How serious is the issue of domestic violence? In the Muslim community?
Answer
It is a very serious problem. It effects individuals, families and the social system. It is also a problem that is hard to contain.
It is a problem that crosses all barriers regardless of race, culture, sex and seems to pertain to not only one population.
The average of reported cases is 13-17% of the population. The majority of those that reported are women. It is very hard to report the figures of men who experience domestic violence simply because it is harder for men to report that they have been the victim of domestic violence from women.
In terms of the Muslim community, I've personally found that the incidence of the reported cases is the same as the general population.
Name
Khalid
- United States
Profession
Question
This is obviously immeasurable, but what percentage of domestic violence do you believe goes unreported?
Answer
It is really impossible to tell, but I would image it is another 15-20% of the population has been involved in domestic violence.
Name
Khadijah
- United States
Profession
Question
From your experiences, what are the main causes of domestic violence?
Answer
Again, speaking from my own experience, the person who is violent in a relationship is suffering from a lot of pent up anger and frustration.
We are going to talk about the batterer as "he" because that is how the majority of cases go. Of course, there are always some men that are being abused, but they seem to always be the minority.
Another factor is that the batterer also has an inablility to deal with day-to-day disappointment. Another factor is that they are often isolated from society and especially the victim is isolated from her close family. This seems to be a very prevalent factor.
Since the domestic violence issue involves at least two parties, there has to be a batterer and a victim. What that means is that so long as there is a victim who is willing to take the abuse that they face from the batterer, the abuse will continue.
Another factor that I have encountered from dealing with victims is that the batterer often has a lack of bonding from the mother figure in their lives. They try to get the nurturing that they lack by being controlling.
Another interesting aspect is that the victim is that they have had either a brake from their relationship with their mother or that the mother was absent physically or emotionally at a crucial time in the child's development.
Name
Mustapha
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
How realistic is it that a person's upbringing has something to do with having a violent behavior? For example, is it safe to assume that a child who was physically abused will grow up to be an abuser?
Answer
First of all, if a child grows up in a violent environment, he or she will accept that as normal behavior.
For someone to change a way of life as an adult, he/she must have learned as a child that violent behavior is unacceptable.
Therefore, it is not safe to assume that a child who was physically abused will grow up to be an abuser. This is so simply because in a particular family of many children, perhaps only one will become an abuser whereas in another family, all of the children may grow up to become abusers.
Again, the factor of isolation plays an important role here because some families operate like clans where the habits of the family continue to be repeated because there is little contact with the outside world. In this case, the person who rebels against the "so-called system" is looked at as being abnormal.
Name
Abdul-Jaleel
- United States
Profession
Question
What are some remedies that a person who is aware of their violent nature might use in order to correct their behavior?
Answer
First of all, the person needs to admit that there is a problem and that violence is not acceptable.
Secondly, they have to discover the reason for their anger. Perhaps it is guilt or another form of anger.
They also have to accept the fact that they need help from an outside source. Very few individuals who are batterers can make positive changes on their own.
They also have to have a reason for making a change. Sometimes the status-quo is more important than changing. It can be very painful and difficult for an individual to make changes, so sometimes they want to stay in their isolated environment.
Finally, the abuser needs to seek help or guidance from a professional or spiritual counselor or both.
Name
yasmein
- Jordan
Profession
life gaurd
Question
Is their any question?
Answer
Yes, please ask your question...
Name
Ismail
-
Profession
Question
Unfortunately, domestic violence is becoming more of a reality even in muslim homes. Some families do not report it out of fear of many things, including the unknown. Sometimes families believe this kind of info., if "leaked" out of the household, will bring upon shame to the family. This might lead them to also shy away from seeking professional counseling and the like. Do you think there is an alternative?
Answer
Yes there is. Those of us who are Muslim professionals in the field are trying to educate Imams of Masjids and Islamic Centers so that they are aware of the dynamic of domestic violence and so that they can recognize it when it exists. Part of the problem is that the Imam does not believe the woman or the victim because they know the person personally.
The other thing that we are trying to do is to provide counseling, which is confidential so that not everybody in the community will come to know about it.
The third thing that we are trying to do is to work with counseling agencies to develop awareness of the specific needs of Muslims.
There is work being done, but is also needs to be done by individuals in their communities so that they can identify with people that are in a domestic violence situation and to offer assistance for them.
