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Responding with anger usually causes an escalation of the situation.
Picture ©Microsoft.com
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Sticks
and Stones… and Words
Speech,
as has been mentioned before,
can either be used properly and within the limits God
has set, or it may be abused, with no regard to any limits.
The question remains: What happens when speech is abused? How does Islam deal
with situations in which Muslims find themselves the subject of verbal abuse?
The
Qur'an's
basic rule with regards to these kinds of situations is: treat abuse with
goodness. This, as Islam sees it, is an encouragement for people to strive to
win the hearts of their enemies, and to resist hostility. Just as two wrongs do
not make a right, the Qur'an points to the transformative and healing powers of
kindness:
[Nor
can goodness and evil be equal. Repel (evil) with what is better: Then will he
between whom and thee was hatred become as it were thy close friend!] (Fussilat
41:34)
This
verse makes it clear that Islam does not advocate the concept of "tit for
tat". Evil, the verse says, can not be replied to in like. In fact, when a
person resists the temptation of retaliation, the power of a good deed is such
that it can turn enemies into friends.
This
transformation, however, depends largely on the sincerity of the person who
initiates this kindness. Sincere kindness turns the tables on the cycle of
enmity by presenting a situation where the hostility is not mutual, and
therefore, has nothing to feed upon.
The
same meaning is also given by the Prophet
Muhammad who said that although people may not be able to win the hearts
of everyone through money (whether it is presented in the form of gifts or
charity), but they can through two things: cheerfulness of the face, and decency
of conduct.
When
All Else Fails
However,
there are cases where argument and discussions are, by their very nature,
futile. These situations, Islam teaches, are best dealt with by avoidance. For
example, the Qur'an, in describing the characteristics of true believers, says
what means:
[And
the (true) worshippers of (Allah) the Most Merciful are those who walk on the
earth in humbleness, and when the ignorant address them, they say,
"Peace!"] (Al-Furqan 25:63)
It
is important to note that the word "ignorant" used in the translation
given above is not precise. In Arabic, "jahiloon" can mean
either "ignorance" or "people who can not control their emotions
and aggression".
The
reply "Peace" signifies both an end to the situation through a refusal
to take part in it, and a kindness. Another verse builds on this:
[And
when they (true believers) hear vain talk, they turn away from it and say:
"To us our deeds and to you yours; peace be to you: we seek not the
ignorant."] (Al-Qasas 28:55)
Although
some people may think that not responding is an acceptance of the abuse or a
humiliation, but in fact, this reaction is in keeping with the general Islamic
manners of humbleness, gentleness, and dignity.
Islamic
virtues connect and support each other without conflict. Therefore, humbleness
is not contradictory to dignity, and vice versa. In addition, the Qur'an does
not ask people to humiliate themselves, but encourages them to be humble.
Responding
to anger with anger and to abuse with abuse causes an escalation of the
situation and also leads to pettiness and indignity. Therefore, Islam calls for
a realistic assessment of each situation on its own and suggests two different
types of reactions: kindness, and not responding to abuse.
An
example of this theory in practice can be seen in the life of the Prophet
Muhammad (peace be upon him). Once, a man who was the Prophet's relative, but
had a disreputable character met the Prophet. The Prophet sat with him and
greeted him with a cheerful face and was courteous and kind.
After
the man left, the Prophet's wife `A'ishah asked him about his gracious behavior
towards the man with the bad character. The Prophet then asked his wife, "`A'ishah,
when did you know me as an obscene person? The worst person in the sight of God
on the Day of Judgment is he whom people avoid because of his bad manners."
(Al-Bukhari)
The
Prophet also once pointed out that a believer is not one who injures others
unduly, or one who curses others, or who is obscene.
Arguing
with Decency
However,
it is important to point out that these Qur'anic injunctions and this prophetic
example does not mean that Muslims are not supposed to defend themselves if
attacked unfairly.
Defending
oneself can only be constructive, however, if it is carefully handled and does
not increase enmity. It can not be undertaken in a spirit of revenge.
Islam
distinguishes between different types of argumentation. Arguing for the sake of
arguing is called laghw. Laghw is a term that appears in the
Qur'an that refers to "vain talk". Jadal, on the other hand, is
the Qur'anic term for the broader concept of argumentation.
Unlike
the term laghw, which is consistently negative, the Qur’an refers to jadal
in both positive and negative contexts. For example, God addresses the Prophet
saying what means:
[Call
to the way of thy Lord with wisdom and fair exhortation, and reason with them in
the better way. Lo! Thy Lord is Best Aware of him who strayeth from His way, and
He is Best Aware of those who go aright.] (An-Nahl
16:125)
In
this context, arguing is a more positive “reasoning”, as it is governed by
decency and courteousness.
Elsewhere,
the same term is used in the sense of arguing for the sake of arguing. Those who
engage in this kind of arguing are usually close-minded and are not interested
in communication. They argue and debate insincerely, in that they do not listen
to the other. This is discouraged in Islam.
The
Prophet Muhammad said that no one would be misguided after having received
guidance, or stray off the path, except for those who engage in vain or
senseless argumentation (At-Tirmidhi). The Prophet also said that people who
leave vain argumentation even when they are right will be rewarded in Paradise
(Abu Dawud).
Therefore,
whether an argument or discussion is vain or not, does not depend on the
rightness and validity of the argument or its lack thereof. Instead, the
intention behind communication is what determines its quality and acceptability.
*
Adapted from a lecture in Dr. Jamal
Badawi's Islamic
Teachings series.
**Dr. Jamal Badawi is a professor at Saint Mary's University in Halifax,
Canada, where he teaches in the areas of management and religious studies. He is
the author of several works on various aspects of Islam.
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