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Reflections: Floundering In Expectation
By Hwaa Irfan
04/06/2001
Becoming a Muslim is a continual process for both those who were born into Islam and new Muslims. Everyday is wrought with the challenges of following the guidelines of the religion and reconciling them with the cultural mores that one has either been nurtured in or faces anew. For one seeking to learn the truth in all things, the obstacles are sometimes seemingly insurmountable as one tries to sift through the obstacles created by personal, cultural, and social upbringing and by those seeking to distort true Islamic values.
To be forced by those around you to choose your path can be very difficult for anyone. But, a new Muslim can face the additional burden of stereotypes formed by those born into Islam.
For instance:
a) If one is a Muslim because they have married
a Muslim, then he/she is not a real Muslim;
b) Muslims must know how to speak Arabic. If they do not, then they are not really Muslims.
The fact is, there are many paths leading to enlightenment and not all Muslims, even those whose first language is Arabic, understand the classical language of the Qur'an. The guiding light in this ocean of challenges and obstacles is the journey to the desire within…the deep - seeded urge to live in connection with Allah (swt) in a natural way.
Islam teaches us patience and thus not to expect anything. Expecting people to live up to your expectations imposes on them a misplaced trust, therefore causes you to forget that we are all imperfect human beings. "Say: What! Shall I seek a Lord other than Allah? And He is the Lord of all things; and no soul earns (evil) not against itself, and no bearer of burden shall bear the burden of another, then to your Lord is your return, so He will inform you of that in which you differed" (Surat ul Anam 6:164).
The above declaration is balanced by collective and individual responsibility - wajib
kifa'i and wajib 'aini; and enjoining the right and forbidding the wrong -
amr bil ma'ruf and nahyi ani munkar. "And from among you there should be a party who invite to good and enjoin what is right and forbid the wrong, and those it is that shall be successful"
(Surat ul Imran, 3:104).
But, one has to remember that there is no compulsion in Islam. "They think that they lay you under an obligation by becoming Muslims. Say! Lay me not under obligation by guiding you to the faith if you are truthful" (Surat ul Hujurat, 49:17).
Achieving balance is a difficult feat to accomplish. We must all be allowed to grow and try to live up to our own intentions. And when we fail, we must be able to pick ourselves up and try again, for as long as we need to. When we continuously expect from others what we ourselves are not fully able to deliver, we deny them the opportunity to grow. We then entrap them into a position that they may not have asked for, thus setting them up for failure. "When an oppressor oppresses someone, his actions [are] created in his own heart and darkness and hardness, which cause the eradication of the effects of the light (that appeared in his heart because of the previously done good deeds). And his victim feels pain and hurt, and thereby his lust and his base feelings are weakened and it by guiding you to the faith if you are truthful' causes the obliteration from his heart of the effects of the evil deeds done previously. Darkness gives way to light" (at-Tabataba'I, p. 261-2).
Only Allah (swt) can judge our intentions and our actions, since He is the only one privy to our internal struggles for growth. Therefore, it is not for us to judge anyone in a way that imprisons him or her in our narrow perception of what reality should be.
One day I left home without my purse. I took a taxi and paid for the journey as always with change kept in the side-pocket of my handbag. I was not aware that I had left anything behind until I stopped at the kiosk near my office. I was about to buy 2 small cartons of guava juice to alleviate the heat of Aswan when I realized that I had forgotten my purse. I was embarrassed and apologized to the shop owner for my forgetfulness. He insisted that it was no problem and that I could pay at another time. I had been one of his regular customers but did not expect that level of trust from him. He had built up his own perception of me, thus creating his own reality.
Time has dissolved any sense of separation between myself, as a born Muslim, and those who are newer to Islam. We share our concerns, know each other's habits and with it respect each other's individuality.
Learning not to expect means having genuine trust. In today's society, nurturing that trust a difficult task, as one risks being vulnerable to man's vices. So we must take the moderate route and practice patience without expectation. This leaves our insight free to see what is really going on and what appropriate steps to take, if at all. "And do not incline to those who are unjust, lest the fire touch you, and you have no guardians besides Allah, then you shall not be helped" (Surat ul Hud, 11:113)
Sources:
At-Tabataba'i, Muhammad, H. "Al-Mizan: An Exegesis of the Qur'an". Tehran. WOFIS. 1982.
The Holy Qur'an.
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