The
world is growing and developing very quickly. In fact, it is
getting extremely hard for people to keep up with all the
changes to the point that many young people are not so sure what
is expected of them. If there was one word to describe our
modern age, it would be fast. People these days want fast
service, fast-food, fast cars — everything has to be fast and
no one wants to wait.
This
obsession with speed has reduced people's threshold of patience.
Traffic lights and traffic jams are considered to be the curse
of the modern age because people don't like to wait. And so
their patience gets less and less while people's expectations
get higher and higher.
Everything
in life has a price tag and we could safely say that the price
of today's high-tech fast world is the break-down of
relationships. Making a relationship work takes patience. So we
see families fall apart when the going gets tough — people
just give up and leave.
We
have gotten used to using quick remedies when we are ill, and
this mentality has been transposed into our emotional problems.
We want to be better now! We want the problem to be fixed now!
As
a consequence, many marriages are failing, and many young people
these days are extremely cautious about committing themselves to
a long-term relationship. The idea of being "tied
down" and unable to escape, should problems arise,
frightens many people who have grown up with the
"quick-fix" mentality. So, just like buying a new
washing machine with a twelve-month warranty, young people are
looking for a relationship that comes with a guarantee for
success.
In
an attempt to get this, people have adopted the notion of
"try before you buy," meaning they think a
relationship is more guaranteed to succeed if the two people in
a relationship know each other on every level before committing
themselves.
So
people in today's world might end up "trying" out a
relationship with a number of potential life partners before
they find someone who may work. We have to look at what happens
to all those young people who have been "tried" and
then discarded.
Young
people most often enter a relationship wholeheartedly and with
enthusiasm that comes with their age. They are often idealistic
and so when they try out a relationship and completely give
themselves to their partner and then the relationship fails,
this causes them to fall down hard. Many young people feel
disheartened, disillusioned, and depressed when they are
rejected.
But
the idea of being free to try out a potential partner is all too
common. Even though the divorce rate continues to rise, many
people opt for this unfortunate way of life.
Allah
gave us the boundaries of our behavior. He gave us guidelines to
live by and rules to follow so that all people are respected and
protected. Muslims are not permitted to use each other in any
way and this applies to relationships as well. The only way for
a young man and woman to share their lives together is through
marriage. Islam has made this abundantly clear and we are also
not to get carried away with the fast-life mentality and think
that once we marry we will automatically have a perfect life —
just like pressing buttons on a food-vending machine!
How
can it be otherwise when relationships are built on sharing and
nurturing? I've met married couples who have been married for 30
or 40 years and they are happy. They admit that they're still
getting to know each other.
Most
young people look forward to having a happy, stable relationship
with someone they love and to building a happy, stable family.
This grows out of patience, good character, commitment, and
energy to face life and meet is challenges together. In this
context there is no room to "try before you buy" or
use people with the goal of just having fun and then discarding
them as if they were disposable.
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