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Last Update: 07:30 GMT, Mon., June 29, 2009 / Rajab 6, 1430
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The Bride Price: Dowry Abuse
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By Amatullah Abdullah** |
Nov.
28, 2005 |
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A
woman holds a very high status in the Islamic faith. She
is honored and respected at all times, but many
startling transgressions have crept into Islamic
practice. These transgressions have been caused by
cultural influences that have no basis in Islam.
One
such influence is the dowry. Muslims living on the
Indian subcontinent have slowly incorporated the payment
of dowry into their lives. In India, the dowry
originated in the upper-caste Hindu communities as a
wedding gift (cash or valuables) from the bride’s
family to the groom’s family. There is nothing strange
or unique about a culture influencing Muslim practice,
as it is a common occurrence around the globe. There is
nothing wrong with this as long as those cultural
practices do not contradict Islamic law. The practice of
dowry, however, does in fact transgress Islamic Law.
The
Bride Price
We
usually use the word gift for something that we
give voluntarily to a person we like. A gift is
something that strengthens the bond of friendship
between two people. Dowry,
which is usually defined as a “gift” given along
with the bride by a bride’s family to the bridegroom,
is used as a tool of coercion and greed in societies
like India. The bride’s family must give this
“gift” or the marriage will not take place. Always
the price of the dowry is set higher than the bride’s
family can afford, and, sadly, this results in the bride
becoming a burden on her family. The bride’s family
then struggles to pay the “gift.”
In
Islam, in contrast, it is the man who pays the mahr
(dower) to the woman. The following verses in the
Qur’an prove that it is the man who is obligated to
pay the mahr to the woman unless the woman
chooses not to take it.
[And
give women their dower as a free gift, but if the of
themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of
it, then eat it with enjoyment and with wholesome
result.] (An-Nisaa’ 4:4)
[And
all married women [are forbidden to you] except those
whom your right hands possess. (This is) Allah’s
ordinance to you. And lawful for you are (all women)
besides those, provided that you seek (them) with your
property, taking (them) in marriage not committing
fornication. Then as to those whom you profit by, give
them their dowries as appointed; and there is no blame
on you about what you mutually agree after what is
appointed; surely Allah is Knowing, Wise.] (An-Nisaa’
4:24)
Dowry
Deaths
Cultures
that demand dowry from the bride’s family are actually
practicing the opposite of what Allah has commanded.
They have reversed Allah’s words in their practice.
The bride is forced to pay a negotiated amount to the
groom unless the man chooses not to take it. When the
woman brings less than the negotiated amount, she has to
endure constant torture from her in-laws after marriage.
When the husband or in-laws are not satisfied with the
dowry brought by the bride, they may even go so far as
to kill the woman after marriage.
The
most severe among all the dowry abuse is “bride
burning.” The parties engaged in the murder usually
report the case as an accident or suicide.
While
dowry abuse is most common among Hindus, it is rising
among Muslims too. Despite the Dowry
Prohibition Act of 1961, dowry abuse is arising
in the Indian subcontinent. The Indian Ministry of Home
Affairs and the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB)
reported 6,285 deaths in 2003. The official records
always include under-reportage. For example, in
Delhi, 90 percent of cases of women being burned are
recorded as accidents, 5 percent as suicides, and only
the remaining 5 percent are shown as murders. The
statistics of dowry deaths in the whole of India is
spine-chilling.
Alternatives
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A
dowry chest
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Many
women remain unmarried due to this dowry. Even worse is
that when Muslim men intend to honor the mahr to
their brides, it is often rejected. The women prefer to
remain unmarried rather than to marry someone who is not
from their culture. Another common practice is that
people “exchange” their sons. In other words, they
give a bridegroom (usually their son) to a woman to be
married in exchange for a bridegroom from the woman’s
family (the bride-to-be’s brother or any unmarried
relative), so that they can have their daughters married
without a dowry. This places an incredible disadvantage
on the parents who have daughters and no sons. The
parents of the daughters have to give money to get their
daughters married!
Objectify
Women
It
is a sad irony that women (mainly mothers-in-law) are
oppressive towards other women (daughters-in-law). It is
mainly the mothers-in-law-to-be who demand dowry from
the bride’s family and who end up torturing the
daughter-in-law after marriage if she brings less than
the negotiated amount.
Syed
(not his real name), aged 35, from Chennai, India said,
“It is difficult to find a bride who would be able to
afford all that my mom asks. … Because of this I am
still unmarried.” When I asked his mother why she
demands a dowry from the bride, she said, “We have
spent so much on our son, for his education, for raising
him and now we will marry him off and most of the money
he earns will go to his wife. So she will benefit from
all the money we spent on him. For that they can pay an
amount to have our son.”
Ahmed
(not his real name), 29, from Delhi, India, said, “I
don’t want to take any dowry, but can’t stop my
parents from asking, as I will disrespect them if I do
so.”
So
in an effort to respect parents and to conform to
cultural norms, Muslim youth in India are bending over
backwards to follow traditions that aren’t even rooted
in Islam. Demanding a dowry and getting married may seem
valid in the eyes of many, but will the marriage be
validated in the eyes of Allah? If a culture contains
un-Islamic practices, then one should not feel any shame
in breaking those conflicting traditional practices. The
practice of dowry has caused Muslims in many parts of
the world to continue their prejudices against women
despite the Islamic prohibitions against dowry. On the
Indian sub-continent, a woman is considered to be a
great burden mainly because of the dowry system. It is
common to see people rejoicing over the birth of a son
and lamenting over the birth of a daughter. Why aren’t
people listening to the message of Islam instead of
following the customs around them?
[And
when a daughter is announced to one of them, his face
becomes black and he is full of wrath. He hides himself
from the people because of the evil of that which is
announced to him. Shall he keep it with disgrace or bury
it (alive) in the dust? Now surely evil is what they
judge.] (An-Nahl 16:58-59)
Allah
tells us that infanticide is a grave sin and that
favoring one gender over the other has no grounds in
Islam. As Muslims we should consider the birth of
daughters to be a great blessing. Malik reported that
Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him)
said, “He who brings up two girls properly till they
grow up, he and I will come (together) (very closely) on
the Day of Resurrection,” and he interlaced his
fingers (Muslim 32:6364).
Islam
stressed fairness and kindness. Islam ensures that boys
and girls are treated equally. It is unfortunate to see
people submitting themselves to dictates of culture
rather than to the will of Allah Who is our Creator,
Cherisher, and Sustainer. Let us not succumb to the fitnah
caused by culture and let us stand in practicing Islam
by enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong.
[And
from among you there should be a party who invite to do
good and enjoin what is right and forbid the wrong and
these it is that shall be successful.] (Aal `Imran
3:104)
**
Amatullah Abdullah is a freelance writer who resides in Chennai, India. Her
essays have been published in India, the United States and the United Kingdom.
She holds a bachelor’s degree in English literature and is working on her
master’s degree. Amatullah is a staff writer for
One
Ummah and
is on the editorial staff of IQRA
newspaper. She is also an active member of the Islamic
Writers Alliance and the Muslim Writers
Society. She can be reached at amatullah110@yahoo.com.
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