The Malay marriage is a regal affair. The bride and groom are treated as king and queen for a day.

The pre-wedding meeting between the bride’s and the groom’s parents will determine the mahr (dower) that is to be given to the bride as well as the date of the solemnization. This may be as early as a year before the wedding itself so that arrangements can be made in advance. The berinai (henna application) ceremony is held prior to the wedding. The bride’s palms and feet are decorated with the dye from the henna leaves. Sometimes this is followed by the tukar pakaian (costume changes) when the bride and, less often, the groom will don different clothes for photography. The pelamin (raised dais) will be beautifully decorated for the purpose.

The solmnization is normally presided by a kadhi, a religious official of the Syariat (Shari`ah) Court. The simplicity of this ritual belies the tremendous responsibilities of the groom to care for his bride, and this is reinforced in a brief lecture on marriage and its responsibilities delivered later by the kadhi. The groom is also reminded that, should he fail to provide both spiritual and physical sustenance for his wife, the marriage may be dissolved if a complaint is made to the Syariat Court.

Guests are invited to partake of a meal on Sunday. This is usually held in the empty deck of a housing board flat so as to accommodate the large number of guests invited. Guests are presented with a bunga telur each. Literally, this means “flower and egg”. The egg symbolizes a fertile union and the hope that the marriage will produce many children. Indeed, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) once said, “Marry and produce many children so that I may be proud of my many followers on Judgment Day.”

Today, most of these customs are dispensed with. Indeed the more conservative adherents of the Muslim faith will shun any practice deemed un-Islamic. This includes the wanton display of the bride to members of the opposite sex who are not her family members, playing of loud music, and intermingling of the different sexes during the meal.

Contributed by Rozita Mohd Said