Now there is more free time than before, and your teenagers—sons or daughters—just might be at that stage where they are convinced, somehow, that they are ready for emotional gymnastics and disasters, which in some cases can mar their lives forever.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Every deen (religion) has an innate character. The character of Islam is modesty (haya’)” (Al-Muwatta 47,9). In another narration by Anas ibn Malik, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Indecency disfigures everything and modesty (haya’) enhances the charm of everything” (At-Tirmidhi 1741).

It is clear from the above narrations by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that modesty, decency, and respect are fundamental and basic characteristics of Islam. This applies to boys and girls as well as to men and women.

The reason for these guidelines is that in any intermingling of opposite sexes, especially in private, Satan makes the whisperings that can lead to indecency. Help your teenagers to understand and appreciate the larger context of the relationship between men and women according to Islamic teachings and guidelines. Be gentle with your teenagers and be assured that once they internalize the Islamic outlook, they will not engage in dating.

Parents have to be able to explain to their teenagers that dating is not permissible in Islam; they must do so in a way that makes it clear that it is not a case of being strict or old-fashioned, but that dating is not permissible for all of eternity. Discuss with your teenagers that life is about the choices that we make. Allah Most High has given us an intellect and a conscience to choose between right and wrong. Unfortunately, many children (and some adults) do not take the time to think or reflect on what is good or bad; they just jump at the first thing that comes to their minds and then regret later.

Communication is very important. The time to talk to your teenagers is now! Don’t wait until it is too late. Many parents make the mistake of avoiding these topics and hope that the problem will simply go away; unfortunately, when the girl comes home pregnant everyone wants to talk and shout, but then it is too late. Teenagers are at the age when what they consider innocent dating may possibly lead to kissing, fondling, and promiscuous behavior, with the likelihood of becoming pregnant or contracting HIV/AIDS or other diseases.

There are many children who have, unfortunately, fallen victim to this; hence the warning that this type of indecent behavior (dating) opens up the doors to other evils. Your main goal should be to talk to your teenagers as a friend, with respect, concern, love, and compassion. They are no longer children and will understand, in sha’ Allah, that you are saying things that are for their own benefit in the long term.

When trust is broken, impress upon your child the violation of that trust. Then ask yourself these questions:

Perhaps you can give your teenagers a concession whereby friends can be invited into your house when you are home so that you can keep an eye on what is going on. However, the best advice is sound, proper education, from an early age, on morals and decency and with an emphasis on the basic principles of Islam. Please note that it does not help to argue with your teenagers or discipline and punish them. If you do that, they can always find better ways to do things behind your back.

Help your teens to understand and appreciate the larger context of the relationship between men and women according to Islamic teachings and guidelines. Help your teens value the dignity that Islam accords a woman and explain why engaging in premarital relationships strips a woman of her modesty, her dignity, and her chastity. Be gentle with your children and be assured that once they internalize the Islamic outlook, they will not engage in such behaviors.

Make lots of du`aa' for your teenagers. Allah knows best that you are dealing with major challenges, but, in sha’ Allah, with your effort as parents and Allah’s guidance, you will succeed.