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Whenever
I hear the sound of the ocean crashing upon itself in
never-ending movement – rising and falling as it measures
out time, I think about the beginning of my life and the
journey I began and am still traveling. As the tides inch
their way towards me where I sit on the sand, I remember that
the time of my death remains unknown to me. I feel a sense of
fear; of urgency to do more, learn more, discover more before
the tides of my own life rise and sweep me along to the
Hereafter. I am like a grain of sand – one tiny part of
human existence – a small part of all that has lived.
For
many years I lived alone, isolated in a world of fear and
unrest. Some happy childhood memories, times of love and joy
were always covered by a cloud of uncertainty; a feeling of
being lost but not knowing where my real place was. I watched
my life unfold, taking note of the decisions that I made,
which either drove me forward or pushed me back. I was
constantly moving further away from the light or getting
closer to it. It was the source of truth whose reality I
recognized deep within my heart.
“And
Allah increases in guidance those who walk aright and love
Allah much.” (Surah Maryam (Mary), verse 76)
In
my isolation, I sought help and comfort in the One Who had
created me; I had no doubt that there exists a Creator and
Sustainer of all things. I knew this as clearly and as surely
as I know the sun rises and sets, the movement of the tides,
the echo of a thunder storm and the delicate beauty of a
spider’s web. No! This world was no accident! As sure as an
explosion in a paint factory could never produce an
encyclopedia, I always knew this world has a Designer – the
Source of all peace.
On
Him I called, yet at that time I didn’t know His name but
only the reality of Him. His Existence and His Creation was so
overwhelmingly obvious that I knew I could ask and He would
give: I asked for peace in my troubled heart; I asked to
understand my life and what He wanted from me. I asked for
guidance for I knew I was lost.
At
sixteen years of age, I prayed as I had always done, knowing
that He is so Powerful and All-Encompassing that there was no
need to pray in the name of Jesus (peace be upon him). I
forced myself to throw off the shackles of Christianity and
dependence upon Jesus as a medium between my Creator and
myself. I felt a surge of peace and inner quietness. It is a
feeling that guided me and still does, telling my spirit that
I’m on the right way – just keep going. Step by step I
moved towards the light of truth whose rays flickered far in
the distance. I began to measure the success of my life by the
amount of peace that I felt within, but so often in the
materialistic world in which I lived, this peace and inner joy
was drowned out by trivial pursuits and passing pleasures.
A
deep awareness followed me that every step I took in life is
significant – every word counted and followed me like the
echo of my reality. So many paths of life confronted me, each
one having its own destination. I was in a state of confusion
but guided by my inner feeling, which acted like a radar.
Surely, the one who wants to be guided, will be guided.
I
always felt close to God and prayer was a way of life for me.
Deep in my mind, for I could never voice any doubts, I had
some misgivings about what I’d been taught about Jesus
(peace be upon him): some things didn’t make sense to me,
but as a missionary I felt I was calling to God, not to a
particular church. I could recognize a harmony and structure
in all the nature around me, yet I found an absence of order
wherever I looked around people.
His
Existence and His Creation was so overwhelmingly obvious that I knew I
could ask and He would give… |
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I
learned to love Jesus as a messenger of God but it seemed
strange to me, that God would require a sacrifice in order to
forgive us. I believed that God was above having any need.
I felt I could communicate with Him as I was, without
the necessity of an intermediary because, again, God didn’t
need any help to hear what I said.
As
a Christian I had been taught that Jesus was God’s son and
that man could only be saved through belief in Jesus. I
wondered why God, who was so obviously powerful would require
anything, let alone a son to fulfill His purpose. Why
couldn’t the Creator just forgive His creation without an
intermediary. I also knew deep within my heart that when
mankind stepped away from righteousness, all harmony was lost.
I
clung to what I’d been taught since a child but I kept
looking, searching and thinking.
At
school, I learned to be “tolerant.” People said that all
religions lead to God. However, instinctively I knew that I
knew without any doubt that there was one God, one system of
life, one truth, and one path leading to it. There
couldn’t be many diverging paths that were so contradictory!
The Jews hate Jesus, the Christians love him, other religions
ignore him and some others do not even know him. Are they all
true? At the end of all these religions is there one God; the
Creator who made everything so harmonious in nature. Is this
the same God who created the marvels of the universe but also
allows all this ignorance and confusion and calls it worship?
Such an idea lacked logic, respect for human dignity and mercy
from the Creator. One God, one truth, one way. But where was
it? I kept looking.
Life
changes continually but usually these changes take place
gradually and are of a subtle nature, and then, from time to
time, intermittent situations pound our lives and make us
pause and take new directions. One such vital crossroads
confronted me in 1983. I was moving into a new flat and had
the choice of two apartments. I was unsure which one to take,
so as usual, I prayed and asked. I had a very strong feeling
that if I moved into one particular flat my life would change
dramatically. I was as a boat cast adrift on the sea, led by
the winds and tides but my weight affected the direction of
the boat. Likewise, our intentions, decisions, and actions
steer the course of our lives.
I
met my neighbors who were Muslims. I thought I would do some
missionary work. I always like to remind people about the
Creator, goodness, and the existence of truth. What little I
knew about Muslims and Islam was colored by the
Christian-Judaic doctrine in which I’d been raised. I was
taught that Muslims did not believe in Jesus (peace be upon
him), that they were ignorant heathens who deserved to be
usurped from theland
of Palestine.
