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Name
Musa
- United States
Profession
Student
Question
Salaam! First let me just say that I think you have helped the image of Muslims so much in the west by the Dawaah you do. My question is that some of my Muslim friends are very harsh and cold towards girls. They don't even spare a smile and they give off the image to them that Muslims are women oppressors and barbaric third world people. I am always kind and gentle with whoever I deal with. How can I convince not to be so rude?
Answer
Thank you very much. I agree with you, we Muslims must be kind to each other and to all humans, as the Qur’an says: “Speak to humans with goodness.”
Name
Dawud
- United States
Profession
Student
Question
Salaam alaikum. I don't understand how a muslim male can find someone to marry when we are constantly told not to talk to girls. There are no Muslim girls at school so we only interact with non-Muslim girls. I really can't see why it's so taboo to have a simple, harmless conversation with a girl about sports or a TV show or something else. We don't talk about vulgar, sexual things! It seems that most Muslims who aren't from America are so harsh about this, but it's abosutely impossible not to have female friends when living in America. You develop friendships at school, at work, wherever you go. It's a completely natural, innocent, and harmful thing. You don't need a contract to become somebodys friend. Friendships develop on their own by simply doing a favor for someone or complimenting them or just being a nice person! Why do people make it so complicated and a burden on Muslim teenagers? They make us feel like we're going to hell if we share a laugh with a girl or have a conversation.
Answer
I agree with you that Muslim boys and girls can talk to each in schools, mosques, and other social gatherings. But the subject matter that is important is that it has to be innocent talk and it should not be in privacy. This can be done within family circles, among other friends, but avoiding personal matters and within certain guidelines.
Friendship between boys and girls can be encouraged to know each other, but not to go to each one’s personal life.
Name
suzan
-
Profession
Question
As-Salamu`Alaykum brother, what can we tell a 9 years old girl about sex and sexual relationship when she doesn't know any thing really about sex. I mean how to prepare her especially when her friends tell her that every girl should have a boyfriend to like him and she thinks that's okay..... Thank you and Jazakum Allahu khayran.
Answer
Wa`alykum Assalamu warahmatullah.
Thank you sister for this good question.
Talking to this girl about sex should be the duty of mother or her elder sister. She should talk to her about physiological changes in growing up like the medical changes of puberty. This includes menstruation if she is in the age or about to have period. However, it should be told clearly that it is forbidden for her to have a boyfriend or any sex encounter with another person, male or female.
Also, she should be told not listen to what he non-Muslim friends regarding these issues, because their values are different.
Name
Mirelle
-
Profession
Question
My daughter is 14 years old, how and when should I start to sex-educate her? And what should I say?
Answer
You should talk to her about puberty and menstruation when she is in the age or close to it.
You should talk to her about changes in her body and her feelings trying to avoid details of sex act.
Name
monty
- India
Profession
Question
How to save myself from the addiction of cyber sex?
Answer
Your time is precious and you will be held accountable. Here are some suggestions:
1. Please do not visit all websites.
2. Keep yourself busy in useful activities, home work, sports.
3. Allah forbids you to look at nude picture or read pornography.
4. If you have free time, then engage in dhikr and reading Qur’an or help other Muslims.
Name
SHAJAHAN
- India
Profession
STUDENT
Question
As-Salam`Alykum, does Islam also teach the sex education?
Answer
Sex education is a natural process. It is about human body and physiology and not about sexual acts. You do not teach baby ducks how to swim. Most people will learn sexual act naturally after marriage.
However, there should be premarital classes for boys and girls separately at home or mosque by a teacher of the same sex to prepare them what to expect in marriage.
Please see my articles on this on www.islam-usa.com
Name
FARZANA
- United Kingdom
Profession
YOUTH WORKER
Question
I am a youth worker working with young people aged 13 - 25 years. My work involves providing young people with information and support on issues affecting their lives. Health education is a key area and I have undertaken sexual health training and the project I work for is registered as a condom distributing centre. Young people can access free contraception, with the aim of reducing sti's and pregnancy. Recently a lot of young Muslim men have accessed this service. On one hand I feel that if young people are having sex, they are going to do it anyway, and by giving them condoms this will prevent unwanted pregnancy and sti's and this will lead to safe practice. On the other hand, am I encouraging young people to have sex? This is a dilemma for me being a Muslim. Can you please tell me what is the Islamic viewpoint is on this issue?
