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| What to Do
If…* |
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You
feel depressed, frustrated, and miserabsle, and you’re
losing self-confidence due to friends’ rejection, criticism,
and mistreatment after your decision to wear the hijab?
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On
the individual level, stick to Almighty Allah’s order to
wear hijab. Following Almighty Allah’s order must have
priority over any other order. At the same time be patient
regardless of the hardships you may encounter, bearing in
mind that true believers are always tested.
While
striving steadfastly to be respected, accepted and
well-treated by your surrounding community, do not forget
that Almighty Allah is on your side and will support you
till the result is for the good of Islam and the Muslims,
Allah willing. Almighty Allah says: [And those who strive in
Our (cause), We will certainly guide them to our Paths: For
verily Allah is with those who do right] (Al-`Ankabut
29:69).
Stop
worrying about the looks you get from the people. Then you
will feel comfortable because whenever you pay attention to
everyone around you and become obsessed with what those
people must be thinking about the hijab, you will feel
uncomfortable and even sick from worry.
You
need to decide how important it is to you to observe a
commandment of Allah the Most High even if it means that you
will receive strange looks. Once you decide with conviction
that it is more important for you to observe the hijab
because wearing hijab pleases Allah the Most High, you will
actually find yourself being able to walk with confidence
and blend in with all the other diverse cultures.
Sister,
return curious glances with a saluting smile; return an
insult here or there, a negative comment, or ridiculing with
firm, steadfast but still polite eye contact. Then move on
and thank Allah the Most High that you are holding firmly to
your belief, in an atmosphere that does not encourage you to
do that.
Look
for good Muslim company. You may find some other Muslim
students who will be of great help. Also, if you start
addressing the issue and turn from an imaginary victim to an
activist in your university, advocating multiculturalism
and dialogue, you will have more confidence in who you are
and what you represent.
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| What to Do
If… |
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You
are banned by your school administration from wearing the
hijab. What then?
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Exert
pressure on the government by using all constitutional
and legal means to get the unjust law changed.
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Keep
the issue alive in the media.
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Forge
alliances with all peace-loving and democratic elements
inside and outside your country to cooperate in fighting
for human rights. Unify the community on beneficial
goals and projects that are relevant to the time and
place, and thus project a common front.
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Pray
to Allah to help us remain steadfast in our struggle for
truth and justice and to grant victory in all our
endeavors.
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In
case life becomes unbearable under the new laws, remember
that Muslim women are allowed to use the best possible
alternatives available to them. If wearing a bandana is
the only option, then you are allowed to do that, for it
fulfills some requirements of hijab, but keep in mind that
it is not a full substitute for hijab, since it does not
cover the neck. But until such time that the pressure is
off, you are allowed to wear it to school or other places
where hijab is banned. While resorting to this option, you
should never acquiesce in taking off hijab nor relish its
removal, for doing so is akin to rejoicing in disobeying
Allah. Other alternatives may be studying abroad, home
schooling, or funding and establishing Islamic schools.
In all cases, a Muslim has to try all possible means to
avert the violation of legal rulings, but if a Muslim is
faced with failure in all these possible means, then the
law in Islam states that extreme necessities might relax
what has been strictly forbidden. But this has to be done
with extreme caution and with great wisdom in measuring
the pros and cons of every situation. The other rule in
fiqh states that necessity is judged according to the
circumstances that surround it.
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| What to Do
If… |
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You
decided to take real actions against the hijab ban in your
country. What next?
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Know
your rights in a democracy and learn the language of the
people to speak for your rights in a democracy.
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Get
out of your cocoons and be part of the wider community so
that others know that you are not against them and so that
they come to see you for what you are: law-abiding
citizens who believe in freedom, dignity, and respect for
everyone.
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Let
your mosques become part of the wider community instead of
being obsessed with rituals and dogmas that have no
relevance to the life of the people. Let the pulpit
reflect the life-changing vision of Islam and the
realities of people’s lives.
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Join
hands with all peace-loving and democratic citizens for
common purposes. Enlist their support in this struggle to
protect the freedom to practice your religion.
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Master
the media and communications so that your message is
conveyed to everyone.
