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Name
jdw
- United States
Profession
student
Question
I have been trying to break the habit of masturbation for quite a while, but the problem is that the urge to do so becomes very hard to overcome if I stop for two or four days. Another thing I should point out is there is hardly Islamic resources in my corner of the US, as it is very rural, and being a new convert, it has been especially tough to find advice on what to do, let alone learning the ins and outs of the religion. If you can give at least some advice, that would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for considering my question.
Answer
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the Prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgment. All praise is due to Allah, Who has guided you upon His path. May you continue to seek His guidance and pleasure in all your actions.
There are quite a few questions thus far on how to break the addiction to masturbation so I will answer this here insha Allah.
First it is important to understand that this is something that is prohibited in Islam. Like all things that are, it means that it is for our own good and from part of the wisdom of Allah. The criterion that Allah has set for us is in order to help us become better individuals and to elevate our selves to a higher state and strengthen our relationship with Allah SWT.
Knowing this, however, is not enough. We have to continue reminding ourselves of this and understand that increasing this action will earn the displeasure of Allah. We should continue to seek forgiveness from Allah and ask Him to continually guide us along the path.
Yet we are human and make mistakes and Allah knows this. Once we have learnt any type of behaviour and increase our repetition of it, it can become a habit. Habits are, therefore, learnt behaviour and need to be unlearned.
Masturbation falls into this category. Especially once it becomes a habit; it becomes increasingly difficult to change/stop it. But it is possible.
First, you can resolve to stop it and there are some people who have the strength to decide that they will stop and be able to fully stop. However, the majority of people may not be like this. In which case, while you continually seek forgiveness make a goal to reduce the amount of times that you do it in a day or week. E.g. if you are engaging in this several times a week, then reduce the number by a couple. This way you are not trying to stop all at once.
Many times this is difficult for many people and they stop temporarily and then return to their habit.
As you work on reducing the number insha’Allah then after a week, try and tell yourself that you will not pass the same goal you had in week one.As you get better, then reduce it some more and so forth and so on until you eventually stop.
The other thing insha’Allah is to keep in mind that you need to replace negative habits with positive ones. There may be hobbies you have that you enjoy in which you can engage. Something if you know you keep your mind occupied, you would not go to such things. Find positive ways to occupy your time.
Also close the doors to the things that lead you to this activity. If you know that by watching certain shows or certain internet sites you feel aroused, then you have to commit to stay away from it.
Finally, keep making du’a’ to Allah and keeping yourself in dhikr (remembrance of Allah) and du’a’. Allah will help you overcome this bad habit for His sake.
Remember to increase your good deeds as compensation for it.
As for a good place to learn about Islam, this website is a good start insha‘Allah. There are many good articles and references as well as good scholars.
And Allah knows best
Name
Pakistan
- Pakistan
Profession
student
Question
In the world of today where entities that provoke sensuality are so common how do you propose, can a teenager safeguard himself from the illness of fornication and masturbation? Don't you think that the Muslim Law of Hijab if were implemented appropriately would be of any significance in this regard.
Answer
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the Prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgment.
My dear brother/sister,
Allah SWT in His infinite wisdom and mercy decreed the law of hijab for many reasons. And one of those reasons can well be the safeguard of society. However, when you talk about the implementation of the "law of hijab" we need to be clear on some issues.
Can a Muslim protect him/herself in the world today when there are many "entities" that provoke sensuality? Yes, it is quite clear that Allah's decree is applicable in all times/places and cultures.
The other thing is that there are many places in the world whether they are Muslim majority or not that do not follow Islam as a code of life. Therefore, we cannot impose our perspective or way of life on those people. Which then leaves us with a practical issue of how do we help deal with these problems.
We live in a world that has become increasingly smaller, the internet's main industry is porn and our children are often accosted by images after images that do not promote respect for women or men but it "sexualizes" them into objects for cheap personal gratification.
Instead of seeing the other person as a conduit of mercy from Allah, someone who should be loved and respected and who can help us strengthen our relationship with Allah SWT.
