Male or Female: Pieces of the Same Puzzle

A Poster of the National Domestic Violence Hotline in America

The issue of domestic violence continues unresolved despite the open forums, seminars, studies, and campaigns that tackle the issue. It was two years ago when the former Bush Administration official, Patrick Fagan, spoke about a campaign against the foundations of violence in society –the family, motherhood, fatherhood and religion. The Catholic Family and Human Rights Institute (C-FAM) echoed this concerns as the UN--relying on international treaties--encourages countries to change their domestic laws and constitutions to adopt policies that will ultimately make women and children ‘more’, not less, vulnerable (Fosters p.1-3). Also it was two years ago that the UNICEF report ‘Domestic Violence Against Women and Girls' considered the situation as “…grim no matter which part of the globe” is considered--especially if given that not all cases are reported and that the definition of domestic violence varies, sometimes not including psychological and sexual abuse.

The report declared the causes of the problem as cultural, economic, legal and political (UNICEF p.4). no wonder that the issue at stake is so widespread. At this point we would like to draw a comparison, based on the ‘cultural’ grounds, between the maltreatment of women in traditional and secular societies and how it has become (psychologically) institutionalized.

In the light of an incident that took place two years ago, once again the NGO’s are left to pick up the pieces that fell from the hands of the politicians; “[I]t started with a shove. Then it was a punch. Once he knocked her down, using a maneuver taught in the police academy. Finally, she landed in hospital” reported Maureen O’Hagan of the Seattle Times. “The violence has to stop,” she told her husband, a Tacoma, U.S. police officer. “Who are you going to call? One of my buddies?” This refers to a recent incident whereby a police officer, supposedly a  protector of society, shot his wife Crystal Brame dead.  It was also known, once the story was revealed to the public, that Police Chief David Brame shot himself too. In accordance to studies by the National Center for Women and Policing, police officers are two to four times more likely to be involved domestic violence as compared to the general public (O’Hagan p. 1,2).

As Dr. Lisa Goodman, a professor of psychology, pleading before a Congressional hearing, said that two million women in the U.S. may be victims of severe assault by their male partners within a period of (the first) 12 months.

Twenty-one percent are physically assaulted by an intimate male at least once in their adulthood and 52% of women murdered were killed by their partners. The more frequent the violent experience, the greater the psychological damage: low self-esteem, depression, post-traumatic stress syndrome which in turn affects the child. It must be noted though that The U.S. ‘Federal Hate Crimes Statistics Act’ does not collect figures on gender related acts (APA p.10, 11) and the Save the Children's report this year on ‘State of the World’s Mothers’ does not focus on mothers as a whole, but focuses on the “…critical protection needs in war-torn communities around the world”. Despite all the educational, economic and social advantages that women enjoy in the west (due to western historical development), still, women face serious forms of oppression, maltreatment, and violence.

Against all that, still, the status of women in the Muslim world is under rigorous criticism from the west, linking the far less observable phenomenon directly to Islam. Whether it is the Muslim world (still, which is governed by semi-secular systems) or any other secular society, the question would be; are there links between religion, whether Islam or Judeo-Christian, on the one hand, and modern-day western secularism, on the other, in relation to the ill-treatment of women?     

A Closer look  into the Psychological Milieu

Now lets have a closer look on the psychological milieu of such a phenomenon in the west. A 1982 report by the National Institute for Mental  Health found that children who watch a lot of T.V. are less aroused by violent scenes than those who watch T.V. less; by Nurturing insensitivity and aggressive solutions to problems that they face. Dr Leonard Eron of the University of Illinois found that those who watched a lot of T.V. when they were eight years old were more likely to be arrested and prosecuted for criminal acts as adults than others (APA, p.1). Still, there are many other examples:

• In studying the effects of Playing violent video games as well as watching  T.V. for long, Craig Anderson and Brad Bushman of Iowa State University found that the input of violent scenes contributed to the human learning process. They concluded that as we learn how to perceive, interpret, judge and respond according to our surrounding physical environment, the effect of such practices is unquestionable. “Each violent-media episode is essentially one more learning trial. As these knowledge structures are rehearsed, they become more complex, differentiated and difficult to change” (Anderson p.355).

• A 25-year study last year confirmed the above. Jeffrey Johnson of Columbia University found that 45% of the men who have watched over three hours of T.V. from the age of fourteen proceeded to carry-out violent acts against another person (Motluk, p.1).

