Three years before, papa tried to find a guy for me to marry and from that day my life became hell. I want to marry someone whom I studied with and have known for seven years. We have good understanding. Papa refused to let us marry because my fathers says he belongs to the low caste. He is lives in a village and has done MSc. in Mathematics, PGDCA and B.Ed. He is not good looking and unfortunately, he did not a find good job. May be you know that here, there is a ban on recruitment because of disturbances over the last 15 years. He teaches maths to earn money.
Papa wants me to marry a rich person, have a car, bungalow, bank balance, good job and for the man I marry to be of high caste. We are 'Masoodi' in caste and he (the one I want to marry ) is 'Rather' in caste. I want to know is caste system allowed in our religion?
Is it a sin to marry someone of lower caste?
Can’t women marry of our own choice? He (the one I wish to marry) decided to work in the Gulf. He made a passport for it, but agents told him, there is only scope for doctors and engineers. We are both suffering a lot. We want to spend the rest of our life with each other. He is a nice person, kind hearted, and noble. My parents put a lot of pressure on me. They want to motivate me by hook or by crook.
They told me that if I will not obey them, I would be a widow after seven days of marriage. They used to abuse me all the time. They use the worst language against me. I cannot say how much they are humiliating me. I am afraid of them and I used to sit alone in my room. My health has been gone down. I am using sleeping pills to sleep. I don’t know what to write to you. Please forgive me if something hurts you. I am really in much tension. I am fed up with life. I don’t have courage to struggle with life. His Papa came to our house with a proposal of marriage but my father refused him. He told papa we did not need anything except sabr, (patience). My papa didn’t agree. Papa told them, if this man would become a Commissioner he still would not marry me to him.
They insisted a lot - in other words they begged before papa for our happiness. My father didn’t listen to a single word. I waited for seven years for this day, but papa disappointed me. I am not happy with his decision. Papa told me they have given me money for my studies and in turn I have to do whatever they want, whether I like it or not.
I have to marry to give birth to children. Love and affection means anything for them. They told me to consider that the one I want to marry is dead .They always recognize a person from his caste and wealth not by his conduct. From my childhood I used to do what my parents want, but this time I didn’t. I didn't want to deceive the one I want. I have promised him. I can never think of anyone else. Whenever papa talked about my marriage, I feel as if he is snatching my soul .I am in great difficulty. Tell me if women have no right to be happy? They don't have a right to decide anything of there own.
Why are women pressurized and have to make sacrifices.
I love papa. I can do anything for him, but, I don't want to marry under pressure or without my consent. I did not like that person whom papa will select then how can I marry him, papa will destroy my life. I do not like that anybody should touch me except him who I speak of. I will always feel that person has raped me. Please help me. My family members are not listening to me. They never gave me chance to express myself. Whenever topic starts .they use to shout, taunt and abuse me.I am really so afraid of their behavior that I cannot say anything to them even though his father is a Section Officer in the electric department. His mother is a housewife and he has two brothers and two sisters. Papa told me, if I will not obey him then he will collect all relatives, neighbors, and my teachers and tell them about my affair and I will have to leave his house forever. Mummy, my sisters and my brother used to abuse him and make jokes of him. Papa told me villagers are inferior to us and are not allowed in our house. My parents are busy trying to find a guy for me and want me engaged within days. I don’t know what to do. I want to go far away. It seems dark.
Answer
As salamu `alaykum,
s
Sister I can understand your situation. This is very common among many Muslims. This is nothing but a cultural binding. I would like to answer your question in points.
1. First of all there is no caste system in Islam. Islam came to break those barriers such as caste, creed, race,etc. All of us are children of Adam(a.s.) and equal in Allah's sight except in piety. (prophets last sermon). Please dont worry about caste as there no such thing as caste system in Islam.
2. Islam has honored women and has given her all the rights to choose her own spouse. During the prophet's time so many woman proposed to Prophet Muhammed (saw) directly. This proves that a woman has a right to choose her partner.
