How should we deal with a son who is eight years old and finds it boring to pray?
Answer
There are several factors. Children like to do what their parents do. However, they don't like to do things that are forced upon them, so we should be the example for them. Whenever you go to the masjid, whether it be subh, thur, asr, maghrib or isha, make it a family event so that they will learn to appreciate worshiping Allah.
8 year olds or younger should be encouraged to pray, but it is not yet incumbent upon them to do so. They should be invited to join the prayer, to make du'a together, to make wudoo together, to call the adhan; or other forms of worship that you can share with them. When they do participate, give them some form of positive reinforcement like a hug, a kiss on the forehead; etc.
One last thing. Sometimes, we want our kids to come inside to pray when they are in the middle of a game. Therefore, we should set a time that they will know about when the prayer will be established. That way, they will know not to go out and play when the family will be praying. In plain terms, regularity can make a major difference. I must emphasize that children at this early of an age should be invited to pray rather tahn being told to or forced. In that way, they will appreciate prayer more and make a conscious decision on their own rather than having to do it against their will.
Name
Umm Safiya
- United States
Profession
homemaker
Question
What alternatives could we provide for our children instead of TV?
Answer
First of all, we must control ourselves. We cannot have a TV in every bedroom, the living room, kitchen; etc. We have to have a controlled and monitored viewing of TV for ourselves as well as the children. Television is a big problem because it is not interactive. For the viewer, it is passive. It damages the cognitive, physical, emotional, and moral development of the child. This has been proven by continuous research over the past 20 years.
Ultimately, we should follow the example of the Prophet (SAAWS). Obviously, he didn't have a TV in his home. However, if we are going to have a TV, it should be only one in the house. Keep it in a place where the parents can monitor its usage. Also, view the programs they want to watch the first time and discuss the different acts that took place during the program considering Islamic Akhlaq. That way, the children can start to get a moral sense of what is right and wrong and the viewing session becomes a learning experience.
After you have selected the programming, don't let them watch over an hour of programming a day. That is for the TV.
As far as alternative activities, take your children to the library. Go with them and read books with them so that it becomes a family activity. Or, you could have art projects with them, depending their age group. On the ICRA website, we have posted a whole months list of activities for parents to do with their children (www.icra.org). Go to the newsletter.
Also, parents can join with their children in the park district activities that exist in your community. There are so many wonderful activities that children could do and learn from this. They should have some sort of physical play in the community.
The main thing is that we should not resort to using the TV as a babysitter. We must raise our children to be cultured and educated people. If we put them in front of a TV all the time, how can we expect to have positive results when what they are doing is not exercising the brain, heart or limbs.
Name
Ismail
- United States
Profession
communication
Question
As-Salaamu Alaikum,
I do youth work in my community and have talked with some of the youth about their interaction with their parents. I was very alarmed to hear from one of them that their father not only hits him and his other siblings, but does so in the face. What is there to say about this, and what can be done to correct the situation?
Answer
First of all, its against the law. If the Department of Family and Children services finds out, they will take the children away from the parents and most likely put them in homes with non-Muslim parents.
There are a number of things that you could do. Go to the father, but don't say that the child told you. Usually, you can see the marks on a child that has been beaten. Tell him that the Prophet (SAAWS) never even raised his voice to a child, so how could you hit a child if you truly want to follow the Prophet's example. This is a Christian concept to want to "Beat the devil out of a child". As Muslims, we believe that a child is innocent.
However, if he is doing it out of depression or some other psychological disorder, then it would be good to get him to seek counseling. There are many qualified Muslim counselors and psychologists that could deal with these problems. Talk to the mother and children away from the father and see what the pattern is when he gets angry. Try to avoid those situations. This is only in managing anger. If you have qualified Muslim psychologists in the area, then suggest the mother to go and talk with them.
Name
Baba
- United States
Profession
Question
I have a two-year old daughter and we live in the US. I was also born and raised here. I remember when my parents attempted to teach me about Islam. Back then, there were not many other Muslims in the country and I had no Islamic peers to lean onto. My worry presently is that I want to teach my daughter the faith, but I don't want to force it down her throat on a daily basis, telling her everyday that she is different. We are also thinking that when she becomes school age, to send her for part of her education overseas in a Muslim country, and part of it here in the US. Please advise.
