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Yours,
IOL Homepage Editor
Name
Ahmed
- Egypt
Profession
Question
I lost most of my family's money in the Egyptian stock market. Alhamdolellah I believe it all happened by the Will of Allah SWT. The problem is that I used to gain a lot of profits for my family from the stock market, but due to the financial crisis and that I moved to another job that I like, but takes most of my time, my losses doubled. My family thinks that I was selfish for choosing the job I like without paying consideration to my family's interests, adding that I'm facing more pressures now both inside the family (private matters) and at work, I feel so exhausted and depressed. any advice?
Answer
Assalam Alaykum Ahmed,
Break this down into three parts, or problems.
1. First problem: solve the immediate financial situation. Forget about the money that is gone and look at your present needs. Develop a survival strategy for now. This may mean taking a second job. It may mean not buying anything except for the absolute necessities.
1. The issues of getting the support from your family is special. One should pick the work that they do by pray, and faith in Allah. If Allah has guided you to do this work, then I suggest that you stay right where you are. If you have found work that you can feel passion for, and you are inspired by it, then this will most likely position you for more success in the long run. I am not convinced that a man has an obligation to meet all the expectations and interests of his family. He does have an obligation to do his best to provide for food, clothing, shelter, guidance and love. Sometime, if one is to follow the passion that Allah has guided them too, one must also take a second job for a while, and the family can support this by helping out at home. There are ways to stay connected when you cannot be home as you would like to be as well. Especially with technology. I strongly suggest that families should have a weekly family night. An opportunity to discuss Allah, and His guidance, to read some Qruan and Hadith, and to talk about the family goals, and to take not of the real needs. Then you have an opportunity to problem solve with your spouse at a later time. This weekly family night should have some fun built into it, and should foster some relaxation and bonding. Don't worry about if your family thinks you are selfish, worry about what Allah thinks. And if you spend this time with your family, then this might open up the communication with them, so that they can see you are being responsible toward them, but you are also serving Allah....they will respect you for this and learn a great life lesson for it. You will become their example of a man who follows the guidance of Allah.
3. The exhaustion and depression will be lessoned if your worry about your family's unhappiness is relived. Take a weekend if at all possible and communicate this to your spouse. Let you know that you need her to be especially patient and to organize the household in such a way as to support your "mission". Yes, the work that you do is a mission for Allah. If things get turned around, and you are getting support from your family, and you are seeing both family life and the "mission" in a more wholistic way, you wont feel so tired. They need to take care of you so that you can do this work and take care of them. Many families are forgetting this formula. If you can see how they are a part of this "Mission" by offering you the support you need to be successful, they might be more interested in seeing the bigger picture.
Meanwhile, we don't need new clothes, and we don't need new toys. We can learn how to use our talents and grow. Start by communicating YOUR needs to your spouse, and by organizing your family into a team. If you gain their support, your depression will likely life. You might be surprised how many hours you can work, and enjoy that work if you do not have these emotional stressor taking your energy.
Let me know how this goes. Let me know how communicating your needs to your spouse goes and if you are able to get you family on board with your mission.
Salam
Maryam Bachmeier Psy.D
Name
LARO
- Nigeria
Profession
Question
in an honest assesment what is the real courses of the global financial crisis or melt down?can you sheld more light on the issue?i need an unbiased anlysis on the issue and the way out.
Answer
Assalam Alykum Laro,
That is really a question for a financial analyst. I cannot predict the course of events, but it is obvious that the globe is experiencing this "melt down" collectively.
My opinion for the "way out" is different that most. Many are looking at this from a financial strategic and/or political perspective. I say that is where we have gone, time and time again for the solution, only to repeat history.
What I see as a solution is expendably simple, so simple, no one seems to believe in it. Uncomplicated things.... Bing your used clothes to work...share them... cook for another person for yourself and share ... have town hall meetings and connect with each other to see how you neighborhood or local community can combine resources... car share... have potlucks... organize from the grass roots...and let go the need to appear "successful". focus more on community, unity and developing an interdependent Islamic Global community... by focusing at the grass roots and actually doing simple little things. Let's go out Gym memberships and go on walks with friends... Get the point? Its too simple. No heroics... No one is "special"... we are all family... we will survive and even thrive if we follow some basic time proven principles. If you read your history books, and read between the lines, every people who have thrived organized themselves on all levels beginning with their immediate family, then local communities, the used the principles of interdependency, and they prospered. It doesn't matter if the whole worlds is experiencing an economic collapse, when people work together, with faith from Allah, and put their faith in Allah and are guided by Allah, then they prosper as a people. You have to un brainwash yourself and stop thinking that you need to "be someone" ... just be you and love your neighbor as yourself. Unbranwash yourself, you dont need a "career"...we need to do the work that Allah would have us do, for the sake of Allah. Unbrainwash yourself, what is success? If your clothes keep you protected from the elements, and you have roof that protects you from the elements, and you have food and water, and you have love and relationship, then you have what you need. We can all have those things if we shift our focus.
Salam
Maryam Bachmeier PsyD
Name
Dalia
-
Profession
Question
My husband is suffering a lot due to the global economic crisis and he is threatened to be fired from his work. this is affecting all of us in the family, what can I do?
Answer
Assalam Alaykum Dalia,
First pray. And let your husband know that you know that all provision comes from Allah. Allah will provide. Let him now that you believe in him no matter what happens. Is he being threatened to be fired or laid off? If he has not been performing adequately at work, this might be due to his suffering these worries. You can help by offering support. If the that is for a lay off, then that might not be as easy to solve. But preparing to seek work at another job now would be very wise. Also getting connected with family now, and setting up an "Emergency survival plan" would also be wise. This will help reduce the anxiety as well. You will need access to food and water and shelter. make sure you know where to go for assistance now, so that if the need arises, you have that assistance. Many families practice food storage to prepare for these kinds of situations as well. If you have the means now, buy extra nonperishable foods for when times get hard. Meanwhile, keep up on your prayers, know that Allah is our Rabb, and let your husband know that you support him now matter what happens. These hard times will pass. They are a test and will help us grow spiritually.
Salam
Maryam Bachmeier PsyD
Name
Fatima
-
Profession
Question
Dear Scholar
Assalamu alaykum.
I have the following questions:
1) In special circumstances when I have to join Zuhor & Asr prayers together - Do I have to make niyat for qadah Zuhor prayer if praying at Asr time.
2) If I have joined Zuhor and Asr prayer together as I may be traveling but then get home in time for Asr - do I have to pray Asr again.
3) I am a re-born Muslim, do I have to make up for all the prayers & fasting I have not done before? I have been to hajj and done many sets of qadah prayers in Masjid Haram which I am told are equal to 100,000 for each prayer. Will this then make up for the missed prayers when I did not practice islam.
Answer
Assalam ALaykum Fatima,
These are all great questions. Please submit them to our scholars. They are very knowledgeable in these areas and can answer better than I.
