I see many brothers who always are with other brothers at the Masjid hanging out. Many of them have family at home that don't see them because they are always either at work or with the brothers. I thought that family had more rights. Could you give any advice on this issue?
Answer
The Prophet (SAAWS) said that the family has rights on you and he said that the best among you are those who are best to their family's. If the best sadaqah that we can do is to spend it on our family, then so too is the best time that we spend being with our family. Therefore, Allah will ask somebody about his family first. The Prophet (SAAWS) said, "Everyone of you is responsible for something and each of you will be asked about that which they are responsible." Therefore, the husband's resonsibility is to his wife and children. He will be held accountable for how he spent his time and part of that is how he spent it with his family.
Name
Haroona
-
Profession
Bee keeper
Question
Salam,
I have a "friend" lets call her Rima. A man came to ask for her hand a week ago and her father gave Rima a week to think about it. The week is up and her father needs to know whether she wants to accept the proposal or not. The problem is that she sees this man to be everything she wants in a husband, mashallah, but Rima says she needs more time to think because her philosohpy is "a husband is not like a shirt you can take off and throw away." How can Rima tell her father to "back off" for now while she takes more time to think?
Answer
We'll encourage Rima to speak to her father openly, but also she needs to internalize why she wants to wait. Does she have cold feet? Does she want to know more about the family? Does she want to know more about him? This is one question.
Also, if she is not interested in him, she should not keep him waiting. A man deserves an answer. Rima should consider these things and deal with the situation accordingly. I suggest for her to seek pre-marital counseling.
Name
Zakariyya
- United States
Profession
Question
I work full-time, but my wife is interested in taking a part-time job so that we can travel. Although I know that Islam doesn't forbid her working, I am concerned about our child at home and my wife's safety. What do you suggest I do?
Answer
The issue of the safety, if it is really a concern, then the lady should not work in that situation. The issue of security in Islam is very important. Even when it comes to traveling, it is not recommended for women to travel alone.
The other issue is the child. The family should consider their priorities. If they are in debt and need the money or if they have plans that calls for more income and she is willing to chip in, that is one thing. However, the child is very important in Islam. The child should be taken care of by someone that can give it the same amount of care as their mother. The child should be taken care of spritually, physically, mentally; etc. with care. If the family cannot find someone suitable for this, then they should consider the situation.
Name
Sanaa
-
Profession
Question
Domestic abuse is a problem that is unfortunately rampant even among Muslims. Yet there is a stigma against discussing the subject and unless we find a way past it, the abuse will continue. How do you suggest we approach this delicate topic in our communities?
Answer
I suggest that our commmunities have to be open about this. We need Imam training about this. We have had Muslim family's torn apart because of domestic violence that eventually involved the police and some even had children separated from their family's because of this probelm. There are several steps that we should take in our communities to remedy this problem:
1) pre-marital counseling
2) Imam training
3) Offer anger management programs for people who have this problem.
4) We should not justify this problem. We have to address these problems up front. The Imams of our communities should deal with these problems in the Friday prayers and they should not send a sister back to an abusive husband without solving the problem first. We should always use the Qur'an and the Sunnah as our guide. As Allah says in the Qur'an that if a husband and wife have marital problems, they should seek an arbitrator to solves these problems. We have to deal with this problem straight up and not be apologetic or soft about dealing with it.
Name
k
-
Profession
Question
As-Salaamu Alaikum,
I have question regarding, the fact that my wife has involved herself in this sufi stuff i.e. like Hamza yufus and Nu Ham Keller, I have researched this topic and they are not following the Quran and the Sunnah, what do you recommed I should do, should I ask her leave this deviant sect or cult or should I ask for divorce?
Please advise thankyou
Answer
First of all I suggest to the husband before they make such accusations that they research the issue. I want to say that we should not generalize and not put people out of Islam. Even if your wife is committing bida, it doesn't mean that you have to divorce her.
Second of all, it is a big thing to claim that a person is a deviant. If you think that is true, then you have to bring proof from the Qur'an and Sunnah. We should not accuse people of things that we are not sure about.
Third, we should not mention people by name. Our beloved Prophet (SAAWS) never used to mention a person's name specifically when they did something wrong. He would address the situation by generalizing the question saying, "How can a people do such and such..." This is the manner of our Prophet (SAAWS).