The other issue is that this idea of "the law of Hijab" has been used to imprison women, to mistreat them because of the weaknesses of men. So instead of Hijab being something divinely legislated by Allah, it becomes a tool of oppression of women by men. It loses the purpose and intent. This is not to say that we leave hijab, it is just that it has been used to lock women away from public life, relegate them to kitchens and voiceless in issues that affect their affairs. Hijab should lead to respect of women and men. To see others as vessels of hope and mercy and lead to healthy interaction not unhealthy segregation.
The way the sahabas and sahabiyaat, or male and female companions of the Prophet (may Allah be pleased with them) lived in the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). Insha’Allah once we decide to implement these things as well as close the doors of the things that lead to the denigration of individuals, we can hope with Allah's mercy that things will change.
And Allah knows best.
Name
Ali
-
Profession
Question
In today’s societies men are forced to marry later in life after they have a career and a home. Doesn't masturbation serve as a relief from the absence of sexual contact for the youth?
Answer
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgment.
I also had some similar questions regarding this issue, so I will attempt to answer more than one of those in this answer:
Many times, parents stipulate many conditions to their children before marriage becomes an option. School must be completed, they have to have a "good" job, they need to have a home and .... the list goes on. It makes marriage seem almost impossible to attain and so this can lead to some social ills. Some young people try to deal with the changes they are going through, the urges and sensations they are experiencing in various ways some of which are prohibited in Islam.
Masturbation is one of the things that our youth have to deal with. And yes it can serve as a release to sexual "pressure" however it is prohibited for several reasons. According to some scholars the only time that it can be allowed is IF it prevents the individual from committing fornication. In that case, it is considered to be the lesser of the two evils. However it is important to recognize that once this starts, it is not easy to stop it over time.
And one of the negative impacts it has, especially on men, is that it conditions them to think of their own sexual satisfaction. This later on can negatively affect them in marriage.
It is important to remember that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) who was the best of Allah's creation advised for those who are unable to marry that they should fast, as this will help to subdue their carnal self.
So it is allowed in a specific circumstance, this should not be used as an excuse to take the ruling out of context and cause this to develop into a regular habit.
And Allah knows best
Name
feedback
- United States
Profession
Question
Dear brother, I think you should better talk about parents complicating marriages and making it very hard for us instead of talking about the consequences of not getting married, i.e. masturbation and fornication?
Answer
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgment.
I agree that it is important for parents to find ways to facilitate marriage for their children. Instead of creating barriers, or focusing on spending all their money on lavish wedding ceremonies, the money can be used to help their children marry.
Parents need to develop the relationship with their children such that if they feel they need to or would like to marry that they can approach them.
There is also need to focus on the "import a wife/husband" mentality and allow children to choose people whom they may be more culturally compatible (not saying anything wrong with marrying someone from overseas).
However, this should be taken into consideration with the high rates of divorce within the Muslim community. There is a strong need for pre-marital counseling as well as marital counseling and enrichment programs to help couples proactively deal with the situations they come across.
And Allah knows best.
Name
Ali
- United States
Profession
Student
Question
Addiction to masturbation...
Answer
Editor:
Please refer to the question of brother/sister jdw - United States as it addresses the same problems.
Name
Dont want to tell
- Sweden
Profession
Student
Answer
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgment.
My dear brother/sister,
I have touched on this issue in the last couple questions. I think that as a community we need to develop ways to facilitate marriage but in a healthy manner with the necessary supports in place.
Expecting that the groom is working is a proper expectation - as he is the provider and his money is the family's money. While the sister does not have to work but her money is her own to do what she pleases.
However, there is a need to look at what we consider a "good job" to be. Sometimes there are ridiculous requirements placed on young people to fulfill before they can marry. Instead of facilitating marriage it leads to illicit relationships, and leads to the damage of families and their relationship with Allah.
We all need to remember that we are personally accountable for our actions, but parents will also be accountable for undue hardships esp. if it leads to negative behaviour.
