What advice could you give to young Muslims that are in college about marriage?
Answer
First, you should protect your chastity by lowering your gaze when looking at the other gender before you are ready for marriage. Secondly, you should not seek to know the other gender before you are ready to get married. There is no harm, however, to know about that person before you get engaged once you are ready to make that step by asking people and collectin information. Thirdly, to seek to know the other gender only through their family.
As you get ready for engagement and then marriage strengthen yourself through recitation of the Qur'an, increasing you knowledge, fasting, night prayer and working with Muslim youth groups in your area. Finally, keep in mind that the primary criterion for choosing your spouse should be religion before anything else.
Name
Amina
-
Profession
Question
What do you feel are the biggest challenges couples face in the new millenium, as opposed to in the past?
Answer
The biggest challenges are conformity or uniqueness. Conformity to what they believe to achieve their own goals in this life and the Hereafter or conformity to established norms and the pressures of society and families. This is indeed one of the greatest challenges.
The other major challenge is to keep the family together according to the Qur'an and the Sunnah rather than on personal whims and/or desires that lead to disruptions in the family.
To meet those challenges, a couple is advised to do the following:
1) Keep the Qur'an always at the center of the operation of the family, the center of education and the center of decision-making.
2) To keep nurturing the family, not only through the study of Islam, but also through the practice of what we know about Islam at all times.
3) To be opeon to change, attitudes, ideas and behavior according to what the Qur'an and the Sunnah guide us to do.
Name
Heba
- Egypt
Profession
student
Question
Sometimes there are some ideas that come to us while praying; i heard that they are from the "shaytan", but how can we deal with them (for example if i wanted to do something, and while praying i remembered what i have to do...so should i listen to those ideas?)
Sometimes lots of things come to you while praying, and it's hard not to do any of them
Answer
This is a very great question,
Islam and the Sunnah gave us so many prepatory steps to make us ready to meet Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala and when we do not pay attention while we do them, we end up getting to the prayer not prepared to focus.
1) Listening to the Adhaan. It is in the Sunnah that Aisha (RAA) said the Prophet (SAAWS) used to sit down with us, he used to listen to us and chat with us until he hears the adhaan. When he does, he would act as if he didn't know us nor did we know him. That brings the whole issue to focus on the call. The call is coming from heavan. The call calls our focus to pay attention to the undeniable fact that Allah is Greater. Being Greater means that everything else is smaller, much smaller. The Prophet's behavior reflects the fact that to him the call of the adhaan was not simply the voice of the mu'athaan: it is the call of the King of kings to give recognition and opportunity to me, the little servant to be honored to the prescence of the Divine, Subhanahu wa Ta'ala.
2) Then, if you sister hiba, would use the same thought process exhibited by our beloved Prophet (SAAWS) and respond to the call of the adhaan with the same level of seriousness, zeal and appreciation. If you do that, by the time you listen to the adhaan, you will be ready to make wudoo immediately and as you do the wudoo, you should also focus on the fact that you are getting ready to meet Allah, to talk to Him and to listen to His internal inspiration coming through your heart. From there, you are ready to stand. The direction to the Qibla should also be a point of focus to remind the Muslim of what direction to face in this life. It reminds us of who we are, our connection to Prophet Ibrahim, Ismail, Prophet Muhammad and to our father, ADAM. It also should remind us of the Ka'ba as a unifying point for all Muslims around the world. Next, when you say Allahu Akbar when you enter the prayer and wave your hands to your back with an open palm, it exhibits that you are throwing every important issue in your life behind you and as you put your right hand over your left hand to recite Al-Fatiha, it symbolizes your total submission to the will of Allah Subhanau wa Ta'ala.
3) From there on, keep thinking on what you are saying because the Prophet (SAAWS) says, "No one gains any benefit from his/her prayer except the portion of which he/she was mindful and thoughtful."
So don't listen to distractions, listen to yourself, listen to the prayer and look to the place where you prostrate because this should be your focuspoint that lessens the influence of distraction.
