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Name
yasmin
-
Profession
Question
Salaams
i would like to know what the contract nikah is about. i am engaged but i would prefer to do the contract nikah, however it is not very popular in my country so people do not understand it well. i am worried about the fitna that will occur if the contract marriage fails, there will be a stigma attached to my name that i am a divorcee, etc. what do you think i should do.
Shukran jazeelan..
Answer
Assalam Alaikum:
Thank you for your question , however it is of fatwa nature , therefore please submit it to the following page: Ask the Scholar.
Name
Abdi
- United States
Profession
student
Question
Assalamu Alaykom..
Is it okay to have a girl or a boyfriend? My second question :why is it that a lot of muslim brothers and sister are now doing a lot of sin stuff? what can the muslim cumminity do to get rid of this things?
Answer
As-salamu alaikum Abdi.
It is a very important question that you have asked and demands more time and space than we have here.
To answer your question though,it is not okay to have a girlfriend/boyfriend without a commitment to marriage. The problem is the way in which the world is developing nowadays it seems as if that it is okay, that there is nothing to worry about and that there are no consequences to bear. As such, many young Muslims also virtually grow up believing this to be quite natural. It ignores the emtional turmoil that one can go through and the seeds of mistrust that can be sown between girls towards boys and vice versa, and most importantly, at a time when young people are going through a process of self-discovery, they are exposing themselves to more confusion whcih many take advantage of their detriment.
As far as young Muslims are concerned, adolescence is a time when young boys and young girls should be taking time to understand their lives while their hormones are going awol. It should be a time, to see who one is - a boy becoming a man and a girl becoming a woman, and for that, the respected elders of the community and ones family members are needed as guides. It is also a time of activity which can also help to clarify the mind, and not a time of staying at home thinking deep and lonely thoughts.
It will take time to remove this porblem, but if we do not , the problems that we face today will become more overwhelming than one thought possible.
And in addition to all what has been said the following links look into the issue but from a more religious ( fatwa ) perspective: Having a Girlfriend: Is it Permissible?.
Name
Ummi
- Singapore
Profession
Question
Assalam Alaikum:
When a female and male decides to get married, how should they plan their finances?
Should the male give all of his earnings to the wife or should they keep a joint account?
Thank you.
Answer
Assalamu alaikum sister.
Thisis a question that can say so many things other than what it seems to be about. Essentially from this one decision a lot more is to be decided about the relationship , like for instance:
1) How much you respect one another.
2) How muh you know each other.
3) How much you trust one another.
4) How much of your marriage is about two people living together or two people living together as one. and..
5) How much common understanding there is about what is important now and in the future.
And here a fatwa that may be of use when thinking about the issue, but from the fatwa perspective: Man and His Career Wife’s Salary?.
Jazak Allah Khayrun..
Name
Mu
- United States
Profession
student
Question
Salaam..
I am currently 20 years old. INSHALLAH I will be a doctor in a few years. The person I'd like to marry is a scholar of Islam, MASHALLAH. If I am lucky enough to marry him, I would like to work for a few years. My question is, would it be wrong to expect him to watch the kids (if we have any INSHALLAH),while I'm away at work.
Also, if he doesn't like that I don't cover my face while at work (I cover my face in all other situations except school, and I don't know if I will cover my face at work or not in the future INSHALLAH) would I have to stop working or could I continue? I know these are things our families must discuss, but please provide general information. wassalaam
JAZAKALLAH..
Answer
As-salamu alaykum sister.
You know, there are two words that we use frequently today, 'want' and 'need'.
Sometimes, there is a gap between what we say we want and what we actually need. Wanting a religious man is preferred for many sound reasons in terms of care, understanding and protection of ones rights and understanding of what Islam wants of us. In this manner, we would feel less confused and distracted by the some of the crazy things that surround us, but there is a BUT!!!
What have you done to prepare yourself to have this kind of man in your life? It is a basic common law that 'like attracts like' and so in general it is the case. If indeed you wish to attract a relgious man, then consider your deen and your knowledge and practice of your deen because this will indicate to him what kind of women/mother you will become.
Also, be careful of creating the whole scenario in your head before 'the event' because in this manner ,one creates an image that may or may not exist. This then sets up a pattern of misunderstanding and poor communication ,to which in general there is no positive result in the long run.
We pray for the best, but with the best there has to be some effort on your part `insha-Allah.