Answer
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has said help your brother and sister when they are right or wrong. The companions asked, “How to help them when they are wrong.” He said “to stop them from doing wrong is their help.” So are you doing this by giving them condoms?
If I were you, I will teach why they should not engage in premarital or extra marital sex. They can always get condom some where else. Your job as Muslim to tell what is Allah’s ruling on this so that they can make good decisions for themselves.
Name
Ghada
-
Profession
Housewife
Question
My kid is now beside me, she is 10 years old. She asked me now when she saw the title (what is sex), what can I tell her and how can I explain for her what is suitable for her age.
Answer
I suggest, as answered before, that you talk about changes in body. The details are up to the age and the degree of inquiry. I suggest that you read the article on sex education mentioned for details. Be available for answers, details are not needed.
Name
nadia
- United States
Profession
housewife
Question
As-SalamuAalaykum, is it allowed in Islam to talk to children about facts of life (sex) before they reach puberty? If parents fear that they might learn about sex and become curious and try to do something wrong in curiosity, then how should the Muslim parents tackle the situation especially living in USA?
Answer
Yes, it is allowed to talk to children in a comfortable way, i.e. to boys through father or brother, and to girls by sister or mother. This should be done in privacy and you should answer their question first.
It may be necessary to use the help of their sex education or biology school book. The important thing is to keep emphasizing that they must behave as Muslims when dealing with opposite sex.
Name
sarah
- Portugal
Profession
student
Question
As-Salamu`Alykum, does not having orgasm have an influence on getting pregnant? Many thanks.
Answer
Wa`alykum As-Salamu`Alykumu warahmatullah.
This is not true. However, some believe that during orgasm the ovum is released, but it is not a rule.
Name
Souad
-
Profession
Question
My son is now 8 years old. He came one day from school asking me what the word “sex” means. What should we give him as an answer? Knowing that his friend told him that sex is that you kiss girls all over their bodies. How am I going to discuss this issue with an 8 years old kid? Jazakum Allah khairan.
Answer
Interesting question, thank God your son's friends did not described the whole act. Tell you son that sex is an act between grown up man and woman to have babies when they are married. Tell him his father will tell him more about it before he is ready for marriage. Tell him that kissing a girl all over her body is wrong though it may give him some pleasure but everything which gives pleasure is not right but only those which Allah allows us. Tell him not to listen to his friends as he is not a Muslim and does not have same values as we.
Name
Leila
- Canada
Profession
Question
As-Salamu`Alaykum wa rahmatullah, I know there's so much to do to teach our kids to follow Islam, especially when it comes to sex education, because of all they see in our Western countries those days. It is so difficult to try to teach them that the way people do is not the right way to attain healthy sexual and marital life. What would be your advices concerning the way to talk to and teach our kids the "right sex"? How and what to say to make them understand sexuality is beautiful but that it cannot be done under any circumstances without proper marriage? Jazakum Allah khairan. It is so uneasy to talk about those things with kids...
Answer
Sex is a normal human desire just as thirst and hunger. If we follow other instincts without any limit, we will get sick. We Muslims must always submit our will to the will of Allah as He asked us. Tell them that yes sex is natural and beautiful and is meant for companionship, love and procreation, but only for married people as Allah wants us to do. Drinking alcohol can make some people happy, but should we do it? Tell them we are Muslims and we neither eat pork nor drink alcohol nor engage in premarital sex because Allah wants us to remain pure.
Name
abdi
- Belgium
Profession
artist
Question
How we have to do, when someone marries a wife who does not know?
Answer
Ask another married woman like your sister or your friend’s wife to help her, otherwise you may want to take her to a female doctor or nurse and ask them to educate you wife.
Name
mohaamed
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
As-Salamu`Alaykum, please can you advise me on how to answer my son’s questions about his body, i.e. he is nearly 6 years old he keeps asking why his penis keeps going hard.
Answer
As-Salamu`alykum warahmatullah,
Tell him this is natural just as his skin sweats when he is in hot weather or his face turns red when he is angry. Tell him that blood goes to his penis and it becomes hard or when he is to urinate.
