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Our Children's Challenges During Ramadan
By Sahar Kassaimah
29/11/2001
In a country such as the U.S., where Muslims are minorities, and where the majority of Muslim children are in public schools, the need to encourage our children to fast and to learn about the values of fasting is greater than in our Islamic countries.
In an environment where Islam is one of the fastest growing religions, but at the same time one of the most misunderstood religions, there is no doubt that it is harder for Muslim children to fast during Ramadan without feeling like strangers and foreigners among their classmates and teachers who do not share their beliefs and their Islamic way of life.
Do Not Let Your Child Feel Like a Foreigner:
Unlike other children in Islamic countries, American Muslim children - especially those who attend public schools - struggle during Ramadan, not just against thirst and hunger, but also when trying to explain to their schoolmates and teachers the meaning and values of fasting. Being different and unique is not easy, especially for children who are still young and may not fully understand the meaning of diversity among human beings.
Many of them prefer to be like their other classmates because they feel too shy to behave differently. In the meantime, it could be hard for their young non-Muslim classmates to understand why their Muslim friend is not eating or drinking at lunchtime. They may feel that fasting is too hard and cruel and that Islam requires one's followers to torture him/her self for no cause, which is in essence against humanity and appears merciless. Some may think that it is hard to study and learn while fasting and that food and drink give children the energy to play and move. Still others may think that fasting decreases one's chance to develop and grow up. Herein, the Muslim student - often already struggling due to being the only one fasting in his/her class - needing someone to encourage him/her and to strength his/her will, could start to feel like a stranger and foreigner among his/her schoolmates.
Moreover, the may feel too shy to show others that he/she is fasting. Some Muslim students prefer to give any reason for not eating, such as saying that they are on a diet or do not feel hungry, rather than saying that they are fasting. They think that hiding themselves and their identity is much easier than facing their critics.
Therefore, it is very important for Muslim parents to be aware of the important role they should play in their children's life - especially when they start to fast and to face this new experience of fasting during Ramadan, and the new feeling of being different from their classmates. As parents we need to understand that our children's demands are much different than ours were when we were at their same age. The times have changed, as well as the place, the environment and the challenges.
Our children need us to be there for them and to understand their feelings, struggles and challenges so that we could be able to address their needs and to help them in surpassing those obstacles.
These little and innocent troubles could lead to bigger and more serious problems in the future, if parents do not pay them enough attention and time. Instead of helping them now and if we decry and disparage our children's problems we will create a climate for others to shake our children's self-confidence.
How can we help?
Most American public schools open their doors for Muslim parents, or any other minorities, to talk to their children's schoolmates about their vacations, feasts and traditions, in order to help children learn about diversity. Indeed, it helps children to understand others' traditions and subsequently to respect them, even if they look or act differently.
However, as some Muslim families take advantage of this opportunity to introduce Ramadan to their children's classes and to ease their child's foreignness and help him to feel proud of himself and his religion, others don't care or share because they do not understand the challenges their children face in school during Ramadan.
But, going to schools and talking with our children's teachers and classmates about Ramadan are not the only steps parents could take to help their children and to strengthen their faith and self-confidence.
Start With Your Own Child:
The aim of fasting and the great reward
Before introducing Ramadan to our children's class, we need first to start with our children; we must talk and explain to them the values of fasting and the great reward Allah (SWT) has prepared for those who struggle with themselves against their desires, and abstain from food and drink just for the sake of Allah. We also need to teach them that among the seven people that Allah will shade under His shade on the Day of Judgment is a young man who grew up worshipping Allah.
They also need to understand that the aim of fasting is not to torture people, but to teach them how to control their desires and to watch their deeds. Therefore, we should correct them if they behave wrongly or say unacceptable words and remind them that they are fasting and that this negative behavior may alter their reward.
Also, when our children understand that fasting gives them a good chance by which to feel how poor and hungry people suffer, it encourages them to give charity to needy people and to have more mercy on them.
The medical benefits of fasting
Since our children may hear many anti-fasting statements in class, it is recommended that we explain to them that fasting is good for their health and that some doctors recommend it for sick people because refraining from food for limited periods of time has many medical benefits. However, they also need to understand that it will not impact their health or their development, even if it does make them feel a bit tired or lazy.
Give Ramadan a special flavor
It is recommended to prepare children for Ramadan, even before it begins. They need to learn that unlike the other months of the year, Ramadan has a very special place with Muslims around the world. Therefore, parents should show their children how much Muslims love and anticipate this month.
Prepare your children for Ramadan, not just by talking about its blessing and grace, but also by decorating your house with lights and ornaments. As a minority who lives in a non-Muslim society, our Muslim children need to feel that they also have their special vacation and that they could decorate their homes, as their classmates do at Christmas time.
Take them to the taraweeh prayers so that they can enjoy praying in jama'a (congregation); this will help them realize the difference between the month of Ramadan and all the other months in the year. Also, encourage children to wake up for
suhur (small meal before sunrise) to prepare their bodies for the second day of fasting. Help them enjoy these different acts of worship and talk with them about the great reward that Allah SWT has prepared for His worshippers.
Meanwhile, let your children go to the masjid (mosque) for maghrib prayers, where they can break the fast with the larger Muslim community. It will help them experience the greatness of fasting and the unity of Muslims in worshipping Allah. It also helps them to feel that they are not the only people who are fasting in this world and that many other Muslims are fasting with them.
When our children understand the aim of fasting and the values of the blessed month of Ramadan they will be less likely to be impacted by what their classmates may say about fasting. Their (little) knowledge, as well as their self-confidence, will allow them to talk with their teachers and classmates about fasting; to answer their questions; and to correct their misunderstandings.
In addition, we, as parents, will also be rewarded with the precious time we have spent with our children when teaching them about fasting and how to enjoy the special flavor of Ramadan.
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