Children "learn what they live." This is the "nurture" side of the nature vs. nurture controversy that has been at the center of discussions regarding the "raising" of children for decades. The importance of having a "Muslim" foster home for Muslim children is definitely also on the "nurture" side of the discussion. It is also clearly in tune with the Islamic understanding of how we should raise our children. Foster homes temporarily take care of children on a full time basis to offer a supportive family environment to children whose natural parents cannot raise them because of several reasons: the parents' physical or mental illness, the child's behavioral difficulties, or problems within the family environment (e.g. addiction, abuse, crime). There are also several types of foster care.
Why should Muslims worry about the foster care system?
It is not unlikely that Muslim children may end up in the foster care system. There exists in our Ummah problems that if Islam were practiced perfectly would not exist. Many of these problems lead families into disruptive situations - and children being removed from homes. Although we know the use of khamr is haram, there are still those of us who get "caught up" in the use and addiction to alcohol, marijuana, and other addictive drugs. This often leads our children into situations where they are taken from our homes. As Muslims come to the United States from other countries and the laws concerning the treatment of children are significantly different, what was acceptable "punishment" by the civil laws in other countries might be considered "abuse" in the United States. This has resulted in Muslim children being removed from their homes. There are circumstances where the physical or mental illness of parents has left Muslim children in the foster care system. It is that "supportive" foster family environment from which the child is then nurtured and learns.
What if a Muslim child ends up in a non-Muslim foster home?
Let us consider a child, raised in a Muslim home and then placed in a non-Muslim home. If the child is at the age of puberty or older, he will already have established Muslim habits including prayer, eating halal, living and socializing within a Muslim environment. It is, of course, possible that a caring foster family would permit, perhaps even facilitate, prayer for the Muslim child in their care. However, it is most unlikely that they would alter their own food purchasing and preparation to meet the needs of a halal diet. It would also be impossible for them to teach Islam to the child, as Muslim parents are required to do. This presents a situation within the child's environment where he would likely become confused. He might begin to do what he knows is haram, but is in a situation where it is seen as halal by the non-Muslims who are caring for him.
This creates cognitive dissonance for the child - a difficult state that can lead further difficulties. The child would have great difficulty resolving these issues. As Muslims we are taught that we should encourage children to pray until they reach age 7 and after age 10 we should require it. Prior to age 7 children watch us model the behavior and are permitted to participate. This method of teaching (by example) has long been accepted by developmental psychologists, as a most effective way to ensure not only that the child will learn the behavior but will also continue the behavior once learned. This could not occur within the environment of a non-Muslim home. From this understanding, take into consideration the Muslim child who is placed in a non-Muslim foster care home prior to age 10. Who will be there to continue to teach, to encourage, and finally to require that the child pray? Non-Muslim foster parents?
Is Foster Care the Answer?
What are the options? Foster Care is not a solution to problems. It is a "band aid" that is used to provide temporary assistance. The "cure" is prevention of the problems that create situations that require Foster Care Placement. A united Ummah that supports all families without any trace of racism, nationalism or separatism (supporting emotionally, physically and financially) would be the solution. However, that is not what exists today. Therefore, we must address the Foster Care system itself.
Because it is not possible to set up an "Islamic Foster Home" without Muslim parents, we must recruit Muslims to serve in this capacity. Should this be done within the existing Foster System? Should we, as Muslims, take care of our own Ummah without intervention of civil authorities and take in these children outside of the existing civil system? If this is the answer, who makes decisions regarding the children's removal and return to their parents' home? Does the existing system understanding enough of our "culture" to make reasonable decisions? There are many questions to yet be answered. Who will answer them????
Sr. Judi Muhammad, MA, LLP, is the co-director of Islamic Health and Human Services in Detroit, Michigan. She is also a contributing writer to Islam-Online, focusing on topics such as child welfare, marriage, and counseling. She can be reached at Smuslim@aol.com
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