The session has just started. Please feel free to join us with your questions.
After the session has ended, you can view the whole dialogue by clicking Recent Sessions, or later on Archive.
For feedback and suggestions, please e-mail Youth 4 the Future at: youth_campaign@islamonline.net
Yours,
Islamonline Youth 4 the Future Desk
Name
um al yahal
- United Arab Emirates
Profession
PA
Question
How can I help my 3 kids (15, 11, 4) to spend their summer time during the day, whilst I am at work? I have tried to create a schedule for them to follow, but they are not interested and they are not motivated. When their father is at home, he does his own thing, and does not spend much time with them. What is your best advise for me?.
Answer
Assalam alaikum,
many thanks for your question. It is very difficult to be working and trying to keep kids entertained, especially during the summer. It might be our modern lifestyle or a number of other factors, but the result is that often families (parents and kids) become alienated from each other.
This alienation can come from parents working, from sitting in front of TV and computer and just not talking and communicating with each other. The effects of this are usually felt when there is a problem that needs to be resolved.
In your case you want your kids to follow a schedule you have made for them with the intention that they will have a beneficial time this summer.
The thing is, that everyone, young and old, needs to interact with others. A close, loving, and nurturing relationship is built up when people interact with each other with good manners and respect and when communication flows between them.
It is really important that you set aside time every day to sit with your kids; not in a context of telling them what they should or shouldn't do but just to talk and discuss things and let them feel comfortable to tell you what is on their minds.
It is likely that they will be more interested and motivated to follow a beneficial plan if they have been part of making that plan. It's really important that you interact with them and even when you are at work, call them and check up on them; see how things are going; ask if they've finished whatever they were supposed to do. Don't make it look like you're nagging but make it playful and fun and show them your care.
It might be a good idea to talk to your husband as well and get him to understand that parenting is needed from both the father and the mother and that he should use every opportunity to build up a solid loving relationship with his kids. They are only young for a short time.
My suggestion to the kids is to get your mum to sit with you and make a plan that you all like and agree on. Then stick to it, and help each other in the goals you've made. Also, try to get your parents to take you all out once a week to spend time together and just have fun!
Have a great summer..
Name
Ibrahim
-
Profession
Question
I don't know how to make good use of this summer, and not to waste my time in front of the TV or the computer playing games and chatting with my friends.. I really need your advice.
Answer
Assalam alaikum,
many thanks for your question. May be the problem is not just during the summer time, it's the whole concept of having a lot of free time! This is a luxury of the modern age. In the past, people had to work really hard and rarely had holidays. But, here we are in 2008 and complaining about having free time! It's a nice complaint though, isn't it. All it needs is some imagination and support from family and friends.
TV and computer are like magnets that attract us so easily. They lull us into thinking we are relaxing and that we deserve to relax, but the trouble is if we do this too often we get a bit lazy, and it gets harder and harder to get up off the chair and do something 'real'.
So the cure? Doing something for others always makes the individual feel better about himself or herself. How you want to do something for others is entirely up to you. A lot of people have joined already-established organizations and got busy in that way, other people focus on family and neighbors, and try to do something good in their immediate area.
Whatever we do, it should never be extreme. The middle way is the healthy balanced way and that's the best way to follow. So you can watch some TV and spend time on the internet, and at the same time you can spend some time reading or doing a course in something you are interested . You also should spend some time doing good to those around you. It's all about balance and giving yourself and those around you their rights.
If we realize that each of us has something valuable to offer this world and that we have the potential to grow and develop, we will find ways to move forward , and have a positive influence, and a force for good wherever we are.
If you have been blessed by Almighty Allah with spare time then that is a responsibility to use it in the best possible way. If you start each day by reading some Quran and setting aside a few verses to memorize you are off to a great start. Then after that, balance everything else and with a positive and hopeful attitude do all the tasks you have planned for yourself, and insha Allah, by the end of each day, and by the end of the summer you will feel that you've truly achieved something..
Have a great summer!
Name
Asma
-
Profession
Question
Salamo alykoum thanks for opining this discussion. My problem is that I have to study this summer. In fact, I'm depressed, and I don't feel like studying and attending my summer course. All my friends will travel and have fun and I couldn't, so how can I get rid of this depression?
