A Pakistani bride

By Asif Farooqi, IOL Pakistan Correspondent 

ISLAMABAD, May 5 (IslamOnline.net) - Pakistani tribes, living in the north and south-east of the country along the border with Afghanistan, are known for their strict application of their centuries-old rituals and traditions relating to daily life and festivals. 

Generally, these tribes exercise a very strict code of nearly the same traditions followed in rural Pakistan.

In Pakistani rural areas, women cover their faces. Same is with the tribal women, but there, one may face persecution if he or she breaks this informal law unlike other Pakistani rural areas, where showing off faces is only socially unpopular. 

Yet, there is one custom, which is exactly in contrast with the Pakistani society and the rituals followed by Pakistani tribes. In Pakistan, parents of a bride have to spend more than the bridegroom in the form of dowry. In tribal areas, a bride is almost sold. 

Technically, the dowry (mehr) is to be paid by the bridegroom to the bride under Islamic laws and traditions. But in Pakistan, he pays it not to his bride, but to her parents well ahead of actual marriage.

The dowry is usually a large sum of money. Human rights groups in Pakistan believe it is an issue related with the “women trade”. In tribal areas, one takes pride in paying more money than others to bring his bride home. 

This custom is practiced in most parts of Afghanistan’s bordering provinces of NWFP and Baluchistan. Before accepting a proposal for their daughter, parents of the bride directly ask the proposing family (as the proposal can only be made through tribal or family elders) how much they would pay.

It could be any amount ranging from a few thousands to millions, depending on the relations between the two families and tribes and the financial position of the bridegroom.

“There is never injustice done with anyone while demanding money” Raufur Rehman, a resident of Kohat town in the NWFP province told IslamOnline.net.

Rehman earns his livelihood in Islamabad and plans to marry his uncle’s daughter who has demanded 25,000 rupees. He says the family of the girl demands money after carefully looking at the financial position of the proposing guy.

Various other factors are also considered while determining the amount. If the proposal has come from a different tribe, then relations between the two tribes also weigh in while settling the money issue. 

And this amount could be challenged. Not in a court but in a Jirga, a powerful meeting of tribal elders. If a party thinks the amount of money demanded is not reasonable, the matter could be taken up in Jirga where elders, after hearing arguments from both sides, fix the money themselves. 

Another tribesman Ubaidullah from the of district swat said the custom is not practiced with the same enthusiasm as used to be earlier. “Now it is just a token money and not a huge sum as used to be” he said.

He also explained the interesting logic behind this centuries-old tradition. “If you don’t demand money from the bridegroom, it shows you don’t love your daughter and want to throw her away for nothing. The girls who are brought home against big money, get more respect from their in-laws,” Ubaidullah said. 

Wazir Muhamamd, a trader from Waziristan agency of the NWFP province said these days it is not considered decent to demand huge sums at the time of fixing marriages.

“It is now just a custom wherein you have to ask for some money against your daughter just for the sake of a custom” Wazir Muhammad said. 

Human rights group based in Islamabad and elsewhere in Pakistan take such customs as trading women. Islam Sindhu advocate of FLASH, an NGO for providing legal aid to the deprived people said it was cruel, un-Islamic, illegal and socially un-acceptable custom.

“It is simply the case of selling and buying women” he said. He argued that the marriage which is based on money and not on the understanding or relations between the two human beings, can not last for long. 

But Khalil Ur Rehman of district Kohistan refuses to accept this logic. “Success rate of marriages in our tribal areas is far better than those of Pakistan urban areas”.

Islamic scholars term this customs un-Islamic and un-ethical. “In Islam there is no precedence of taking money against marriage of daughters” Maulana Qari Muhammad Ayub, a local prayer leader and scholar said.