• In a report published this year in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Professor Craig Anderson found that the problem has echoed itself in violent lyrics as well (Gardner, p.1). This is emphasized in  heavy metal rock and ‘gangster rap’ songs whereby sex, drugs and violence have become more explicit and vocalized. Even worse, When this kind of music is accompanied by the imagery of music videos that stimulate such messages, the violence becomes  more reinforced.

Not Only Men…

Under the prompt beat of modernity, mistrust and a general sense of insecurity seems to be spread everywhere. Individuals in modern society develop a code of intolerance—against everything that contradicts the way they perceive themselves to be. This is not a direct product of a male-dominant culture, but it must be noted that women themselves have contributed to the development of such a phenomenon. Unlike most feminists, Germaine Greer refuses the concept of absolute ‘equality’ between women (without recognizing the natural differences in their natures and roles) and strongly feels that it is women, in the first place who should demand the respect for their femininity. She argues that it is because of such an attitude that the society is getting more masculine than ever (Peterson, p.1).  

The image of women exists in two contrary ends of a spectrum in the west; first, a reactionary image—that which reacts to the world of men; second, an appealing image which is promoted by the media--in which women appeal to the world of men. This is apparent in the new trends of explicit fashion in women's dress which is responsible for sending a 'appealing' signal to males.  This dichotomy has further contributed to undermining the position of women as a creative balancing power in society as a whole; as their enslavement to appealing to men increases. The institution of the family gradually will not be able to provide the necessary environment for self development, understanding and claiming ones place in the world, but is becoming increasingly dysfunctional. When women fall away from their own sense of uprightness, the rest of society flounders.

Traits of abuse

Men who abuse women physically or/and emotionally they too cut themselves of from the real meaning and value of companionship. Companionship demands a way of life that is entirely different from the one we are heading towards. As Margaret Rinck, author of ‘Christian Men Who Hate Women: Healing Hurting Relationships’, outlines the traits of an abusive marriage. Observe how many of these traits one recognize in oneself or in others;

• Any challenge or objection is met with rage, temper tantrums, or stony silence.  

• Once a person changes a particular behavior to please his partner, other types of behavior become the target (not pleasing the partner, as such). The definition of what is pleasing constantly changes, so that one is kept off balance.

• The husband assumes an almost a ‘God-given’ right to control how the other lives and behaves, without consideration of his/her needs or feelings.  

• The wife no longer associates with certain friends, groups or even family members because of the constant need to keep the dominant husband happy.

• The views of the wife are discredited on the false notion that the husband is (always) right. The husband may give 'lip-service' to respecting the thoughts of the wife, but later shoots them down one-by-one because they “are not logical”.

• The husband acts in a captivating way in places of worship and is well-liked at work, yet at home the family has to ‘walk on egg-shells’ to prevent any aggressive response from him.

• No matter how much the wife tries to improve/change, the husband still feels that 'she' is confused, lacking, guilty and off-balance. One never knows what will set off the next episode, and no matter how much the husband prays and becomes religious, there is no change. The wife almost feels ‘crazy’ and unsure whether it is all its all her fault.

• The husband is possessive and jealous of everything.

• When anything goes wrong, the problem is always that of the wife who should be more submissive. The husband is blind to his own cruelty or misbehavior and feels virtuous in putting up with the wife.

• As a couple after the wedding, the husband may display repulsion or disgust at the idea of romantic physical touching, or may use blame or punishment when the wife's sexual needs are different from his own. He may make the act of sexual relations merely 'mechanical' (when and where he wants) and refuse to be concerned about her needs an desires.

• The wife may establish an acquired 'helplessness'-- in order to deflect the violent/abusive act.

• A child growing up in the above mentioned violent environment may learn that his/her feelings are unimportant, and that it is important to please and sooth others, under any circumstances, because maintaining 'peace' goes at any price; the child rationale would be, “ if mom can not protect herself from dad, so how can she protect me!”.

• Also there are other convictions that the children acquire: “To handle dads aggression is to give in to him.”;

• “If my father is like this, all men are like this.”;

• “The way to keep people from abandoning me is to try to be perfect, meet all their needs, ignore my thoughts and feelings, and, above all, never act as if their mistreatment is that bad”.