Answer
Assalam alaikum,
many thanks for your question.I'm sorry to hear that you won't be spending the summer the way you had planned. But insha Allah, you will find ways to feel better about it.
Everything has its time and it is much better for us if we learn to accept the things that happen; that we have no power to change. If we resist and struggle against such things we will only end up feeling frustrated and depressed.
I suggest that you gather up all your courage and accept the fact, that you will have to study this summer. This acceptance is the first step to feeling better. Of course, whenever we feel sad, disheartened, or depressed the first thing we should do is to turn to Almighty Allah, because His help is always near. Ask Him to lift your heart, and ask Him to show you how to be motivated in doing this course of study.
There are lessons to be learnt all around us and perhaps in this course, in this situation there is a lesson for you, but if you don't be positive and look for it you may miss it.
Whenever we look at others and compare ourselves with them, we will inevitably feel discouraged because there will always be people who have what we don't have. So maybe it would help if you look at those people who would love to be able to study and develop themselves, but for one reason or another, they are unable to. The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised us to compare ourselves with those who have less than us when it comes to worldly things.
I hope you are feeling better very soon and that you find a way to be grateful for what you have and benefit from whatever you do this summer.
All the best
Name
lilly
- India
Profession
Question
Assalamu'alaikum wa rahmathullahi wa barakatuhu.
I'm 19 years old, having my summer vacation now. I cannot afford paying my courses' fees ,and I am really getting kind of depressed sitting at home, while all my friends plan for something or the other. They do whatever they want to. I want to both learn and enjoy my time during these days. All what I do is visiting this site. Can you please help me out. I'll be greatly obliged if you do so.
Jazak Allah Khair.Wassalam.
Answer
Assalam alaikum Lilly,
Many thanks for your question. Subhana Allah, everyone has their own perspectives and challenges in summer. It must be frustrating that you want to do something, but capable of finding the means to do it. May Allah open the best of ways for you.
It's great to hear that you visit the website and I ask Allah to bless it for you.
Sometimes the simplest things in life are the most rewarding. That might sound strange, especially when so many people have flashy TVs and internet, but they still end up feeling bored and dissatisfied. So we have to ask ourselves some important questions and see things in a different way...
The basis of the self; I mean the inner self is spiritual in nature and so the core of our being will never be satisfied and at peace by watching a movie or chatting with friends on the internet. Such things only satisfy us on an external level for a short time.
So if we find ourselves feeling 'down' 'frustrated' 'dissatisfied' we have to build up our inner, spiritual self. That starts by keeping up the daily prayers and spending time everyday to read Quran and do some thikr. It's like, we really have to catch the meaning that Almighty Allah is the creator of all things, that He created us and gave us opportunities and that we can turn to Him at any time. That's the first step.
When you do this consistently, your inner self will be stronger and more stable, and you will find yourself more able to cope with disappointment. You will also find that you have the ability to come up with ideas and be a general power of good wherever you are.
Start by praying two rakats and ask Almighty Allah that you want to learn something useful this summer and ask Him to guide you to what is good. I am sure that things will open up and become clear for you.
Then look around your family and friends and try to see these people as individuals. Try to find a way to make their day better, their time more enjoyable, and if you do this sincerely, I know you will also enjoy your time.
If we send out good in this world, good will come back to us. I hope that this summer will be an enlightening time for you; that you will find the way to learn , enjoy and help others to do the same..
Have a great summer!
Name
Mariam
- Egypt
Profession
Question
Assalam alaikum, my biggest problem is that I'm bored, and I don't know what to do?
Answer
Assalam alaikum,
many thanks for your question.
Many people feel bored in summer. Maybe it's because they have been studying hard and now feel drained and tired. If this is the case, it might take a little while for you to get back to your usual energetic self. Make sure you sleep well and eat well and exercise everyday. Then when you're feeling fitter and stronger, it's time to do some thinking.
When a person is young it is the best time to form good habits, and part of those habits can be reading! Yes, good old-fashioned reading! Everyone says it, and I believe it is true, that we learn so much when we read.
