“I don’t want to be a number that people put on statistics; I want to be heard, to be part of a community simply because I am.”

If ten people were asked who they think said these words, the answers would vary. It could be a father who is jobless but wants to earn a living for his family. It could be a child who had to stop school because his parents could not afford it. Or it could be what it is—words from a 25-year-old HIV patient.

“All the years I watched HIV/AIDS campaigns on television, I never actually thought it could happen to me,” began Louise (not her real name). “I was there watching music videos and the campaigns would be shown in between. If I could take it back, I would. But it’s too late, I guess.”

It was only last year that Louise learned she was HIV positive. Upon meeting a person inflicted with HIV/AIDS, the first question most people ask is how he or she acquired the virus. But Louise did not want to elaborate on that. “Initially people would think that I am ashamed to tell them how I got sick,” she said, “but what I want to tell them about is how I am, now that I’m sick. It’s not how I got sick, it has something do to with the fact that I am sick.”

Louise also described the battle of HIV/AIDS as a physical and mental undertaking. “It’s everything, it occupies your mind all day because you see your medications. You remind yourself of the time you have to take your medications and how you should prepare them.” But her worry list goes on. “And then it’s going out of the house and knowing that I’m sick. And that I can’t interact with people and be carefree as before. Also, when I do activities that are related to my condition, I feel like there is stamp on my face that spells HIV/AIDS.”

When asked what the hardest part of her condition was, she quickly replied, “My family.” She paused, trying to hold her tears back. “It’s them I have hurt the most. It’s not the medications or the side effects of the medications; it’s the pain I saw on their faces and the tension that my condition has brought to our relationship.”

Upon receiving confirmation from the doctor, Louise said that she did not hesitate to tell her family about it. “I simply felt that the best way to tell them is to tell them straight out that I’m sick. I did not want to keep it or prolong it. I felt so alone and I needed them.”

It was not as easy as she wished it to be. “I remember saying that I had something to tell them and I want them to be honest with me,” she recalled, “I was about to say I’m sick when my father shouted, ‘are you pregnant?’ I told him I wish I was pregnant, but I’m sick.” Louise described it as the longest night of her life. “The fear that I had when I was driving home from the hospital was the judgments that people will have. And it was much more than I expected because it was my family who were giving me a lecture about how I am as a person. They told me I was irresponsible, I was too easy. It was painful because I expected them to be mad but not that mad.”

The following months were harder for Louise and her family. “It was like I was a stranger in the house. There was deafening silence.” It is only now, after two years of being sick, that things are starting to normalize for her. “I think I’m lucky because we can afford my medicine. I have met patients who are not able to get the medication at all or who are on a limited budget. I have learned to be thankful for what I can do to prolong my time and fix what I can fix,” she shared.

Now her parents have started to talk to her about it and support her in little ways. “Even if it’s just asking me what time I was able to take my meds or if they can drive me anywhere, it’s a big thing already. Like I said, I am thankful for whatever is given to me.”

Now Louise keeps a positive outlook in life. “I might be ill. But I’m alive. And nobody knows how long I’ll live. So I have to make the most of it.” But she immediately added, “Still, I’m not having a ball. There are times when I’m reminded of the whole thing. My condition has limited me from doing what I want to do.”

“The sad reality is that people have more negative thoughts about people with AIDS than good. And over time I have understood that most people do not have enough knowledge about it. For instance, mere physical contact can’t give you HIV. If I shake hands with you, I won’t give you AIDS,” she stressed.

For Louise, information and awareness result in a domino effect. “If people would know the basics about it, it would affect their way of living. They would be more careful in decisions they make. Second, it will allow people like me who are sick to be accepted in more ways and supported by many.”

But it does not stop there; Louise’s vision is much wider. “If all this happens, a structure will be built that will allow much-needed support to be generated to people with the virus. It will produce good laws, good projects, good support systems. And that is what we need the most—advocacy.”

“Through the advocacy groups that I have joined, I have realized that no matter how controversial AIDS campaigns get, the straightforwardness makes people listen.” She then enumerates advertisements for the cause of HIV/AIDS and says that having these “have prevented many from getting sick.” Learning from the level of HIV/AIDS awareness in other societies, she underscores that if a community is open, solutions will follow. “The stigma will be lessened and eventually, erased,” she said hopefully.

For now, she is doing her part to spread awareness and support people with HIV/AIDS. “There’s a saying that birds of the same feather flock together. That’s how I feel when I’m with them. Eventually, my illness will win me over. But there are many doctors who are working hard every day for the cure. This is what I can do for this part of the world. Work on the structure that will establish the much-needed full circle of HIV/AIDS support.”