[Islam-Online- Society]

A recently published study indicated that, in the United States, people are either marrying later or not at all. Of course, the United States is not a Muslim country, but the number of Muslims is ever increasing. In the greater metropolitan Detroit area alone, there are over one million Muslims. Does this phenomenon - people marrying later or not at all - hold true in the Muslim community as well?

In the full practice of Islam, there are safeguards against the difficulties created by issues such as late marriages and single parenting. In Islam, it is clear that inter-gender mixing without necessity is prohibited. In Muslim countries that is relatively easy, but in non-Muslim countries, it is difficult, more so if one is in an educational or work environment. In those situations, gender mixing is unavoidable. And in some instances, where no Muslim housing exists, even dormitories may be gender mixed. It seems to be inevitable that genders will mix in this country. How does this relate to the marriage issue? And how does Islam protect against the problems that arise from late marriage?

It is clear in Islam that Muslims are encouraged to marry early. It is also clear, from a developmental understanding, that sexual urges begin at puberty. In a society such as this, where young people are exposed through personal contact and the media to a more sexually permissive society, it is not unexpected that sexual contact will begin soon after the urges begin. Even in those "fundamentalist" Christian societies that exist, there are a dramatic number of single mothers - in spite of their religious injunctions against extra-marital sex. In Islam, where early marriage is suggested as a protection against this major sin, the problems related to sex outside of marriage are diminished.

However, even with strong Islamic values, there can be trouble. It is difficult to be Muslim in a non-Muslim country. Doing so requires constant vigilance. Often, non-Muslim ethics work their way into the Muslim's belief system. Not permitting our young daughters and sons to marry at a young age, or not encouraging them to do so, is part of that ethic. As Muslims, we must follow the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and not only encourage marriage for young people, but also support it in whatever way is necessary.

Reports published in December 1999 indicated that in 1998 the national average of births to unwed mothers was 31 percent - in Detroit the average was 71 percent. The rate of extra-marital sex for men is quoted at approximately 68 percent and for women at 50 percent. That is a disgrace for anyplace in the world. Yet it is easy to understand why these behaviors occur. Men and women were created to be attracted to one another; why should we be surprised when we are? Yet the fulfillment of the urges created by gender mixing outside of marriage creates personal and societal problems beyond comprehension. With Islam in place, this would not occur. Sex outside of marriage is strictly forbidden and the injunctions against gender mixing support this law.

Another issue reflected in the study noted is that there are increasingly more women than men in the United States, which is also clearly understood in Islam. We were told that there would come a day when there would be 50 women for every man. That day fast approaches.

What Are The Benefits Of Marriage?

Fulfillment of deen (the full practice of religion) is accomplished through marriage. In Islam, we recognize that marriage is the state to which we aspire - a situation that supports, in every aspect, our attainment of the state that will please our Creator. To fulfill the role Allah (SWT) designed specifically for us, marriage is important. It is through marriage that these roles are fulfilled. Anas bin Malik reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said, "When a man marries, he indeed perfects half of his religion. Then he should fear Allah for the remaining half" (Bukhari).
For women, marriage provides support and protection, "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given one more (strength) than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard" (3:34-36).
Satisfying sexual desires/needs may only be accomplished through marriage. As Muslims, we understand that sex outside of marriage is forbidden and considered a major sin. Therefore, sexual desires may only be satisfied within a marriage. Marriage provides protection from sin, "They (wives) are like garments for you, and you are like garments for them" (2:187).
Marriage provides companionship, "...the companion by your side (the wife)" (4:36).

For Muslims, it is clear that the trend to delay or skip marriage is prohibited, and with good reason. Marriage still remains the trend in Muslim communities. This provides for the safety and security of women and children. It provides a safeguard against sexual sin for the man as well as for the woman. It provides two-parent homes for children and strong ethics that will support a lifestyle that is consistent with the practice of Islam. It provides loving and kind companionship. This is the way of Muslims.

Islam provides clear and ideal direction for all aspects of life. This is a perfect example of those directions. The religion tells Muslims to marry early. It provides clear guidelines for husbands and wives and, as they become parents, for parenting and for the behavior of children. There is no guesswork in the process.

As Muslims living in the United States, we need to be aware that our responsibility is to be apart from it rather than a part of it - especially in those areas that are so clearly against Islam.

A Useful Link:
"The Decline of Marriage"
Scientific American (December 1999)
www.sciam.com/1999/1299issue/1299numbers.html

Judith K. Muhammad, MA, LLP PhD Candidate. She is the Vice President of Islamic Health & Human Services in Detroit - this agency provides a full range of social services primarily for Muslims, and training in Islamic health care for non-Muslim health care providers. Sr. Judith is also a contributing writer to Islam-Online and has presented at many workshops and conferences around the country on topics such as Islamic Health Care, Islamic Marriage Issues, Juvenile Justice and Substance Abuse and its Treatment.

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