3. In Islam marriage is a contrart which requires a wali(male gaurdian) and two witnesses. For the reverts the Imam of that town/place is the wali.
You don't need your parents consent if they are behaving in un-Islamically. If you get your parents consent then you would be honoring them, but if they don't give you their consent still the marriage would be valid. But it would be better if you have a wali from your close relative `in sha'Allah
4. Before taking any hasty decision pray two rakats of Istikhara and ask Allah(swt) whether the man you have chosen is right for you in this world, for your religion and the Hereafter. Nobody can give you a better answer than Allah(swt). Also ask Him to give you the heart to accept the decision if it comes in the other side. Yet please keep in mind Allah is the best calculator and nobody would know who is the best person for you. Trust Allah completely , He will definitely show you a way.
'Whoever puts his trust on Allah, He(Allah) is sufficent for him". (Surah Talaq:3)
Remember sister all these problem are because of ignorance among the Muslims. If they really understood what Islam preaches then there would be no despair or agony in this world.
May Allah make everything easy for you in this world and in the Akhira(hereafter).
Name
Shoaib
- India
Profession
Question
Can a Muslim woman who is trapped in a brothel can be rescued and helped her to start fresh and live a strict Islamic life style on her request for help?
Can a young Muslim brother give her a normal life after helping her to save her from the wrong way of life?
Have Islam and our Nabi (PBUH) given any kind of permission to work for these people?
Waiting for your reply...
Allah hafiz
Answer
As salamu `alaykum
Yes of course any woman trapped in a brothel needs to be given advice and rescued. It is a responsibility on every Muslim to help another Muslim.
"Surely the men who submit and the women who submit, and the believing men and the believing women, and the obeying men and the obeying women, and the truthful men and the truthful women, and the patient men and the patient women and the humble men and the humble women, and the almsgiving men and the almsgiving women, and the fasting men and the fasting women, and the men who guard their private parts and the women who guard, and the men who remember Allah much and the women who remember-- Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a mighty reward"... (Ahzab 33: 35).
This verse proves that we have an obligation to save any Muslim from such wrong acts. And of course this kind of help will be rewarded.
Of course She can live a normal life if she completly gives up the wrong life.
There is a hadith which says a person is not a believer as long as he drinks, steals and commits zina( adultery/fornication). This hadith proves that when one gives up these wrong acts and believes in Allah completely then one becomes a believer.
Allah is the most Merciful and Most forgiving!
After the woman repents and changes her life, none has a right to talk ill about the woman. Islam says that she should be treated just like any other Muslim.
Name
A
-
Profession
Question
There are many books and leaflets available which talk about the differences between men and women. This boils down to essences of masculinity and femininity, neither of which is superior to the other. The problem I have is that these are generalizations.
A number of reasons contribute to a man or woman displaying positive and/or negative characteristics of the opposite gender. How does Islam cope with the tom-boy woman and the sensitive man?
Answer
As salamu `alaykum ,
In Islam a man should not imitate a woman and vice versa. This imitation is confined to dressing and the way he or she behaves. There is nothing wrong in a man being sensitive as most of the Sahabah were as sensitive as some woman of today. A hadith says Prophet(saw) was more shy than a virgin woman. But what is forbidden is that he should not behave like a woman for eg: walking , dressing, talking( imitating a woman's voice) . Similarly a woman can be brave but she should not imitate a man in dressing or walking.
Name
Nida
- Pakistan
Profession
software engineer
Question
Does Islam allow women to work in an office having a co-environment?
Answer
As salamu `alaykum,
In Islam a woman does not have the responsibility or burden to support the family financially. If she does so she does do out of her own free will, then there is nothing wrong her working from which she can earn.
Earning an income has conditions:
1. It should be a halal earning.
2. It is always better to work in a woman's organization but if the circumstances demands her to work in a co-environment then she should strictly adhere to her hijab. Hijab is a command from Allah(swt). As believers we should obey His commands.
Name
Shamsia
- United Kingdom
Profession
Research Assistant
Question
As salamu `alaykum
As a writer have you come across issues of sexual abuse? And how does Islam view this and what support is available for people who have experienced this?
