“Is there something wrong, dear?”

“Why Granny?”

“You’ve been in front of that mirror for a long time, dear.”

“ I want to look like her.”

“Which magazine did you find her on, dear?”

“Just one my friend gave me Granny. Just imagining Granny.”

“You always did have a good imagination dear.”

“The problem is my nose Granny.”

“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with your nose dear. You have Great- grandma Mona’s nose, dear.”

“Oh Granny. I’ll never be gorgeous, never, never.”

“Some people just like showing off dear.”

“I’m not showing off Granny.”

“Only people who like to flaunt themselves and show off, would go to all the trouble to get themselves on a magazine, even a cheap, nasty one like that, dear.”

“What’s wrong with wanting to be beautiful Granny?”

“Nothing dear. Just look at me. Beauty is only skin deep dear.”

“Oh! I feel so depressed Granny. I’ll never be any good.”

“Beware of the consequences dear.”

“What consequences Granny.”

“Don’t frown dear. You’ll get down-turning ugly wrinkles around your mouth dear.”

“Thanks Granny! What am I supposed to do? Feel depressed and smile!?”
“Now that’s a good idea dear. Then you’ll get happy lines. Nice, tidy little moon-shaped wrinkles around your eyes dear. That’s often taken as a sign of good character.”

“You’re not helping Granny.”

“I never feel envious of beautiful, gorgeous, slim women dear.”

“Go on, tell the truth Granny, of course you do!”

“Nope never dear.”

“Go on then, tell me why Granny!”
“It’s one of two things dear.”

“Yeah.”

“Either die young or grow old, just like me, dear. There’s nothing beautiful or gorgeous about a corpse dear, and aging, well aging just balances everything up dear.”

“So I’ll either die young or grow old hey Granny. I don’t feel so good.”

“Something like that dear. When my friends and I sit around the computer we often compete with each other over physical attractions dear.”

“You’re kidding Granny.”

“No dear. Mavis used to be pretty, she even showed us her photo, Doris used to be a gymnast until she developed gout but I’m better than both of them dear.”

“Really Granny? How?”

“I’ve still got all my teeth dear. I can eat peanuts, apples with the skin on and chewy caramels. Now ‘they’ look at me with envy let me tell you, much more than your envious episode over the magazine cover dear. Where are you going dear?”