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My
name is Gabriele. I come from a little town in the countryside
of Salzburg, Austria. I was born into a Roman Catholic family
and was baptized a few days after birth. At the age of eight,
I had my first communion, and at the age of twelve, I did my
confirmation, as is required by the Catholic Church. Some time
after my confirmation, I started questioning the beliefs in
which my parents took so much pride. I distinctly remember
telling a friend that I did not believe in Catholicism or any
of its teachings, because I could not believe in old
unverifiable fairytales that had no trace of evidence to
support them. I also told her that I would keep my mind open
to anyone who could provide unmistakable proof of his or her
religion.
At
that time, none of my friends had ever heard about Islam. As
far as I remember, nearly everyone in my school and in my town
was Catholic. Since Catholicism was the only religion that I
was exposed to during my childhood, I was very ignorant about
the other religions of the world.
After
I finished school, I had a deep desire to leave my country and
explore the world. My parents, of course, did not approve of
this. To them it did not make sense that I would want to leave
a place where I had everything. I had my own car, my own newly
furnished room, many friends, a very comfortable lifestyle,
and everything one would like to have. In my heart, I did not
know why I had this urge to leave. My father tried to persuade
me to stay at home every way that he could think of. As for my
mother, she only wanted for me what would make me happy. At
first, she was reluctant too, but my mother accepted my
decision after she realized that this was truly what I wanted.
After I promised my father that my trip would only be for one
year, and after I convinced him that I would be safely placed
with a host family by an agency, he sorrowfully accepted. I
signed up with an Au Pair agency to be placed with a host
family in the United States . Since my English was so poor, the Au Pair agency was
reluctant to place me in the United States , so I had to wait a few months. The odds were against me in
every aspect, but Allah provided a way for me.
At
first, I was placed with a host family in New Jersey . As fate would have it, I was not very fortunate with the
host family. After a few months in New Jersey , and a few months in
Arizona , I ended up in California . When the year was over, I returned to
Austria as originally planned.
After
a few months in Austria , the urge to return to the United States
overcame me. This time, my father did not approve at all, but
Allah planned for me to return to California . This time a friend found a host family for me that she
herself had selected. Once again, I worked as an Au Pair under
a one-year contract. It was during that year that I met an
Algerian man over the Internet. When the year was finished, I
returned to Austria . While I was in Austria , the Algerian man proposed marriage to me. Although it seemed
somewhat sudden to me, I accepted. As far as my father was
concerned, I had finally found someone who would protect me
when he was not able to. Consequently, he did not have to
worry about my safety as much anymore. The only way he
accepted my husband, however, was that I had to promise my
father that I would never ever embrace Islam – only under
that condition would he accept my husband. At the time, all I
knew about Islam was the negative images that the Western
media broadcasted. I thus had no interest in or intention of
becoming a Muslim. I promised my father that I would never
embrace Islam. When I came back to California , my husband and I married and started our life together.
My
husband brought home some books about Islam every once and
awhile. At first, I thought I would only read them to gather
some knowledge to criticize Islam. One time, my husband gave
me a booklet entitled A
Brief Illustrated Guide to Understanding Islam. The
booklet covers many subjects including the scientific miracles
in the Qur'an. I was particularly amazed by them. Still, I did
not want my husband to know about my amazement. I continued to
give him the impression that Islam had no affect on me. We
often discussed Islam and I remember asking him the most
disrespectful and irritating questions. He patiently tried to
answer them. My husband's patience, respect, and love had a
profound affect on me. None of my friends in Austria or in the States received that kind of respect from their
partner. My experience was completely different from the
images that Western society portrays about how Muslim women
are purportedly treated. I learned that the respectful way
that my husband treated me was the true and righteous way
according to the teachings of Islam.
Whenever
my husband would ask how I felt about Islam, I would simply
respond in an argumentative manner. I did not want him to have
unrealistic hopes in his mind. Although Islam had a strong
affect on me, I was not sure if I wanted to be a Muslim. I
still had to consider the problems this would bring on my
family. Furthermore, I was not sure if I could pray five times
a day, or if I could fast during Ramadan. Alcohol and pork
were no longer an issue; I never enjoyed eating pork and I had
already lived without alcohol since my marriage. I knew that I
would not miss these things. The biggest concern was my
family. I thought, Why should I rush into such an important
decision? I decided that I should finish college first and
then I would reconsider Islam.