As for fasting, it is the best way to help develop self control!
And Allah knows best.
Name
Muslim
-
Profession
Question
I don't believe masturbation is a problem, nor do I think it is haram. Dr. Muzammil Siddiqi said it is only makrooh, and I don't think in today's world, when you just walk in high school or even junior high, you won't find anything that would incite you. Which is better for a young Muslim, to look lustfully at women and do kissing and hugging or to just release this sexual tension in a way that is considered haram by some scholars, makrooh by some and haram by others. If we tend to tolerate differences of opinions in issues major than masturbation, why do we feel coward to take the same stance when it comes to masturbation? Please comment.
Answer
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgment. May Allah bless and guide us all to the truth wherever it may lie.
My dear sister/brother,
I am aware of differences of opinion in fiqh. However I do NOT know of scholars who say it is HALAL. Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal and ibn Hazm did regard semen as an excretion of the body like other excreta and permitted its expulsion as blood letting is permitted. However the majority of scholars hold the opinion that it is haram. Hanbali jurists who allow it, do so under two conditions:
1) that there is the fear of committing adultery or fornication
2) not having the means to marry
So in this case it is allowed as long as the person does not make it a habit or become excessive in doing it.
Many times today people search for a ruling that is in a "grey area". They just look for the ruling that satisfies their nafs (self) and they forget that we should always try to stay within the parameters of Islam and follow the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and the guidance of Allah through the Qur'an. Many of the sahabas used to stay away from things that were clearly halal if they feared it could lead them to haram.
If Sheikh Muzzamal Siddiqi says it is makrooh, then he is a scholar and I respect him a great deal. However, you need to understand that makrooh means "HATED IN THE SIGHT of ALLAH" so we need to keep this in the forefront of our minds.
When we do anything, we want to keep the pleasure of Allah first in our minds. No one is feeling coward to take a different stand, as I mentioned before it is allowed in certain situations but the majority of scholars hold that it is haram. So we rely on those scholars who have studied diligently and we place our trust in them and Allah.
In this case, we stay away from masturbation unless we feel we may commit adultery or fornication and we lack the means to marry. Islam seeks to liberate us from our nafs and to help us to attain a higher level of consciousness and being.
And Allah knows best.
Name
Safa
-
Profession
Question
How can I get married without loving my partner through at least zina-free relationship before marriage? Are you promoting and recommending arranged married?
Answer
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgment.
My dear sister, as Muslims we must first and foremost place our trust in Allah and know that HIS laws are the best for us, that His wisdom is further reaching than ours and as a parent can guide a child, so too can the Creator know what is best for the creation.
Any form of physical relationship between two unmarried, non-mahrem individuals is prohibited. In fact an unrelated male and female cannot even be alone together in the same room.
I know many brothers and sisters who knew each other, met in public places (with the knowledge of their parents) and spoke to each other (within acceptable limits) without getting into any type of physical relationship. A physical relationship is not necessary for a good marriage. Instead marriage should be based on knowledge of the person, a deep sense of respect and an awareness of compatibility. Once the two people can see the other as strengthening or helping to strengthen their relationship with Allah, then this is the priority. Then Allah will place the love in their hearts and make things work out for them because they put their trust in His criterion.
No I am not advocating arranged marriages, though I am not necessarily against it AS LONG AS the individuals involved both consent. But I can tell you also from personal experience people can see someone they are interested in and have a non-physical relationship that leads to marriage.
This idea of needing to "test the waters" as it were often leads to more pain, suffering and many other unwanted outcomes. What happens when two people engage in such actions and decide that they did not like it...? What about someone in a situation like that would they want to marry someone who "tested" out the waters with several others... this then opens the doors to many problems and the displeasure of Allah.
And Allah knows best.
Name
Muslima
-
Profession
Question
Tell me how dating is haram if your intention is to get to know each other without committing fornication...all you do is just hang out and talk and discuss things. Even if you kiss and touch without sex, did not the prophet have a man came to him with the same situation and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) asked him, "good deeds remove bad deeds."? So, if we continue to do good deeds, then this will lead to forgiveness. Please make me aware of my mistake, if I am.
