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| Mosque near the centre of Glasgow,
Scotland |
There
are numerous articles on this site, as well as videos and books
elsewhere to satiate us Muslims on the growth of Islam, giving us
that ‘feel-good factor’ often needed in this Islamophobic
milieu. But there is an issue that is too often ignored. What about
how new Muslims, and prospective Muslims are dealt with in our
communities? After people revert to Islam how do we go about
advising, helping, guiding and most of all befriending them?? Is it
a case of “You are on your now, you’ve said your shahada!” or,
“Come to my house and meet the family, but there are a long list
of does and don’ts you must follow.”
Aspects
of the early years as a Muslim are all too often forgotten and
ignored. This article may emerge as polemic outlook on Muslims’
attempts to help those who have entered the fold of Islam. My aim is
not to have a good moan at the Muslim community. That would be
futile and only widen the gap that may already exist between us all.
I
prefer to see this as one of those methods of self-development where
to improve we must accept our faults, but to accept them we must
first be aware of them.
I
hope that we can reflect on issues or ‘syndromes’ experienced by
many new Muslims in the hope that those Muslims who have converts in
their midst carefully consider their motives and etiquette when
befriending them. But most importantly, all of us must develop some
kind of empathy and understanding. I ask every person in this
situation to try to put on the shoes of every new Muslim or
prospective Muslim. If they don’t fit, then give them to someone
they actually fit and ask them to take over this ardent task. I say
‘we’ because it may not only be native Muslims who lack empathy:
converts also sometimes have very short memories, myself included at
some stage. I would also like to point out that even native Muslims
who have been brought up in the west unaware of the Islam that they
should have inherited from their parents but who have ‘returned to
the fold,’ so to speak, are in some ways similar to converts of
non-Muslim family backgrounds.
In
many ways part of the struggle to exist as a new Muslim has a lot to
do with the lack of moderation in the availability of information
and help. Very often new Muslims and prospective Muslims are left to
either grope in the dark at anything which is seemingly Muslim, or
be spoiled for choice with people who smother them with attention
and knowledge – sometimes, unfortunately, not the correct
knowledge. In this case I will say that for many people it is a case
of feast or famine from having no friends, information or help to
being overwhelmed with them all. This imbalance is often measured
with the person’s stage of learning. Too much information may go
over their head and too little may be starving them.
After
my quiet and personal conversion, 15 years ago, I made many attempts
to find out more about Islam. The most obvious place of course was
the mosque; the beautiful and rather imposing mosque overlooking the
river near the city center. But my visits were never taken with the
seriousness they deserved. In fact, I was shown the door on more
than one occasion. One event sticks clearly in my mind.
I
approached the patrons of the mosque: five rather middle aged men,
in long beards wearing their traditional dress. There wasn’t a
woman in sight. I told them that I was a Muslim and I wanted to know
how to pray. They stood in disbelief – “A Muslim! You are not a
Muslim.” “But I am,” I insisted, “and I want to know how to
pray.” After a few minutes trying to convince them that I was
Muslim, one of them said, “Well you need to learn about the basics
first.” “But I already know the basics. I want to know how to
pray!” I said. The embarrassment was too much for them. They
produced an introductory booklet on Islam in English, which cost 50
pence. I delved into my bag to pay for it, but I just was not quick
enough. One of them paid for it in the hurry to get me out.
I
left stunned and completely demoralized not knowing where to go to
find out about that one fundamental pillar in Islam. I did pray with
the help of that little booklet, but not correctly. It took another
ten months to receive the help I needed when I decided to phone the
same mosque in a last bid for help. The kind man who answered the
phone directed me to his wife and the local Islamic center. I
discovered a few years later that another womaen had a similar
experience. She eventually went to an Arab country to take the
elementary steps as a Muslim only to return to find that the same
Islamic center was a few miles from her home all along.
Ramadan
was a similar experience. Anyone who has fasted for the first time
as an adult will be able to understand how difficult it is. In my
case it happened to be in the early summer, - that means sunset was
after 10 pm – being on my own, and with not a soul to break fast
with. `Eid wasn’t much fun either. Well I fasted on `Eid,
actually. The Ramadan schedule I got from a halal meat shop said so
and I followed it: the logical thing to do it seemed to me at the
time.
Now
for the feast, and I say this both figuratively and literally. My
first encounter with the Muslim community was overwhelming. Life as
a solo Muslim and ignorance were things of the past. Ramadan was an
array of prayers in the mosque and invitations to break fast. `Eid
was a multicultural extravaganza. I visited five houses in the one
day. I met many friendly and warm Muslims who in many ways became my
adoptive families.
