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Maintaining
a Relationship
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By Naseema Mall **
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Jan.
16, 2006
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Oh
the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a
person: having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but
to pour them out. Just as they are—chaff and grain together,
knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what
is worth keeping, and then with a breath of kindness, blow the
rest away. — George Eliot
Wouldn't
the world be a far more harmonious place if we all just tried to
understand and accept each other? While we may feel affinity for
those with whom we share common attributes, our differences
should be celebrated. For how dreary and monotonous it would be
if we were all the same!
From
the time we are very little, we are drawn to people who are warm
and kind — we are attached to our parents because they provide
unconditional love. As we grow older, we assess the danger or
safety of any possible relationship —sometimes we choose our
relationships and sometimes we don't have a choice. Haven't you
often heard people say, "You can choose your friends, but
you can't choose your relatives."
The
value of a really good relationship is priceless, when it comes
to you, embrace it, nurture it, and savor it. Khalil Gibran
wrote, "Love that does not renew its self everyday becomes
a habit and in turn, slavery."
Relationships
are complex and multi-dimensional; relationships are also
fragile and maintaining a good relationship requires sincerity
and untiring dedication.
A
long time ago my grandfather bought a little cottage on the
ocean, the purpose of this cottage was to gather the whole
family during the holidays just so that we would always be
together. And every Sunday, as far back as I can remember,
dinner was at my grandparent's home — a tradition that
survived until they were no more — a tradition that somewhat
lingers even today. I can only imagine that my grandfather's
purpose was to fulfill the command of keeping good relations.
I'm sure it was hard work, but he persevered to maintain good
relations.
[ Kind
words and forgiving of faults are better than charity followed
by injury.]
(Al-Baqarah 2:63)
Maintaining
a good relationship requires sincerity, understanding, and an
enduring capacity to forgive. Sometimes we experience really
difficult periods in our lives. We depend extensively on our
parents or friends or others close to us for their love and
support — but have you noticed how we often hurt the ones
closest to us when we are experiencing pain, despair, and
frustration? This is perhaps because they love us, are
complaisant, and will not eliminate us from their lives.
The
fundamental thing in maintaining a good relationship is the
ability to listen. It was once said in jest, but with
substantial truth, "Allah gave us one mouth and two ears so
that we may listen twice as much as we speak." When we
allow ourselves to listen to other people, it not only gives us
insight into their thoughts, but it also makes the other person
feel worthy of being listened to. Whether it's our parents or
friends, teachers or students, being listened to increases our
self-esteem and saturates our hearts with reassurance and
consolation.
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Trust
increases the value of any relationship. It takes a long time to
build a relationship, but it can be destroyed in an instant
through betrayal. Even the slightest injurious remark can be
detrimental to any relationship. Trust sanctifies a relationship
and its betrayal often renders the relationship irreparable.
When someone chooses to confide in you, you should consider it
an honor that this person has chosen you above all others to
open their hearts to and to share what lies deep within their
thoughts. To sustain their confidence is strength of character
and a privilege. I'm sure you know what it feels like when you
reveal an innermost secret or feelings to someone, only to have
it exposed to others. When I was at university, a friend once
confided in another friend about some very difficult decisions
she had to make, only to have it disclosed to others. The
disappointment of that betrayal manifested in profound remorse
and pain for investing in someone more trust than was deserved!
Honesty
and gratitude are heartfelt attributes of any relationship.
While those close to us do not necessarily anticipate a
"thank you," expressing gratitude is never a waste;
thanking someone also means thanking Allah.
The
beauty and essence of a good relationship is when you feel
completely at ease with the other person — when going the
extra mile seems effortless.
Read
More:
**
Naseema Mall is
from South Africa and works as a freelance journalist. She can
be contacted at youth_campaign@islamonline.net
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