After
I had been married for one and a half years and had about one
year left to finish college, God made it clear to me that I
could no longer wait. I had a dream one night in which I
dreamed that a creature without a face and wearing a long robe
was following me. Everywhere I went, this horrible creature
followed me and stared at me. I was on a train and the
creature appeared again. So I ran out of the train at the next
stop. All the people panicked and started screaming and
yelling, “Get off the streets! Get off the streets! There is
a murderer on the loose that is out to kill people! Get off
the streets!” I was pushed into a bar and a horrible feeling
of fear overcame me. At the end of the bar, there was a
curtain. I opened the curtain and on the other side was a big
ballroom with mutilated bodies all over and blood everywhere
in sight. Not a single living soul was left alive in the
ballroom. I closed the curtain and sat down on the floor where
some other people were sitting as well. Whenever someone tried
to enter the room from the street side, I started saying a few
words that I remembered from my husband such as: “Allahu
Akabar! (God is Great!)” and “Bismillah! (In God’s
name!),” hoping that this devilish creature would not
withstand the words. Yet, dying as a non-Muslim was what
scared me the most. I did not want to die as a non-Muslim. I
wanted to convert to Islam right then and there, but I did not
know the words. Also, there were no Muslims around to be my
witnesses. My whole body was trembling in fear. I wanted to
pray the way Muslims pray, and yet, I did not know how.
When
I woke up, my body was shaking. The dream was so realistic; I
had never experienced anything like it. Throughout the entire
day, my whole body felt numb. My body felt so exhausted and I
did not know what to make of all this. One thing I knew for
sure: the only way to make sure that I would not die as a
non-Muslim was to convert to Islam as soon as possible.
By
the end of the day, I told my husband about my decision. He
was happier than I had ever seen him before. “Allahu Akbar!
Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar! (Allah is Great!)” was all that
he could say. Since I had always reacted in a hostile way
whenever my husband had asked me about my feelings toward
Islam, this came as a very unexpected surprise to him.
Still,
I told my husband that I would never wear the hijab (veil).
This I could not do to my family. Even after I was sure that I
needed to convert to Islam, I was still worried about the
shame and disruption this would bring to my family. Thus, I
decided that I was not ready to tell my family that I had
converted to Islam. Besides, I still was not sure if I could
be a good Muslim and pray, fast, and act as good Muslims do.
Alhamdulilah! (Thanks be to Allah!) Allah made it easy for me.
Alhamdulilah, our marriage flourished much more after that
moment.
About
one year after I became a Muslim, I realized that wearing a
hijab had more meaning and importance than I had first
thought. Wearing the hijab was not only a simple piece of
extra cloth covering my body and hair. The actual affects are
not as obvious, but they are wonderful. It truly is the only
right thing to do. Alhamdulilah, Allah made it very easy for
me! I am a very proud Muslim, thanks to Allah.
Still
the biggest test of all was to face my family. When I told my
mother, she was rather accepting, thanks to Allah. As for my
father, things were not as easy. When he first heard, he broke
down crying. Sometimes he asks what it was that he did so
wrong to be punished this way. In sha' Allah (God willing), I
pray to Allah that one day my father will accept and respect
my decision to be a Muslim. In sha' Allah, Allah will also
give my parents the honor of being Muslims by leading them to
the righteous path of Islam.
Now
it is clear to me why I had to come to the United States over and over again. I was meant to leave my country, for
Allah knows, if I had been in Austria, I might not have been
able to become a Muslim, not only because of the constant
pressures of my family, but also because of the influence of
my friends and society in general. Islam is still not a
legally recognized religion in Austria today. Allah surely works in mysterious ways. I had to come
all the way from Austria through many hurdles, and my husband had to come all the way
from Algeria for us to be united in the United States so that I could ultimately become a Muslim. Allahu Akbar!
Allahu Akbar! Allahu Akbar!
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