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Name
Samir
-
Profession
Question
Living in the west is a big challenge but having teenagers makes the issue more complex.
What advice would you give a mother of a teenage girl and a teenage son living in the UK?
Answer
Assalam 'alaikym:
No society these days can claim to be mono-cultural or mono-faith.
So life in general pause some difficulties or challenges to families, and especially parents of young children and teenagers.
This is particularly so in the West, ie Europe and America.
And maybe this is more so since the 11th of September 2001.
The importance of understanding the requirements of living in a multi-cultural society:
Understanding one’s own culture
Understanding the culture (s) of the society (not stereotypes)
To able to live with “others”
In dealing with parenting, one has to be more specific about the issues.
Tell me what is the issue, who is the teenage girl, so that we can be more specific sister.
Name
Om Abdullah
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Profession
Question
How is it possible to help our kids (11-14 yrs old ) to overcome the feeling of inferiority , due to the peer pressure around them, teasing , mocking ..whenever the kids are praying or talking about islamic celebrities.
Answer
Assalam 'alaykum sister Om Abdullah,
This is a very important question as it is related to the child’s self-esteem and self confidence. Self-esteem is usually built on a daily basis, and from an early age, by being positive and supportive to the child, by celebrating his or her achievements.
Whatever self confidence the child learns from home, he or she will carry over outside the family.
Live with children and talk to them on a daily basis. Get to know them well, and always open dialogue with them.
Name
sister
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Profession
Question
Salaams
My daughter has received a propsal form a religous guy. His parents want him to marry told us that my daughter may get a hard time from his family but he will do all that he can to someone of their choice and althoug they are both British-born and of the same origin. His parents however would rather like him to marry someone from back home in Pakistan. He has protect her. He is afraid that there will be tensions.I don't want my daugther to marry him although they are both religous and comaptible in other ways,I fear my child will be despised by her inlaws and there will be tension in her marriage. In addition to that my daughter is very thin ,he told her to gain wieght or he gain wieght or he may not marry her! I find this shallow and unfair and my daughter has told him that she only wants a husband who can accept her for what she is. She has told him that this is unfair and shallow but its his wish. Should we go ahead with this marriage given the situation? They have both prayed istikhara and have good felings but will continue to pray it.
Jazak alalh Khyran
Answer
Thank you sister. It is a common issu from real life.
There is no right or wrong answer in these matters, but one try to do best answer.
The man has to show that he is living the type of life HE wants with HIS future wife, not necessary how his family wants to live.
My feeling is not to rush to a conclusion, but observe this family more, and ask about it. Trust your gut feeling is this matter.
Name
Abu Yousef
- Iceland
Profession
Manager
Question
Dear brother..
Is it allowed for us to use candles and christmass trees at christmass while at the same time raising our kids in that this is just a free day and have no connection to Jesus pbuh?
Answer
Thank you.
It is not easy to live in a non Islamic country, and in the same time not noticing the occasions like Christmas, but this is a opportunity to highlight some of the differences between Muslims and non-Muslims, and to support our children’s Islamic identity.
Generally I will feel comfortable just taking notes of the occasion, and maybe wishing our neighbors and friends happy season, without doing any thing to do with Christmas.
Name
Ahmed
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Profession
Question
Is it adviceable to stay in an European country although seeing your kids are too badly effected by the western environment music, dating, drugs? Or shall I make a dramatic change and go back to my middle eastern country, where i Know they will have difficulty to adapt to life?
Answer
The difference between the East and the West is not so huge these days!
I know a lot of families who have so much trouble although they live in the East, and the same families living in the West.
No matter where you live, make sure that you are doing the right things in relation to parenting, and your relations as a family.
In a very exceptional situations I would advice families to move land, city or country.
Name
Umm
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Profession
Question
How do you keep your child away from the main stream culture of the western world and maintain an Islamic one? Is it possible when these kids come in contact daily with this?
Answer
For some time some Muslim communities thought that they could live in a society but without actually living in that society. For example living in England but have nothing or very little to do with the British society.
Muslims have to have a sense of belonging wherever they live, otherwise they will not be able to chare what they have with others, and others will not have the opportunity to see what Islam could offer them.
Muslims have to integrate. Integration does not mean to loos your own identity.
When Muslims are asked whether they are British or Muslims?!
Or are you American or Muslims?
Are you French of Muslims?
Wrong questions, inevitably will give wrong answers.
You can be both in the same time, and is why we should talk about multiple identities, and not a single identity.
Every child or adult could have the following:
1- Religious identity, in our case Muslim
2- Ethnic identity, like from Arabic origin, or Turkish, of Indian… so on cultural issues you might like to live following the culture of your origin or the origin of you for-fathers.
3- Social identity, reflecting the society you are living in, and accepting the norm of that society>
Although, like anyone else in that society you don’t have to approve or accept every thing in that society. so you can reject whatever contradict the teaching of Islam no matter what society you are living in.