Answer
As salamu `alaykum,
Yes I have come accross many such issues. Apparently Islam does not encourage this and strongly condemns it with severe punishment.
Unfortunately in the city I live there are not much support as many try to hide this issue fearing the society.
But al hamdu Lillah now people are becoming more aware of such issues and some Islamic organizations offer help by offering them jobs, shelter, education, etc.
May Allah bless this Ummah and protect us from these evils.
Name
khadija
-
Profession
Question
As salamu `alaykum wrwb
My question is regarding women in political positions. Is it encouraged or discouraged in Islam. Thank you.
Answer
As salamu `alaykum,
As woman we need to admit that we are physically differnet from men.
Women go through monthly menstruation cycles, pregnancy, nursing, etc. During these time lot of woman under PMS (pre menstrual syndrome), mood swings, emotional imbalance, etc. So during these time it would be difficult for a woamn to take the right decision. So it is discouraged.
Many might accuse Islam of denying women their rights. But on the contrary, this is actually a bonus to women. She is not under pressure to take decisions for the country when she is not proper state of mind.
Name
Ahmad
-
Profession
Student
Question
Can women be a candidate herself for parliament and can she be a member of parliment and can she be a minister of a country?
Thanks . . .
Answer
As salamu `alaykum brother,
I have already answered a similar question (my previous answer was to the question regarding women in politics).
Farming is one occupation women had.
Sahl ibn Sa'd, a Companion of the Prophet mentioned a women who had her own farm. She used to cultivate beets and barley to feed the Companions of the Prophet with it after Friday prayers.The daughter of Abu Bakr, Asma', mentioned that when she was married to Zubair, they did not have wealth. The Prophet gave them some land about two miles away from their home. She used to farm and transport the produce by herself. Asma' bint Abu Bakr reported, "One day I was coming back with date stones on my head. Then I met the Prophet with some people from Madinah. He asked me to ride with him on his camel's back." It was apparent that farming was independently done by women. Moreover, they
transported farm produce. If they had modern trucks, trains, ships and planes, Asma' and other women would have used them rather than carrying the goods on their heads. Quite a few women Companions of the Prophet were engaged in trading. Khadija, the Prophet's first wife, is the most famous example. Other women such as Khaula, Lakhmia, Thaqafia, and bint Makhramah traded in
perfumes.
"And whoever does good deeds whether male or female and he (or she) is a believer - these shall enter the garden, and they shall not be dealt with a jot unjustly" (Nisa 4: 124).
A Companion named Quila said to the Prophet , "I am a woman who buys and
sells things." Then she asked several questions about buying and selling.
Clearly, business was a legitimate activity of the women Companions of the Prophet.
The wife of 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud met her expenses by manufacturing and selling handicrafts.
These able ladies may be compared to modern women who craft computer chips
and other high technological equipment and appliances, or to women bio-engineers
who design artificial limbs, hearts and respirators.
Saudah, the Prophet's wife, was an expert in tanning skins. She sold her tanned goods to trading caravans and local men throughout Medina.
Many examples of women actively participating in war could be found at the time of the Prophet.
One Companion, Umm 'Umarah, demonstrated courage and fearlessness in the
battle of Uhud.
Umm Hakim, wife of Ikrimah ibn Aji Jahl participated in the war against the Romans.
When Muslims suffered defeat in the Battle of Uhud, there was some confusion in the Muslim camp. Then Safiyah bint 'Abd al-Muttalib left Madinah armed
with a spear and aroused a sense of shame among those who were returning
from the battle. She angrily asked them, "Did you leave the Prophet behind?"
