As
a Muslim of Scandinavian origin I am often met with the
question of why I became a Muslim. Yes, I even ask myself from
time to time, why Allah had picked me, out of the multitude of
people, and brought me to this blessed path of Islam.
When
I look back upon my life, I can see that my present situation
is a logical consequence of the sum of my acts and thoughts up
to this point, but that, of course, is always the case for
anybody. Thus my converting to Islam — or rather my
accepting the fact that inwardly I have always been a Muslim
— was inevitable.
I
could start my story by telling that at the age of about 16 or
17, I resigned from the Danish Church. It did not satisfy me,
neither intellectually nor, for that matter, spiritually, and
I truly wanted to be free from any affiliation as I started on
my search for answers for the big existential questions in
life.
For
many years after this decision I was a freethinker. I did not
associate myself with an "established religion." I
was a confirmed believer that there is a power greater than
all of us, which had to be found in all and everything. I
believed in the One and was uncompromising in accepting
anything less than a God without partner, all-pervading, an
energy unbound, without limit or name.
In
the late sixties I got attracted to the flower-power movement
and focused my way of living on the principle of generating
love and peace for myself and a healing for the entire world.
Also at the same time I stopped eating meat. Not as a result
of long and deep thought, but more as a sudden inspiration. I
was, so to say, caught red-handed with a piece of meat on my
fork on its way to my mouth, when suddenly it struck me that I
should stop eating it. I had, at the time, no idea why this
suddenly came to me. Yet it came with such force and clarity
that without a second thought I put it down. The next moment,
to my parents' surprise, I turned to them and told them that
this was the last time I would eat the flesh of animals.
At
the age of 21 I left Denmark to travel the world with a close
friend. It was not with any spiritual search in mind, only a
desire to move.
We
traveled through Africa, Asia, and the Middle East. Our
guiding principle on our journey was to live by the natural
laws of Yin and Yang. We applied it to our diet, which was
strictly vegetarian, and to our movements throughout the trip.
We supported each other, helping each other in the harmonious
and inspiring way that came to our hearts.
During
our travel we naturally came to live among people of many
different cultures and religions. This inspired in me a desire
to know where I fit into the scheme of things. What was my
religion? And where did I belong? I felt that now I needed to
define myself and the meaning of my life in a more specific
way.
As
I said earlier, at the age of 17 I had reached some kind of
conclusions about my religious beliefs; at least I knew what I
was not, but until then I had not spent much time and thought
pondering on what I might be.
It
was soon after we arrived in India, being so deeply impressed
by the spectacle of that wonderful country, that I dug myself
into Hindu culture and life and became a practicing Hindu.
This experience lasted for several years. These years opened
up my interest in God and my formal search began. It also led
me to some conclusions within myself. But before specifying
what these were, I wish to relate some experiences I had as a
Hindu in India which were of great importance for my
proceeding on my spiritual search.
Once
when I was staying with my guru (spiritual guide) near Ajmer
Sharif in the Rajasthan Province of India, I got a sensational
feeling within. No matter what question about life I could put
to myself, a voice inside would answer it with the very same
answer over and over again. Namely "Love, God, or
Truth." These came not as three individual answers but
combined as a single one. This was all that is and will ever
be. From then on for me, everything else was a projection from
this fundamental principle. I was totally saturated by the
result of this condition, completely exalted and obliterated
in this sensation for a period of maybe three consecutive
days, which were spent in a trance-like frame of mind. But the
overwhelming sensation of this Love-God-Truth opening did not
cease after this. Rather it lingered on in my mind and heart
for years to come.
The
other experience I want to relate took place again in India in
the ancient city of Humpy, now mainly consisting of ruins that
remind the visitor of the former days of glory and splendour.
Outside Humpy, right on the top of a mountain, is a temple
from which chanting can be heard constantly, flowing down and
over the old city. Together with a group of other seekers,
mostly foreigners, I decided to visit that place. On a fine
afternoon we set out on our journey. The first leg of the
journey was to cross a river; the only way getting across was
by the local "ferry." This ferry to our utter
amazement turned out to be a huge cooking pot that seated four
passengers in very precise places not to tilt the balance in
the pot. In groups of four, spinning and whirling, we slowly
crossed the river without any incident. Once we all were
together on the other side we headed up the mountain.
The
temple was placed right above a place where two gigantic slabs
of rock met at an angle. At the very bottom of this angle a
loudspeaker had been lowered down. As we approached, it became
clear to us that the chanting we heard constantly in the old
city was not as we imagined it, rows and rows of chanting
monks in their constant devotion. It was only an illusion. The
sound came from a recording playing on and on.
