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Courtesy of The National Geographic Society ©
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Al-hamdu
lillah (all praise be
to Allah), I came from the darkness to the light, as they say,
at the age of 19 when I became a Muslim. How I decided to be a
Muslim and the long road that I traveled is a subject that I
am often asked about, so in sha’ Allah (God willing),
I will try to explain it here, and my hope is that my story
will be one of inspiration for others.
I
grew up as the typical American girl, born and raised in the
United States in a middle-class family, which was composed of
my parents and one younger sister. My father was in the
military, so we moved around quite a bit, but eventually we
settled in Virginia, and this was where I grew up primarily.
My
family had a Christian background, but my parents, both of
whom worked full time, did not have the time to take us often
to church. Religion was confined mostly to holidays or
whenever we would visit our grandparents. I vividly remember
attending Sunday school as a small child; I remember being
taught about Jesus and various other Christian virtues.
However, when I became a teenager, these principles and ideas
began to seem foreign to me, and I didn’t acknowledge them
or implement them in my daily life at all.
My
first introduction to Islam was in the ninth grade when my
world history class went to Washington DC and toured the
Islamic center there. It was a gorgeous spring day, all of us
were wearing shorts and T-shirts, of course, and I remember
being stopped at the entrance of the mosque. The woman told
us, “You cannot enter Allah’s house dressed like this.”
I remember that we all laughed, especially the boys, because a
moment later the woman returned with long white skirts and
scarves and insisted that we wear them into the mosque. How
strange, I remember thinking to myself, what’s the big deal?
We were given a brief talk by someone who couldn’t speak
English very well; needless to say it didn’t leave a great
impression, but as a carefree teenager at the time, religion
was the furthest thing from my mind.
Approximately
a year and a half later, a new family moved in next door to my
house. One night shortly after they moved in, I was walking my
dog. When Umm Ali, my new neighbor, noticed that I was walking
towards the house next to hers, she immediately approached me.
She insisted in a very kind way that I come and eat dinner
with them. Now it was summer time, very hot and humid, and
before me stood this woman covered from head to toe, a
complete stranger, and suddenly she was insisting that I come
and eat with her. At first I completely refused, but she stood
her ground and eventually convinced me. When I asked her why
was she so persistent she replied, “Islam teaches us to be
respectful and kind to our neighbors. You are my neighbor now
and I must extend to you this courtesy.”
I
was quite shocked by this, but somehow it put me at ease. I
felt that there was a real sense of sincerity in this gentle
woman. From that evening on, Umm Ali and I became the best of
friends. It was a new experience for both of us: she had never
had a close friend who wasn’t Muslim, and I had never had a
Muslim friend, so we enjoyed our differences and respected
them. She had a great sense of humor and we used to laugh a
lot. I adored her children and used to care for them as if
they were my own nieces.
From
time to time, we would discuss religion, but it was never in a
forceful way. I used to ask her about her prayers and about
her dress. During Ramadan, she invited me every night for iftar
(the meal that breaks the fast), though I wasn’t fasting.
Much of her da`wah (inviting to Islam) to me was
through her actions, not her words. I began to respect and
adore her so much as a person, woman, wife, and mother. It was
very obvious to me that she was at peace with herself. At the
time, I was still quite young, but I felt something starting
to stir. It was more than a curiosity or affection; I was
starting, even though I didn’t know it quite yet, to really
take Islam seriously.
Much of the da`wah (preaching) that she made to me was through her actions, not her words… |
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Once
I started studying in the university, I began to really think
seriously about my life, its direction and purpose. What was
my main objective in life? Why was I on this planet, to do
what, to serve whom? I reflected upon my Christian roots, but
they seemed so alien to me at that point. So I started to
search.
I
looked at Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism-so many “isms,” but
I found a flaw in every one of them. Umm Ali was still with me
at this time. She knew that I was troubled and needed
guidance, but, as was always her loving way, she didn’t
force me in anything. She was there for me, to listen to my
frustrations and fears, always kind and always caring.
It
was a time of great turmoil, and then one night I had a dream.
In the dream I was surrounded by darkness from all sides, and
in the distance I could see a great light, and under that
light was my dear friend, and she was calling me, but I could
not go to her. When I woke up, I was startled by this dream:
What did it mean? After many long nights, I realized the
meaning: the darkness was my life as I was living it and the
light was Islam. It was then that I decided to take the
Shahadah (public declaration of faith). I went first to Umm
Ali and shortly after that to the mosque to make it official.
People
often wonder why an American woman, born and educated in the
United States, would ever accept Islam. Islam is so often
maligned in the media, especially when it comes to issues
dealing with women. So many people are confused when they know
that I chose to accept Islam. No one forced me-it was my
choice. Islam offered me what no other religion could: peace
of mind and pure contentment. I knew and understood finally
what my purpose in life was.
Islam
answered every question I had because it does not have any
“gray” areas. Everything is open and clear and therefore
it makes a person feel truly comfortable. Islam offered me, as
a woman, true freedom. Yes, freedom! Freedom because it is
Islam that elevates women, giving them every kind of right:
social, political, economical, etc. These are true rights
prescribed by Allah that no individual or government can take
from me. I feel totally empowered as a Muslim woman and I
thank Allah everyday for guiding me to the straight path.
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Courtesy of William Joseph Galleries ©
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Another
issue I am often asked about is my family’s reaction to my
conversion. Over the years I have heard and seen it all in
terms of this particular point. Overall, I have been quite
fortunate. At first I think no one took me seriously. Because
I was so young (only 19!), my family seemed to think that I
was going through a phase, and that when I tired of it, I
would return to “normal.”
I
also made the mistake of keeping my conversion a secret from
my family, so when they found out from a third party, that
made it all the worse for them and me. There were many
“animated” discussions, especially between my mother and
myself, but thankfully they never turned their backs on me or
disowned me in any way. I married the following year and moved
out of my parent’s home, and it was then, I believe, that
they finally realized I was totally serious (as my husband
was, of course, a Muslim) and that this was my life’s
decision.
Since
my conversion to Islam, my life has taken a drastic change for
the better. I no longer feel frustrated or confused. I know
what the meaning of life is and my purpose here in this world.
I used to waste my time always going out, going to the beach,
spending long hours in the cinema or at concerts. I never used
to do anything for Allah or for His pleasure, only for myself.
Now I see how frivolous that all was.
My
main goal now is to serve Allah Almighty, whereas before my
goal was to serve myself and my selfish needs. I am now 31-a
bit older and much wiser. I married nine months after I became
a Muslim, and I now have two lovely daughters. My life now is
complete, and since that great night I decided to be a Muslim,
I have never looked back. The road was long and it was not
always easy, but my faith and trust in Allah Almighty has
always sustained me.
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