In fact, Almighty Allah told us in the first verse of Quran to be revealed 'to read'. So that should be the first thing you can do. Get some books from a library, borrow some books from friends and read and think. Explore the world, people's behavior and so much more through books.
But don't keep yourself isolated in your room all the time reading, you have to mix with people because we learn so much about ourselves and others, when we communicate and interact, and this also gives us many chances to do good and help others. When you are mixing with people, also try to find ways to help out. Make a conscious decision to be the person who volunteer to help someone, to wash some dishes, to go to the shop, to visit someone who is ill or to join in any volunteer activity.
This is the true spirit of Islam and if it is done with sincerity to Almighty Allah, you will find a sense of inner happiness and contentment, that you can never find watching TV or just being self-focused.
It's also nice to take a friend or one of your brothers and sisters and have a walk in the park or go to the zoo - anywhere where there is nature, as this uplifts the heart and brings harmony.
If this feeling of boredom persists you can try this:
when you look at something, thank Almighty Allah that you can see
when you hear a beautiful sound, thank Almighty Allah that you can hear
when your mum calls you to set the table or wash some dishes, thank Almighty Allah you have a home and a mother
when you lie on your bed and feel upset because you're bored, thank Almighty Allah you have a bed, a room, a working mind and a healthy body.
Try to look at what you have, rather than what you don't have, be grateful and make a plan of things you would like to learn or improve on by the end of the summer.
All the best...
Name
Fayrooz
- Egypt
Profession
journalist
Question
Salams dear, this a very interesting topic and very time related:
I'm actually working now and stucked in a lot of tasks, but besides, I want to share in charity work, or do another thing beside my work, so what do you advice me to do beside my working days?
Answer
Assalam alaikum,
many thanks for your question.
It's great that you are asking this question because it means that you are busy yet you still want to do something for someone else.
I see that you are from Egypt and I know there are so many charitable activities going on all year round here. With a busy schedule it is really important to be organized and make sure you don't overdo things. Make sure you sleep properly and have a healthy diet.
Quite often, the time we spend sitting with friends and just hanging out can be substituted by doing volunteer work.
In this kind of activity we also make friends, go places and are busy and we come home feeling good and even more satisfied because we know we have done something good for someone else.
I also suggest that you don't forget to spend time with your family. Especially if you are working and doing some volunteer work the people in this world who love you most may be missing out on your company. So even if you set aside one special time a week to spend with them, that would be a really good thing to do. And keeping the family ties entail so much reward from Almighty Allah.
Also, in Cairo there are many centers opening up where people can do a range of courses. It's always a good idea to be upgrading your skills and branching out into new fields of knowledge.
So have a great summer!
Name
Dina
- Egypt
Profession
Question
I think my work takes all of my time but really I need to take a vacation, especially in summer, when I have a lot of things to do to improve my self, such as; taking courses or scholarships bedside my work .. but how could I do all of that without losing the chance of making good use of this summer?
Answer
Assalam `Alaikum,
Many thanks for your question.
Everything we do should be in moderation. We don't want to be so busy and ambitious that at the end of the summer we are burnt out!
It's vital to keep a balance and take good care of your health.
Even a small amount of time spent with loved ones can be refreshing. So we don't have to go for long vacations; just a few days can pep us up and become great memories. There are also many courses available on the internet that you could do at home. And even just one day a week doing volunteer work will make you feel so revived that you will never want to miss this day!
The important thing is to make a plan for yourself so that your activities do not become haphazard. If you took one course this summer, that would be more than enough. So choose the one that is most interesting to you. Give one day a week to volunteer work and one special time a week for your family.
But on every other day, whether or not you're working, you have to spend time with yourself and build up your relation with Almighty Allah. Keep up your Prayers, read the Qur'an every day, memorize even just one Qur'anic verse of and make a small list of bad habits that you should be working on.
These could be things like:
Getting angry
Smoking
Sleeping too much
Overeating
Wasting too much time watching TV and using the internet
and so on.
So, have a great summer!
Name
editor -
-
Profession
Answer
The session has just started. Please feel free to join us with your questions.
After the session has ended, you can view the whole dialogue by clicking Recent Sessions, or later on Archive.
For feedback and suggestions, please e-mail Youth 4 the Future at: youth_campaign@islamonline.net
