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Internet Granny and Ramy

By Umm Farouq

August 29, 2004

“Oh dear, dear please do stop bouncing that basketball all over the house. You'll wear out my new hearing aid battery. There's a good boy dear.”

“Just switch the volume down Gran.”

“If it were only that easy dear.”

“I'm free to bounce Gran – free to do whatever I like and express myself to my heart's content and you dear Gran, you're free to tap away at the keyboard all day.”

“Hmm dear. So you're free to bounce my house off the face of the planet and talk my ears off and I'm free to use technology. Is that right dear?”

“You got it Gran.”

“Yes dear. Technology is simply wondrous, marvelous and absolutely incredibly incomprehendable dear.”

“Whatever you say Gran.”

“However, technology my dear, can only go so far as I'm beginning to realize.”

“How's that Gran? Technology has now reached the far corners of the universe..”

“The universe doesn't have corners dear.”

“Yeah well Gran, like I was saying….”

“You're still bouncing dear. Watch out for my table and my books and the…..”

“Sorry about that Gran. It's all destiny you know. That vase wasn't meant to exist beyond today. Deep stuff huh.”

“So philosophical dear. Yes, I must say technology isn’t all it's cracked up to be.”

“No way Gran! You know technology can lazer your eyes. Transfer massive quantities of information….”

“Yes, yes yes dear and leap tall buildings in a single bound.”

“And you know what else Gran? Because of technology there will soon come a time when kids like me won't even have to go to school anymore. I'll actually get to study at home. Lucky you hey Gran!”

“Woppee do dear.”

“Gran you've been pressing that button constantly all the time I've been talking.”

“Yes dear. Like I told you technology is failing me miserably.”

“What are you trying to do Gran. Maybe I can help.”

“It would only take a very small effort from you dear.”

“Really Gran?”

“Yes dear. This mute button can't do anything about bouncing basketballs and blabbering teenagers dear. But then, here's an idea dear. Why don't you start your home schooling right now with this latest, up-to-date computer masterpiece over here and I'll just solve my little problem. It won't take a sec.”

“So you think you can 'mute' me out Gran?”

“No, I tried that dear but I can still take the batteries out of my hearing aid and then all I'll have to worry about is watching you mouth move dear.”

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