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Children
– Keep Them Close
By
Aziza A.D.U.
If
you ask most young people how they feel generally and how they feel
within their families, the most common answer is ‘isolated’
‘different’ ‘lonely’. What has happened to us that we have
forgotten how to communicate with our kids!
Are
we just too busy to really listen to them? Have we forgotten how it
felt when we were young and searching for our identity and role in
life? Or do we just no longer care?
The
world is waiting with outstretched hands for young people who stray
away from their families. The straying doesn’t have to be a
physical departure from the home, it can also be a spiritual and
emotional separation where people can live in the same house but be
as far apart as planets orbiting the earth.
Islam
comes to our rescue once again! Allah Most High in His infinite
Wisdom and Mercy has outlined our responsibilities towards our
children and these duties continue even after they have become
mature and are seemingly independent. The family is a unit. It
should be a solid structure of love, harmony, and mutual support.
Home should be wherever the family is and should be a place of
return – a place to heal and refresh one’s spirit.
So
why do so many young people turn away from their families and turn
toward friends and gangs? It is indeed time that we look again at
our attitudes, words, and behavior toward our young people.
The
first step to reach out toward our young people is to realize the
difficult time they have growing up in today’s world. They are
surrounded by enormous pressures that engulf them at a time when
they are trying out their own wings, so to speak, and establishing
their identity. They need lots of love, good sound advice,
encouragement, and opportunities. By the time they reach
adolescence, you, as parents, have already taught them the basics of
life and what is expected from them as Muslims. After fourteen years
of age, we are supposed to be their friends and find a way to
communicate, rather than order and restrict.
It
is natural that parents react when they see their children inclining
toward certain friends or behavior that they do not like. But rather
than react negatively and accuse, abuse, and order, try to talk and
discuss the issue, referring back to the Islamic foundation that is
present in your child’s heart. Remember that they too, feel
somewhat lost and although they might never say it, need you to be
strong for them and give them clear boundaries but in a kind, wise
way.
Communicating
with your children starts from the time they are very young. Making
the balance between respect and communicating openly is a difficult
thing to do and the only solution is to turn to Allah Most High for
guidance and support.
Be
sure that if parents turn their backs on their young ones, the world
is ready to welcome them with open arms…. Keep them close to you.
Develop in your family the habit of praying together, sitting
together to discuss Islam and life, putting difficult issues into
context. Maintain a loving harmonious atmosphere in the home and
make good use of these blessed days at the end of Ramadan to
try to resolve any issues and bring the hearts together. Discuss the
significance of Laylatul Qadr and stand together in prayer seeking
its blessings, and praying for forgiveness and hearts that are at
ease with each other.
And
for those parents who are too busy for their kids, listen to this
story.
A
teenage boy was on his way to travel to a distant land. He didn’t
know when he would see his family again. His mother was always
working and always busy. She thought that she was working for the
family; for him, but that wasn’t what he needed or wanted. He
wanted her. As he was getting ready to go to the airport his mother
said, “I’m going to miss you son.”
“Me
too mum. But I’ve been missing you for a long time.”
“What
do you mean?”
“You’re
always busy mum.”
“But
I’m home a lot son. You get to see me.”
“But
even when you’re home you’re still busy. You don’t have time
and I don’t like to bother you.”
His
mother sat quietly, thinking. He put his bags over his shoulders and
turned to his mother and said. “It’s ok mum. I understand, but I
just got tired of waiting for you to come home.”
May
Allah open our hearts to His light and guidance. May He soften our
hearts toward each other and teach us to bend and give to find
solutions.
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