Answer
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgment.
Dating is haram simply because it is going against the ruling of Allah SWT. Surely we do not know better than Allah and it would be shirk for us to say we are putting ourselves on the same level with Allah to decide that something is not haram when Allah has decreed that it is.
I believe that it was Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) had warned others that there would come a time when people will consider some things to be small things that they considered to be huge problems. Many times our intentions are not to do bad things, and Islam does not pre-suppose that people are inherently bad. But there is an awareness of how Shaitan works. He targets individuals by getting them to commit small bad deeds and then as they get used to that, they increase it to one thing more and so forth until they commit a big sin. So people may start off with just meeting in public, then it may be just going to one place together like the movies, then one place where the two are alone, then one hug, one kiss and so forth and so on. So while the intentions may not start off badly, things can happen and Allah knows that. His laws are meant to protect us.
Once a young man did come and ask the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) for permission to fornicate and he asked him "would you like someone to do that with your mother? Sister? Aunt?" to each of these the boy replied "no" then the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) put his hand on the boy's chest and made du’a’ "Oh Allah please make me (the boy) chaste and pure."
And while good deeds wipe out bad deeds, it is the good deeds that come after one does something wrong and they DESIST from committing the sin. When people persistently commit a bad deed, then it starts to affect their hearts and eventually covers it over.
There is a lot of pressure in our environments to do what everyone else is doing, but I encourage you to reflect on the hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): "Islam began as something strange and will return to something strange. So glad tidings to the strangers!"
So dear sister, if you are among those who are "strange" not dating and hanging out while all your friends are, you are in receipt of the salam of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him).
May Allah unite you in his (peace and blessings be upon him) company in the akhira (hereafter).
And Allah knows best.
Name
no name
- Bahrain
Profession
Question
My 15-year old brother likes to practice masturbation since early age. He likes to sleep on his face and this position gets on my mom's nerve. She always yells at him not to sleep this way but he never cares. She is afraid that he might take to masturbation and she believes that masturbation could lead him to something serious. Any tips?
Answer
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgment.
I am not sure how you know your brother likes to practice masturbation or if this is a suspicion which is discouraged Islamically.
As for sleeping on his face, this does not necessarily lead to masturbation. We should not sleep on our left or stomach in general as this is the position most liked by Shaitan. This should be explained in a nice way to your brother (no yelling, shouting or preaching). Instead encourage him to see that you love him and want him to gain jannah and that you don’t want him to be in any way conforming to what the shaitan does/desires.
Other than that once this is stated, it would be wise to leave him now as he is older and needs to start being a bit accountable for his choices and actions. Mom should also stop yelling at him, chances are that this will lead him to do it just to defy her.
And Allah knows best.
Name
Iman
- United States
Profession
Student
Question
How can a Muslimah Who had been into so many haram situation, fornication, alcohol, clubs and so on, after repentance and changing her life for 2 years, look for a husband?
Answer
All Praise is due to Allah, we begin with His name and turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings upon Muhammad, the seal of the prophets, his family, companions and those who follow his way until the Day of Judgment.
My dear sister, my answer is very simple, make du’a’ and look as any other sisters would look. If you had relationships in the past, make sure you have a blood test to ensure that you did not contract anything. And insha’Allah as long as everything is clear, then you should leave the past in the past.
Look for your husband and be very general about your past do not get into details and do not disclose all the intricate details. What Allah has concealed for you, do not make it public and do not disclose it to your husband or anyone else.
Trust in Allah and He will send the right person to you.
And Allah knows best.
Name
Editor
-
Profession
Answer
Finally, we would like to thank brother Jeewan Chanicka for speaking to Islamonline viewers today. We also thank all those who participated in this dialogue, and we apologize for not being able to accommodate all the questions within the time allocated to this session. We remind our readers to join us in the upcoming sessions.