How ignorant I was!
They
listened to me patiently, and then I too listened to them.
They did not try to explain any complicated issues, they just
read to me from the Qur’an. First they read in Arabic, then
in English. It was the chapter of Maryam (Mary). I listened in
silence. The sound was so tranquil – something independent
from the reader, something that contained the ability to touch
hearts, remove the obstacles we place in front of ourselves,
and redirect us towards light, guidance, and that constantly
elusive element of life called happiness. I cried. I could not
find words to explain my tears and all I could say was,
“It’s beautiful.”
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Courtesy of William Joseph Galleries ©
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The
beautiful sound of the Arabic recitation and then t he
plain and direct language of the English translation struck a
chord within me. The beautiful story of Prophet Jesus (peace
be upon him) and his miracle birth to the virgin Mary was a
marvel of simplicity. God, or as I learned to call Him, Allah,
had sent Prophets and Messengers since the beginning of time -
Prophet Adam (peace be upon him), Prophet Abraham, Prophet
Moses, Prophet Jesus and Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon them
all) and many others. They all came with God’s message: to
eschew all worship except the worship of the One True God and
to submit to His Will. Such is the meaning of Islam. A Muslim
is one who bows to the Will of Allah refusing the worship of
anyone or anything else while seeking to establish piety on
earth.
The
simple story of Jesus (peace be upon him) and his pious
mother. The fact that he (peace be upon him) was a special and
wondrous creation; that Allah, the Almighty said “Be” and
it was. A miracle birth! No need for an intermediary!
One
God! One truth! One way of life! One path! I was home!
I
learned that prayer is strictly between the individual and
God, and that each person is held responsible for the actions
they have sent forward. No one can bear the sins of another,
not even a parent, child, or friend. Thus Jesus (peace be upon
him), is loved and revered as a Prophet and Messenger of
Allah; for his righteousness and closeness to Allah. I learnt
that Muslims believe that Jesus (peace be upon him) will come
again to the earth and that all the confusion about his origin
and role will be wiped away.
Each
and every human being on this earth, will be held accountable
before Allah, the Almighty on the Day of Judgment; it is up to
us to obey or disobey our Creator. A famous saying of Prophet
Muhammad (peace be upon him) was that, if we turn to Allah He
will turn to us. If we approach Allah by a hand’s span, He
approaches us by an arm’s legnth, and if we go towards Him
walking, He rushes towards us.
I
knew deep within myself that I had reached the place of light
that I had sought for so many years. I was twenty-two years
old. I had been a missionary since I was seventeen. In my
heart, I left the church the moment I heard the Qur’an. But
I decided to go to the church one more time to publicly
announce in the monthly “testimony meeting” the following
Sunday that my life had taken a new direction and I wouldn’t
be seeing them again, but that I was glad to have known them
and wished them all well.
I
knew deep within myself that I had reached the place of light that I
had sought for so many years… |
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My
leaving the church caused something of an uproar in my family
and community. Deep down I knew I was alone in life. Family
and friends could come close to us but no one really knows us
or can help us except Allah. Indeed, we are born alone, will
die alone and will stand for judgment alone. I had always felt
alone. I was right.
The
loud and often hostile reaction of people is easy to confront
when one remains in a state of reliance upon Allah, the
Almighty. I considered myself a Muslim but had a long way to
go, much to change and much to understand. I felt like a young
child who had just taken her first steps. I knew with
conviction that Allah was the One to whom I’d always prayed
but it wasn’t until that time that I knew His name and
reality. I spent the next five years rediscovering my life.
As
I read the Qur’an in English, I knew that all the things I
had ever thought or felt were contained in a book that existed
before this world came into being.
How
deeply grateful I am that Allah has guided me to Islam,
despite the propaganda and hype that abounds this world
concerning it. Indeed, Allah, the Almighty, will never allow
His message to stop, and He will rescue those who have fallen
prey to this life if only they turn to Him with sincerity.
What
Hands May Do
Spirals
of day and night
Coiling
upon each other
In
rays of light
Moonbeams
cheer a weary world
Hiding
the ugliness of man's hands
Which
the sun will soon disclose
The
mind of man stretches o'er
Time
and space
Encompassing
past glories and present hopes
Hands
clothed in wonder
Snatch
sand from the ground
Which
runs like water through fingers
That
entreat the Power on High
To
send forth rain
Clouds
drifting on high
Driven
like slaves
Shield
us from the sun's harsh rays
Giving
life to a parched earth
Once
fulfilled
Those
same hands assault goodness with evil
Relishing
in the power and strength
Provided
by the rain
Stretching
and snatching all within
Their
reach
Grasping
for more until the grave
Swallows
their desire
Only
then do hands lie still
That
once pleaded
Then
ignored the One Who gave
That
once misused power
Forgetting
from where it comes
Day
and night turn on each other
Unmindful
of where and when we fall
Light
and dark continues
'Til
the day we see what
Our
hands have sent before
*This
story is based upon excerpts from “The Miracles of My
Life” by Selma
A. Cook. It has been reproduced with the permission and
assistance of the author.
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