After
some hours of walking we found the night coming upon us and
decided to stay where we were for the night, as climbing a
mountain at night has never been a particularly good idea.
During this night of waiting, that something else happened to
me, which should change my way of comprehending myself for
ever. The chanting went on through the night and it became
more and more intoxicating. All of us in the group felt our
hearts soar and little was said between us the entire night.
The only communications were the knowing glances and
reassuring smiles toward one another as the full moon became
brighter and brighter. Each one of us was engulfed in some
kind of meditation.
At
one point I went to a nearby stream to refresh myself and
while I was there by the water, it suddenly struck me that if
I wanted to get closer to God, I could do it immediately. All
I had to do was to surrender. This thought came, as I was flat
on the ground, reaching down for water. And from being a
normal situation of reaching for water, this posture suddenly
became my first prostration for God. I found myself for the
first time head on the ground in front of the Creator,
submitting to the one and only God, Allah!
I
had come to this experience with complete certainty of the One
and only God. It further came to my heart that if this was
indeed true, then all truth, all religion, and everything came
from this same source. It struck me with such a force that
night on the mountain that 30 years later I can still recall
the awe I felt.
Upon
my return to Europe I did not bring much of my Hindu practice
with me. The only thing I kept as a practice was yoga. I had
now seen the similarities between all the world's religions
and I instinctively knew that they were all the same. They
were all the message of peace. They were all the original
manual for man, so we can know how to operate this wonderful
machine, which we have been equipped with for our travel
through this existence. And it seemed to me that the
transmission through time and environment had made them appear
different. In some cases extra material had been added to the
original message, and in other cases something had been
removed. So I only had to seek the source from where all
religions stemmed forth. A place where I could drink from the
purest of waters. I knew it had to be out there somewhere, but
I did not know where or how to look. I had just taken the
first step and was at the threshold of the world.
I
moved into the countryside in Denmark where I spent a lot of
my time tending the garden. I tried to turn my attentions
towards the Lord in everything I would do. From time to time I
would retreat to my room sitting there quietly in a
cross-legged position, praying and seeking His guidance. I was
afraid of asking anybody for guidance because I knew that the
world is full of crooks and conmen who could easily take me
for a ride, green as I knew that I was. Therefore I just kept
asking God. I would talk to God and say, "If You are
there, You can hear me. If You are there, You can see me. If
You are there, You know my needs. I am blind, deaf, and dumb
and I don't know what is good for me, and what is not. Give me
a way. Open a door for me. Give me guidance!" To my
friends I would often speak about God and the eternal
principle of God. And being a musician, I wrote songs about my
longing for God.
One
day I was approached by one of my old friends whom I had not
seen for years. He had become a Muslim in the meantime. We met
a few times, always talking more and more about religion and
subjects connected to it. He was planning a trip to the Sahara
desert to learn some things from the Tuareg tribes. He asked
me to join him, as he knew that I had crossed the Sahara
desert before. I immediately agreed to come along. The desert
always fascinated me. Before setting out, I made it a point to
let him know that I was not the least interested in becoming a
Muslim. I would not mind living among them, but I would not
convert to Islam.
A
few days later I left my house in the countryside and went to
Copenhagen to participate in the last preparations for the
travel. He lived in a house along with other Muslims. I moved
in with them waiting to get ready for the trip south.
The
first night I spent with them was in the month of May in 1982.
In the deep of night I suddenly heard somebody shouting. After
the initial shock I believed that this person had
"flipped his lid". But the others just got up
quietly, started washing and preparing for prayer. I was
ashamed as I had never been ashamed before. I had wanted to
pray for several years, and I had prayed occasionally, but
always only giving God the leftover time, when I had tended to
all my personal needs and whims. And here were these guys
giving Him prime time. Giving Him the time when the bed is at
its sweetest shortly before the break of dawn. I asked if I
would be allowed to pray with them, to which they willingly
agreed. In my quiet mind I thought that they could pray to
their "Arab God", and in the meantime I would try to
set things straight with "my God". I did not yet
realize that I was heading straight for my permanent place at
the praying carpet.
Living
with them, praying with them, eating with them, and discussing
with them, I finally came to see what until this point I had
been veiled from. I had arrived at the starting point. I could
now put into practice outwardly what my heart was yearning for
inwardly. The entrance to Islam was only to confirm what I
already knew for certain to be true. There was no choice; my
heart did not lie in what it now perceived in front of it. The
door was open and I took the first blessed step inside. After
entering I realized that this is not only what I had always
been looking for, but it was also what I, in reality, already
was. I had always been a Muslim in my heart. I am and will
always be grateful for being able to be gifted with this path
and having certainty of the ever-flowing generosity of my
Lord.