Born
1953 in the town Linz in Austria, I spent my childhood in
Munich (Germany) until we moved to Salzburg (Austria) when I
was 16 years old. I grew up in a conservative Christian way.
My parents are strict Protestant Christians, which believe
in the Bible and pray to Jesus as son of God. They educated
me to keep a high standard of morals and ethics.
After
I had finished high school, I started to study biology and
in parallel, to work in a half-day job, both at the
university of Salzburg.
Since
I did not participate in any Christian activities of the
Protestant church, my parents arranged for me to get in
touch with an evangelic free church, the Baptist community
(a very big and powerful Christian church in the USA). I
became an active member and even a leader of a student
group. I studied the Bible several times and believed in the
dogmas of Jesus being son and part of God, and of the
salvation of all people and the reconciliation with God only
by his death on cross. At this time, I didn’t scrutinize
the Bible carefully enough to recognize that this was not
taught by Jesus in his gospel. But some years later, still
in the same community, I was beginning to have my doubts and
I could no longer accept this foundation of Christian faith
and religion, which contradicted my reasoning. Although I
was repeatedly told that this is God’s mystery and a
matter of faith and not of intellect, I insisted that I
could only believe that Jesus is a human being and a prophet
with a special relation to God, who demonstrated the right
way to God by his life and teachings.
I
got married with a man from the Baptist church and I
finished my studies achieving the doctorate. Two children
and a divorce later I left the Baptist church, also due to
my doubts concerning the foundation of Christianity.
I
had to search for a full time job, since I was alone
responsible for my children, but al-hamdu lillah I
got a very good employment in research and student teaching
in my field at the university of Salzburg. I was content to
earn my own money to ensure financial independency from all
other people.
I
got married a second time and I started to deal with
esoteric philosophies. I was still in search of truth. The
second marriage was again turning into a disaster and I was
divorced a second time. Similar as in the first case, the
reason for divorce was that my husband took advantage of my
position, money and my desire for harmony. He didn’t
support me with any financial, practical or even
psychological help or care for the children. But at this
time, I was already independent with a sound basis in my
life: I had a position as university professor and great
responsibility for my work.
Since
I had not found happiness in my private life, but was
constantly overloaded with double work, job, children and
household, I suffered form exhaustion depressions for some
years. I only kept going in life due to my children and my
work.
After
the second divorce I lived together with a much younger man
for 9 years without being married, as it is usual in the
western world. When he left me for a younger woman, I
started to re-arrange my life as single, without expecting
to find a man again. I had a good job, grown-up children, a
nice apartment, a car, and hobbies like mountain climbing or
skiing and did not miss anything in practical life. I could
stand on my own two feet. But I was not giving up the search
of truth.
My
knowledge about Islam at this time was only a bad prejudice
generated by Christians and the media. I never got in
contact with the religion and I didn’t want to get in
touch with people from this—how it seemed to
me—“frightening and rigid” religion.
This
was the situation in September 2002, when I was persuaded by
a friend to spend a week of holidays in an all-inclusive
hotel. We had to book a last-minute flight and found a very
cheap offer for Egypt. My intention was to relax, to return
to my inner balance and maybe came closer to the truth. The
only affair I was not at all interested in, was to meet a
man.
It
was on the first evening in the very beautiful hotel and I
went to the buffet for dinner, when I saw Walid for the
first time, a cook in the hotel and my later husband. When
our eyes met, I fell in love. Walid told me later that the
same happened to him. We didn’t communicate for two more
days until Walid started writing letters. One of the first
suggestions he proposed to me was that we should marry. The
rest of the week I couldn’t make up my mind for my
prejudices and many doubts in my head or for the deep
affection in my heart. Then I returned home to Austria with
not more than the handy number of one of his friends. I
realized soon that the apparent barriers due to the
differences between us (age, culture, religion, education
and language) existed only in my head. This was the opinion
of the society but not my own experience. I planned to
return to Egypt two months later to give our love a chance.
The only real problem was the poor communication.