You need to get him interested in human physiology as to why we breathe or how heart works, etc as little as his understanding permits. Tell him there is nothing to be shy about having hard penis, but it not a good idea to see others or to show it to others.
Name
imraan
- South Africa
Profession
student
Question
Thank you for time. I am 23 and a student of engineering. I have 2 years left of studying including this year. I wish to get married insha-allah, unfortunately I have no means. My parents have consented except they are not willing to support me financially. I wish to propose marriage now, but will only get married at the end of my studies. Is this Islamically acceptable? The other thing is that I don’t usually have 'girlfriends' - just acquaintances - how do I approach this girl as she is extremely pious and all she does is she greets and smiles at males on the campus, but is never seen engaging in any conversations with males. This is precisely the reason I wish to propose marriage to her yet it makes it very difficult to approach. Furthermore she is engaged in da’wah work and is extremely involved in the Islamic movement. Please advise me. Jazakallah khairan.
Answer
As-Salamu`alykum, and thank you for your question. You should remain chaste till you get married. You can fast to curb your sexual desire. You can get married as student if your wife has a job. You can send a message or your intention through a third party asking her to wait. If she likes you, she will understand, do not forget to make du’a’ to Allah to help you.
Name
Souad
-
Profession
Mother
Question
I just read your response on Mirelle's question. But what if they ask about the details of sexual acts?
Answer
The answer can be tailored according to his/her age, but I assure you, children will never ask the details. Many of them already know from their peers. Your job is to instill morality and not be the sex therapist.
Name
nureddin
- Ethiopia
Profession
student
Question
As-Salamu`Alaykum, dear scholar. My question is about a dream in the night. I have a friend who always shares me his problems. His problem is when he dreams in the night, at the time of ejaculation that is when the sperm begins to ejaculate he stops from being ejaculated, but whenever I asked him why he himself does not know why.
Answer
Wa`alykum As-Salamu warahmatullah, I am not a scholar of dreams. It may be a medical problem or just Allah's way of saving him from becoming najs (impure). I do not know.
Name
najima
- Brunei
Profession
student
Question
As-Salamu`Alaykum, i have been married for a year now and still have problems with getting orgasm. My husband is really nice, helpful. What can I do?
Answer
Your husband needs to take time and learn how to bring you to the point. May be both of you need to see a sex therapist or physician of same sex
Name
===
-
Profession
==
Question
Is it prohibited for men wearing condoms during sexual intercourse in Islam?
Answer
No, as long as they are married to each other and have a valid reason such as wife’s poor health to avoid pregnancy.
Name
Silje Amina
- Norway
Profession
student
Question
As-Salamu`Alaykum, I have a girl at the age of four. When she goes to sleep, or if she has been staying alone in a room and is bored, I often find her laying on her stomach moving as if she were having sex. I don't know how to handle this or what to say to her. When I find her in this situation she always becomes very shy, and if I ask her what she was doing, however mildly, she won’t say anything. I tried asking my mother about this, but maybe due to her being a non-Muslim, she just told me it natural that children explore their sexuality. I find this an unsatisfying answer. Could you please help or reassure me?
Answer
Your mother may be right, but it is better talk to her pediatrician for looking for infection.
Name
Sarah
-
Profession
Retail
Question
Do Muslim women have to wear the hijab? I have heard and read that some scholars differ on the matter. If you fully cover up other parts of your body, do you have to cover your hair? Also, I've heard that during the prophet’s time slave women would pray without covering their hair? I sometimes find the Hijab extremely difficult to wear because of the hot weather and humidity. Isn't it reasonable if I take it off due to that kind of condition, it can sometimes be unbearable?
Answer
Hijab is advised in Quran (Chapter 33:59). The best hijab is Taqwa or God consciousness. The extent of hijab can be cultural, but the prophet has said “when a Muslim woman reaches maturity, nothing can be seen by a non-mahram (close relative that a woman is not allowed to marry) except the face and hands." Hijab should be accepted willingly. My wife and daughters did wear hijab on their own without me ever saying a word about it. It does get hot in Mecca too!!
Editor:
Please also refer your question to the fatwa section to get a detailed answer. You may also view the following links:
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