As for the second part of your question , here is what our respected scholars said concerning the issue:
"As for your question, bear in mind that the majority of Imams — including those of the four schools of fiqh as well as others — hold the opinion that a woman is not obliged to cover her face and hands. However, a group of scholars, the majority of whom belong to the Hanbali School, teach that a woman must cover her face and hands as well."
I have a friend who had a guy ,who promissed her that he will mary her. But because of the guy not being ready, this girl has told him to stop communicating,although the only communication they were using was only via emails and it was just general "talk".
So when this girl told the boy that they should stop communicating he seemed angry, but she loves him a lot, so now she is not sure if she has to wait for him , he has not assured her any thing.So will be it wise for her to wait for him.
Please can you offer her an advice.
Answer
As-salamu alaykum sister.
Your friend must be commended to do what she has done as difficult as it may be for her emotionally and psychologically.
It is also wise, for the boy to take time to decide what he wants in his life and during the time that he takes to make that decsion, it is best that your friend does not communicate with him no matter how much she loves him, becuase if he is truly not ready, then maybe only more problems will occur. Therefore it would not be advisable to change the stance that she has taken.
If your friend can get on with her life in some manner, by being active, spending time with her good supportive friends like you and with her family as well as any studies/work that would be the best for her during that time. In this way, she would be more than ready for marriage whether the boy decides to go ahead with marriage or not - for there will be others `insha-Allah.
Name
zaki
- Malaysia
Profession
student
Question
I believe in the purification of love after getting married. But, how to build the love if we do not know our partner before?
Answer
As-salamu alaykum Zaki, it seems from what you have said that you are asking two questions, one pertaining to what you believe in and the other pertaining to what you desire.
To know someone before marriage, is not prerequisite to 'building love'. To 'build love' one first must be able to love the greatest love of all being, to 'love for the sake of Allah'. Within this stream of love is the ability to love others more unconditionally. Then to be able to give love one has to be ale to recieve love. Some people only give and do not know how to receive and some people only take and do not know how to give. Then finally, you have to know how to love yourself. It might seem strange, but unles you know how to honor yourself and appreciate what is good about you, you will find it very difficult to honor and respect others. One, you can do these things, then it is easier to recoginze what kind of person would be suitable for you in marriage after which it will not be too difficult to achieve that whih you dream of.
Name
AA
-
Profession
Question
A little background:
I am a 24-yr old female genuinely in love, for the past 5 years, with a class-fellow of mine, who because of whatever domestic conditions, believed himself to be a homosexual. Now Ma'ash Allah, he has realized what the truth is. Though he tries to stick to the straight path, I know he wavers often. I want him to turn straight very badly, I know that that is the only way out for him. I often advise him to get married as soon as possible with a pious girl. (And believe me, I do that out of sincerity. Though he knows I love him a lot, he would not marry me: he has said so, and has not explained himself. And I also think I am not good enough for him intellectually or physically. So it is not for myself that I want him to get married, but for his own sake). Now:
-Can you please tell me if you've come across any such person who was a homosexual, and later turned straight?
-Is marriage of any benefit in this case? and if he does get married, what problems might be expected, and how to deal with them?
-Can you suggest anything that is within Shariah and within my hands that I can do to help him?
-Can you please suggest any tips for him? Some plan or course of action that he can take? I've read and forwarded all the tips that I come across, but he wants a more sympathetic and genuinely sincere approach.
-Is psychotherapy of help? The famous psychologists that we have contacted in our city believe this is "just another way of life" (surprisingly they are Muslims!). Is there any psychologist in Pakistan (Karachi) who could be contacted? or, are there any Islamic cousellors/islamic marriage counsellers here that you know of?
Honestly, I've exhausted myself thinking on how to help him and if I'm giving him the correct advice. Please don't disappoint me by not answering.
JazakAllah.
Answer
As-salamu alaykum sister.
The situation, that you speak of is not that unusual, and may have less to do with how he saw his sexuality because he was not 'ready'like others of his age at the time. If one looks elsewhere, one of the main causes of Eating Disorders, is connected with the hype that pervades the modern world today towards what a boy/girl should be doing according to asocial laws. The result is the increasing amount of boys and grils that use food to disguise/delay what they are frightned of becoming according to todays social mores.
Your friend has relaxied the truth, basically because he needed the time to discover for himself who and what he is.
