When I decided to pull my four children from the public school system a few years ago, I was subjected to ridicule, criticism, and endless questions. The comments and queries of others only added to my pre-existing anxiety, and I spent a few nights mulling over it and asking Allah the Almighty to guide me. I felt that I was making such a big decision, and it was me that had to make it. What if this wasn’t the right thing to do? What if my children ended up not learning, or not socializing, or worse yet, what if they resented me for making this decision for them? (This decision, in truth was made with their consent.)

I don’t know how I mustered up the courage to make the decision, but by the guidance and mercy of Allah, I did. The day that I went to pick up the texts from the charter school that supplies them, I cried. The back of my huge van was filled with no less than 60 textbooks, all sliding back and forth, mixing in with one another. I had no idea that first time that I would need at least two large boxes for each child’s textbooks, because each subject usually comes with a student text, teacher’s edition, various lesson-planning idea books, workbooks, practice books, and many other unnecessary items.

Getting the books in the house, trying to organize them and make sense of them was overwhelming, and I can truly say that I feared that I had taken on a task that I could not bear. But somewhere deep in my heart I knew that it was the right thing to do, and if my intentions were right and if I worked hard, I could depend on aid from the One Who sent a thousand angels to the mujahideen in the Battle of Badr.

While I am in no way attempting to compare myself with the Prophet (peace be upon him) or his Companions (may Allah be pleased with them), I do know that we as Muslims are to strive to emulate them and struggle in the sake of Allah in the way that they did. Therefore, I believe that raising children in today’s world is a form of jihad.

Our Prophet (peace be upon him) and the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them all) were faced with persecution, humiliation, loss of wealth, and threats to their lives and livelihoods. Representative of the struggles of this ephemeral life, our children must endure difficulties of their own. They are faced with rapidly declining morals among their peers and society in general, a bombardment of distorted images of what Muslims represent through various media outlets, and increasingly busy parents who many times aren’t sure themselves how to talk to their children about issues from sex to drugs to what defines being a Muslim.

Muslim children in the West today are confused. They are usually straddling the culture of their parents and the culture of the society in which they live, and find it difficult to find who they are and what they stand for. I understand what it means to be a straddler of cultures, as my mother was an American Christian of European descent and my father is a Muslim of Middle Eastern descent. It was in this light that I pulled my children out of school in hopes that I could give them a balanced environment that would promote understanding, tolerance, and help them discover the beauty of Islam and what it means to be a Muslim.

Taking your children out of school to “protect” them from the outside world is one thing (that I don’t recommend), and teaching your children at home in order to give them the tools they will need to navigate in the real world is another. The latter is a difficult and harrowing task that, if achieved, amounts to a set of skills that will benefit a person as long as he or she walks the face of the earth.

When most people hear of home schooling, they have a preconceived list of ideas that they believe applies to all home-schoolers, which I will label as misconceptions:

Misconception #1: Home-schooled children lack social skills and are not provided with an opportunity to socialize with children of diverse backgrounds or children of their own age.

Truth: With proper planning and much effort, home-schooled children can participate in a myriad of activities including but not limited to sports, literature groups, science competitions, art classes, play groups, and the list goes on and on. What ever happened to playing outside? My son has no less than 10 friends of diverse backgrounds right here in our own neighborhood, and they play right in front of our house on a daily basis. My children all attend classes with children their ages that meet their needs and interests, and my 15- and 17-year-olds have both accumulated college credits by attending the local community college for math, English, art, and other classes. My 11-year-old son will be taking a robotics course for children at the community college this spring, by the will of Allah the Almighty. It should be mentioned that it is our duty to allow for situations that allow our children to meet and socialize with Muslims of their own age and gender, as this helps them build confidence, and helps them realize who they are.

Misconception #2: There is no possible way that a home-schooled child is learning at the same level as those in traditional classrooms.