Asma' bint Yazid fought and killed nine enemy soldiers in the battle of
Uhud. Umm Salama, mother of Anas, went to battle with dagger. The grandmother of Hashraj ibn Zaid and five other women also went to the
Battle of Khyber. They told the Prophet , "Oh, Allah's Messenger! We have come that we might spin yarn and by this means help in the way of Allah. We have medicine for the wounded. We will give arrows to the archers and when needed, provide barley water to the fighters." Rufaidah Aslamiyyah was an expert in medicine and surgery. She used to tend to the sick and wounded in the battlefields. According to Ibn Sa'd, her tent
was equipped with equipment for surgery and first aid. When Sa'd ibn Mu'adh was injured in the Battle of the Trenches, the Prophet transferred him to
her tent for medical care. Other women experts in medicine and surgery were Umm Muta', Umm Kabashah, Hamnah bint Jahsh, Mu'adhah, Laila, Umaimah, Umm Zaid, Umm 'Atiyyah, and Umm Salama.
Rubayyi' bint Mu'awwaidh ibn 'Afra was a great Companion of the Prophet .
She tended to the wounded and sick and supplied water to the thirsty soldiers in
many battles. With other women, she transported the wounded and the dead in the war.
If the Prophet and his Companions were defending Islam today, those women warriors would be carrying machine guns, manning submarines, and
manufacturing arms.
If the modern ambulance systems had been in existence, the women would have been giving cardio-pulmonary resuscitation and transporting the sick to the nearest hospital.
Those Muslim women would have been trained in nursing and medical schools to take care of wounded soldiers. These women Companions of the Prophet would have been in the forefront of designing Star Wars technology to defend
Muslims.
Thank God we did not have our modern scholars in those days. Many assert that
women cannot think and are weak psycho-logically. These innovations of
modern-day scholars are contrary to the teachings of the Prophet.
For example, the Prophet consulted with Umm Salamah when he negotiated the
treaty of Hudaibah. Many Companions were angry with the weak terms of the treaty. It was Umm Salamah whose counsel helped ease the situation. Fatima bin Qais was a very able and intelligent scholar. When 'Umar died,
the
nomination committee consulted Qais on the selection of the next Caliph.
'Umar appointed Shifa bint 'Abdullah ibn Shams as the administrator of the
Market of Madinah which was one of the largest markets in those days.
According to 'Allama ibn 'Abd al-Barr, Shifa bint 'Abdullah was a very
intelligent and scholarly woman. Umar often took the initiative of asking
her
opinion to other people.
Women not only gave their opinion on various problems but also criticized state matters and participated in the evaluation and reckoning of a ruler's actions.
It is commonly believed that freedom of speech originated recently in the West. This is no more than myth. Islam introduced equal rights and freedom of
expression for women fourteen hundred years ago. The incident about mahr (dower) in the Caliphate of 'Umar is well known. When he decided to fix the dower money, an old woman protested that he had no right to decide about it.
There are many female jurists in early Islamic history. In jurisprudence, 'Aisha had few equals and Umm Salam also gave many legal rulings.
A noted medieval Muslim scholar, Imam Badr al-din Kashani, explained the rationale for appointing a women Qadhi (judge): "Where there is ability to give testimony, there is also the ability of qadhi (ruling)." According to al-Tabari, a woman can be an absolute judge in every matter. It is reported that Dawud ibn Husayn, a companion of the Prophet , used to
take Qur'anic lessons from Umm Sa'd Jamilah bint As'ad Ansariyyah, daughter of As'ad ibn Rabi who fought in the Battle of Badr and achieved martyrdom in
the Battle of Uhud. According to ibn Athir, Umm Sa'd had memorized the Qur'an and used to give regular lessons. Khansa bint 'Amr was a woman of great stature and a poetess of great fame.According to ibn Athir, all poets of fame unanimously agree that no poetess ever equalled Khansa, and the Prophet appreciated her verses.
Su'da,Safiyyah, 'Atikah, Muridiyyah, Qunila Abduriyyah, Umm Ayman, Umm
Ziad,
and Kabsah bint Rafi were also well known poetesses at the time of the Prophet .
There were not many different kinds of jobs during the days of the Prophet .Farming, trading, construction, tool making, tanning, breadmaking,teaching,transporting goods, nursing, health care and defense of the nation were the major economic activities in those days. Female Companions of the Prophet participated in all these activities with his approval.
