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A true Muslim marriage is about husband and wife
helping each other attain paradise says Na'ima B. Robert
Bismillah
My husband is ill. He lies in bed, in the dark. I
try to keep the children quiet. I try to keep them from disturbing
him. I try to get them to sleep without too much fuss.
When all is peace, I tiptoe into the room. I feel
his forehead for signs of a fever. I ask him if he needs anything.
He needs to drink fluids, Vitamin C. I know this. And I also know
that he won't ask.
So I go to the kitchen, put the kettle on. I mix him
a drink - lemon to fight the cold germs, honey to soothe his sore
throat, fresh mint leaves to lift the taste a little. I say 'Bismillah'
before I pour the hot water, make a little prayer for his well
being, before taking it to him. He smiles through his discomfort. I
have brought him ease.
But I wave away his thanks. It is nothing.
I am his wife. That's what I'm here to do.
Some may sneer at these small acts of kindness. Some
may shake their heads pityingly at this description of servitude.
But they don't understand my life or my motivations. They do not
know, do not understand that I married my husband for the sake of
Allah.
Our goal, from the outset of a marriage arranged by
mutual friends, was to help each other to attain Paradise. Nothing
more, nothing less.
We went about our marriage the traditional Islamic
way. We didn't date, we didn't cohabit, we didn't spend any time
alone. We met a few times, in the company of my guardian, asked each
other innumerable questions, discussed every issue that was
important to us. My husband flew halfway across the world to obtain
my parents' consent and we were married, with a marriage contract
and a mahr (dowry paid to the bride) but no pomp or ceremony, in a
room in Baker Street.
To be sure, an Islamic marriage is quite different
from that of other faiths or of no faith at all. There are roles and
responsibilities to be taken care of, rules and guidelines to be
followed. These rules are in place to promote a smoother partnership
and a union that is pleasing to God. Many of these rules and
guidelines may seem old-fashioned, restrictive even, particularly in
an age of ever-evolving morals and mores. But as guidelines set down
for us in the Qur'an, the Book of Allah, we trust in their wisdom
and we live by their strictures.
These teachings help us set our priorities straight.
They help us to tame our ego. They show us to how to give
selflessly, expecting our reward from God alone. They teach us to be
patient and gentle with each other. They teach us how to be loyal
and faithful in word, thought and deed. They teach us to be grateful
for the small mercies, for the little kindnesses, for the barely
noticeable gestures that embroider our lives together. These are
lessons we are learning every day. I know that one day, maybe
tomorrow, maybe fifty years from now, I will return to my Lord and
then, only my good deeds will count for anything. Only my selfless
deeds, performed for the sake of God, will accompany me.
Of course, some may say that I am painting an overly
rosy picture. They will quote stories they've heard, articles they
have read, prejudices they have formed. All these could be true. Or
they could not be. I can only speak my truth. I can only tell my
story.
My husband's fever has broken. I smile and praise
Allah.
It is nothing. That is what we are here to do. |