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Two
pages of the Qur'an |
As
for knowledge and direction in Islam, it was delivered at a speedy
rate. Probably it was a rate that was just right for me at that
time. I had been starved enough and I had a big appetite. But this
was not the same for others.
Many
I knew took a wide berth or were never seen again. Over enthusiastic
Muslims willing to help would in no time at all time know the life
stories of the visitors, and some new Muslims began to feel that
their personal space was encroached upon. It is quite understandable
why new Muslims or prospective Muslims will be of interest. But we
must remember to be moderate in our interest. Too many questions
make people feel uncomfortable.
What
about the contents of this generous information? I don’t think I
need to impress upon how preaching Islam often falls prey to
dominance of cultural traditions rather than Islam itself. This is a
common problem and consulting the ‘appropriate’ books on Islam
can remedy this. What is difficult to expound is sifting through
what is relevant and what is irrelevant.
For
example, a new Muslim needs time to get to grips with his/her new
faith. It may take a person a day to accept and act upon one Islamic
principle and may take another person years. As we are all unique
individuals our absorption levels are variable. All Muslims take
their time in absorbing concepts and native Muslims are no strangers
to this.
A
good example on the relevance or irrelevance of certain principles
and their immature timing is the emphases on the hadith, which
states “religion is advice” which means that many Muslims feel
the propensity to constantly advice new Muslims.
“Marriage
is half of faith” is another. Many Muslims are in such a rush to
get new Muslims married off either due to the sheer buzz, their good
intentions or to keep the sister, as in most cases, on the straight
path. Marriage is half of one’s faith but not marrying at any
certain stage does not make the person half a Muslim. By all means
marriage can be the best step for a new Muslim but it can be the
most trying step if the person is still coming to terms with his/her
new identity. A measured approach is the key. This is an immense
issue and due to its length it cannot possibly be dealt with
correctly in rubric of this article.
While
new Muslims are struggling to grasp their new faith and identity,
many people impress upon them to change their name to a ‘Muslim’
name. I have never been able to understand the need for this,
particularly when the Prophet only changed the names of those whose
names had bad meanings. The non-Arab companions Bilal, and Salman
the Persian kept their names. Similarly, his wife, Marya, who was a
Jew Coptic Christian before embracing Islam, did not change her
name. I know countless of converts who have Muslim names now only
because they were told it was a must, and if they had known that its
wasn’t, they would have not changed them. I must admit that I did
actually accept an Arabic name but only for the sheer novelty and
experimental value. It lasted three hours.
Compounded
with this barrage of knowledge there is sometimes the use of another
language. In my case Arabic or Urdu terms were often used instead of
English. I often laugh at the following example, but reflect on how
typical a scenario it is for many. There was one kind sister who
helped my friend and myself in reading the Qur’an. She was also a
convert. She did, however, have this tendency to go on about the
vices of the devil and often referred to him in the Arabic as
‘shaytan’. She also often spoke about her duties towards her
husband. Then one day, she began to mention shaytan doing this and
that. With the amount of times she mentioned shaytan anyone would
think I would have been well acquainted with him, and I innocently
said, “Who is shaytan, again? Is that your husband?” She was
horrified. Naturally!
This
not only typifies the problems in using jargon that new Muslims (and
converts whose language has no aspect of Muslim culture) are unaware
of, but also indicates how some aspects of Islam are presented in an
imbalanced manner. Instead of being reminded of Allah’s mercy, I
had to listen to references to the devil, hell and evil. What a turn
around to embrace a religion that seems to be as full of hell and
damnation as the one I had just left, I thought. Maybe this approach
is better for an ex-priest, ex-nun or anyone from a Christian
denomination still under the influence of John Knox. But I was
previously a lapsed Catholic and, like many, left Catholicism due to
its lack of compassion and understanding with the real world. Again,
there is a call for Muslims to envisage themselves as that new
Muslim in his/her previous life. Not easy! But neither is guiding
them if has to be done fruitfully.
Whether
these examples make up for the cultural clutter, I cannot say
exactly. Some aspects will be inherited from Muslim cultures and
some will be over-zealous attempts to help new Muslims without that
all encompassing empathy and with a taint of ignorance of how Islam
should be disseminated. If they were only to look at how the
Prophets and the Companions of Prophet Muhammad dealt with new
Muslims, it would only enlighten them.
Disseminating
Islam in its most beautiful form to new Muslims or non-Muslims is an
ardent task. With a few examples of my own personal experience I
feel I have only exposed the tip of the iceberg. I recommend anyone
in this situation to read the book “Even Angels Ask” by Jeffrey
Lang. This is an honest and touching account of a man who reverted
to Islam but saw himself and others fall into the many pit holes
that new Muslims encounter.
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