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Allah subhanahu wa
ta`ala [editor's note: subhanahu wa ta`ala means
Glory be to Allah the Most High] created human being with
his free will able to make his own decision and choose his
own destiny, but I believe that our path of life was planed
even before our birth and we—through our choices—can
make it worse or better.
Each human being also is
born as a Muslim and his parents choose for him religion and
teach him their own tradition and customs.
I came from strong polish
Catholic family. We were going to the church every Sunday
and celebrating holidays together. Since I remember I join
the prayers mostly as an obligation than a call of my heart.
Even though I didn’t ask any questions or search for
something deeper. It was enough, I believed, I had some
basic knowledge, I had good relation with my family and I
enjoyed the life. I was happy 25 years old girl.
Than I left my home country
and moved to Connecticut, USA. Here, for the first time I
heard about Islam. It was year 2001 and I was working
between Muslim people. We started talking about our
religious backgrounds and I was surprised that in Islam I
could find things which I already knew—about creation,
prophets or even Mary and birth of Jesus. I really enjoyed
all those conversations. At the beginning I tried to
convince them that my religion is better but soon I realized
that I cannot find any more arguments. I needed knowledge so
as to find the truth, I read a lot about comparing both
religions. At the beginning I was really scared and
confused. I didn’t know where I belong: I gave up my old
practices/prayers including attending church and I
couldn’t find myself in Islam yet. I was stuck. I would
like to pray and I didn’t know how. My friend told me:
clear your heart and ask God in your own words for
directions and to show you the truth. And Allah subhanahu
wa ta`ala gave me the answer. I had a dream in which I
heard the most important words in Islam—la ilaha illa
Allah [editor's note: la ilaha illa Allah means
there's no God but one]. At this time I didn’t know the
exact meaning of those words and when I found out that there
is no god but Allah I knew that I was going in good
direction.
It took me one year to say shahadah
[editor's note: shahadah means Testimony of Faith]
because it was hard to accept or understand some of the
Islamic rules, especially hijab, I was looking forward to
change my life, but I was afraid of my parents and other
peoples' reactions. Besides I felt like I didn’t have
enough knowledge and I would like to prepare myself to be a
Muslim. So, I learnt how to pray and say the most important
words in Arabic, I was fasting and I kept reading to know as
much as possible. Practically I was already Muslim, I just
needed to say: “Ashhadu anna la ilaha illa Allah wa
ashhadu anna Muhammadan Rasu-lul Allah”. And I did alhamdulillah.
I chose 25th of Ramadan—December 2002—to clear my past
in front of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala and pray as a
Muslim in the holy night Laylat Al-Qadr [editor's
note: Laylat Al-Qadr means The Night of Power]. From
this time I was born again and Ramadan became the month of
changes. One year later I started wearing hijab, alhamdulillah.
Being in different country,
far away from my family I was able to be responsible for my
own future and to search for the meaning of life in my own
way. For my parents it was kind of a shock, as their only
little, loving daughter was looking for something strange,
difficult to understand. When I started reading about Islam
I was so excited that I would like to share with my parents
everything I experienced. Unfortunately it was a big
mistake. For them Islam was something wrong, dangerous and
disrespectful for human being. Even I tried to show them
positive aspects, they didn’t listen. They just paid
attention to the media. They thought I was in a sect and
somebody was washing my brain. The more I was talking the
more trouble I was getting into. I don’t remember how many
phone calls I made to convince them that I was right, that I
could be able to choose my own way no matter what other
people think. It was so painful. We were arguing, crying,
saying sorry and arguing again. It was hard especially for
my Mom. She told me that I’m hurting her so much, that
I’m putting knife to her heart and I’m turning my back
to all what she taught me and what I sacked from her milk.
Then, 2 weeks after my conversion, my father came to USA
because he wanted to change me but he didn’t know that
I’m Muslim already. After so many arguments I decided to
keep quiet and when I gain some knowledge and experience I
shall show them the truth. It was really a difficult time
for me. I wasn’t able to pray without hiding, my father
took me to the church to talk with a priest. Subhan Allah
[editor's note: subhan Allah means Glory be to
Allah], they couldn’t answer any of my questions, they
said that even you don’t need to understand anything, you
just need to believe. He even moved me to different state so
I would be far away from my Muslim friends. Couple times I
was thinking to give up and stop hurting my parents and do
what they expect me to do, but then I remembered the life of
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his companions, subhan
Allah, after all the pain and insult they had to go
through to survive and bring Islam to us my problems became
not important.
Alhamdulillah, I
survived also. I came back to Connecticut and in March 2003
I married one of my Muslim friends—brother Hisham from
Morocco. My husband gave me guidance and knowledge about
Islam. He showed me different ways of worshiping Allah subhanahu
wa ta`ala. We prayed together, made dhikr
[editor's note: dhikr means remembrance of Allah],
read different hadiths and Qur'an. Day by day my faith grew
as a beautiful flower and fulfilled all my heart. I realized
how much I lost in my life before when I didn’t know this
feeling. I became calm, more patient, every single minute I
keep watching and wondering about Allah’s creation.
Although the situation with my parents got worse I could
find a peace and support in Islam. I was asking Allah subhanahu
wa ta`ala that maybe one day they will understand and
accept my decision.
Time goes by and I enjoyed
being a Muslim. I started to taste the life; my face was
always light up with the smile. Everything around seemed to
be beautiful and easy. I felt like somebody added wings for
me so I could fly and I had so much energy. At this time I
met a lot of Muslims who gave me pieces of advice and showed
what Islam is really about in every aspect of the
life—especially sisters who widely opened their door and
hearts for me. I was touched so deeply by their discipline,
respect, warm and open heart. Even when you met them for the
first time you feel like you know them for ages, you belong
to them and you are important. This is a beauty of Islam ma
sha’ Allah [editor's note: ma sha’ Allah
means whatever Allah wills] and I’m asking Allah subhanahu
wa ta`ala so everybody could taste it.
In October 2004 Allah subhanahu
wa ta`ala gave me wonderful gift—a child; boy named
Mohammed Karim. This miracle of life opened the door to
better relationship with my parents. Alhamdulillah,
they realized that I’m happy, I have a good husband and I
really enjoy the life in my way—nobody is pushing me to
decision I made. We broke the ice and started talking
honestly about feelings and changes in our life. I found out
how hard was for my parents to accept the new me. They
thought, they lost me and they needed to discover me again.
For them everything was Arabic or Islamic—their
daughter’s dress, their grandson’s name, so where is
space for their tradition and religion celebration? I try my
best to show them that I’m still their little girl, I love
them so much and if I change, I change to be a better
person. I talk to them very often and send pictures—even
those which they didn’t like so much—with a scarf, so
they will be part of our life and fill informed about
everything. Alhamdulillah they accepted all my family
and me as Muslims, although, in their heart, they are still
praying for me to come back to my old path.
Alhamdulillah, Allah
subhanahu wa ta`ala chose for me to be a Muslim.
I’m so happy with all my decisions that I will never go
back. May Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala protect me from
going astray and stay strong on His path.
Everyday I try my best to
be a good slave of Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala and
build up my faith. I keep worshiping Him, following the Sunnah
of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and educating myself
about Islam. Recently I started learning reading Qur'an in
Arabic, alhamdulillah. Like every human being I have
ups and downs, I struggle with the whispering of Satan and
the weakness of my soul. This is my jihad which helps me to
improve myself and remind me where I came from and where
I’m going to.
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