Name
ossama ahmed gaber
- Jordan
Profession
medecin
Question
ßíÝ äÊÝÇÏì ÇÇÒ
Ç
Answer
As salamu `alaykum,
First we need to have knowledge regarding the severity of zinah. Love and fear of Allah should be cultivated in the hearts of every Muslim right from childhood. When people learn about the punishment in this world and the Hereafter, a Muslim tries to stay away from it `In sha'Allah.
Committing zinah does not damage just the spirtual part of one's body but it also affects his/her healthwise. Only proper knowledge and love for Allah can eradicate this major sin (zinah).
Name
ali
- United States
Profession
student
Question
I have already proposed to a girl of weak faith but of good character.
Answer
As salamu `alaykum,
A person of good character can improve herself very easily `In sha'Allah. You can try to explain about faith (Islam) before your marriage and try to strengthen her faith.
Before getting married it is better for you to pray Istikhara (2 rakats of nafl salat) whether she would be the right soul-mate for you.
We ask Allah to change her heart and strengthen her iman and join you together in goodness.
Name
mohamed
-
Profession
Question
I dont agree with my wife working and mixing with the opposite sex.
Answer
As salamu `alaykum,
If you don't want her to work, you can ask her to stop working as it is not her responsibilty to support the family financially. And regarding mixing with opposite sex whom the husband disapproves, there is a very clear hadith
Prophet(saw) said: The duty of a wife towards her husband is that not to allow anyone he hates into her house. And the duty of a husband is that to clothe her and feed her as he feeds himself.
We would like to remind you that as a husband you should fulfill your responsiblities towards your wife and check yourself. The Prophet (saw) said, the best one among you is the one who is the best to his wife. And there are many more hadith which talks about kind treatment (or resposibility of a husband towards his wife)
So communicate this problem with your wife politely and settle amicably.
[And (as for) the believers, both men and women – they are friends and protectors of one another: they [all] enjoin the doing of what is right and forbid the doing of what is wrong, and are constant in prayer, and render the purifying dues, and pay heed unto God and His Messenger" (At-Tawbah 9:71)
Name
fatima
-
Profession
Question
Marrying my daughter at 15 yrs.
Answer
As salamu `alaykum
If your 15yr. old daughter accepts the marriage, it is good to get her married at an early age, but the consent of the bride is important. So please ask your daughter if she is willing to get married.
Prophet(saw) said" Do not delay three things:- 1. The prayer,
2. Janazah and
3. Marriage
Name
Fahd
-
Profession
Investment Banker
Question
What is your opinion of women leading the Friday prayers. I live in Toronto and a few gatherings take place here that allow women to lead men in Friday prayers.
Answer
As salamu alaykum wrwb,
There are many who claim to show proof that woman can lead a mixed gathering, by showing the hadith of Umm Waraqah in Sunan Abu Daw`ud and other sources. The scholars have said the chain of narrations is defective in these ahadith. As when someone quotes a hadith, we need to be careful to find out whether the hadith is authentic or not. These kind of ahadith that regard women leading prayers, contain a missiing link and carry a defective chain of narration which makes them unauthentic.
A`isha(r.a) was the most learned woman of this Ummah. In knowledge she was far superior to many males of her time. If any woman was going to lead males in salat, it would have been A`isha. Her example should therefore throw much valuable light onto this issue. Her example was as follows:
When she made salah with females alone she used to lead them in salah, but standing in the middle of the first row and not in the front. However, if there was a male present, it would invariably be the male who led the salah., even if that male was a slave or a youngster. In Ramadhan she would get her slave Dhakwan to lead her in Tarawi`h despite the fact that he was vastly inferior in her both status and knowledge. Infact, he, not being a hafiz, used to read from the open Mus'haf. On other occassions A`isha(r.a) would arrange for young boys from khutab (Qur`anic school) who had memorized the Qur`an to lead her and other females in Tarawi`h.
it is true that some jurists hold the view tht a female may lead the males in salah, however, the view of a jurist is not evidence. Rather, it should be based upon evidence from Qura`nic verses or ahadith. When it is found to contradict the evidence, no store should be set by it.