This concept of multiple-identity will help the Muslims to integrate and in the same time preserve their identities.
They could be Muslims and British or Turkish or Indians, or Nigerians…
That is why we are not talking just about Muslims in Europe, but Muslims of Europe.
Name
ummu muhammad
- United States
Profession
housewife
Question
As-salaamu alaikum,jazaakumllah for the help,
I'm mother of two I wanted my 3 years old to memorize the whole quran and to learn the arabic laguage, I thaught if I get him to that I'll be able to fullfill my duty especially that I quit my job to look after him and his 7months old sister, but I started with him when he was a baby up tp now he only memorize few suras and he knows the arabic alphbet I get upset that he speaks english more than arabic because his father is native of english language,what can i do to speed up his learning of the quran speciallyhe wopuldn't learn it with anyone else exceplt me at this age, may Allah reward you, wa as-salaam..
Answer
Thank you Sister,
And may Allah reward you for the real Jehad you are doing with the family and the children.
I can see how anxious you are to teach him all of that, but it is maybe better to go at the speed of the child, otherwise we might end up with some emotional or behavioral difficulties.
Please don’t mind that he speaks English since his father speaks the language.
Remember sister that 80% of Muslims are non Arabic speaking Muslims.
I think talking to or with his father in whatever language is more important than anything else. Just do your best, teach him at his speed and let him ENJOY all of that.
Name
shareefah
- United States
Profession
mother-student
Question
As-salaamu alaikum,
may Allah reward you all for the help and advice: My question is :
I have worked in one of the Islamic schools in the United States and I have noticed that the children are not getting the quality education as the other in the public schools. In addition to that these schools have a number of non muslim student and others who are Muslims and their parents are far off from practicing Islam ,and witnessed that parents who are practicing and want to keep their children in an Islamic envirment are loosing a lot because they don't know what's going on in these schools, in which only few teachers wear hijab permenantly. Adding to that some kids were caught dealing with drugs and others smoking and others trying to have sex in bathrooms. All that as results of the poor qualifications of the staff and the lack of *ashshoorah*( consultation) between the principal and the staff members on the other hand some teachers had to resign because of those problem.My concern how we can take our children to an islamic school in which they aren't getting any thing but destroyed in the name of islamic envirment.
Jazaakumllah
Answer
I agree with you observation as I have visited Islamic schools in Europe and USA.
There are many difficulties or challenges facing “Islamic Schools” and we know some of the reasons:
*Under funded.
*Many teachers are not properly trained.
*The Management is not properly qualified.
*Lack of suitable syllabus.
Some schools take the children who are expelled form the national non Islamic schools.
This does not mean to abandon these schools, but I am calling all concerned to look seriously into our schools.
Unless we review the function and resources, material and psychological and training, we will continue to have all the difficulties you have mentioned in the question.
Name
Mother of 3 daughters
-
Profession
Question
How are we - at the beginning of the new school year going to prepare our girls here in France ?? Surely you know the dilemma we are going through.
How can we prepare them for all the difficulties thery are going to face , given that my girls are not willing at all to take the hijab off.
They told me yesterday they would rather die than taking it off. Now What shall I do?
Answer
This is not an easy subject, particularly soon dissensions have to be made.
First acknowledge with the children the difficult situation we are all in, talk about it.
Look at what FATWAHS have been issued by the scholars (Ulama’) like the European Council for Iftah’ and Research.
See which of these Fatwahs you feel comfortable with, and follow it.
I don’t know if the Muslims in France are talking about boycotting all schools, and see if this will bring some results. May be the Muslim community has to sacrifice an academic year at schools, but in the same time work harder to give their children the right education.
If the children are over 12 or 13, maybe they could remove the hijab just at the entrance to the school, and then put it on when out. If they are under that age, then Shria’a does not require them to have the hijab.
Wallahu Alam.
Name
Kurt
- Canada
Profession
Full Time Dad
Question
Assalaamu alaikum,
I'm a revert to Islam. I have a unique situation where I'm a stay-at-father who cares for his children while my wife works. I find this new lifestyle difficult and there is lots to learn. How can I better raise my chilren in the Islamic way? Should I enroll them in Islamic school when they come of age or is there certian things I can do to ensure they will become good Muslim men?
Thanks for your help..
Answer
Thank you brother for the question, and may Allah help you with the change of style of life, first to Islam, and then with the house work. This last bit is becoming more frequent as with the modern change of life style.
Maybe you could read one of the previous question about Islamic School.
I would not say that Islamic school is the main way. I think what you can give them at home :both love and discipline, and teaching of Islam would be sufficient.
Just spent time with them, reading, talking, playing, laughing and maybe crying, and then send them to any school, and with the help of Allah they should fine.
