It is a fact that throughout the phase of teens and early youth the person tends to spend more time and hang around friends from the same age. The point is that this idea of "same age" is no longer taken as simple company to spend nice time with... but friends are becoming one's refrence.
Family (mother and father, along with extended family parents... grandmother or grandfather) are no longer reference for code of ethics or simbol of wisdom resulting out of long experience with the nature of this life...
This idea is highly reflected through different media channels, specially movies.
On the contrary, the media usually reflects a "young friend" to be much wiser than an "old fashioned" mother or father, who would "not know much" about today's life. Thus, our youth simply go after and imitate the media model presented to them, which does dragg them away from the path of wisdom in so many essential moments of their lives.
I would like to know your reflections on this idea and what are your suggestions to accomplish the long lost respected image of parents as a safe reference to go back to in time of crisis.
Answer
This is the question that has troubled parents since Adam and Eve. Our first parents didn't have the media, but teenagers always want to "cut strings" and sever the ties of family--to be on their own. The problem is, of course, what do they choose instead of parents as role models? The media typically do not provide these models, but they also do not show reality -- tell the truth. Perhaps your youth would listen to you as you point out those media cases, stories, where the negative consequences are not shown--or are distorted--and ask your youth about it. One phrase that has worked for me as a parent was to tell my sons, "When you pick up one end of the stick you pick up all of it." Meaning, the decision has consequences, so where will your decision lead -- what are the possible consequences?
Name
Mona
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Profession
Question
In an increasingly anti-family environment , what do you think is the best way to minimize the negative effect of media on our children? Internet safety programs are not effective enough, banning the TV completely is almost impossible, the magazines and their sexual nature are almost in each and every house .... what can be done?
Answer
Please consider getting the book, or checking it out of the library, Ted Baehr "The Media-Wise Family."
For specific suggestions for protecting your loved ones from pornograhy, look at the suggestions found on:
http://www.providentliving.org/content/display/0,11666,5302-1-2769-1,00.html
Also, the book "The Drug of the New Millenium" by Kastleman has very good suggestions.
I hope this helps.
Name
ART
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Profession
Question
Dear Gale, there are many theories discussing the influence of the media on the individual and social levels; some of these theories admit and emphasis its great influences others refuse these assumptions and consider the other social, political and the cultural contexts. In the light of that how can you evaluate the influence of the media on the family issues?
Answer
I am less interested in the theories and am focused on the consequences that we can, and have measured. There are studies that show strong negative influences of media. Where media have encouraged crime and other distructive behavior. There are those who value personal freedom over all else. These are they who refuse to accept the fact that media should have standards or some form of control.
What is interesting is the fact that when we try to hold a producer, director accountable for negative content, they provide a series of excuses. For me, the existence of an excuse is evidence that the invidual providing it is aware of higher behavior -- otherwise why the excuse.
As the paper I presented in Doha is available this my response may be clearer.
Name
Hameed
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Profession
Question
Dear Dr Gale,
Can you explain how the explicit sexual and violent scenes shown on TV affect the moral and spiritual calibre of our children? Also tell us about some effective remedies. Thanks in advance.
Answer
There are multiple studies in the USA that show that both explicit violence and sexual scenes actually release chemicals in the brain that can cause addiction. In fact, recent studies suggest that powerful media (media with shocking scenes, etc.) can cause involuntary, predictable responses. That is, media may have the ability to abridge our agency—have an influence over us that we cannot control. Another study reported this summer showed that teen exposure to sexually explicit content was directly and powerfully linked to early sexual behavior. In this study it made no difference if the exposure was explicitly visual or just spoken. Sexually explicit words, dialog, evidently had the same negative influence.
Name
Mustafa
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Profession
Question
In your opinion what are the worst effects of Media on modern family life?
Answer
The portrayal of violence, sex and other selfish and distructive behaviors -- these typically without haveing any negative consequences.
Name
Ahmad
- United Arab Emirates
Profession
Question
Hello Dr Gale,
Is there any way of influencing at least the governments of the Arab states, (which profess to have an Islamic leaning) to use an effective censorship over the overly sexual and violent scenes shown on TV? What can be done in this regard?
Answer
While you certainly can try to influence government officials, especially where they are elected to office, it may be more effective to complain to any sponsor, any business advertising on a channel where offensive material appears. Also, the owners of channels can be influenced by the opinions of their viewers. I know of one instance where a single letter sent to a television station removed advertisements seen to be offensive.
Name
Hawa -matu
- Antigua and Barbuda
Profession
Educationalist
Question
A warm welcome to you Mr. Gale.
It is an interesting alternative that you are presentting, and it is on ei.e. 'Story-Telling' that from experience I understand has the power to to offer much more in terms of imagination, self-understanding, problem-solving and the sharing experience to say the least, but, unless one has been brought up in that tradition, in general I would assume there would be great difficulty in projecting it as an interesting alternative. Mpdern media as the luxury of no effort. Just sit and absord in fact do not think. How can one encourage others to swing from one position to another? Can you tell me an exmaple?
Answer
You are very observant. We tend to use the media to ‘relax’ to, as a sort of “adult pacifier.” I am hopeful that the truth of stories, and the closeness of a story –it is about grandfather, my great aunt, etc. will engage the family members. Human interest is the magnet of the current television “talk shows” that we might use by telling our own stories. But your point is well taken, and we don’t intend to compete with powerful media budgets, only in the truth of the story told.
Name
Selma
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Profession
Question
Parents are often portrayed as bumbling idiots in media, tv etc but the reality is that often they are. Society doesn't seem to be training people on how to be effective parents. Perhaps the media can be used in an attempt to upgrade people's parenting skills. Perhaps the answer is not in boycotting the media but utilizing it more effectively like the new Islamic TV network just opened in the US. What is your opinion about all that?
Answer
I believe that multiple approaches are needed. You are right, children do not come with "owner's manuals" but parental love, patience and selflessness goes a long ways towards helping children. Also, a parent saying they're sorry when they make a mistake can be healthy.
Yes, I agree that creating programs that demonstrate parenting skills and wisdom would be a great help!
Name
Bashir
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Profession
Question
What do you think Dr are the best tools , strategies to promote a family-friendly society, that really respects the morals and values of Marriage and marital life?
Answer
I cannot change "society" directly, but I can change myself--and I may be able to influence my wife and children. This is where it starts.
For me the key is selflessness. It is hard to help others see this. Too many in our society value personal freedom at the expense of all else. In essence, they value selfishness over the welfare of all others. If we could all understand that relationships can only be built on sincere service to others -- not on taking from others; if we could understand that we each have moral choices--that we CAN choose--that this priviledge is God-given; and that we are all accountable for our choices, then we will become a moral society. Too many of us choose self over others.
Name
....
- Denmark
Profession
......
Question
salam alykom..do you think that it is advisable to stop watching western TV which only gives the 'wrong' ideas?
Answer
That is a good solution for some settings. Another would be to very carefully select any programs watched, and to change the channel if the program is not what you thought it was.
A problem with getting rid of a television set, or not watching it, is that your children and youth have friends who own televisions, rent video tapes, DVD's, etc.. So we need to teach our children to be selective and to choose wisely. Ted Baehr's book, "The Media-Wise Family" has excellent suggestions along this line.