Name
pedro madina
- Gibraltar
Profession
woodcutter
Question
Salam,
Marriage is a traditional institution and modern existence is inimical to the ethos of tawheed in marriage (check divorce statistics in industrial societies). What is your suggestion to those modernist Muslims who insist that Muslims must modernize? Shouldn't they learn from what is happening to marriage in the East Asian industrial societies, where divorce rates are soaring because they too blindly embarked upon the path of modernism.
Answer
Indeed, I share the same concerns, except for the term modernization being used to mean the shift from the Islamic guidance related to family-life to accepting the material worldly guidance. In that respect, I totally agree with the concern that the questioner raises.
If modernization is to be limited to the utility of modern technology as it applies to everything that man needs, then Islam is as modern as it gets. But when it comes to change our lives, principles and our sources of guidance, then it aims at turning us Muslims into followers of others. Islam intended for us to be leaders in establishing what is good and removing what is wrong and evil.
One of the good ways suggested to Muslims is to start using Islamic terminology because it gives them the power of leading the discourse. But when they accept thoughts and terminology imported from others, they become followers even in their thought.
The only proper relationship between a strange man and a strange woman in Islam is the one that is legitimized through marriage. Marriage then establishes limits for both spouses that aim at protecting the family. Marriage as mentioned, is the only form of family that Islam will ever recognize.
Name
Ahmed
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
How can a couple feel comfortable in a society where women are so free with their bodies? My wife, a beautiful woman, covers herself in the Islamic way. Still, I know it makes her uncomfortable that I see so much everyday. It makes me uncomfortable to, because I cannot help but be affected by these women and images also. How will I protect my sons and even my daughters?
Answer
Well, I would say, starting by yourself is the primary issue. The Prophet (SAAWS) guided us, saying that if anyone sees anything outside of his home that causes him/her to stimulation for them go back home and exercise their relationship, to have intimacy and to get that feeling or thought out of them.
Islam never intended to turn the human into an angel, a creature without a desire. Islam therefore, instituted venues to satisfy those desires. The proper venue for satisfying the desires is to establish close relationship within the family where people are not imprisoned with any unsatisfied desire.
Of course, the issue of children is of paramount importance because children and young men and women are not necessarily married to go home and have intimacy.
1) For them, the Prophet (SAAWS) instructed them to fast if they cannot get married.
2) For them to only mingle with peers of their liking.
3) To lower their gaze when they walk in public.
4) To fill their time and heads with positive activities that consume their energy.
5) To increase their knowledge to be able to properly analze what goes on in their heads.
6) To avoid places of indecent exposure (beaches, nightclubs; etc.)
7) To avoid taking stimulation by music, songs, poetry, audio/video materials that can negatively influence their thoughts and desires.
8) Reading a lot to have a head full of principles, parameters, guidelines and ideas to use for their own life.
Name
B.
- United States
Profession
Student
Question
Salam Alaekom,
I am a muslim guy living in Florida.
You know now a days internet is everywhere and chatting became a common habit. I would like to ask if it is allowed for us, muslims, to chat with guys and girls (muslims of course).
What if the chatting ends up to a marriage, would that be alright. I believe that a guy has to right to chat with a girl only if he does that to know her in order to get married.
Jazakom Allah khair explain any thing that relates marriage and chatting.
Answer
Chatting on the internet, I believe, should really be limited to the same gender except when the issue the group is chatting about is of public nature. But chatting to establish a relationship across gender is not the proper way to get to know each other, let alone to get married.
In the not so "good old days," people used to look at magazines and newspapers for spouses. Islam, however, guides us to get to know the person and their family through the process of engagement. Chatting is not and should not be an alternative to engagement or for getting to know the family. It shouldn't also be used as an alternative to dating.
Name
Amar
- United Kingdom
Profession
Business
Question
I have been told it is permissable for any adherent of a particular school of law (i.e. Hanafi) to follow any article of another school of law. In light of this can a Sunni Muslim follow the Shia ruling on Muta (temporary marriage).