Shaykh Tauha
Karaan, said the following:
Sayyidah ‘Â’ishah radiyallâhu ‘anhâ was the most
learned woman of this ummah. In knowledge she was far superior to many males of her time. If any woman were
ever going to lead males in salâh it would have been
she. Her example should therefore throw much valuable
light onto this issue. Her example was as follows:
When she made salâh with females alone she used to
lead them in salâh, but standing in the middle of the first row, and not in front. However, if there was a male present it would in-variably be the male who leads the salâh, even if that male was a slave or a youngster. In Ramadhân she would get her slave Dhakwân to lead her in Tarâwî`h despite the fact that he was
vastly inferior to her in both status and knowledge.
In fact, he, not being a hâfiz, used to read from the open mus'haf. On other occasions Sayyidah ‘Â’ishah would arrange for young boys from the kuttâb (Qur’ân
schools) who had memorized to Qur’ân to lead her and
other females in Tarâwî`h.
It is true that some jurists hold the view that a female may lead males in salâh. However, the view of a
jurist is not evidence. Rather, it should be based
upon evidence. When it is found to contradict the evidence no store should be set by it. In the present case it happens to contradict evidence."
Name
shema
- South Africa
Profession
Research Student
Question
As slamu `alaykum
I would like to know the Islamic stance on having female development workers working in the field with remote communities in countries not of their own, and on their?
I am gearing myself to becoming a development worker after the completion of my studies `in sha`Allah. I find great satisfaction in the knowledge of contributing directly towards poverty alleviation and community upliftment, especially in Africa. And so far, I have received divergent views on the matter.
Shukran for your answer.
Answer
Wa salamu `alaykum wrwb,
Al hamdu Lillah
It's very good to work for the betterment of society - yet, you need to keep in mind that you have to be in hijab (including respectable dress sense) when you work amidst men and that you need to be aware of your mannerisms and methods of communication. This and much determines whether one is in hijab or not.
Name
brahim
-
Profession
Question
Salam. Is it better for a man to get married while still at university or should he wait 3 years until he completes his degree.
Answer
assalamu alaikum wrwb,
Prophet saw said:"Do not delay three things
1.the Prayer
2,The Janazah
3.The MARRIAGE
brother, if yu think that you can support the family then get married as soon as possible else the alternative that Prophet (saw) gave was to fast if we are not financially fit until Allah gives us the provision.
Name
rahma
-
Profession
Question
can a women be a project manager for a building and construction project where there is mostly working men. it doesnt seem right for a women to boss men around. Things become unnatural when there is going to be a women around a men only environemnt.
Answer
assalamu alaikum wrwb.
i have answered a similar question of whether women can work in co-environment.kindly read it sister.jazakallah
Name
sarah
- United States
Profession
Question
Couples living in different countries get engaged for 3 years before they decide to marry.
Answer
Asalamu alaikum wrwb.
I think There's nothing wrong in geting engaged for a long time.But oyu need to know that even when two people are engaged they dont become a couple.He's still a non-mahram for the woman to whom he is engaged to.Talking with him is alowed only in the presence of a mahram or an elderly person along with that girl.
Name
nurul
- Malaysia
Profession
Question
Assalamualaikum...
I would like to ask about 'coupling'that is having a special boyfriend/girlfriend. Is it permissible in Islam or is it not? Some said that it is permissible as long as we do not bend the rules of Allah but some also said that 'coupling' is harram as it could lead to zina. I hope you could help me understand this matter better.Thank you.
Answer
Assalamu alaikum wrwb,
yes sisiter, it is haram and would lead to zina,and this is a graet fitnah which would lead to zina.A woman is not allowed to stay alone with a man who is a non-mahram.Prophet (saw) said:"when a woman is alone with a non maharam man , satan will be the third one"
