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As Muslims it is our duty to keep ourselves
away from all sins; minor and major. This is based on the
fact that the first priority for Muslims is to gain the
pleasure of Allah the Almighty by doing what He likes and
avoiding what He dislikes, irrespective of the gravity or
the simplicity of the sin.
The first commandment in Islam as revealed
to all the prophets is to worship Allah the Almighty and
immediately after this comes the duty of being dutiful to
parents
{Thy
Lord has decreed, that you worship none save Him, and (that
you show) kindness to parents.}
(Al-Israa' 17: 23). Thus, Islam urges every Muslim to be
dutiful to his parents, extending to them the kindest
treatment possible. Failing to treat parents kindly makes
the person guilty of disobedience to parents as well as to
Allah the Almighty. Doing so may deprive him of the chance
of being admitted to Paradise. Therefore, it goes without
saying that disobedience to parents or mistreating them is
the second major sin after Shirk (associating others beings
with Allah).
The Prophet (peace and blessings be on him)
was asked about the greatest sins. He said, "To join
partners in worship with Allah; to kill a soul which Allah
has forbidden to kill; and to be undutiful or unkind to
one's parents…"(Bukhari)
In another tradition, the Prophet (peace and
blessings be on him) said, “The person who severs the
bond of kinship will not enter Paradise.” (Al-Bukhari)
He also said, “The pleasure of Allah is in
the pleasure of one’s parents and the wrath of Allah is in
the wrath of one’s parents.” (Ibn Hibban)
Obeying and honoring parents is a means of
entering Paradise. Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with
him) quoted the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) as
saying: "He is doomed, he is doomed, he is doomed."
Then, someone said, "Who, O Messenger of Allah?"
He said, "The person whose parents, one or both of
them, reach old age during his lifetime but he does not
enter Paradise." (Muslim)
Respecting and obeying parents is a way of
showing gratitude to them for bringing him into this world.
Therefore, a child has to show gratitude towards his parents
for rearing him and taking care of him when he was young.
Allah the Almighty Says,
{And
We have enjoined upon man concerning his parents. His mother
beareth him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in
two years. Give thanks unto Me and unto thy parents. Unto Me
is the journeying.}
(Luqman 21:14)
When a person gives his parents due regard,
his own children will do the same to him. Allah the Almighty
says,
{Is
there any reward for good other than good?}
(Ar-Rahman 55:60)
Kindness to Elderly Parents
For a Muslim,
being kind to parents is much more than remembering them on
their birthdays or Mother’s or Father’s Day. Being kind
to them means:
-
listening respectfully to their opinion,
-
obeying them in everything that is not
disobedience to Allah the Almighty,
-
trying to humble oneself before them,
and
-
giving them gifts, and so on.
For an adult child it means to make sure
they have the necessities of life and whatever more you can
afford; to keep them under your roof when they are elderly
without any feeling of grudge; to never speak unkindly to
them or physically abuse them.
{Your
Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you
be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old
age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor
repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of
kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: ‘My
Lord! bestow on them Your Mercy as they cherished me in
childhood.’}
(Al-Israa' 17:23-24).
In the West, most children can not wait to
reach the legal age and move out of their parents' house.
Parents are seen as a hindrance to their freedom. Aged
parents are seen as a burden that should be placed onto the
shoulders of a nursing home.
Nursing homes are almost unheard of in
Muslim countries. In an Islamic society, parents are
respected for their wisdom and experience. Adult children
might move out in search of work, but they still turn to
their parents for advice and visit or communicate with them
as much as possible. It is a Muslim’s honored duty to
lovingly care for his or her parents in their old age.
Parents sacrifice so much for their children when they are
small; so a Muslim is happy to return that sacrifice when
his or her parents can no longer care for themselves. It is
not a burden but a means of attaining a great reward in
Paradise.
In many Muslim societies, the extended
family lives together. As parents become grandparents, they
may help to look after or educate young children. Also, even
when they are no longer 'productive', they continue to be
loved and respected for their humanity, as well as for their
wisdom and experience.
Dutifulness to Deceased Parents
A Muslim's duties to his or her parents do
not end when they die; rather, the responsibility continues
as long as he lives, for one thing that benefits the dead is
the prayers of their righteous children.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon
him) is reported to have said, "When a son of Adam
passes away, he is cut off from his deeds except for three
things: a current or perpetual charity, good knowledge that
benefits someone, and a good child who makes du`aa'
(supplication) for him."
A man approached the Prophet, asking,
"Is there anything I must do in terms of kindness
towards my parents after their death?" The Prophet
replied, "Yes, there are four things for you to do:
Praying and asking forgiveness of Allah on their behalf,
fulfilling their promises, respecting their friends, and
fostering their ties of kinship…" (Al-Bukhari in
Al-Adab Al-Mufrad)
Moreover, it is highly recommended for us to
visit the graves of our parents. Doing so serves as an
excellent reminder for us besides prompting us to remember
and pray for them.
Obligations Toward Non-Muslim Parents
There is a natural bond between parents and
their children which should be respected even if the parents
are non Muslims. Muslims are required to keep the ties of
kinship and to avoid contention and bad feelings that may
result in severing ties.
A balance must be struck so that new Muslims
can maintain their identity and principles while at the same
time show compassion, kindness, and good treatment to
non-Muslim parents who may at times be critical, negative,
or even abusive.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon
him) was always humble. It is very important that Muslims do
not feel superior to others. We do not know if Allah the
Almighty will accept our deeds. We never know who He will
guide to Islam.
Always be polite and cheerful, because the
Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was always
cheerful and smiled pleasantly to everyone. Anyone who was
with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) thought
he liked him the most. We should try to be like that with
our families.
We should always show mercy. Allah the
Almighty says,
{And
We have not sent you but as a mercy to the worlds.}
(Al-Anbiyaa’ 21:107);
and,
{…
had you been rough, hard hearted, they would certainly have
dispersed from around you}
(Aal `Imran 3:159).
Showing mercy, even toward those who are
harsh with you has a very positive affect on the heart and
soul and may turn that hard heart into a soft heart that is
filled with light.
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