Answer
The short answer is, somebody went to the Prophet (SAAWS) and asked his permission to commit adultery and the Prophet gave him the short answer saying, "Would you want it for your wife, would you want it for your daughter, would you want it for your mother or sister and the man kept saying no!" The Prophet (SAAWS) kept asking him and asking him until the man said, "I would never, ever do it after today."
I'm not saying that Muta is exactly like zina. I'm just saying that marrying someone for a limited period is inconsistent with the purpose of marriage, family, stability, raising children and all with come with the family. It is prohibited according to the four major sunni schools of thought, it was made prohibited by the Prophet (SAAWS) during the battle of Khaiber along with eating the meat of domestic donkeys. We do not see anybody arguing about eating the meat of domestic donkeys as much as we see people discussing the issue of Muta.
Name
Sarab -- US
-
Profession
Question
How can 2 muslim people in today's society approach their parents about marrying each other if their parents are stubborned about staying within each own's culture?
Answer
I sense a tone of disdain to parental guidance and I hope that my feeling is inaccurate. However, for the girl in particular, parents must have say in her marriage for several reasons. If something goes wrong, Islam calls for them to take back the responsibility of taking care of her and supporting her in case any problem happens. Therefore, they must have the authority to guide her through marriage. Because parents of the groom do not carry such a burden, they should be consulted, but they don't have the same authority as they do over the girl.
Having said that, we need to also emphasize the fact that parents do not have the authority to force their boys or girls to marry a person that they do not want to nor should they prevent their children from marrying a person of their choice for un-Islamic reasons (i.e. race, color, culture and the like).
The next point is multi-culture marriages can be taxing on the family. People who get into multi-racial, mutli-ethnic, multi-cultural marriages should be mature enough to integrate change and accept others. Some parents prevent their children from marrying into multi-culture marriages because of the concern of the point raised above (i.e. maturity). In that case, kids should really adhere and take their parents advice seriously.
Name
Ayesha
-
Profession
Question
The new generation of Muslims in America are much more "American" and much less attached to their ethnicity than their parents who may be immigrants. What advice would you give to them when their family shuns them for wanting to marry outside their ethnic background? I would think that Islam would welcome such combining of different cultures as Muslims.
Answer
I would say you are right Ayesha, provided that maturity and sensativity are provided to the parents. That means that both people getting married should be mature enough to know what they are getting into and also that they show sensativity to their parents. Also, please read the answer to the previous question.
Name
Aaron
- United States
Profession
journalist
Question
Is the mother of a man's wife mahram to him? Can he treat her as he treats his own mother, or does she have to cover in front of him; etc.?
Answer
He becomes a mahram to his mother-in-law from the time that he signs the marriage contract for as long as they live even if he doesn't consummate the marriage. Of course, she doesn't cover in front of him as she would in front of strangers. Nevertheless, he's not going to sleep with her as he would his own mother.
Name
Um Laith -- USA
-
Profession
Question
I always say that a husband is not like a shirt that you put on and take off. I am in a situation where a man not of the same culture wants to approach for my hand. But he's not what i wanted in a husband. Subhannallah, my feelings are strong towards him. My biggest fear is of my parents rejecting him, when all along i have had "requirements" for a suitor and this man breaks every requirement. How do i go about telling my parents about him and not having my parents to reject him?
Answer
That depends on the type of parents you have, which you didn't mention anything about them, making it very hard to answer this. However, in general, parents will listen to their children and what wisdom or thoughts they may be having concerning marriage. If they trust the wisdom of their children, so if you know your parents will listen to your wisdom and are thoughtful to your feelings, talk to them of what you are already convinced of. It may be a good idea to start talking about your description and expectations of the man you wish to marry without mentioning the person specifically and the leave some time and then talk to them about that person that seems suitable to you and then tell them later that you are satisfied with that person.