Name
Ahlam
- United States
Profession
Question
My husband has a tendency of raising his hand when he gets upset. I have spoken to him about it and he tells me that he will not do it again but I find him doing it over again. I am afraid that he will strike me one time. I fear that he will hurt me and then turn to my kids and strike them. And if he does, what should I do?
Answer
I suggest to take some time to seek counseling before it gets to that point. If her husband has a problem with controlling his anger, he needs to go to an anger management counselor. If you live in the Northern Virginia area, I can take care of that. If not, then you should go to an Imam that you trust to handle the situation correctly. You should solve the problem before it gets to that point.
If you know certain things anger your husband, then leave his prescence when you know he is about to get out of control. I conclude by saying that the husband absolutely HAS to control his anger. Prophet Muhammad (SAAWS) said, "Don't get angry, don't get angry, don't get angry..."
Name
Sarah
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
When someone has done Istakhara for a decision making as for marriage proposals, what kind of signs or feelings does one need to sense in order to make a decision?
Answer
In istikhara, you don't have to see a dream, as some people think. As istikhara goes, you make the dua, then initiate the thing which you asked Allah about. If there is easy traveling in that cause, then know that it was meant for you. If there are difficulties that hinder you from achieving that goal, then know that it wasn't meant for you. This includes bad feelings, problems, obstacles; etc.
Name
hind
-
Profession
Question
I have a sister who is having a hard time with her husband. He has said that she may visit her mother who lives outside of the states as long as she does not take thier child. He uses this with her often. She will not travel without her child and he knows this. What should she do?
Answer
My advice to the husband is that he should Fear Allah. Without a proper cause for allowing your child to travel with your wife is not pleasing to Allah. If you are concerned for the child's health; etc., then that is one thing, but if you are using your child to torture your wife and keep her from traveling because you know that she wont without her child, then you should fear Allah.
The other thing that the Prophet (SAAWS) prohibited is separating women from their children. Also, marriage is about two families coming together. By not allowing the mother and the child to not visit the parents of the mother, the husband is not allowing them to fulfill the obligation of being kind, respectful and honoring their parents (the mother) and grandparents (the child). This is a very serious issue that should not be used as a tool for playing head games.
Name
Yusuf
- United States
Profession
Director of Dawah @Muslim World Leage
Question
Actually, I don't have a question to our brother Sheikh Muhammad Majid, rather I would like to thank him for fulfilling one of the areas in which the Muslims in the US are in a great need for someone in his knowledge to participate in, and to fulfill.
Answer
Thank you very much. May Allah bless us all.
Name
Selma
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
Assalamu alaykum.
I understand that a husband has certain rights over his wife and that she must obey him. However, how far do these rights go? For instance, can he keep her from visiting alone with close female friends and with family? Even if he is not forbidding her directly, he creates such tension and guilt about the situation that she feels she is not free to go. What are her rights?
Answer
I would like to say that in Islam that there are rights and obligations. No one should ask for their rights without first fulfilling their obligations. A husband and wife are obligated to each other first. However, neither the husband nor the wife should abuse emotionally, physically, or otherwise their relationship. They should be kind, courteous, understanding and always first putting yourself in the other person's shoes before assuming anything. They should not allow their social life to effect their relationship. We have to be balanced in everything that we do.
Name
MOOD
-
Profession
Question
Why is that in the Muslim communities we see people looking to get married are having harder and harder time if they are not of a particular ethic group and part of a group? Should the Imams take a active role in helping people to get married in masajids these day?
Answer
I agree that we should, as Muslims, overcome our cultural barriers. Allah said in the Qur'an, "We have created you from a man and a woman and made you into nations and tribes so that you may know one another. The closest of you to Allah is the one with At-Takwa (consciousness of Allah)." What better way is there for us to get to know each other than to intermarry into different cultures.
I do agree that the Imams should take a more active role in helping with this situation. Also, other members within the community can introduce each other to the other families. Also, inter-cultural marriage takes more work that marrying into the same culture. It takes more work for a marraige like that to suceed.
Name
Anis Luqman Nadvi
- United Arab Emirates
Profession
Teacher
Question
a)What exactly is meant by "wama malakat aymanukum" i.e. 'those in your posession'? Was the sexual with the male or female slaves were allowed without nikah?
b)Why aren't women in Islam equally entitled to divorce thier husbands?
