed, but then I will go into days of not doing my salat, watching vulgar TV shows, doing evil things...
the more I do the latter the worse my condition gets and the harder it is to REPENT AGAIN and revert once again... I feel as if I am a goner... I do LOVE ALLAH BUT...?!
Answer
As salamu `alaykum dear sister or brother,
In life, Allah gives us never ending tests, always changing! The fact that you overcame your eating disorder is a great testament to you and blessing from him. it sounds like you recognise what is going on and what you need! As you know, your test is about control, about seeing that perffection is never achievable, basking in seeing it and loving yourself, being Ok with your ups and downs, accepting them, and seeing each moment as a chance to be totally and blissfully human. You have good and bad in you, like everyone, and bad is a route to good. Try and make the swings less extreme, be grateful, don't be too 'religious' and don't judge yourself too much because you know you are someone who does that too much. In other words, aim for the middle, be a person of the middle path,
In peace,
Sabnum
Name
Editor
-
Profession
Question
Finally, we would like to thank Sabnum Dharamsi for taking the time to answer the questions of Islamonline viewers today, and we also thank all those who participated in this dialogue. We apologize for not being able to accommodate all the questions within the time allocated to this session. Look out for upcoming sessions…
Answer
Thank you for this wonderful opportunity to speak with people of such sincerity,