Answer
I have raised my children here just as you have. Establishing the Islamic identity does not involve them having Islam shoved down their throats. Read to them the beautiful stories about the Prophets, the companions, and other great Islamic figures throughout our history. Also, there are good books here that I could send you a list of. Another thing that I would suggest is getting some of the wonderful Islamic songs that are out which are geared towards kids.
The main thing I would concern yourself with is dress. It is prehaps premature to put a hijab on your daughter at 2 years old, but start giving her the idea of Islamic modesty in dress and appearance. If you share with her these stories and teach her the morals, starting first being the example, then she should be alright.
As far as sending her out of the country, I would be very careful because the separation of a child from the parents, even teenagers, could have a negative impact on your child. Also, the country that you send your child to is very important. I think that here in America, Al-Hamdu lillah, we have good practicing Muslims. You should pick a neighborhood where there are good practicing Muslim families and move there.
Taking the child to the Masjid is very important. Go to Jumu'ah with her, or if there isn't a masjid where you live, let her see you praying in the house. Taking her to the masjid for school when she gets to the right age is very important. Live in a community where there are other Muslim children that are her age so that she can play with them. If there is a GOOD full-time Islamic school, then let her attend that school. Those are the kinds of things that will be very good for her.
One last point, establish an open line of communication so that they won't try to hide things from you. You can't go wrong if you are openly communicating with them and listening to them. In the end, allowing your children to see you praying is huge. Don't take that lightly.
Name
Hasan
-
Profession
Question
How do we protect our children from the junk the secular government teaches them in school?
Answer
The first thing that is important, you have to be aware of what they are reading, so the first day they go to school, you should ask the teachers if you could see the curriculum. I used to review all the books myself, but I am a teacher. If you think that this task might be too overwhelming for you, then perhaps you could put together a board of parents at the Masjid that sit down together and review the books. That way, you will always be on top of what is going on at the school academically.
Usually, the literature books (especially 10-12 year olds required reading) that children read are easy to read and have access to. If you find any problems in these books, you may find that the teachers can't do anything about it. For this, there is an organization located in California called Council of Islamic Education (CIE). They monitor the textbooks. If you have any questions that you think are serious enough, you can call them and speak with Br. Shabbir Mansoori. He could help also. Most of the problematic issues come in the health education classes. Parents should look very carefully at these books. If you see that these books are problematic, every state has a clause that allows children to not take those classes for whatever reason. However, if it is a girl, the mother, or if it is a boy the father should talk to their children about these issues so that they can be educated, but in an Islamic manner.
Also, just talking to your children about these issues will be a big help. Other than that, the 'junk' here can be dealt with through setting your family up in a community that has good Muslim families around it. Use tact and intellect in dealing with these issues before we resort to emotion. If we develop in our children reasoning, then they will then develop an understanding of the issues that are important to us.
In the end, if you have the ability to homeschool, it is very good. But I must emphasize distinguishing an understanding of right and wrong. We have to give them the tools to become critical thinkers.
Name
Khalid
- United States
Profession
Question
I can block my child from watching violent or vile TV programming, but can't stop the neighbor's child! There have already been many cases of children killing other kids by emulating TV characters or actors. How do I protect my child in public or at school?
Answer
For this, there is always this fear, especially with the way things are nowadays. The only answer that I can give is that you get your family into a neighborhood where there are good Muslim families surrounding them. Be in a place where you can also always have a good relationship with their teachers. If you do that, then the chances of your kids growing up in a healthy manner will be much more likely. Kids are like containers, whatever we put into them, we'll get out. Therefore, if we put our children around junk and junky people, what else should we expect to get from them other than junk. Remember that we are responsible and that we have this amanah with Allah to take care of our families. If we do that, we will do what it takes to put ourselves and our children in the right places.
Name
Fatima
- United States
Profession
Question
If you live in morally deprived Western nations, children and teenagers get exposed to sexuality at very early age. Schools and government seem to want to even encourage and facilitate such behavior. What do I, as a parent do?