Answer
The issue of aymanukum, it doesn't exist today, so you don't have to worry about this.
The second issue is that a woman has the right to divorce her husband. Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal and others have said this. Generally speaking, women are more emotional than men. Therefore, women may act in a more emotional manner than men when they are upset. Having said that, women have the ability to divorce. They can have it written in the marriage contract and then be able to perform what is called Khula', in which she gives him back the dowry and can divorce him. A woman can divorce if she is not given her rights by her husband. Also, she can divorce is she doesn't love him or even if she is not attracted to him.
Nothing happened in Islam without justice, mercy and quality. It doesn't allow anyone to be oppressed; etc. However, if you would like further information about the first question, send me a self-addressed, stamped envelope and I will send you some research that I did on this issue. You can send this to me at:
P.O. Box 1085
Herndon, VA 20170 USA
Name
k
-
Profession
Question
Recently my wife has gotten into this sufism i.e Hamza Yusuf and
Nu Hamim Keller and I have researched this topic and they don't follow the Quran and the sunnah, I was wondering how should I deal with this situation, should I talk to her and if worse comes to comes should I divorce her? These people are like a cult. Please advise Jazkalkhir for your advise.
Answer
My shiekh back home in Sudan once told me a story. A bottle that has a few drops of water in it makes a lot of noise. When the bottle is filled up, the bottle doesn't make any noise. So to, when one has a little knowledge, they are like the bottle with a few drops of water in it.
My advice to the brother is that when we claim to know the sunnah and the bida, we should also practice the Qur'an and the Sunnah in advising people, in acting publicly and privately, and in controlling our tongues. The Prophet (SAAWS) said to Muath ibn Jabal when he asked the Prophet if we would be held accountable for what we have said, "May your mother bereaved of you O Muath! Is there anything greater that sends a person on their face into the hellfire except the harvest of the tongue?" Therefore, we should be very careful what we say.
Name
Ahmad
- United States
Profession
Question
What should one do when the husband and wife have different priorities in life? The husband wants to live in this life as a traveller, the wife is more attached to this worldly life, although she adheres to rituals of Islam?
Answer
It depends on what you mean by traveler. If you mean that you do not want to spend on your family in the things that you are required to, then you are mistaken. However, if you mean that your wife had some level of materialism in her, then you should advise her in the best manner because nothing in this dunya lasts.
Name
Muslim
- United States
Profession
engineer
Question
1. One contemporary issue is How can Muslims make films or serials to reflect the morality and social system of Islam in order to help this society as well as other societies, considering the woman has an equal role to man. For example if we want to make film about the behavior of prophet Yousuf in the palace with the kings wife, or the people of Lout. I have not received an answer on how can we make such a film production and label it as meeting Islamic principles.
2. Another issue I am not able to get satisfactory answer. We say that the woman in Islam is economically independent. She owns her wealth starting with Mahar and she can do trade, business, contracts etc. Can she go and deal with business people alone? Or her husband or brother should be with her? To what extent can the husband interfere? In case the husband put some restriction on her movement that in effect reduces her ability to practice that financial freedom, what she can do. What are the limits? What are the bottom lines here?
Answer
Apparently these questions have been answered before in our Live Fatwa session. We refer you to those answers. If you feel that there is still something not clear to you, then ask Shiekh Al-Hanooti in his session tomorrow from 3 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. EST.
Name
Khalid
- United States
Profession
Programmer
Question
Assalamo Alaikom.
What should a man do, if he senses the family of his wife are putting too much pressure on the wife and causing her to say or ask for things she would not otherwise do?
Answer
This is one of the areas that I deeply research and deal with. The in-laws should know their boundaries and to be there to support the family. They should not get involved in these struggles of who is in charge. The parents should sometimes back up and allow the young couple to make their mistakes and to learn form those mistakes.
When it comes to certain issues, then there are times when the family should get involved. For example, if a daughter comes to her family complaining that her husband has beaten her, then it is upon the father of the girl Islamically to first investigate the issue and then deal with it.
Other than that, the parents of both families should not allow themselves to get involved in any gossip or rumors spread by the children. They should use wisdom and be an example for the younger people to follow. Also, the young couple should not allow people to start gossip or rumors between them and their spouse. So too, they should not go to their families and make their marital problems a public issue.
