The game is dangerous. It's like hunting. That's a crude simile, but it fits. The rules are clear. Just do it. Go for it. Don't think, just act. Dress to impress. Show off what you've got! The goal is all about finding someone. Not just any person. The right person. Mr. Right. Ms. Right. How many times you try is up to you. Time is of the essence. It's risky. It hurts to lose. It's painful. Sometimes you go home alone. Sometimes you don't.

But in either case, every single time you try, you are sinning, and every single time you do it, your heart becomes harder and harder. That's unfair, someone says. Why should it be a sin to date when the main purpose is to find the perfect match? What's so sinful about going out with someone? And if it feels right, what's wrong with touching that person? What's so harmful about a simple kiss? We intend to get married in the future.

When we look around us, it sometimes feels like Muslims lead the most boring lives. We are forbidden from drinking, gambling, premarital relations, and so on. What are we supposed to do for fun? If dating is so harmful, how come all the other youth in the world have girlfriends and boyfriends? Some of them even get married to the person they have been dating, so isn't that good? Isn't it better to know, really well, the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with? I'm not going to marry a stranger, so isn't it my right to date and "try out" what intimacy is going to be like with the person I am going to marry?

Reread this message and focus on the keywords. This man satisfied his sexual desires twice, once with a non-Muslim woman and once with a Muslim woman. He might have felt physical pleasure for what now seems to him like a blink of an eye; whereas the emotional torment he experienced afterwards seemed to him to have lasted for an eternity.

The questioner described his feelings associated with physical pleasures by using words such as disobedient, unclean, sinful, lewd, disgusting, and crude. He describes his feelings associated with the emotional torment by using words and phrases such as depressed and will never be forgiven. You are invited to visit the IslamOnline.net Web site and to read in the Cyber Counselor section and the Fatwa section about Muslims who have dated or who have had premarital relations. You will read about the hollow, empty feelings they felt inside after having violated Islamic teachings on a spiritual level, from having given up their chastity on a personal level, and from having violated and taken the chastity of another person on a human level.

Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of daily life and in an attempt to keep up with times, we get caught up in making comparisons of different lifestyles and we want to have "fun" like everyone else. We forget that Islam offers human beings a comprehensive way of life. Allah Most High, in His ultimate wisdom, has complete knowledge of human behavior, both hidden and apparent.

So Muslims are forbidden from having any premarital relations? Is it really forbidden in the Qur'an? Is it specifically mentioned? Yes and no. Yes, Muslims are forbidden from having any premarital relations, which involve looking at or talking to someone of the opposite sex provocatively, or having physical relations with someone of the opposite sex. And no, the Qur'an does not use contemporary words such as "dating" or "premarital relations."

When two people of the opposite sex are stimulated by a sexual desire to look at, talk to, and engage in physical contact with each other, and neither of them is married, this is zina, in this case meaning fornication. When two people of the opposite sex are stimulated by a sexual desire to look at, talk to, and engage in physical contact with each other, and one or both of them is married (to someone else), this is zina, in this case meaning adultery. Using zina's most comprehensive definition, Allah Most High declares that we should not even come near to zina. For example, we should not even engage in thoughts or behavior that draw us close to committing zina.

Some of us say, well, what I mean by dating is that a friend and I just go out to eat, or go to the movies or go shopping. And yet, a relevant hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) reminds us that "Whenever a man is alone with a woman, Satan will be the third among them" (Ahmad).

It is simply impermissible for a man and a woman to be in public or private alone if the man is not mahram to her (that is, he is not from among the permissible categories of close relatives with whom one can interact but cannot marry). A shopping mall or a restaurant can also be defined as private as long as those in the mall and restaurant are unaware that it is impermissible for Muslims to be alone with a member of the opposite sex if the man is not mahram to the woman. How can we say we are in a public setting when, in majority non-Muslim societies, no one around us knows that we are actually committing a sin?

Others say, I am dating, but it's strictly platonic. We told each other we are not going to have any physical relations before marriage. Who can guarantee that? For how long?

It is such a natural, human, Allah-endowed tendency for humans to express their love through physical intimacy after a marriage contract is solemnized. However, in drawing up artificial agreements like let's date, but keep it totally non-sexual, we go against that natural tendency or try to suppress it, thinking we will not be conquered by it. And for every couple that might have succeeded in staying chaste, there are horror stories of those who did not succeed and therefore sinned against themselves and against Allah Most High.

While so much more could be said about why Islam closes the door on premarital relations, in this short essay, I have chosen to emphasize the fact that dating and even platonic premarital relationships can bring people close to zina. The verse we cited above clearly notes that zina is an evil in itself that consequently opens the door to other evil actions. The painful truth for people who take risks when it comes to fulfilling their lower desires is that, over time, they become a victim and a hostage of those lower desires.

Everything in the lives of these people focused on nothing but the fulfillment of their lower desires. How they spend their time, with whom they spend their time, what thoughts they have, how often they act before thinking, and how guilty they feel afterwards — all are possible indicators of how controlled they are by their lower desires. Every television show and movie that features indecency, profanity, scenes of touching, kissing, and foreplay fulfills parts of their lower desires. Consistent intake of such media is a form of virtual zina and should also be avoided both before and after marriage.

For a young Muslim, one of the most satisfying goals to strive for is to preserve one's chastity through living a life of modesty, self-respect, and above all, a heightened consciousness of Allah Most High. The renowned scholar of Islam Ibn Kathir, in his commentary on the verse cited above from Surat Al-Israa', related an incident in which the beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) most wisely and succinctly summarized the negative personal, social, and spiritual impact of zina:

The young man in this example is not unlike any of us in contemporary society who vigorously search through Islamic teachings for exceptions, allowances, and permissions that would allow us to fulfill our desires, whatever they might be. In this incident, however, the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) did not rebuke the young man for asking permission to commit fornication. Rather, with each question the Prophet Muhammad humanized the other party involved in an act of fornication.

When a man wishes to date or to have premarital relations with a woman who is in fact someone else's daughter, sister, aunt, or cousin, he should be asked to pause and to reflect upon his actions. An appeal is being made to the honor and dignity he ascribes to women of his own family, such as his own sisters, aunts, cousins, and mother.

Our Lord is our Creator, and we are thankful to Him for giving us the ability to experience love among so many other emotions. We are also thankful to Allah for the institution of marriage. All praise is due to Allah that a marriage is not only a dignified and sacred bond between a man and a woman, but that the marital relationship is itself an outlet for equally dignified and wholesome satisfaction of sexual desires.

One of the challenges of growing up in contemporary society is that many of the messages around us are focused on sexuality, on being sexy, on dressing and acting in a sexy way, and ultimately, on satisfying ourselves, no matter what our desire may be! Islam teaches us not only to exercise self-restraint in all aspects of our lives, but also to pay special attention in guarding our chastity. Just saying "I don't date because I'm Muslim" is not enough.

One must strive to understand the horrific and negative impact that premarital relations can have on the fabric of society. The reminder from the Qur'an is clear: Not only should we stay away from zina, but we should also realize that the path towards zina is also the same path that opens the door to so many other evils. And that's precisely why Islam closes the door and forbids dating and premarital relations. Strive now to abstain from premarital relations and, in sha' Allah, you will enjoy life later on because you will not have to carry the burden of unchaste, sinful conduct on your shoulders. Wait, don't date, so that marriage you'll appreciate!