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As
Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,
My beloved brothers and sisters, the Prophet has said, "For every sickness,
there is a cure."
If as Muslims we believe this to be true, why is it so hard for us to believe
that there is a cure for HIV, or Aids?
The medical world says that there is no cure for HIV; in fact, that they are not
even 100% sure of all the ways that it is transmitted. Consequently, an AIDS
patient is assured of death.
And, despite our profession of belief in the above Hadith, in the case of HIV,
we are allowing them to dictate what we believe.
This reality leads me to tell you my story. Like many other Muslims in
America
, I am a revert to Islam. In 1996, I was diagnosed with HIV.
Before my diagnosis, it can be said that, because of my ex-husband (who was a
federal prisoner) and his friends, I practiced Islam vicariously. When I ended
up going to prison for three years, I decided to really take a look at my life.
I at once contacted the masjid in the city where I was incarcerated.
However, when I was released, the community there was not equipped to help me. I
decided to stay in that city, though, instead of going home to
New York
because I knew that without support, I would not practice the Deen outside of
prison as steadfastly as I had inside.
I settled down, got married, and started to computer school. It was at school
that a city health official came to speak on venereal diseases and AIDS. At the
end of the three-day seminar, the official asked if any of us would like to be
tested for HIV. I said yes, and I found out that I was positive.
The pure panic I felt after this revelation was as if I were Cain, looking for a
place to dispose of my dead brother's body after I had murdered him.
Soon after, I told my new husband that he needed to be tested, so he was. His
results were negative and we divorced good friends. Since I had been told by the
health official that I should only tell my family and closest friends,
depression quickly set in. I was already a disappointment to my family and to my
children. "Who could I turn to?" At that time, there were only two
sisters that I was a friend to, one of whom was a naturopath.
The first sister told me to talk to the Imam as he was my wakil. She went with
me to tell him. His exact words were, "Tell no one else, because people
would not understand, and there would be problems."
Of course, I asked him why? If these were my brothers and sisters, why wouldn't
they want to pray for me? And what if I were to get really ill? Who would come
to visit me or go to the pharmacy for me if I couldn't go?
He told me that, in that year alone, three brothers had died of the disease, but
no one knew why they had died, just him. I became frantic then. I had already
isolated myself; his words made me even more depressed.
Two years passed - my deen started to slip. I had some family support, but they
were not Muslims. The Imam did not want to look for a husband for me. I slacked
up going to the masjid for Jumaah.
A sister came to live with me; however, she was not even attempting to practice
Islam. Initially, I felt I could trust her, but within the month, sisters were
calling me to ask if "it" was true. I lied (for this, I pray Allah
(SWT) forgives me). I told them that she was mad because I had kicked her out of
the house, as she wasn't practicing, which was true. It worked - these sisters
knew her character and chose to believe me.
The reason I decided to lie was simple - one day, I was on a conference call
with eight other sisters, and our conversation got around to helping the ill.
We were talking about people with terminal diseases, and so forth. I asked,
"What about a person with HIV (not even full blown Aids)?" Their
responses were so unenlightened that I asked them where they had gotten their
information. It was like talking to people that believed in every stereotype and
myth that they had ever heard of. They said they wouldn't hug the person, or
wouldn't let them around their kids because they were afraid they might breathe
on them (since no one knows how the illness is spread). They also said that the
person would have to be gay.
I then asked, "But what if someone you knew were raped and contracted it
that way?" Their answers were still the same. In essence, they would cut
off all communication. And these are Muslims - I am not speaking of the Kufar.
They had no mercy, and because of that, I spent another year in isolation before
a sister from
South Bronx
befriended me.
When she asked me why I wasn't married, I broke down and cried so hard that she
could see that I was suffocating from grief. After I made her swear not to tell
anyone, I told her. She cried too, and said that it was okay. She reminded me
that the only judge was Allah (SWT) and asked me to come back to the masjid. She
also recommended that I make Tawbah (repent and seek forgiveness) from Allah,
and encouraged me not to stop taking my worries to Allah, particularly at night,
because in reality, He was my only friend.
Her husband became my wakil. One and a half years ago, I met and married a
strong Muslim man. To this day, his tests for HIV have all been negative
(through protected sex and the grace and mercy of Allah).
"Alhamdulillah."
This issue in our community will not be addressed until we bring it to the
forefront - communicating about it and giving informational khutbahs or lectures
to remind us that Muslims are not immune to this deadly tragedy. Some of us may
stray into fornication or adultery, or brothers may contract it in polygamy and
bring it home to their previous wives. Allah (SWT) is our witness that these
things do happen.
We have to open our hearts to those in our ummah who may be afflicted with it,
and quit insisting that we cannot contract it. We are not practicing according
to Allah's Qur'an or the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (SAW) when we turn our backs
on those that need us the most.
Before my fate turned, I felt so alone that I could have possibly succumbed to
contemplating suicide, but I did not because I knew that would have been my
ticket to the hellfire for sure. The suicide I committed was of my deen. Yet,
the Prophet (SAW) has told us, "For every sickness there is a cure."
Now, there are Muslim support groups for HIV/AIDS victims in
Bronx
,
New York
. We desperately need to acknowledge that Muslims have contracted HIV, that it
is still happening, and that as brothers and sisters, we need to show more mercy
for one another.
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