The session has just started. Please feel free to join us with your questions on family and gender.
After the session has ended, you can view the whole dialogue by clicking on "Recent Sessions", or later by going through "Archives".
Answer
-
Name
S.
-
Profession
Question
As salamu `alaykum
Concerning the recent attacks on the U.K. airports. When I watched the T.V. I was stunned.
How can a nuero-surgeon become a terrorist? Don't they think of their kids or families before committing such acts?
How can such highly qualified doctors be misled? Why do they have to distort the Islamic image? Now because of this, the laws become more strict for Muslims in the West with more harassment of hijabis.
How can we convince others that we are peace loving people?
"My Lord! Expand my chest for me, and ease my task for me, and loosen the knot from my tongue that they understand my words".
It is terrible confusing as to why these individuals have fallen into what they have. Extremism is not about religion as much as it is about a psychological state of being.
It happens in all religions and is a response to psychological factors within a person and sociological factors outside of them and is not so much a theological matter.
I can not elaborate more on this as this is not really my field of specialization. I am a treating psychotherapist and I work with survivors of torture.
As for how to convince others that we are loving. I don't know that we can. Our own beloved Prophet Muhammed, peace be upon him, could not "convince" all of his family that Islam was the right path, instead it is Allah that guides our heart when we are ready to see and know a truth.
What we can do is to be the change we wish to see in the world, as Ghandi says. In order to do so, we need to be patient, and realize that as fore-shortened as the future seems, there is a future as individuals we do our part, not all of it. Part of doing our part is accepting that our effort is meaningful, even if we do not see the fruit immediatly.
We have the power to have genuine, caring relationships with people. To let pedestrains cross, to report stolen keys, to smile without expecting a smile back, and many more friendly and genuine gestures. I caution you that this can wear down on your heart though. If we are reluctant to "show" others we become exhausted. That is why, I say that we need to be the change in our every day lives and not just for show.
Name
Host
-
Profession
Question
As salamu alaykum Dr. Layla.
You have been doing a lot of work with victims of torture recently, please could you tell us about where these victims are from, and what types of torture they have been exposed to? And where are these victims now?
Answer
Yes, I work with survivors of politically motivated torture. They mostly come from the continent of Africa. To my surprise, many are Muslims. These are often educated individuals that have spoken for the truth as they see it, and have been punished by their governments for doing so.
Besides psychological torture like mock executions, threats to children, they also suffer dire living conditions while tortured and of course horrid physical torture.
These individuals survived torture, so they have an incredible ability to survive!!
I have seen people learn to smile again and to find the hope in this existence and it is so humblr and special that Allah has chosen me to witness that.
These victims are in your neighorhoods, in your families, and in all fabrics of society. They are normal people like all of us who have been purposefully broken to pieces.
"My Lord! Expand my chest for me, and ease my task for me, and loosen the knot from my tongue that they understand my words".
That is a very good question. Most definitely every person experiences torture differently. It depends on who you are and where you come from and what traumatic experiences you have had in your past and if and how you coped with them.
I always tell my clients that it is a blessing that they are symptomatic, because it means that they didn't and haven't become insane and their symptoms are testimony to the horrors that they saw.
They can't be at ease within their minds, so they stay agitate us so we may heal them and allow their minds to live in peace.
The affect of someone hurting you is bad.
The affect of being hurt is sad.
But the effect of someone who is purposfuly and intentionally setting out to hurt and destroy you and utilizing calculated "methods"to do so, is grotesque and very confusing.
Name
Raven
- Egypt
Profession
Question
As salamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi..
I am a muslim girl who lives in the United Kingdom. I have lots of friends who are not Muslim. This one friend he is actually an atheist. We have these discussions about God and the existence of God, but even though I deeply believe in Allah and I'm a true Muslim believer, I could not respond to his claims when he says the world is falling apart because of wars and how God is not doing anything. I don't know what to say in return.
Is it wrong to indulge in such conversations? should I just stick to Muslim friends?
My Lord! Expand my chest for me, and ease my task for me, and loosen the knot from my tongue that they understand my words.
This is an interesting question. And although it isn't directly related to our topic today, I'll indulge myself a bit.
You are thinking of no longer conversing with a friend because you don't have "the answers". I think that is the last reason why you need to stop a conversation.
We are all seekers of our truth in this world and I think that it is fine to honestly say that you don't know and to explore and look for answers. There is never a one-shot-deal that cures the world.
