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Picture ©Microsoft.com
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I was born into an ordinary, non-religious
Swedish home, but one that had very loving relationships. I had lived
my life for 25 years without really thinking about the existence of
God or anything spiritual whatsoever, I was the typical materialistic
man.
Or was I? I still recall a short story I
wrote in the seventh grade about my future life, where I portrayed
myself as a successful games programmer (I hadn't yet even touched a
computer) living with a Muslim wife! OK, at that time,
"Muslim" to me meant dressing in long clothes and wearing a
scarf, but I have no idea where those thoughts came from.
Later, in high school, I remember spending
a lot of time in the school library becoming a bookworm, and at one
time, I picked up a translation of the Qur'an
and read some passages from it. I don't remember exactly what I read,
but I do remember finding that what it said made sense and was logical
to me.
Still, I was not at all religious; I
couldn't fit God in my universe, and I had no need of any god. I mean,
we have Newton to explain how the universe works, right?
Time passed and I graduated from school and
started working. I earned some money and moved to my own apartment and
found a wonderful tool in my PC. I became a passionate amateur
photographer and enrolled in photography activities. One time, I was
documenting a marketplace and taking photos from a distance with my
telephoto lens when an angry-looking immigrant came over and explained
that he wanted to make sure I wasn't going to take any more pictures
of his mother and sisters. Strange people, those Muslims!
More things related to Islam happened, and
there are some things that I can't explain why I did what I did. I
can't recall the reason I called the Islamic Information Organization
in Sweden to order a subscription to their newsletter and to buy Yusuf
Ali's translation of the Qur'an and a very good book on Islam called
Islam: Our Faith. I just did!
I read almost all of the Qur'an and found
it to be both beautiful and logical. But still, God had no place in my
heart. One year later, while I was out on a patch of land called
Pretty Island, which really is pretty, taking autumn-color pictures, I
was overwhelmed by a fantastic feeling. I felt as if I were a tiny
piece of something greater, a tooth on a gear in God's great gearbox
called the universe.
It was wonderful! I had never ever felt
like this before, totally relaxed, yet bursting with energy, and above
all, totally aware of God wherever I turned my eyes. I don't know how
long I stayed in this ecstatic state, but eventually it ended and I
drove home, seemingly unaffected. But what I had experienced left
inerasable marks in my mind.
At this time, Microsoft introduced Windows
95 to the software market with the biggest marketing blitz known in
the computer industry. The package included the online service
Microsoft Network (MSN). I was keen to know what it was all about, so
I got myself an account on MSN. I soon found that the Islam BBS
(electronic bulletin board system) was the most interesting part of
MSN, and that's where I found Shahida.
Shahida is a American woman, who, like me,
had converted to Islam. Our chemistry worked right away, and she
became the best pen pal I have ever had. Our e-mail correspondence
will go down in history — the fact that my mailbox grew to something
like three megabytes over the first six months tells its own tale.
Shahida and I discussed Islam, and faith in
God, in general, and everything she wrote made sense to me. Shahida
had the patience of angels to deal with my slow thinking and silly
questions, but she never gave up hope in me. She told me, "Just
listen to your heart, and you'll find the truth."
I found the truth in myself sooner than I
had expected. On my way home from work, I was riding the bus and most
of the people around me were sleeping. I was adoring the sunset, which
was painting the beautifully dispersed clouds with pink and orange
colors. At that moment, all the parts came together.
I understood how God could rule our life,
although we're not robots. I saw it was possible to depend on physics
and chemistry and still believe and see God's work. It was wonderful:
I experienced a few minutes of total understanding and peace. I longed
so much for a moment like this to happen again.
And it did. one morning I woke up, my mind
clear as a bell, and the first thought that ran through my brain was
how grateful to God I was that He made me wake up to another day full
of opportunities. It was so natural, like I had been doing this every
day of my life.
After these experiences, I could no longer
deny God's existence. But after 25 years of denying God, it was no
easy task to admit His existence and accept faith. But good things
kept happening to me. I spent some time in the United States, and, at
this time, I started praying and feeling and learned to focus on God
and to listen to what my heart said. It all ended in a nice weekend in
New York, about which I had worried a lot, but it turned out to be a
success, most of all because I finally got to meet Shahida.
At this point there was no return; I just
didn't know it yet. Back in Sweden, God kept leading me. I read some
more, and I finally got the courage to call the nearest mosque and to
meet with some Muslims. With trembling legs, I drove to the mosque,
which I had passed many times before, but had never dared to stop and
visit.
I met the nicest people at the mosque, and
I was given some more reading material and made plans to come and
visit the brothers in their homes. What they told me and the answers
they gave all made sense. Islam became a major part of my life. I
started praying regularly and went to my first Jumu`ah Prayer.
It was wonderful. I sneaked in and sat in
the back. I didn't understand a word of what the imam was saying but
still enjoyed the service. After the sermon, we all gathered together
in rows and performed two rak`ahs. It was one of the most wonderful
experiences I ever had on my journey to Islam. The sincerity of 200
men fully devoted to just one thing — praising God — felt great.
Slowly, my mind started to agree with my
heart, and I started to picture myself as a Muslim. But could I really
convert to Islam? I had left the Swedish state church earlier, just in
case, but could I pray five times a day? Could I stop eating pork?
Could I really do that? And what about my family and friends? I
recalled what one brother named Omar told me, how his family had tried
to get him admitted to an asylum when he had converted. Could I really
convert?
By this time, the Internet wave had swept
through Sweden, and I too had hooked up with the Infobahn. And there
was tons of information about Islam out there. I think I visited just
about every website that included the word Islam anywhere in the text,
and I learned a lot from them.
What really made a change in me was a story
entitled "Twelve Hours" of a newly converted British woman
who had experienced feelings exactly like mine. When I read the story,
I wept and realized that there was no turning back anymore; I couldn't
resist Islam any longer.
Summer vacation started, and I had made my
mind up. I had to become a Muslim. But the start of the summer had
been very cold, and if the weather was going to start getting sunny
during my first week of vacation, I didn't want to miss a day of
sunshine and had to take advantage of the weather by going to the
beach. On the TV, the weatherman had drawn a big sun right on top of
my part of the country. OK, then I would convert some other day.
The next morning there was a steel gray
sky, with ice-cold gusts of wind blowing outside my bedroom window. It
was like God had decided that my time was up and I could wait no
longer. I performed the required bath (ghusl), dressed in clean
clothes, jumped in my car, and drove for one hour to the mosque.
In the mosque, I approached some brothers
and told them about my wish to become Muslim. So after noon prayer,
the imam and some brothers witnessed me say the Shahadah. Al-hamdu
lillah.
To my great relief, all my family and
friends have taken my conversion very well; they have all accepted it.
I can't say they were thrilled, but they didn't have any hard feelings
at all. Of course, they can't understand all the things I do, such as
praying five times a day at specific times or not eating pork. They
think these practices are strange foreign customs that will die out
with time, but I'll prove them wrong, in sha' Allah! |