He obviously knows himself very well, and he respects you very much, but it is not a 'psychological problem that he has. You will be surprised to see, how quickly he does want to get married when he finds the right person and that is the case for some people. In this context, what is important, is that he is as active as possible in the areas that interests him. In this way, his mind will not be fixed solely on this issue. In the process he will develop some more and within the circles that he moves in, he will be able to find a suitable wife.
JazaK Allah Khayrun..
Name
salima
-
Profession
Question
How can we detect the person who lies? Because it is too difficult to trust on someone.
And there are some people who say that between female and male also characters should match but characters are not behaviours or AKHLAQ(good manners) so should we focus on akhlaq or characters.
Answer
As-salamu alkaykum sister.
It is indeed a very good question that you have posed here. Characters only match the expression of Akhlaq when the actual expression and behaviour is true and honest. It is only with observation, that one becomes aware if there is a contradiction . This takes time to recognize . Essentially the more one knows oneself, the easier one can recognize how true and honest another person is, `insha-Allah.
Name
G-
-
Profession
Question
Assalamu alaykum.
In case a woman has to deal her marriage proposals if there is no suitable wali(guardian) on her behalf and they do not give priority to materials rather than the level of faith of expected bridegroom, what should be the manner of that woman to deal such matters?
Answer
As-salamu alaykum sister.
It is a very difficult situation that you have shared with us ,if there is no one ,who can represent her befor, during or after the marriage. It would be best in terms of protecting her rights as a woman and as a wife. However, there are options that can be considered and it would be best if this question could be submitted to:
Ask the Scholar
Jazak Allah Khayrun
Name
A.
- Netherlands
Profession
Student
Question
Assalaam aleikom,
How should a muslim in a non-muslim country seek for a future wife? Is it permissible to convience (female) non-believers to Islam so that I can marry one. Because sometimes a non-muslim woman has many skills and a very good personality.
Answer
As-salamu alaykum brother.
Thank you for your valuable question. It should be noted that first of all, you are not alone. I meant, that you are not the only Muslim in the country that you are from. However, what becomes important are the roles that the mosques and Islamic centers play in ones life as a Muslim. This is where Muslims can connect with other Muslims and get involved with relgious and social activities. Without theses institutions, it can be very difficult to find a partner. If neither of these exist in the community nearest to you, then you must try to develop a network with communites that might be a little further away and of course the internet.
You may like to try the Matrimonial service at Islamonline.net for your purpose:
Matrimonial
Jazak Allah Khayrun
Name
Ajenifuja
- Nigeria
Profession
instructor
Question
Salam,
As a muslim who has proposed to a Christian lady. What are my responsibilities to her.
Answer
As a Muslim man representing Islam in whatever walk of life you circulate, you would honor the rights of a woman whether she is aware of those rights or not.
For further details of those rights please submit your question to :Ask the Scholar.
Name
abu-aminah
- United States
Profession
athlete
Question
Can muslim women engage in athletic competition, in the presence of me if they are properly covered.
How is an almost 27 year old Muslima supposed to find a husband in a Western country if her parents don't look for her and don't talk to her about marriage at all? Should she just sit and wait like she has done so far or start looking by herself although she is a shy person? Also the masjid is no solution as that would only lead to people talking bad behind their backs as in their culture a women offering herself for marriage is shameful.
Answer
As-salamu alaykum sister.
One does not go looking (as in hunting) for a partner, but one approaches the mechanisms that are available, and that is the sheikh, the imam... etc. of the mosque/Islamic center. Of course this takes time, becuase first one needs to be acqainted with how the facilities that are available and who runs them. But if ones parents are not taking on the responsibility and if you do have access to a mosque/Islamic center, then your parents should be encouraged to attend on your behalf.
Besides, are you sure your parents are not looking for you. Because they have not said anything to you, this does not mean that they are not looking. Take courage and faith my sister and don't give up so easily.
Jazak Allah Khayrun..
Name
Maymoona
-
Profession
student
Question
Asslamu alaikum wahrehmatullah,
I was wondering if it is preferable to keep contact minimum with your fiance before marriage? As it goes thousands of people get married without even knowing each other and they live happily after words. Other wise you would run into differences and the next thing you know is that you're breaking up before marriage!
JazakAllah khair.
Answer
As-salamu alaykum sister.
I thank you for your question, it certainly has put everything into a nutshell and has brought some humor into it all. It is a problem of society today that we underestimate ourselves and then we underestimate others and until such time, the problem that you speak of will continue to happen.