Of Family and Society

It must be noted that a dysfunctional family leads to a dysfunctional society. How many situations can the above mentioned characteristics of an abusive relationship be applied to? To what extent are men in the public domain (meaning outside home) are subjected to these feelings (and in their attempt to exercise control some where, home becomes the only place to let this frustration out) ? This dysfunctional existence is almost accepted as 'normal'. In an (defeatist) attempt to objectify such a manner, we separate its origins from our collective family-mode and regulate its existence as an isolated case; not acknowledging that it exists around us everywhere.

In the West this ‘isolated place’ is epitomized as the condition of the Muslim woman--the archetype of female oppression, despite the fact that this phenomenon is more widespread in the non-Muslim societies. This 'isolated place' is exemplified by the west in the developing world where the Western World seeks impose its social model and values. In Freudian terms, this ‘isolated place' is the ‘anima’ (the wisdom of the super ego)--the part of man that can ascertain things as they are--placing man in touch with his true self ; in Islamic terms the equivalent to that is   ‘fitra’ (pure nature) bequeathed to us by our Creator. Psychotherapist Carl Jung states: “Whenever a man’s logical mind is incapable of discerning facts that are hidden in his unconscious, the anima helps him to dig them out. Even more vital is the role that the anima plays in putting a man’s mind in tune with the right inner values and thereby opening the way into more profound inner depths” (Jung p.193). By putting this ‘anima’/'fitra’ to sleep, we distance ourselves from the knowledge of what is right or wrong, yet the price for not knowing what is right for us leaves us vulnerable to the prevailing external surroundings.  For men who beat women, they are enacting an inner-conflict, the pain of which they are constantly  reminded of. The public world exacts on him the price of his values and 'home' becomes the reminder of the price that he has paid.   

On the long run, we all pay the price. This in turn affects the child's view of male-female relations, and becomes psychologically and emotionally muted and affected. Multiply this by how many families in the same predicament and then multiply this again by the number of people that come into contact with these families. This filters through to society in many forms and even influences how that society interacts with other societies shaping human relations, domestic and foreign affairs.

Trying to seize every opportune moment, five days before Mother Day this year, U.S. law makers and Save the Children Congress approved a $45mn fund to ‘protect’ women and children in violent conflict zones. Lauding the U.S. provision of food and medical aid that has been given to the victims of such a phenomenon,  one wonders who are the ones that the new Women and Children in Armed Conflict Protection Act of 2003 will protect ? And how?(Lobe, p.1,2). Then, one fakes a surprise when the victim becomes angered. This is how far we have descended. Man’s descent from humaneness, is more lethal than any epidemic. Domestic violence is a manifestation of man’s inability to help his companion,  to rise above the lowest common denominator of self interest; "This is because Allah has never changed a favor which He has conferred upon a people until they change their own condition> Allah is Hearing and Knowing" (8: 53).

Sources:

• American Psychological Association. “Hate Crimes Today: An Age Old Foe in Modern Dress”. 1998. 20.

• American Psychological Association. “Violence on Televsion – What Do Children Learn? What Can Parents Do?” 2003. 3. 05/18/03

• Anderson, Craig. A. & Bushman,  Brad. J. “Effects of Violent Video Games on Aggressive Behavior, Aggressive Cognition, Aggressive Affect, Physiological Arousal and Prosocial Behavior: A Meta-Analytic Review of the Scientific Literature”. 12:5 (2001). 353 –359. Iowa State University. 05/18/03.

• Foster, Julie. “New Report Sees Harm to Families in Proposed Global Policies”.  World Net Daily.  1-4. WoldNet Daily.com. 07/10/01.

• Lobe, Jim. “U.S. Must Renew Commitment to Women,  Children, Lawmakers Urge”. 05/06/03. 3. One World, U.S. 3. 05/11/03.

• Gardner,  Amanda. “Violent  Lyrics Beget Violent Thoughts and Feelings”. 3. Health Scout Reporter. 05/18/03.

• Jung, Carl. “Man and his Symbols”. Britain. Picador. 1964.

• Motluk, Alison. “T.V. Viewing Linked to  Adult Violence”. 03/28/02. 2.

• UNICEF. “Domestic Violence Against Women and Girls”. 6: May ’00. 7. 05/18/03.

• O’Hagan, Maureen & Phillips, Cheryl. “The Brame Case: When a Wife’s Abuser is a Cop, Who Can Help?” 05/09/03. 5. Seattle Times. 05/11/03.

• Peterson, Jessica. “Book Review: Germaine Greer Remains Her Own Woman”. Jan. ’00. 3. Independent Women’s Forum. 05/12/03.