Truth: Having a teacher sit down with him or her for 45 minutes of continuous learning on a one-on-one basis is a situation that most public-schooled children will never experience. Additionally, in a classroom of 20 to 30 students, there are those who lag behind and the others must wait for them, and those who finish quickly and spend most of their days waiting for the rest of the class to complete their assignments. The issue of a home-schooled child learning is in many ways contingent on how much time the parent is willing or able to instill in a child’s education, and if he or she is willing to find outside help when needed.  Additionally, there is nothing like hands-on learning. When my fourth grader and ninth grader were learning about different kinds of rock, my whole family hopped in the car and drove 15 minutes to a nearby town where there is a river and my children benefited from collecting different kinds of rock, discussing the layers of rock on the mountains, and even discussing eco-systems, the history of this historical town, and the bounty of Allah the Almighty. That trip is still talked about by our family, and there are dozens of others that we will cherish for a long time.

Misconception #3: If my children are home-schooled, they will not be qualified to attend a college or university.

Truth:  Check the laws and regulations pertaining to your area of residence, but in the United States this is not true. There are many home-schooled children who have gone on to such highly regarded universities as Stanford, Harvard, UC Berkley, and so on. Additionally, the home-schooled child (in the United States ) is able to apply for a multitude of scholarships, and many have applied and won substantial amounts toward their educations.

Misconception #4: If I pull my children out of school, they will instantly become ideal Muslims and I won’t have to worry about them any more.

Truth: Pulling your children out of school doesn’t relinquish the duties instilled upon you by Allah the Almighty the moment you became a parent. Without proper and rigorous examples and parental counsel, children and adolescents will not develop into good citizens or good Muslims. Look at the awesome examples we have in the Prophet (peace be upon him) and the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them). If we take time daily to talk to our children about the stories of the Prophets and the Companions, they will have ideal images to emulate. There are uncountable texts that have been published for the very purpose of teaching children Islamic studies, and the quality of many of them is high. In addition to teaching from books, one must teach by example. Why not encourage a child to volunteer time at a food shelter, helping a neighbor, at the library, or at a school? My children participate in such activities, but children need parents who perform such deeds and talk about the good feeling achieved by helping others. We have also started an Islamic study circle for teenage girls where we (as mothers) meet with the girls at the Islamic Center and discuss a topic, ranging from the principles of Islam to issues that one must face and find answers to, such as the plucking of eyebrows. Very recently a study group has been started for the boys.  

If I were asked to pinpoint the thing that my family has achieved by home-schooling, I wouldn’t be able to because there are so many benefits, such as the sight of them helping each other on assignments and projects, cooperating in ways that would not have been possible if they were at a public institution for six to seven hours a day. Even as I sit writing this article, all five of them, ages 4 through 17, and a couple of small neighbor friends, are participating in an impromptu play, either as actors, directors, narrators, or the audience. The most wonderful thing to me about this situation is that my children, despite their age differences, are each others’ friends, and they treat each other and others in general with compassion and respect.

I cannot say that home-schooling is for everyone, nor can I say that public or even private schooling is. I also cannot say that I definitely have the perfect situation, but I am doing what feels right to my children and to myself. Every time that my confidence is low, I start doubting myself and my decisions; but all I need to do is look at my children to know that this is the right situation for us. I admit that I occasionally ask them if they would prefer to return to public school, and each time I ask they answer in the negative, that they are perfectly content with their learning environments. Each situation and individual commands a different approach, but ideally the end result will be that we are raising our children to be intelligent, thoughtful, tolerant people who know who they are and know what they stand for, and who, in sha’ Allah, will some day be productive, unique individuals who strive to stand up for what’s right and prohibit what’s wrong, as did the Prophet (peace be upon him) and the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them).

Read Also:

• Decolonizing Contemporary Education

** Melonie Saleh writes and translates for immigrant families at the Modesto (California) Islamic Center and provides tutorial support for parents and group work with teenage Muslim girls and boys. She is currently studying psychology and Islamic studies in California.