Answer
This is basically the same question that has been asked before. What we can do in any society is have a strong influence in our child's life. We can do that by being meticulous in who we pick as friends for ourselves, the communities that we choose to live in and the type of environment that we choose to live in. It is also very important for you to practice Islam in the house and outside of it. Islam is a deen of love. If we teach this way, then it will be inculcated into our children. If you explain Islam in this way to your children, that this is right and that is wrong, and then make du'a for those people who are wrong, then our children will be affected by that. We want our families to understand that Islam has this type of forbearance and is not a way of hatred and anger.
There is a good story that exemplifies this point. There was a companion who lived at the time of Prophet Muhammad (SAAWS) who was known for making the Prophet laugh. However, this man had a bad habit of drinking alcohol. When he was caught drinking, he was brough before the Prophet (SAAWS) and was punished. As he was being punished, one of the companions made du'a against him, saying, "Oh Allah! Curse him!" The Prophet (SAAWS) said, "No, don't curse him, for this man loves Allah and His Messenger." As always, our beloved Prophet is the example for us to follow. So we should emphasize the mercy and compassion of Allah and His Messenger the way that this story shows.
Name
Khalid
- United States
Profession
Question
My kid threatened me that he will make up a story and tell his teacher I abuse him, just to get his demands met. He got a good spanking! How do I keep the government out of my business and tell my kid what his teachers say about this is meaningless to me?
Answer
You need to sit down with your child and ask them why they would have this behavior. Also, you need to analyze yourself and see if there is anything that you are doing that may have caused this type of behavior. We need to remember that this is a big amanah between us and Allah (SWT). Every child is a future member of this ummah. What we put into them is very important. Maybe your environment is not good and you should move.
First, you need to sit down and talk with your child. Beating your child or spanking them is not an Islamic practice. By doing that, you may make your child want to harm you more. Always remember to practice restraint when disciplining your child. This can damage the growth of the child emotionally, so you should start talking to your child, reminding him that you love him and other types of positive reinforcement. Believe me, it will make a huge difference.
Name
Ejaz
-
Profession
Question
Sister Tasneema,
Thank you for all the good work you do. Tell me why our Islamic schools are dull, small, smelly and their level of education is lower compared to the schools that are run by other religions and sects?
Answer
Al-Hamdu lillah brother, maybe you should visit Br. Yusuf Islam's school in London. It is very beautiful. There are some very good Islamic schools throughout the western world as well as eastern world. These schools have very professional teachers; etc.
The schools you are referring to need help. Get involved and offer your efforts. Don't underestimate the impact that you might be able to make. Many of these schools have simply not done their homework on what it takes to have a top-notch school. There is a lack of professionalism, involvement of parents, or even that the people of that school are not educated themselves. Also, there might be a lack of funds or fear of sending our children to other schools. Please try and get involved and make a difference.
Name
Fatima
-
Profession
Question
Yes, children spend alot of time with their parents. However, they spend more than 7 hours with their teachers in schools. Don't you think that more attention should be directed to finding and hiring quality teachers? How can this be done?
Answer
Out of 365 days in a year, they are only in the schools for around 180-188 days varying between states. They spend a lot of time with us too unless we are working. We should encourage that our teachers be well educated and proper for the Islamic schools.
However, in the public schools, they have a whole different set of moral and ethical values. We have to be very careful. But, we can't underestimate the effect that parents can have on their children. Maybe you should read some of the research that is coming out about influence at the early ages of childhood.
I agree with you that in the public schools, there may be some problems with the teachers. However, there may not be anything that we can do to cause change in that sense.
Name
Farookh
-
Profession
Question
Being an educator yourself, what kind of interaction should the parents and teachers have to help raise an adjusted child?
Answer
As a teacher, I was always involved. If you are a teacher, then always try and be involved. As a parent, get involved in the schooling of the child by having good communication with the teachers. Also, talk with your child and be open with each other. Do this day by day, not year by year. Also, inform the teacher that we are Muslims and that there are some things that we do and some things that we don't do.
Get involved in whatever way you can. Fundraisers, lunch help, being a teacher's aid. Always accept the authority of the teacher. Work with them to give your children a healthy environment to grow with.
Also, go to your child's school and give their class some sort of introduction about Islam. This way, the children as well as the teacher will be more informed and may also extend into a form of da'wa.