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Last
but not least, trust in Allah and struggle for truth and
justice, for that is what life is all about. Life, for
those who are true to their faith, is all about struggle;
we rest only in the next world. As the Prophet (peace and
blessings be upon him) told his beloved daughter when he
was on his deathbed, “After today, all toils of your
father are over!”
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| What to Do
If… |
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Your
boss at work does not allow you to wear hijab. What should you
do?
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The
Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “There
is no obedience to anyone in disobedience to Allah.” In
other words, you are not bound to obey your boss if he
orders you to disobey Allah.
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Since
wearing hijab is a religious requirement in Islam, you are
allowed to exercise this right in your work place. Wearing
hijab is part and parcel of the Muslim woman’s religious
and personal freedom. The observance of such freedoms is
prescribed in modern constitutions, international
agreements, and the Declaration of Human Rights. Your boss
is not allowed to discriminate against you on that ground
or force you to take off your hijab. If he does so, he is
violating the laws of the land. This must be made clear to
him.
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As
a Muslimah, therefore, you should never compromise your
principles. If you cannot handle this issue by yourself,
you may do well to get a letter from the Council on
American-Islamic Relations if you are living in the United
States or Canada, or refer to the directory to find
support organizations that may help you in your case.
Sending your boss a firm and clear message that what he is
asking is a violation of law is usually enough to bring
some sense to him.
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| What to Do
If… |
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Your
mother or father is badgering you continuously to take off
your hijab. What should you do?
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One
thing must be clear; you are never allowed to be rude or
impolite to your parents regardless of how harsh or
hurtful their attitude towards you may be. Rather, you
should show through practical examples that you still love
them; speak to them gently and act kindly.
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Bear
hurtful words patiently; deal with them as Allah tells us
to deal with the hurtful words of the ignorant ones: [When
the ignorant address them, they walk away from them
saying, “Peace”] (Al-Furqan 25:63).
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Reinforce
your determination to follow the truth by thinking of the
transient nature of this world, and never lose sight of
the fact that our final destination is meeting Allah in
the next world.
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Let
remembrance of Allah (dhikr) be your constant companion.
It will lessen your burden and give you joy and soothe
your ailing heart.
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Remind
yourself continually about the struggles and sacrifices of
the Messengers of Allah. It would be a good idea to read
Surat Yusuf reflectively, as it embodies the constant
struggle between truth and falsehood.
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Use
every opportunity to speak to your parents gently and
persuasively to convince them of their wrong attitude. If
they do not listen, don’t give up praying to Allah to
open their hearts and guide them to the truth.
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Do
your best to be an example of modesty and decent behavior,
all of which are extensions of a person wearing hijab.
Perhaps through your struggle and steadfastness and the
guidance from Allah the Most High, your parents’
attitudes may change. But do not become sad or
disappointed if they do not.
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Parents—especially
those with a non-Western background—put great emphasis
on their children’s obedience. Be obedient in all other
aspects, except when it comes to disobeying the rules of
Allah.
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Try
to get closer to your parents. Spend time in strengthening
your relationship with them, especially your mother.
Remember, people usually respond positively to requests of
people they love and are strongly attached to. Ask her
about her opinion in your choice of colors, shoes,
dresses, and so on. Maybe she just wants to be sure that
you stay well dressed and elegant. Or she may just be
afraid that you won’t have any chance to marry one day,
so explore her reasons for disapproving and try to tackle
them by displaying real examples from your environment,
but do not argue with her. Of course, this might be the
crux of the problem and your mother might not think it is
obligatory. Still, you should not argue with her or with
your father. Respect them at all times. Choose a suitable
time when she is calm and share the idea with her so that
you show your belief that hijab is obligatory.
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Finally,
think about all other creative ways of persuading them
like turning to someone who is more knowledgeable to talk
to them or giving them a book that explains this issue.
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*
These tips for a psychological have been provided by Mona Younes,
she has an extensive background as teacher and supervisor in both
English Language and Arabic Language schools, before which she
obtained her B.Ed at the American University in Cairo, Egypt. Since
then Mona Younes has gone on to become the head of the Social
Department of Islam Online and co-coordinator of the Parenting
Section on their Arabic Page. Currently, Mona Younes is doing a
research degree into E-Learning at Aberdeen University, Scotland.
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