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It
was a hot and humid night in August of 1991, and I decided to
look up every reference to Christianity that I could find in
the Qur'an. After two years of informally studying Islam, I
knew that this had to be the “Truth” and the straight path
to God. Still, something was holding me back from making a
final decision to convert, and I was sure that I would find
the resolution to my anxiety in the Qur'an.
Alhamdulillah
(all praise be to Allah), I did! I read Surat Al-Ma'idah,
verses 82-85 and I became convinced that within my true
essence was a natural yearning to be a Muslim. In reality, I
had been a Muslim since the day I was born.
I
was in the middle of completing my Master’s degree in
history and had already finished my B.S. in Education. I knew
that my life would drastically changed forever with my new
choice. Over a period of four years, I had met some very good
Muslim sisters and brothers who patiently and intelligently
helped me along my path to Truth.
I
had never completely accepted the idea of Christianity to be
the only way to God. I don’t know why. Previously, I asked a
priest to explain the concept of trinity, and when he
couldn't, I started to have my doubts. The same priest
condescendingly advised me to simply believe it as a matter of
faith. In other words, Christianity does not have to make
sense. I am expected to flatly accept its concepts as a matter
of faith, otherwise I was not being a good Christian.
The
idea that religion does not have to make sense bothered me a
lot. I could not understand why God would give me a brain with
which to think and reflect, and then expect me not to use it
when it comes to worshipping Him! I became curious about other
religions, and while spending one year in Japan I delved into
Buddhism. I soon rejected this religion because I was not
comfortable with bowing before statues of Buddha. I decided to
stick with the religion that I was raised on and with which I
was most comfortable.
At
that point, I knew almost nothing about Islam; I thought it
was something only Arabs practiced. Looking back, it is hard
to believe that a student of history could subscribe to such
false notions - it just proves the point that many Western
history textbooks are unjustly biased against Islam. Alhamdulillah, today I have noticed a lot of positive changes
in the way Islam is presented in Western textbooks.
One
of the most influential aspects in my conversion was the
brothers and sisters whom I met who not only practiced their
faith with dignity and enthusiasm but were also kind and
tolerant of me as a non-Muslim. I met many such Muslims at the
university I attended. There was a Malaysian sister, wearing
her hijab and long dignified flowing clothes, who would walk
respectfully across the room to her seat in my class. There
was a brother who regularly came into the university bookstore
where I worked. I noticed that he dressed very modestly and
always looked so clean. After I became Muslim, I realized why
- he made ritual ablutions five times a day! There was also a
brother who sat next to me on a domestic flight and who showed
me great respect and kindly reassured me when we encountered
some heavy turbulence. He was a pilot himself, and when he
noticed my anxiety as the plane took a deep plunge in the
turbulence, he started to talk to me about how he was a pilot
for an international carrier and that everything would be just
fine. He then proceeded to explain in some detail the workings
of the aircraft we were on. The logic of it all was very
reassuring. Ultimately, I realized all of these people were
Muslims, and they came from different parts of the world. I
admired the way they carried themselves and the fact that they
were proud that they were Muslim. Nevertheless, they were
always considerate and kind to me as a non-Muslim.
About
one year before I would actually convert, I became more
interested in Islam. On a bulletin board at the church that I
attended, I noticed a flyer about a Christian - Muslim
dialogue session. The flyer listed some basic information
about Islam. Of particular interest to me was the mention that
there are currently one billion Muslims in the world. It
suddenly dawned on me that because there are clearly not one
billion Arabs, Islam must be a religion for everyone! I
thought there must be at least some truth to this religion if
so many people practice it.
I
did not attend the Christian - Muslim dialogue, but I did go
to the library and check out an English meaning of the Qur'an.
I read it in three days and was enthralled. My overall
impression was that Islam is a way of life and is based on a
balance between justice and mercy. I decided I had to find out
more about this religion.
There
happen to be a branch of the MSA (Muslim Student Association)
where I attended university, and I got a lot of informational
pamphlets from them. I also became friends with some Muslims
and asked innumerable questions until it got to the point
where I had to make a final decision about converting. None of
my Muslim friends pushed me to convert. In fact in retrospect,
I am amazed at how patient they were with my questions.
After
my conversion I was extremely grateful to Allah Almighty for
this guidance. It is hard to explain: I felt at times like I
was walking on air. I was so eager to learn the Prayer and to
wear the hijab (headscarf) even though I knew people would
stare or make rude comments. I definitely went through
difficult trials with my family and almost all of my friends
rejected me as a Muslim, but alhamdulillah, Allah gave me
better friends!
I
think the best way to describe my gratitude to Allah for this
most valuable gift of faith is to say that my worst and most
difficult days as a Muslim have been so much better than the
best days I ever experienced as a non-Muslim!
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