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Hajj Diary: The Time Has Come*
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"I
am told that if you feel it sincerely in your heart, then you will
return a changed person", Dilshad Ali emphasized
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Has
my time really come? Islam dictates that Muslims must go for Hajj once in their
lifetime if they are physically and financially able to do so. Of course, I knew
that! But it was in the back of my mind. “I’ll do it someday of course,” I
would think to myself. But first, I have to complete my university studies.
First, I must work and get my career going. First, I must get married. First, I
must have children. First, I must attend to my children. First....
Dear
readers,
My
name is Dilshad D. Ali, and this is my Hajj story. You’ve read my work on
IslamOnline.net for about three years now. I’ve covered almost everything the
South Asian-Muslim art and film scene has to offer in New York
and across the United States. And I’ve harnessed the power of the written word to prove that not only are
there many fairly permissible or halal
(by my standards) entertainment options for Muslims, but the religious and
spiritual practices prescribed to us can also be a source of enjoyment.
Now,
I want to take that theory and prove it, once and for all, with one of the
ultimate Islamic experiences—Hajj. I truly believe that if you make the niyyah
(intention) to go for Hajj, not only will you gain spiritual enlightenment and a
closer, richer relationship with Allah Most High, you also will experience one
of the most exciting, trying, emotional, and enjoyable times of your life.
But
I’m not going for Hajj just to prove that point—of course not! We go for
Hajj to fulfill our obligation to Allah Most High. That should be our only
reason, according to various Islamic literature I’ve read, and according to
the advice given to me by several scholarly Muslim individuals.
So,
I want to fulfill my requirement while I’m young, healthy, can afford to, and
desperately want to. My husband already did his Hajj when he was 12 or 13 years
old with his family. But this is first time he is going as an independent Muslim
adult. For that matter, everyone in my family and my husband’s family has been
for Hajj or at the very least `Umrah—everyone except me!
You
can imagine how that irked me for a number of years. All my family members,
especially my parents and in-laws, speak in glowing terms about the dazzling and
earth-shattering experience that Hajj is. Just seeing the Ka`bah for the first
time is unbelievable and unforgettable, they tell me. My brothers, who went
alone for `Umrah, repeat those sentiments. And so I was eager to go too. But
being a female I cannot travel alone. And, unfortunately, none of my close male
relatives, my mahram had been available to take me in the
past.
So,
I resigned myself to the notion that I would go, in
sha’ Allah, but it would probably not be for a while; however, some
personal troubles during the past six years jumpstarted my niyyah.
Immediately after marrying my husband in 1999, I suddenly became deathly ill and
learned that I had a life-long serious medical condition. While I was lying in
the ICU of Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in New York, I promised Allah that I would do my Hajj as soon as I was well and able to.
And I recovered and came home. I informed my husband of my promise and asked for
his help to make it happen.
But
life has a funny way of intervening, things happen for a reason. Directly after
my illness, Allah Most High blessed me with pregnancy and our first child. It
was very difficult, to say the least, but we came through. So I had a precious
baby to take care of. I felt like Allah was telling me to wait, just wait a
little more.
Our
son grew, and my husband’s internal medicine residency turned into a
fellowship. In the meantime, we had my daughter. So, there were two kids and an
extremely busy life of medical training for my husband. The message still seemed
to be “wait.”
Last
year our little family came to a sort of crossroads in the way we would
progress, the way we would live our life as a family, the way we would be
parents to our children. Although I am a writer and committed to getting people
to open up their lives to me for my articles, I do not wish to divulge the
specifics of what happened to us. I only want to say this—the situation we
faced tested, and still tests my faith, and it made clear to me the time had
come to fulfill my Islamic obligations.
So
here we are, one month away from our departure to the Muslim holy land, in
sha’ Allah. In the coming weeks I plan to share with you our
preparations, my fears, my hopes, and my learning curve. Ultimately, the biggest
test of how Hajj has affected me will be when I return to New York.
I
am told that if you feel it sincerely in your heart, if you can embrace the
spirituality, unity, and righteousness of Islam that shines through in Hajj,
then you will return a changed person. The challenge is to maintain that
sincerity of faith as much as you can upon your return. So where will that leave
me after January 29? How will I navigate the trappings of Western media and
entertainment? And how long will it last?
We’ll
see….
*
Dilshad
D. Ali, an IslamOnline correspondent for the arts and culture section for the
past three years has made her intention to go for Hajj this year with her
husband, Mr T. Ali. This diary will chronicle her preparations—physically and
mentally—leading up to their departure on January 11, 2005, and will narrate
the experience itself and the feelings after.
**
Dilshad
D. Ali's
writing reaches across the United States to address lifestyle topics pertinent to Muslims and non-Muslims alike. Ali has
covered movie premieres, film festivals, art exhibitions, concerts, and numerous
other cultural stories, including the affect of September 11 on New York’s cultural landscape for IslamOnline. Ali, a 1997 University of Maryland
journalism graduate, resides in New York with her husband and two children.
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