Allah
started now visibly guiding my life. Some days after my
return to Austria, a woman from Egypt started working as
guest scientist in my institute for the duration of one
year. Two weeks later I began to visit an Arabic language
course at the university offered by a professor from Egypt.
Being good Muslims they taught me both a lot about Islam,
their culture and the Arabic language, which I intended to
learn for better communication with Walid.
Interested
to know more about Islam, I bought many books and a good
Qur'an translation (from Murad Hofmann, a German ambassador,
who converted to Islam earlier). I was amazed how good my
idea of God and the world was reflected by the holy Qur'an.
I found extensive conformity with the “old testament”
and in the “new testament” with the gospel of Jesus, but
without the church-made dogma that Jesus is regarded as son
of God.
At
my second visit in Egypt, I found out that Walid is a very
serious man from a large family of farmers, which we visited
together. On the first evening, we married with a local but
not international contract (Orfi), which protected us at
least against the police and fulfilled the Islamic law that
no common activity should be carried out between man and
woman outside marriage. After this trip I traveled three
more times to Egypt, until we could officially marry in
Cairo, and again two more times until we had the visa for
Walid. Now he could come with me to Austria, more than one
year after we met the first time.
During
this year I gradually learned things about Islam by reading
books and by the help of my Muslim friends in Austria.
Surprisingly I was also contacted by the Cairo University as
a referee of a thesis work. Under the several Egyptian
scientists, whom I met from now on each time when I visited
Egypt, I won one good Muslimah as a close friend. I was
impressed that many Muslims including young people—even
those who are not very strict in their religion—speak
openly and respectfully about Allah and Islam.
As
soon as my husband came to Austria, we contacted the mosque
in Salzburg and I received and bought more books. Two of
them, the book of Maurice Bucaille “Bible, Qur'an and
Natural Sciences”, which proves that all scientific
statements in the holy Qur'an are in consents with the
latest research, and the “Gospel of Barnabas”, where
Jesus announces the prophet Muhammad and refuses to be
revered as God, opened my eyes.
The
holy Qur'an confirmed not only my idea about God and the
world, but all his statements, e.g. about natural sciences,
did obviously not contradict the reality. I was allowed and
even encouraged to use my logic! I discovered that Islam is
not a new religion, but a “re-animation” of the roots
and the essential of the old religions of the Jews and
Christians, with the first Muslim Abraham as the father of
all monotheistic religions and with the same prophets,
including Jesus. The last prophet Muhammad—not accepted by
the other religions—was used by Allah to repeat the old
truth again and to announce new regulations. The holy Qur'an
must be God’s revelation and Muhammad his messenger! If
this is the truth and I believe this, I have to accept the
holy Qur'an as a whole including the law. I hesitated to
make the step of conversion to Islam only, because I knew
that this implies to keep the rules, accept restrictions for
my life (e.g. no alcohol, no pork) and behave in a way not
contradicting the holy Qur'an and the Sunnah [editor's note:
Sunnah means the collection of the Prophet's deeds].
At
the beginning of the past Ramadan 2004, Walid asked me,
whether I wanted to do the last step and convert. I accepted
to make this in my house. We invited several brothers and
sisters and I spoke the shahadah [editor's note:
shahadah means Testimony of Faith]. I had already learned
how to pray and started praying as regular as possible. Of
course, I was fasting in Ramadan.
I
am very happy to belong to the Ummah of Muslims
[editor's note: Ummah means nation]. I try to grow in
faith for Allah and knowledge about Islam and to fulfill the
law as good as possible.
Still
two major problems are left. Although my parents know my
opinion about Islam, I cannot tell them that I am converted.
They are old and sick and the truth could do harm to them.
The other problem: I cannot yet wear a veil in work and in
areas, where I am known. Although in Austria Islam is an
accepted religion, the society has problems to accept
Muslims and especially the veil as symbol. Due to my public
duties I would get many disadvantages and problems in work,
affecting especially my working group in the university.
On
the other side, I use each opportunity to talk about Islam.
I try to live as a good Muslimah, to practice Islam and give
a good example.
Allah
finally helped me to find the right way in my search of the
truth, al-hamdu lillah.