I think that these days we've grown very impatient and want to see our effect on other immediatly. We want to convince, compell, and transform!! We've been watching too many movies.
In real life, we plant seeds, and what happens with them is outside of our control. If the person nurtures the seed or if Allah wants it to grow, it will. Such is your da'wah...it is a wonderful, powerful seed.
Name
Ra'ouf
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
Do victims of torture have the ability to make change in their lives let alone in the world, that tortured them?
"My Lord! Expand my chest for me, and ease my task for me, and loosen the knot from my tongue that they understand my words".
Indeed brother, they do! Of course their ability to heal depends on their life before the torture, the purpose of their torture, the psychological affect of their torture, and whether they receive treatment.
Human resiliance is an amazing thing and many many survivors of torture have it. I am often questioned about why I work with this part of the population.
They are holders of the ultimate human spirit that has seen some of the most terrifying personally targeted acts.
The fact that they are present before me, although broken at times, is a reflection of their hope for the future.
Name
S.
-
Profession
Question
What sort of person makes a torcherer and what are the proven reasons for it?
Answer
This is a complex matter, and I am not a theorist and could not get into this topic and do it justice.
There is a lot of good work that discusses this matter including psychological studies like the one conducted in Stanford where a mock prison was set up and the study was stopped for fear of perminent psychological harm.
You can search the Internet for this information and will surely find a lot of information.
This question has been addressed in a recent posting on the cyber counselor. Feel free to look at the link below:
I know it is not that easy. The experience of being tortured, leaves many problems which can damage the inner self, can you give 123 tips to help the torturer?
Answer
I myself have not treated anyone who I have known to have inflicted torture upon others (torturer). What we know is that they often seek treatment to come to terms with what they have done.. Many times these are typical individuals who were cooerced or pressured to do horrible things and when they leave the environmnet they were in, what they have done hits them!
One way that individuals are trained to torture is by training them that the victim is not as human as they are - the victim is reduced to an object. When the torturer is no longer in that situation, they can sometimes see their own wrongs.
There are no 123 tips in the field of torture that I have ever heard of. It is really deep and intense work. I would encourage any individual who has inflicted torture on others to seek help. In this line of work, we understand they are not bad people, and instead they are people who have done really bad things. Their lives and the world is better off once they receive treatment.
On a personal note:
My uncle Abdulrazak passed away a year and half ago in Iraq at the hands of American troops. Prior to his death, he had been a prisoner of war in Iran for 16 years.
He once told us about how a fellow inmate used to have this one guard that seemed obsessed with beating him. Every morning he would come to work and beat him mercilessly for years!! One day the guard came and opened his cell, sat beside him, and begged for his forgivness. The prisoner asked what was going on and the guard said that he had spoken with his mother and she told him that what he did was so haram, even if he was commanded to do it.
Subhannallah....even in that guard, there was something alive in his heart that responded to his mother's concerns.
Name
Karim
- Denmark
Profession
Question
What is the most sensitive experience you every witnessed during your work helping the torturers?
Answer
I work with survivors of torture not torturers.
Name
Ahmed
-
Profession
Question
How to stop torture? whos is more likely to torture, the man or the woman?
Answer
That is a huge concept. In my work, I work on helping the individual recover and I know that in a small and meaningful way, I am impacting on the world.
Also, I think perhaps more torturers are men but also most guards, police, and government officials are men. I don't know what influence gender has on any of this.
Name
Karim
- Denmark
Profession
Question
What is the most sensitive experience you every witnessed during your work helping the torturers?
Answer
In case you are asking about what my most sensitive experience in working with SURVIVORS of torture:
I cannot devulge too much information so as not to breach confidentiality, but here are a couple.
-In working with one woman, I noticed that she did not seem to have the ability to smile. Even in a greeting, she could not forge a smile. I was haunted by this, especially given how much I smile! Her inability to smile was so symbolic of the destruction. I wondered how she would make it through. Subhannallah, while she is still making many strides, I can say that Al hamdu lillah, she now smiles and laughs...
- In working with another client, she began to experience visual images of what had happened to her (flash backs), she began to shake and cry and her eyes became huge. Her bones began to hurt her as she relived and felt the beatings in her mind. She started to hear bones breaking and people crying. I was terrified for her.
Name
host
-
Profession
Question
The session has ended. We would like to thank Dr. Layla for taking the time to answer the questions of IslamOnline viewers, and all those who participated in this live dialogue.
we apologize for not being able to answer all the questions we received due to time limitations.
